Black Rose
by writer0306
Summary: Rose pushes everyone she loves away b/c she's depressed. Dimitri leaves to guard Tasha; he leaves Rose pregnant. Several years later, Rose is suddenly kidnapped by Strigoi and Dimitri comes back to help rescue her...and everything begins to unravel...
1. Grief Stricken

CHAPTER 1

It had been a week after the attack on the school, and then the raid to take out the Strigoi. Things had gone back to normal, but the people were scarred. Their lives had been snatched up and rattled around, and for some, their lives had even been taken. The remaining people at St. Vladimir's Academy had witnessed the worst tragedy in the school's history, and now their faith in the school had been shattered. Many of St. Vlad's occupants would look around campus, a shadowed look in their eyes. It was obvious that, despite what the school had done to restore the ravaged campus, the people attending or working there still saw before them the ruins that the Strigoi had left after their attack.

I was one of those people.

I kept looking around campus, looking for an ounce of its previous beauty—anything that could prove to me that life was worth living again.

But I saw nothing. I saw bloodstains in the concrete. I saw the flower petals ripped apart, dying slowly. I looked upon the front gate warily; despite the fact that I knew _why _the wards had failed, I still had trouble overlooking the fact that they failed, regardless.

When we had raided the caves, it had been the scariest moment of my life. I had not only watched my best friend, Eddie, get savagely ripped apart by a bloodthirsty Strigoi, but I had nearly watched the same happen to the love of my life, Dimitri. Thank God, he escaped the attack. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised; he was, after all, a badass, and everyone knew it. But still…seeing him in that situation in the first place had made my blood run cold, and every muscle in my body had tensed, wanting to jump in and guard his back. My mother, Janine Hathaway, had held me back steadfastly, unwilling to let me into the Strigoi-infested caves. When Dimitri had stumbled out, having lost some blood but not too much, I had broken free of her restraints and had run to him. I ached to cure him and make him perfect again, but there was nothing I could do.

I clung to him during the twelve-hour trek back to school. When Dr. Olendzki had checked him out and given him a clean bill of health, with a few iron supplements to replenish his blood, I had thrown myself into him with all of my force and had simply breathed in his intoxicating scent, trying to hard to wipe the horrible memories from my mind.

After things had begun to settle down at St. Vladimir's was when the depression struck me. I found myself curled up in a ball on my bed, refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, refusing to shower and change. I kept flashing back to Eddie's gruesome death, and then several months back, to my best friend Mason's grisly death by Strigoi in Spokane.

Neither of their deaths had been directly my fault. Tracking down Strigoi in Spokane had been Mason's idea, and he had died trying to come back and rescue me during our escape attempt. The Strigoi, Isaiah, had snapped Mason's neck with ease, right before my eyes, and I had no way to stop it. Eddie had been captured during the attack on St. Vlad's and had died trying to get out of the caves during the counter-raid. I, again, had no way to stop it.

Still, I couldn't overcome the feeling of guilt that had consumed my life. I kept trying to clutch onto Lissa and Dimitri; I kept trying to force myself to see the beautiful things left in my life, but I couldn't seem to keep the good memories in my mind long enough to drown out the bad ones.

There was a knock on my door. I didn't move from the spot on my bed. I was disgusting; I hadn't showered recently, I was still clad in my wrinkled pajamas, and my appearance had become sallow and sunken during my misery.

Adrian let himself in quietly, sending me one of his charming smiles. "Little dhampir," he said. "You look like hell."

I blinked at him. "Thanks." I said flatly.

He sighed, coming closer. I could smell his cologne when he first entered; at he came closer, it began to make me nauseous. I held out a palm, signaling for him to stop. "Come any closer and I'll forcibly remove you from this room."

He cocked an eyebrow and laughed. "I see you're not _that _sick. You're still up to fending me off."

I blinked again. "What do you want, Adrian."

He leveled me with an interrogative stare. "Tell me what's bothering you."

I shrugged, forcing myself to seem nonchalant. Despite the intensity of my internal battle, I refused to let out any other signs that my friends could use against me as a weakness. "The attack hit me hard. What can I say? I guess I'm not invincible, after all."

Adrian frowned, obviously frustrated with my walls. "Little dhampir, don't lie to me."

I kept my face blank. "I'm not." With a sigh, I said, "I'm tired, Adrian. I'll talk to you later." To enforce my point, I stretched out and climbed beneath my blankets, closing my eyes contentedly. I watched as he exasperatedly let himself out of my room and then resumed my previous fetal position on top of my covers.

_Rose,_ I chastised myself,_ your friends are trying to break through these walls and get the old you back. They all miss you. All you can feel through the bond is Lissa's unrelenting concern and pain for you. Why can't you get past this?_

It was the million-dollar question: Why couldn't I get past this?

I finally gave in to my hunger and devoured a chocolate bar that I had had hidden in my desk drawer. I even took the time to take a meager shower and change into yoga pants and a loose T-shirt. I almost felt my Rose-bravado returning, but just as quickly as I had identified the rise in my attitude, it disappeared again.

There was the guilty part of my mind, chiming in again: _You don't deserve to be happy. Look at what you do to your friends. You poison everything to touch. Every person you interact with is destined for pain and torture._

I staggered backwards at the brutal force of hatred within my words. I tried to summon my strength: my memories of Dimitri and me, grinning and laughing, kissing each other. I tried to summon Lissa in my mind: she was my reason for living. At least, she had been until I had found Dimitri.

But I failed at using them against the darkness within me. The sane part of me vaguely pieced together a hypothesis in my head: what if this depression was caused by the darkness that I had stolen from Lissa? That was as far as my idea had gotten before I was sucked back into feeling immense self-loathing and self-pity.

It was Lissa who came to my room next. Her platinum blond hair was pinned up in a messy ponytail and she was wearing a wrinkled T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. I knew her well enough to know that they were the first things on top of her laundry hamper, and that she had been too concerned about me—again—to bother putting any effort into her wardrobe choice.

She, unlike Adrian, came right to me and sidled up next to me on my bed. "Talk to me, Rose. I'm worried about you." In response to my silence, she continued in frustration, "I wish this damn bond was two-ways! You know exactly how I feel…past that, you know exactly how to respond to it. If I'm angry, you know how to diffuse it. If I'm sad, you know how to cheer me up. If I'm ecstatic about something, you know how to make sure that attitude is with me for as long as possible."

I didn't say how I suddenly saw that as my obligation to her. My obligation to her not only as her best friend and "sister", but also as her future guardian. I knew that voicing that to her would only serve as a cold, sharp knife that caused her more pain.

In my silence, she went on, "Rose, you mean the world to me. I love you. I can't imagine life without you. And this…_funk…_you're in…you might as well be gone." There were tears in her eyes. "I need to know why you're in so much pain. I want to fix you, like you've always been able to fix me." I was still silent, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm here for you, you know. No matter what. No matter whether you've committed some heinous crime, or if you are having boy troubles, or if your mother is causing you distress again. All you need to do is call me, and I will be here in two minutes."

I felt tears welling in my own eyes. I wanted to confide in her, and tell her all of my problems…but hell, I hadn't even told her about Dimitri and me! If she didn't even know about the significant other in my life; my other half; the person who, if I lost him, would lead to my ultimate destruction…if she didn't know about Dimitri, how could I dump on her about my self-pity and my self-loathing concerning Eddie's and Mason's deaths?

I finally turned to look at her. "I know, Liss."

The pain in her eyes was unimaginable. It stung almost more than the hatred I had for myself. I never wanted to hurt Lissa; it was my life's mission to protect her from anything that would hurt her. The fact that I was undermining that was nearly unbearable in itself.

She slowly peeled herself away from me, seemingly numb from my indifference. At my door, before she left, she turned back to me and said, "I'm not giving up. I know you're still in there, Rose, and I will get the old you back."

I almost laughed. It sounded like such a cheesy line; such melodrama should be saved for the movies. Yet I couldn't summon forth the sound.

_Is this what I have amounted to? _I thought solemnly. _I'm empty now…filled with nothing but misery? _

Was I nothing but a shell of whom Rose Hathaway used to be?


	2. Haunted

CHAPTER 2

Dimitri didn't even knock when he came by to visit. He immediately let himself into my room, and he immediately strode over to me and enveloped me in his strong arms. I felt the tears streaming down my face but couldn't stop to think about why I was crying.

Dimitri kept me in his arms as he gently prodded me, "Roza. You're miserable, and you won't tell anyone why. What happened? What did we do?"

The tears kept bubbling, and I had trouble finding my voice. "I…it's my fault…Eddie…Mason…they're dead…I didn't do anything to stop it…"

Dimitri let out a low breath. "Oh, Roza. It's not your fault. It's a tragedy, yes, and I understand your pain. You've lost two of your close friends. But you couldn't have changed their destiny."

"I…I poison everything I touch," I blubbered uncontrollably. "Everyone I love is destined for hurt and pain."

Dimitri shook his head emphatically, murmuring in Russian. "No, no, no, Roza. Look at Lissa. Look at how strong she is because of you. Look at how much you've influenced the beautiful young woman she is today." He found my eyes and gazed into them. The depth of his dark eyes captivated me, and for a moment, I forgot about my tears and my self-loathing. I heard nothing but what he told me. "Look at what you've done to _me_. Without you…without you, Roza, I would still be wandering. You seem to have righted everything off-kilter in my world…with you by my side, I can face anything and everything." He let his words sink in before adding, with a crooked smile, "Now how can you say that is 'poisoning everything you touch'?"

I blinked, speechless. The next words that bubbled out of my lips were completely unexpected. "Do you regret sleeping with me, Dimitri?"

He looked shocked—it was the same expression he had worn the first time I had accused him of that. He didn't hesitate before saying, "No. Never."

I was quiet for a moment. "What if I can't get over this? Despite what you've said…I still can't help but feel like I don't deserve to live." I looked back into his eyes, and again…the words slipped out before I could stop them. "I look at you and Lissa and I don't think I can summon the strength to be who you need me to be."

Dimitri kissed my forehead. "Just be you, Roza. That's who we need."

I rested my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, and tried to fully absorb his words. If what he said was true, then I didn't need to be moping. If I could pull myself up just enough to convince myself to believe him…

I slowly pulled a smile over my lips. "Really?" I asked, too cautious to be convinced so easily.

He smiled, so much love in his eyes as he simply sang, "Roza."

I loved listening to my name, rolling smoothly off his tongue; it sounded so silky and sweet, it reminded me of honey. I nearly melted into him right then and there, and I was able to forget momentarily the weight on my shoulders. It was amazing how simply _being _with Dimitri could heal my wounded heart.

"I love you," I whispered to him.

He grinned back at me. "I love you."

Dimitri sat with me for a while longer, until he finally sighed. "I have a shift," he said. "I'm on security tonight."

I nodded, dutifully letting him go. "Be safe," I told him.

He let himself out of my room, lingering just long enough to kiss me with enough passion that left me wanting more.

Left with the rush that Dimitri always gave me, I suddenly had the energy—and the will—to go be around the rest of my friends. His words kept bouncing around in my head—_"Just be you, Roza. That's who we need."_—and they continually warmed my heart. Those eight words chased away the demons that had been haunting me for days.

I changed into clean clothes, pulling my hair back into a sleek ponytail, and finally exited my room, for the first time in a long time.

I found Lissa, Adrian, and Christian in the quad. Lissa was leaning against Christian, who had his arms wrapped comfortingly around her, and they were carrying on a conversation with Adrian. None of them caught sight of me. I overheard some their topic: me.

"I'm worried about her. She's nearly comatose," Lissa said. "I've never seen her so…" She trailed off; unable to find the word she sought.

Adrian nodded. "I know. She's completely numb."

"What happened to her to make her so…unresponsive?" Christian chimed in.

I cleared my throat. "It's mean to talk about people behind their backs," I teased lightly as I approached them.

I was met with three unbelieving stares, until finally Adrian said, "Little dhampir. What brings you out of bed?"

I flinched, even though I deserved that. It was, after all, true. "I decided to come see what my friends were up to. Problem?"

Lissa stepped out of Christian's embrace and narrowed her eyes, studying me. I made a face.

"You okay, Liss?"

Her eyes remained narrowed. "Last time I saw you, you only looked at me _once_. I want to make sure you're better."

I reached out and grabbed her hand. "I'm better. I think," I added at the end. I felt better, but I was still delicate—as much as I hated to admit it.

Lissa began to say something but then abruptly stopped and looked down at her watch. "Darn," she said. "I have to go." She looked back at me. "We still have to talk, you know."

I gritted my teeth. I had hoped she would let it go. Through the bond, though, I heard the utter determination. She _would _get to the bottom of my problems, I heard her vow.

Lissa didn't wait for my answer. She gestured toward Adrian, and the three of them walked away.

Left alone again, I looked around campus hesitantly. It began to bring back bad memories, but I simply recalled Dimitri's words, and they gave me strength. I grinned as I realized that I was getting better—truly.

I started walking a bit farther from the dorms, until I was close to the cabin where Dimitri and I had first been together. I felt a warm sensation flood my body and I flushed. Wow, Rose Hathaway acting humble. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd act so mildly. It was in my nature to be outgoing and rude and speak or act without thinking. But hey, I liked it that way.

I turned around, ready to go…_somewhere_, when I stopped short. I gasped. In front of me was Mason's ghost, and next to him…Eddie.

I choked on my own spit. I felt my heart rate speed up until it felt like I was about to pass out.

"Mase?" I asked, my voice hitching. "Eddie?" I looked around in alarm. "The wards!" I exclaimed. "How did you get past the wards?" But I was not graced with an answer.

The ghosts leveled me with dark, maddened looks. Eddie raised his finger and pointed at me.

My eyebrows shot up. "Me? What about me? Eddie!"

He looked over at Mason, who was looking at me in utter disdain. I knew Mason's ghost was miserable—he had never worn anything other than a frown in our past encounters—but I had never seen him look _disgusted_. I recoiled at the look of utter revulsion in my friends' eyes.

"What did I do?" I whispered, my voice hardly carrying.

And then I was surrounded. There were ghosts everywhere, on every side of me, and I could in no way escape their far-reaching, grubby hands. Every hand that passed through me was like ice, and I felt my newfound strength disperse until it was completely gone.

Vulnerable and guilty, I cried as the ghosts molested me. As the attack persisted, I slowly realized that the guilt and the fear were gone. Instead, I felt a wave of anger. It was like the ghosts had reached inside of me with those intrusive, stealing fingers and had robbed me of the emotions that had previously taunted me, and instead left me with something more fitted to Rose Hathaway—rage.

I heard whispers—

_Your fault—_

_Selfish—_

_If you had listened—_

_What about us—_

_Poisonous—_

And once the attack seemed sufficient to my friends, the other ghosts disappeared, leaving only those two.

The last wave of guilt disappeared with one last anguished thought: My two friends, two of the kindest people I knew, people who wouldn't have hurt a fly if they could have avoided it, had just called an attack on me. Revenge, maybe? I wasn't yet sure. But just the mere fact that they _called an attack on me_ was depressing in itself. I watched as Eddie and Mason became nothing more than empty shells of their old selves. Bitter, vengeful shells, at that.

Mason and Eddie continued to stare me down with their icy stares, and then, just like that, they both vanished into thin air. And then I leaned over, clutching my stomach, and barfed.


	3. Rage

CHAPTER 3

My next stop was the gym. With my guilt and self-pity having been wiped clean, I was left with one dominant emotion: Anger.

It _was _my fault, but I was no longer self-pitying. No, I had accepted that because of me my friends were gone forever. But you know what else had sparked in my mind? The fact that I wasn't the only guilty party here. It was true: I had failed Mason and Eddie so much so that it had cost them what they held dearest: their lives. But I wasn't alone in my wrongdoing. There were more culprits that belonged right beside me in my misery.

I wasn't in prime training clothes—I was clad in gauchos, flip-flops, and a snug V-neck tee with a singlet underneath—but I still jumped right into a vicious workout. I threw myself at the punching bag with all of my power. I punched so hard and so continually that my knuckles split open and started to spray blood; however, I was oblivious to the pain. I practiced all different forms of my kicks that Dimitri had taught to me. I threw my rage and lust for violence into my attack.

Suddenly, the gym door swung open. I ignored the sound, too focused on my assault on the punching bag to acknowledge anything else. It wasn't until Dimitri came right up to me that I even bothered to notice he was there.

He came up behind me and tried to halt my assault, but I kept going blindly. He nearly got hit a few times in the process, but easily blocked the moves. It didn't take more than half a minute before he gave up on trying to get my attention that way and instead tackled me to the ground.

He had me trapped beneath his body weight. My arms and legs were restrained, keeping me from lashing out at him.

"Rose, what's going on?" he demanded. His voice was laced with anger as my mentor, but with concern as my…well, what were we? Honestly, I was still filled with too much fury to contemplate it.

"Let me go!" I screeched. "Get off of me!"

Dimitri's grip only tightened on me. "Tell me what the hell is happening,"

I realized that struggling was futile. He beat me time and time again during practices when he wasn't even putting forth his all; now, he was specifically _working _to restrain me…there was no way I'd be able to fight my way out from under him. I stopped wriggling and lay completely flat.

"Are you done?" he asked. He sounded more irritated with me than anything else, but that other emotion was still in the background.

"Yes." I said flatly.

He climbed off of me slowly and then offered me a hand to help me up. I rejected it rather rudely; who cared, though? I was pissed at him; I didn't want his help or his pity or anything else he was going to give me. Of course, the one thing I _did _want from him was something that we were forbidden to even _imagine_.

Once I was on my feet, Dimitri demanded, "What are you doing, Rose? Look at your hands—what in the world led you to be this destructive?" His hands reached for mine, taking them in gently. He examined my open wounds, and then let my lifeless hands fall back to my sides. Seeing my rude, flat expression, Dimitri's voice took on a more desperate tone. "_Roza_," he begged, "Please. Talk to me. The last time I was with you, you were better…"

The bitterness that was ruling me seeped into my words. "How could I be better? Two of my best friends are dead because of my inaction."

Dimitri's jaw clenched. "No, Rose, we talked about that—"

"Jesus!" I shouted, irritation obvious in my tone. "Do you even know how much you sound like a shrink, or like a, a, a goddamn teacher? Jesus, Dimitri, you said you loved me. So why the hell are you acting like my father?"

He flinched, but answered strongly. "If that's what it takes to keep you safe—even from _yourself_, apparently—" he added that small part with a bitter inflection in his words, but then continued neutrally, "—then I don't care if I sound like your long-lost ancient grandfather."

I laughed darkly. "You should care, you know, because you make comparisons like those, and then you have to remember that _we slept together!_"

Dimitri's eyebrows rose coolly, but I watched as his strong façade began to crumble. The worry was seeping through. I knew him well enough to know that, while he was trying to keep up a collected appearance, he was debating internally what the best option was: try to talk me through this himself? Enlist help from someone? If so, whom? Alberta? Lissa? And what the hell could they do to help me?

"I remember that. Is there a problem with that, Rose?"

"Yeah," I said bluntly. I was purposefully being mean. I meant for my words to sound just as harsh as they came out. "I do. Because where did that take us? Nowhere. We're still hiding out, disguising how we really feel about each other. It's still _inappropriate_." I sneered the word. "And if I hadn't been fucking around, I would have been able to sense the Strigoi sooner. And if I'd sensed the Strigoi sooner, I would have been able to save Eddie." On a roll, I continued, "And if you hadn't been fucking with my head at the ski lodge, if you hadn't pretended to care about me and all that crap about me '_meaning something_'—if you had been a good guardian instead of leading me on, you wouldn't have said a damn thing about Spokane. And if you hadn't said that—" Jesus, this was like a giant, never-ending game of dominos! "—then I never would have told Mason while trying to pretend to be into him to try to make _you jealous!—_and Mase never would have died either!"

I saw the anguish flash in his eyes, clear as day, but the emotion disappeared just as quickly as it had shown up. It was replaced by his guardian mask, the one that he wore so well. The anger and the hurt and the concern…it was all gone.

Had I not been overcome with grief and rage, I would have apologized profusely. Of course, had I not been overcome with said grief and rage, I probably wouldn't have exploded like that in the first place. But still. I held onto that negativity and let it fuel me; and it was that negativity that brought me satisfaction in seeing Dimitri—my loving, caring Dimitri—vanish.

His voice was strained. "Come on, Rose. You need to bandage your hand."

"I'll take care of it," I said defiantly, snapping out of his loose grasp.

He looked stunned for a moment, but then his guardian mask was put back in place and I could no longer read him. "Fine then," he said after a short while. "Make sure you do."

And then Dimitri left the gym—and me—without a backward glance.

I left the gym several moments after Dimitri. I went back to my room, still filled with anger but unsure of what else to do with it. Short of traipsing around campus, beating up whatever unfortunate souls I stumbled across, I had no other way to express my displeasure. At least back in my room I had several meaningless personal items that I wouldn't mind trashing.

I slammed my door shut behind me and threw the first picture frame within reach to the floor. Only upon picking it up and examining the shattered glass did I realize it was a favorite picture of Lissa and me.

I felt another surge of rage burn within me and, before I had a chance to even understand what was happening in my head, the disguised feelings of loathing leapt to the surface.

Lissa was spoiled to her core. She didn't understand true misery. She was free to marry, date—hell, even to just _mess around with_—whomever she pleased. Jesus, she even had a handle on _my _love life! In a way, she dictated who I was or was not able to date. Part of Dimitri's and my struggle for a relationship was based on our future charge: Lissa. We weren't allowed to be distracted from her; and Dimitri claimed that if we were in love, we would think about each other before she considered her wellbeing.

Pent-up rage and loathing had finally reached a boiling point within me. I stomped on the picture with all of my weight, smashing the glass into even smaller smithereens. I watched as the glossy finish of the photograph became scratched and ripped and dull. I even got a perverse thrill out of watching Lissa become nothing more than an abused figure in a photo.

After all of the damage that could possibly be inflicted upon the photograph had been, I moved onto wild shrieking and throwing anything I could off of countertops and desktops. I was literally destroying everything I had tried so hard to perfect in a matter of seconds.

There was a knock on my door. I swung it open violently, greeting my visitor with a dark scowl and a rude, "What!"

Lissa took in my destroyed room with wide, disbelieving eyes. Behind her, Adrian eagerly inquired about her speechlessness. He sidestepped her, and then was struck with the same reaction.

"Holy shit," Adrian said gracelessly.

"Rose," Lissa stammered, "What—what happened?"

I glared at them. "Nothing. Go away." I began to shut the door, but Adrian shoved his way through. "Hey!" I complained.

He and Lissa made their way deeper into my room. Groaning, I closed the door and turned in on them.

"Our picture," Lissa cried quietly, squatting. Her hands fluttered helplessly over the shattered frame. She finally found the strength to look up, and look me in the eye. "Rose, did you do this on purpose?" She sounded incredulous.

"Maybe. What's it to ya?" I asked.

Lissa's jaw dropped. "Rose!" She exclaimed. I felt the pain and the horror charge through the bond, not to mention she was plainly wearing her emotions on her sleeve.

Adrian kept surveying my room in disbelief. He raked a hand through his unruly hair, his jaw open but no words coming out.

Lissa rose to her feet and put her hands on her hips. "What the hell is going on here?"

I cocked a challenging eyebrow at her. "You're not my mother."

Lissa let out a bitter laugh. "Yes, I know. That would be Janine Hathaway, Rose. Are you sick? Do you have amnesia? Or is this some sick trick?"

My temper flared. I snapped, "If you have problems, get out, you selfish bitch."

Lissa's jaw dropped and her eyes widened in shock and hurt. Her hand fluttered to cover her mouth, and those jade green eyes sparkled with tears. "Rose," she whispered, "Something's very wrong with you. We have to find out what—"

"Something's wrong with me because suddenly I'm not afraid to speak exactly what's on my mind?" I laughed acrimoniously.

"You're not exactly one who refrains from doing that even when you're acting normally," Adrian chimed in slowly, coming to stand beside Lissa. He was eyeing me with the same concern that she was.

"Rose," Lissa went on, "We have to find out what this is." She gasped suddenly, and then turned to Adrian with terror clear on her face. "Is it the bond? The darkness?"

Adrian turned back to reassess me, but I was in no mood to be treated like a science experiment.

"Get out of here," I hissed.

A new batch of tears flooded those jade eyes again. "Oh God, Adrian, we have to fix this. I can't lose her. I need her."

I started forward hastily, fury wheeling me quickly, my index finger jabbing towards Lissa. "You bitch! Get over yourself! I mean, my God! Do you even realize what the hell is going on in my life? Or is it always you, you, you? Ha," I snapped humorlessly, "Who am I kidding? You have yet to even notice the pain I've been experiencing _ever since we got back_!"

"Hey, that's enough! Cut it out. Leave her alone, Rose!" Adrian blocked my way to Lissa. He shoved me back a step or two, which was pretty surprising in itself. I mean, Adrian wasn't weak, but he also didn't have the strength I did. I was _trained _to be able to take on Strigoi—creatures of the undead with immeasurable strength and speed. For me to be unbalanced by a weak Moroi? I was extremely unfocused.

I shoved him off of me, and he went back a few feet on wobbly legs that were about to buckle beneath him. Lissa righted him before he went down. Still clutching him, she whispered something in his ear. I couldn't hear it audibly, but I heard it through the bond.

"_Come on,_" she said to him, _"We have to get out of here. We need to get help and we need to fix Rose—we have to leave her be right now, for all of our sakes._" After a slight pause, her mind flashed to Christian. It was immediately followed by a silent wish: _I wish he were here with us. He'd know how to subdue Rose while we got help._

"Where is Sparky?" I asked coldly. I didn't want to rely on them for any answers—and I definitely didn't want to give them incentive to stay—but my curiosity got the better of me. Christian and Lissa were usually joined at the hip.

The answer flashed through her mind, but she didn't speak it. Following the reply to my question, her thoughts went on to a debate: tell Rose or don't tell Rose? Will it set her off or cool her down? Lissa didn't understand my behavior enough to make a judgment. Luckily, I already knew what I needed to.

My face paled subconsciously. I felt my stomach flip-flop and my heart crack, but the pain subsided immediately and was replaced with a different sensation.

"I'm going to be sick," I croaked, right before sprinting to my bathroom. I barely made it there in time, but thankfully, I had the toilet seat up and my head down by the time the vomit was in my mouth.

I was woozy. I wasn't sure if it was from the nausea or the mood swings (not to mention the stress of today in general). Then again, it might have been from the news I had just received. It was, after all, a shocker.

_Christian is getting ready to see Tasha. She's flying in to pick up Dimitri. He agreed to become her guardian._

Dimitri was leaving.


	4. Revenge

**Hey guys! Thank you for all your reviews! And I'm sorry I haven't been on top of updating. I'm trying to keep it up on the weekends, but this one was especially busy - and a heads up, next weekend will be even busier. I'll try to post during the week if I can!**

**Thanks for R&Ring! COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS, IDEAS, QUESTIONS, AND EVEN CRITICISM (though please keep it respectful!) ****IS WELCOME AND GREATLY APPRECIATED!**

CHAPTER 4

When I first got sick, the anger had dissipated and I was left with raw pain from the fresh cut that Dimitri inflicted. Keeled over the toilet, I felt a strong, nearly overpowering urge to cry. All of my previous feelings of hatred had been forgotten and I had simply wanted to seek out Dimitri and sob—I wanted to beg him to stay with me.

It was when Lissa came running in after me, exclaiming in concern, "My God, Rose, are you all right?" that all traces of my pain disappeared and I was left with rage, rage, and more rage.

My nausea seemed to have settled at least a bit, so I felt strong enough to turn my anger on her again. "I said _get out_!" I shrieked.

Adrian quickly appeared in the doorway and tugged Lissa aside. I heard my door slam shut a few seconds later, and I relaxed against the wall exhaustedly. I had a sheen of sweat across my face, and my stomach was still doing somersaults. Again, I wasn't sure why; if it was because of the shock of the news, or if it was because of something else, but I supposed it didn't matter at this point.

The news flashed through my mind again. It took a moment to realize that it wasn't _my _thought; it was Lissa's. I slipped into her mind effortlessly, immediately taking in her surroundings. She and Adrian were walking briskly across the quad outside of my building. Well, it was more like Adrian was walking briskly, and he was sort of dragging Lissa along.

Lissa was doing all she could, short of physically digging her heels into the ground and refusing to move, to make it harder for him. It wasn't necessarily because she wanted to go back to my room—no, she was happy to get away from the monster that was masquerading as Rose Hathaway—but she was too engrossed in her own thoughts to pay any attention to mobility.

"Something's wrong with Rose," she was saying to Adrian, who was charging ahead determinedly. "I think it has something to do with the darkness she keeps taking from me. It's the bond, Adrian!"

She finally began to put up a fight against him, and he stopped and spun to face her. "Yes, something's very wrong with Rose. Yes, I agree that I believe it has something to do with the bond between you two, and the darkness that she's been harboring for you. I'm trying to get you to _move _so we can get to the library—the sooner we can get the research necessary, the sooner we can get about healing Rose—and getting the _real _Rosemarie Hathaway back."

What was with all of this "the _real _Rosemarie Hathaway" crap? Adrian and Lissa had both used that expression. I was still the same girl, for God's sake! I just had a major attitude adjustment.

Understanding dawned in Lissa's eyes as Adrian explained his plan, but she still frowned. "Shouldn't we tell someone first? Rose is out of control. I don't know if she can wait until we find this…_cure_. I think we need to let one of the guardians know."

Adrian considered for a second, and then nodded. "Yes, I think you're right. She definitely needs to be watched."

Lissa immediately knew who to go to. "We need to find Dimitri."

Adrian looked confused. "But he's about to leave. Tasha will be arriving soon—"

"All the more reason to start looking for him _now_!" Lissa encouraged, starting to take off in the direction of the building Dimitri lived in. Adrian quickly followed, unwilling to let Lissa go off on her own. I knew him well enough to know that he wanted to be involved in this process…he longed for the old me just as much as Lissa did.

Back in my own body, I had gone rigid. They were going to find Dimitri? I just knew it—they were going to paint him a story about me being infected with something, and turn me into a damned damsel in distress—setting it up perfectly, just so Dimitri could come sweeping in as my knight in a leather cowboy duster.

I felt rage boil within me, and I yearned to go track those two down and stop them from carrying out their plan, but I was sucked back into Lissa's mind too quickly. Damn, she was fast. She was already pounding on Dimitri's door, she and Adrian both panting breathlessly.

By the time Dimitri opened up, they had regained enough composure to talk to him.

"It's Rose," Lissa said immediately. "She's—"

As soon as he'd heard my name, his face shut down, and his guardian mask appeared. "I have to pack, Princess." He interrupted her. "I'm sorry, but I don't have time." And then he closed the door, leaving my two friends staring blankly at the wood.

_Ouch_. Damn. That stung.

Lissa was staring with wide eyes in disbelief. Adrian, on the other hand, modeled a dark scowl with anger of his own churning in his emerald eyes.

"What just happened?" Lissa asked numbly.

"That bastard just closed the door on us!" Adrian snapped heatedly. By the look of irritation on Lissa's face, that hadn't been the answer she was looking for.

My friends weren't the only ones who were shocked by Dimitri's reaction. I was frozen on my bathroom floor, stunned by his coldness. I wasn't sure what I saw as worse: my original depiction of what would have happened coming true, or the fact that Dimitri didn't even care enough to listen.

Lissa was still numb, unsure what to do. She had always counted on Dimitri before; his and my close relationship (teacher/student relationship, mind you—Lissa was still in the dark about our "true" feelings) had made him a close ally that could be trusted with even our most outrageous plans or theories. Now, for him to completely turn his back on her in this desperate time of need, Lissa was having trouble plotting her next move.

Adrian, on the other hand, knew exactly what he wanted to do. He lunged towards the door with an enraged expression on his face, only to be physically blocked by Lissa.

"Quit it!" She complained. "Dimitri obviously isn't going to help us. Trying to physically harm him—which, by the way, will probably just put _you _in the infirmary—is only going to waste more time. Get over it."

Adrian turned angrily with a disgusted look in his eyes. He, on the other hand, knew about Dimitri's and my secret relationship. I suspected that was part of why he was so offended by Dimitri's cold shoulder. "Fine," he snapped. "But we need to find that other option, and we need to find it _now_."

I slipped out of Lissa's perspective as she and Adrian hurried out of Dimitri's building. Coming back to myself in the bathroom, I let my head slump wearily against the wall. I still felt sick from earlier, but the nausea had died down. So had my energy, though. Suddenly I felt as though my head weighed a hundred pounds on my shoulders, and my legs were like jelly. I wobbled as I stood up and stumbled over to my bed, where I climbed under my blankets eagerly. I succumbed to sleep easily.

I woke from my nap abruptly, jerking upright when my ears picked up a strange noise outside of my room. It sounded like the shuffling of feet, but I couldn't be sure. I stayed completely still for a moment, and then relaxed when I heard a different door open and the shuffling disappear.

Wide awake, with my energy level replenished, I assessed my options. I was still bloodthirsty. I wanted to take my anger out on something. The rational side of me was yelling, _"Gym, gym, gym!" _while the _irrational _side of me was murmuring something along the lines of, _"Those bastards who wronged you."_

I blinked uncomprehendingly for a moment. While I had adjusted to the bloodlust I craved, embracing this new anger as a fuel to get, well, the _truth _across, I had never become so…sadistic. I wasn't out to physically harm people, I just wanted to beat some_thing _up…I needed that to outlet my anger. But to specifically seek out people I wanted to take vengeance upon? That was out of my realm.

Numbly, still slightly concerned about the earlier extent to which my rage had escalated, I changed into proper training clothes and snuck over to the gym. My knuckles still bore open wounds from earlier, and I could feel the pain this time as I started my attack on the punching bag. I was working up my momentum for a staggering roundhouse kick when I heard the door open and close.

I turned around hesitantly, bristling at the sight of my visitor. My face turned down into a glare.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"I could ask you the same question." His response came just as coolly.

"I'm practicing." I sounded defensive.

He nodded slowly. Dimitri took a step forward tentatively, and then, watching my reaction—my entire body tensed and I was actually subconsciously bracing myself for a fight—stopped short. His guardian mask was in place as he brought his brown eyes to mine.

"Rose, I'm leaving."

"I know." I kept my voice as flat as possible. All of the pain that I had felt over Dimitri's news in the bathroom had vanished, and was replaced with my new best friend: fury.

Dimitri's guardian mask didn't fail. I couldn't tell what he was looking for. "I've taken Tasha's offer up, and I'm going to become her guardian. I'm leaving the academy. You'll need a different mentor."

"It'll be easy to find a replacement."

Dimitri's mask slipped just enough that I could tell that he wanted to snap at me. Maybe it wasn't in anger, maybe it was out of concern, or hurt from my comment. But I would never know, because just as quickly as it had faltered, it had corrected.

We stood in silence for a few moments, staring coldly at each other. In fact, my mind was actually elsewhere while Dimitri's dark, guarded eyes tried to penetrate my hard exterior. I had subconsciously slipped into Lissa's mind during the silence that stretched between us.

She had conflicted feelings running through the bond. As I looked through her eyes, I saw Tasha Ozera standing before her. Christian was standing next to his aunt with a oblivious smile on his face. Apparently he hadn't been informed of my psychosis yet.

One part of Lissa was happy to see Tasha. It was the part that had admired Tasha's strength and willpower during our time at the ski lodge, and the part that supported Christian and relished in his happiness. The other part of her was furious and disgusted by the sight of her boyfriend's aunt; she felt this way on my behalf.

"And where is Rose?" Tasha was asking. Lissa had tuned out everything Tasha had said previously, her internal battle taking precedence over silly small talk. She had to jerk herself back into the present quickly.

"She's not feeling well today," Lissa said vaguely. She tried to act as normal as possible, but nobody seemed to buy it. What was worse was that Adrian was nowhere to be found—Lissa could have used his support, not to mention his better lying skills.

Tasha frowned. "With what?"

Strong immune systems were part of what dhampirs had inherited from Moroi. Thanks to them, we didn't usually get sick. That was the big flaw in Lissa's lie: it was hardly ever true, for our race in general.

Lissa stumbled over an answer, but, luckily, Christian interrupted before she had a chance to get something out.

"She's been depressed lately," he told his aunt, thinking that that was all that was wrong. "Losing Eddie has been hard on her. Ever since Spokane, the two of them have been really protective of each other…this shook her to the core."

Lissa had never been more grateful. She nodded, going along with every inch of Christian's statement. It was true, too, at least partly. I could feel it burning in the bond: Lissa still believed it was the depression that was triggering, well, whatever _else _was wrong with me.

Back in my own body, I felt rage boiling in my blood. Tasha Ozera, that beautiful, genuine, strong-willed Moroi, the one who had been interested in Dimitri for a long time, was finally stealing him away from me. For that, I despised her to my core.

I expelled myself from Lissa and returned to the gym. Dimitri still hadn't spoken, but his guardian mask was slipping just enough for me to catch a glimpse of pain and concern. I wasn't interested in placing reasons behind those emotions, so I simply shoved past him.

"I have to go. Have a nice life, Comrade."

Dimitri grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to his body. "What? Rose—"

I caught a whiff of Dimitri's scent—incredibly intoxicating; it was the natural scent of his skin and sweat. For the longest time, that scent had driven me crazy, making my heart thump wildly in my chest and my head swoon—but this time, his scent made me nauseous.

"Let go of me." The threat came out not a quarter of a second after he had touched me. My voice was deathly low, and it was full of menace. I hadn't even known I was capable of that degree of intimidation.

Apparently Dimitri hadn't either. He dropped my wrist like it was acidic to touch. His guardian mask was flawless again, and his dark eyes stayed cool as he said, "Where are you going?"

"None of your business," I snapped. "You're not my mentor anymore." I put distance between us, trying to calm my sickened stomach. I exited the gym before Dimitri could say anything else to me.

I had one thing on my mind: revenge against the bitch who had just stolen the man I loved from me.


	5. Silver

CHAPTER 5

I stormed into the quad with one thing on my mind: Tasha Ozera. I was filled with many emotions, but my body was only picking out the dominant feeling—the only emotion I had been feeling for a while. Anger.

The rational part of me (a tiny, nearly nonexistent voice in the back of my mind; a voice that was currently drowned out by the thousands of little demons whispering anger-influenced motives) was trying to point out that all of this anger was suspect. I had always been a good fighter, and I had always _loved _to fight. But, as previously noted, the sadism had never accompanied my lust for violence. Now, the little voice was screaming bloody murder, trying to get me to see that there was definitely _something _going on.

I was too blinded by rage to listen.

I had seen through Lissa's eyes exactly where the group was—they had run into each other while Lissa had been on her way back to Adrian (most likely holed up in the library) after running to her room to pick something up. They were lingering in her hallway while they caught up.

I checked through her eyes quickly to verify that they were still there, and then continued charging like a mad bull.

I wasn't sure what my plan was exactly, which was classic-Rose. I had a tendency to jump into bad situations and come up with much-needed plans later.

I was getting closer when suddenly I was tackled to the ground from my right side. I grappled with my opponent, unsure of who it was and what their motive was. I pretended it was a Strigoi, using the adrenaline rush that that scenario provided to force my way through combat. Despite using all of Dimitri's lessons, this attacker was unstoppable. I vaguely recognized Alberta before she knocked my head into the concrete, rendering me unconscious.

I woke up in my room, lying calmly on my bed. My head was throbbing, but my training kicked in immediately and I assessed the situation. Alberta was standing guard at my door, a dark look on her face. Lissa and Adrian were near my window, hovering over a book and whispering softly. Glancing at the clock on my bedside table, I estimated nearly an hour and a half had passed since my encounter with Dimitri in the gym.

Alberta cleared her throat when she saw that I was awake, getting my friends' attention. Lissa quickly jumped up from her spot, and Adrian followed suit after closing the book and setting it aside.

"Rose," Lissa said slowly. "We figured out what's wrong with you."

I sent a hostile glare her way. "Didn't we already go over this? Jeez, you really are a crazy bitch."

Lissa flinched at the venom in my words, but Adrian jumped to her defense again. "Jesus, Rose, leave her alone! She's trying to help."

Alberta frowned, and I watched as her professional demeanor faded. She looked over at Lissa and Adrian concernedly. Adrian caught her glance and made a face back.

"And you didn't believe us," he scoffed.

Alberta turned back to me with a worried expression. "Rose, what's wrong?"

"Tried that," Lissa said, before I had a chance to pipe in. "Needless to say, it doesn't get you too far."

I sent another hostile glare her way. She went on, ignoring the daggers I was shooting her. She explained to Alberta, "It started after…the attack. It was when Eddie Castile was kidnapped and killed in the caves." Her voice had lowered, but Alberta understood. I watched her blanch slightly at the reminder. Professional or no, Alberta had practically raised most of the dhampir students here. It hurt her just as equally as it hurt us when something happened to one of our peers.

Lissa went on, "It sent her into this…depression. She was nearly catatonic for up until today. And then all of a sudden she was just…_angry_! At everything, it seemed like. She managed to alienate Dimitri. She's been so angry with me, too." There was hurt in her voice.

Her pathetic façade irritated me. "You're a disgrace," I shouted at her wrathfully, squirming on my bed until I was off of it. "I spent my whole life trying to protect you; trying to be your _guardian_; helping you through the tough times you've encountered with spirit. And how do you repay me? You take me for granted and act like _I'm _in the wrong when something bad happens and I take time to grieve! Mason Ashford and Eddie Castile were two of the greatest people I know, and they're both dead _because of me_!" It hurt to rehash that fact, especially aloud. I felt tears prickling in my eyes, and there was a lump in my throat. But I charged on, ignoring the pain this was causing me. I found that anger deep in the pit of my stomach, and it rose like bile. "I wish _you _had died instead!" I finally snapped.

Lissa's jade green eyes were wide in horror, and her lips were quivering. Her hands were trembling, struggling to hold onto something that I couldn't make out in her fingers. Adrian was aghast beside her, floored by my outburst. Alberta even looked surprised, but her surprise faded quickly and was replaced by sternness.

"Rose!" she admonished me, remembering her role as head guardian. "That is enough."

I directed my teary-eyed glare towards her. "What, are you going to expel me? Throw me out on my ass? Go ahead." I moved my hostile stare back towards Lissa. "I have nothing left to stay for."

I noticed Adrian nudge Lissa with his elbow. She looked up at him with big eyes, and I could hear the silent pleading in the bond.

_No, I can't do it anymore, I don't have the strength, did she really just say she wished I had died? Did she hate me that much? I can't do it, Adrian, I'm sorry—_

But Adrian nudged her again, and she slowly turned back to me. Swallowing nervously, she summoned anger of her own. It took a moment for it to come to the surface, and when it did, it hit her like a tidal wave. She was immediately overwhelmed with repressed rage that she suddenly needed to vent. "You wish I was dead?" She hissed under her breath. I swear, it was like a light switch had suddenly been flipped. "Well I wish you weren't so selfish all the time! If you had been a mature, responsible adult, Mason's death—as well as Christian and Mia's captures—could have been prevented!"

My hands clenched into fists. It was one thing if _I _insisted that I was a horrible person, but to hear it coming from another mouth? It was infuriating. I wasn't going to let her talk shit about me. It wasn't her place.

"You're a horrible friend. You act so self-righteous all the time! _I'm always there for you. I'm there to protect you. I won't let anything happen to you._ Blah, blah, blah! You've done nothing but use _my _popularity to raise your own! You're so egotistical, Rose! I mean, honestly."

The disdain in her voice was contagious. I wanted to rip her head off. How dare she turn the tables and make up lies! At least I had valid points in my hatred. I was so furious that I couldn't control myself any longer. I lunged at her, a primal battle shriek escaping my lips as I took action.

I would have made it to her, too, if it hadn't been for Alberta and Adrian. Alberta tackled me to the ground at the same time Adrian shoved Lissa backwards, far out of my reach.

I grappled again with Alberta, but she had the upper hand. I was too blinded by my emotions to really focus on my technique. I did manage to get in a few hits, though. She had me subdued quickly; she twisted my arms behind my back and pulled me to my feet. She kept me pinned to her body as she shouted: "Hurry up!"

Lissa rushed forward and battled with hooking a silver necklace around my neck. It was a silver chain with a silver heart dangling from it, but it was otherwise quite plain. I thrashed around, making Lissa struggle with the clasp.

While Lissa tackled with the necklace, Adrian fumbled with a bracelet on my left wrist. It, too, was pure silver, and utterly plain. My God, didn't those two have _any _fashion sense?

Alberta's hold loosened just enough that I was able to break free. She released me in surprise, not expecting me to keep struggling. As my right hand lashed out, my body half-turned towards Alberta, in full-defense mode (I was planning on taking Alberta out as though she were the enemy), I suddenly felt something slip onto my finger—

And then I felt hollow. The anger was gone. The depression was gone.

I sank to my knees weakly, my eyes wide and my throat dry. Slowly, I began to feel normal again.

I was still deeply upset over losing two of my best friends. Mason and Eddie would always hold a special place in my heart. But I was no longer depressed to the point of catatonia. And—most importantly—I wasn't incensed to the point of violence. All of the anger that had been raging within me for the past several hours had vanished. I still felt it simmering lightly in the back of my mind, but it was nowhere hear the full-bodied boil that it had been earlier.

I looked up at Lissa and Adrian, who were both watching me closely. Past their curiosity and concern, I saw fear in their eyes. Or, at least Lissa's. It was fear _of _me. In Adrian's, the only fear I saw was fear _for _me.

Well, at least I wasn't a monster in everyone's eyes.

I couldn't stop the tears that started rolling down my cheeks, nor could I stop the strangled sobs that followed. The memories of my actions came back to me in a rush, and that only made me cry more.

What I had said and done to Lissa…to Adrian…_to my room! _

And Dimitri…he was gone. Because of me.

I felt Lissa's presence beside me. I looked over, and there she was, kneeling next to me and pulling me close to her. I could feel her relief through the bond—she knew I was back to normal.

"I'm so sorry," I blubbered. "I can't believe I was such a bitch!"

"It was the spirit," Lissa said gently, rubbing my back soothingly. "The darkness that you've been taking from me finally took its toll on you. Adrian and I did some research, and we think that the grief over Eddie's death triggered the depression—which was another part of the darkness—which transformed into anger."

"The ghosts," I said suddenly. "It was after Mason and Eddie sent apparitions to attack me that I felt the onslaught of the anger."

Lissa exchanged a confused glance with Adrian. "We didn't know about that." Adrian said finally. "I suppose that could have played a part. Well," he reconsidered, "Actually, it makes sense that it did. Eddie's death triggered depression. You began blaming yourself, so much so that it became harmful to you. You stopped eating, sleeping, and taking care of yourself. That's the darkness's purpose; to harm you." He paused, thinking again, and then said, "But it got to the point where you were so upset that you called upon the ghosts—subconsciously," he added, seeing my defensive reaction, "—and then, during their attack, it must have somehow…well, not _negated_ it," he searched for a word—"but they somehow changed the temperament of the darkness from guilt and depression to blame and rage."

Alberta was sitting forward in my desk chair, rubbing a spot of her jaw where I must have managed to hit her. She was frowning, trying to keep up with the humbo-jumbo that Lissa and Adrian were spewing. Spirit was still new to many people, and its many aspects easily confused them. It had been long since disregarded as one of the elements a Moroi could specialize in, and was just now being rediscovered, thanks to Lissa and Adrian.

"So you mean to tell me that Rose was…possessed by _your _ability to use spirit?"

Lissa nodded. "Exactly. And some of her shadow-kissed abilities—i.e., seeing the ghosts—amplified the effects—and the danger."

I was still going through everything horrible I had done during my time as…_not me_. I wasn't sure what was the worst, but I definitely knew what panicked me the most.

I looked up at Lissa urgently. "Dimitri," I cried. "Is he gone yet? I have to find him! I have to stop him from leaving!" I quickly looked from Lissa's face to Alberta's, looking for an answer.

All three faces fell, and I didn't have to be a genius to understand. Still, the news came through the bond morosely.

_He's gone, Rose. And he's not coming back._


	6. Healed Yet Broken

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to upload! I was out of town for the weekend and didn't have Internet. To make up for it, I have about three chapters ready that I will upload right away. :)**

CHAPTER 6

I blinked several times uncomprehendingly. The scary part was, I understood _completely_. I just kept trying to convince myself otherwise.

"No, no, no!" I cried, growing hysterical. My body couldn't decide whether to feel numb or heartbroken, but it settled nearly immediately on the latter. "He can't be gone! He had to have seen through that…he had to have known—"

But I had seen, through Lissa's eyes, that even though he had been alerted to the fact that something was extraordinarily wrong with me, he just didn't care anymore.

That hurt ten times worse than the grief I had experienced over losing my two best friends.

I choked on tears that blubbered up, and I couldn't help falling apart. Lissa comforted me as best she could while Alberta and Adrian tried to avert their gazes. They didn't want to witness my breakdown anymore than I wanted them to.

I suddenly felt nauseous again. I wasn't sure if it was the realization of Dimitri leaving me all alone, or if it was an after-effect of the darkness, but either way, I ran to the toilet just in time. It was Alberta who followed me into the bathroom concernedly.

"Rose?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

I vaguely heard Lissa and Adrian in my bedroom—

"That happened earlier too."

"Does that mean she's sick with something?"

"I thought dhampirs had the strengthened immune systems from Moroi genes!"

And Alberta spoke over both of them: "Dhampirs _do _have strengthened immune systems. It's very unlikely that Rose has caught a bug. Although it seems strange that she's been sick twice in one day." Alberta eyed me warily. "Do you feel all right, obviously other than the sick stomach?"

I had been so caught up in my rage and drama that I hadn't really been thinking about my body. I shook my head quickly. "I'm fine."

Alberta turned back to my friends questioningly. "Did you guys read anything about darkness having an after-effect like this?"

I could tell by their silence that that was a "no."

Alberta slowly brought her face to mine, a frown painting her features. "Keep track of how long you feel ill, Rose. We need to watch this."

I didn't bother telling her that I was convinced that the reason I was sick was because of Dimitri leaving. I may have already set off alarms by growing hysterical earlier. I had to keep Dimitri's and my romantic relationship—or even the lack thereof—under the radar.

I nodded compliantly. "Will do."

Alberta sighed and looked at her watch. "I'm on a shift tonight since we're short—" She stopped abruptly, suddenly remembering my connection with Dimitri. I think she was also afraid that I might start becoming hysterical again. She simply left without a reworded explanation.

A few moments later I went back out to my room. Lissa and Adrian were still there, whispering to each other. When I showed up, they quickly averted their attentions to me, and I nearly flushed under the speculation.

It was so un-Rose-like that Lissa gasped. "Are you sure you're okay?" she demanded.

I didn't tell her that the reason for my modesty was because I was trying to hide a secret, not because I wasn't completely healed of the darkness. I used that to change the focus.

"So how exactly did you cure me of all that rage and hostility?" I sat down on my bed and listened intently.

"All that silver jewelry," Adrian supplied. "It's charmed."

I clutched at the necklace disbelievingly. "Really? You charmed all of this?" My hand flew from the necklace to my bracelet to my fingers, where the ring sat snugly.

Lissa nodded. "Between Adrian and I it was really easy. There were only three pieces to charm, and it didn't take too much out of us."

I frowned. "But it did take your energy?"

Using spirit—_period_—weakened Lissa greatly. It also put her that much closer to the cliff of insanity.

Lissa considered. I was glad that she was weighing her words truthfully and not simply trying to calm me down. "It did take a bit," she admitted, "It took a decent amount of spirit to neutralize all of the darkness that you had consumed."

I immediately felt guilty. Me taking the darkness was supposed to _help _Lissa, not make it harder on her. The funny thing was, the guilt only lasted for half a second before I began blaming things.

My eyes filled with tears again. "The darkness ruined both of us, Liss. It ruins you because it takes you closer to insanity. It ruins me because it takes me closer to insanity. If you keep it, you lose yourself. I take it, I lose myself. Look at what it cost me this time."

Lissa looked confused, and I realized that she wasn't on the same page as I was. She understood that I was depressed over chasing Dimitri away, but she didn't understand the extent. I hadn't just been a bitch to my mentor and friend; I had been a bitch to the love of my life. So much so that he decided to leave me.

I quickly realized that I couldn't keep going at the rate I was. If I did, soon, Dimitri's and my more-than-student-teacher-relationship would be a well-known fact all around campus. So I hurriedly wiped the tears from my cheeks and put force behind my words.

"You two must be exhausted. After all you did, I could expect nothing less. Not to mention starving—Lissa, you're looking a little pale. Have you eaten recently?"

"Well, no," she said. By her evasive tone, I could tell she was trying to jam in an excuse as to why she should stay with me. I didn't give her the chance, though.

"Lissa!" I admonished her. "Go eat something, and then go rest. I'm healed," I added with a small smile. "And I'll be fine now. Please, go," I added for emphasis.

She looked hesitant. She shot an uncertain glance toward Adrian, who shrugged. "Are you sure, little dhampir?" he asked.

I nodded. "With all the silver you put on me, I think I'll be safe for the next couple months, at least."

Lissa cracked a small smile, but I could still feel the infinite worry through the bond. In as gentle a voice I could manage, I said, "Liss, I promise you I'm fine." At least physically. Well, and mentally, because that was where the darkness originated. But emotionally stable? Eh, not so sure on that one.

_If anything feels wrong _at all_, you call me right away. I don't care if I'm in the middle of my feeding, if I'm in the middle of sleeping, or if I'm even in the middle of a date with Christian. I want to be there for you, Rose. Let me be there for you._

I felt a warm tingling flood my heart as she relayed the message through the bond. Even though I always knew Lissa and I were best friends—so close that we were practically sisters—it still always made me go mushy when I heard her express that affection. It made me reflect for just a moment, and I was able to pick out who truly cared about me and whom I cared about just as deeply. Lissa, definitely, was top on the list. Or at least, she had been, until I had met Dimitri.

When I had met Dimitri, it was like the second half of me that I never knew had been missing had suddenly appeared. Ever since then, it was hard to imagine life without him. He had been number one on my list.

But now he was gone.

How long was it going to take me to get over that? I was Rose Hathaway for God's sake. I had already lost myself to depression and then to rage—more simply, I had lost myself to spirit's darkness—for nearly a week. How much longer was I going to go through my life numb? I mean, my God, my birthday was only a few days away! How could I be depressed over my own eighteenth birthday?

_Because the man you love abandoned you during the time you needed him most. _

I felt my spirits fall, but I quickly forced a smile as Lissa began to grow wary. She and Adrian hadn't left yet; they were still wondering whether I was healthy enough for them to leave. I urged them yet again, and finally, they succumbed. I think the idea of food was what really got them going.

Of course, that was what would have gotten _me _going.

Left alone in my room, I wondered what I could do. I could go down to the gym and throw a couple punches—no, that would remind me too much of Dimitri. I could go get some food myself—I was definitely hungry. And it beat the last alternative: hole up in my room and be overwhelmed with flashbacks of my memories of my mentor.

I threw on some clean clothes, pulled my hair back into a quick ponytail and brushed my teeth before heading out towards the commerce building. I walked quickly to avoid having to stop and talk to anyone but refused to let my head fall in defeat. I kept my chin high and pretended that nothing weird had ever happened.

Of course, it wasn't like people were really staring, either. I had way overestimated the amount of attention I would get.

When I got to the cafeteria, I found myself a large sub with as many toppings as I could possibly get on it. I wolfed it down in a little less than ten minutes. While I was finishing my last bite, I saw Christian across the way. I frowned, wondering what he was doing here instead of the feeders.

"Christian!" I waved him over. He caught sight of me easily and came to meet me.

"Hey, stranger. Are you feeling better?" he asked.

I remembered that Christian still didn't know about the depression manifesting into rage, so I just vaguely answered, "Yeah."

He went on obliviously. "Lissa was really concerned about you. Your depression was, well, so unlike you that she started to panic."

I recalled how cruel I had been to her when she had been so overcome with worry. I flinched internally, trying to keep my reaction invisible. Christian noticed it, though, and said, "Yeah, it was rough. I never thought I'd say this, but I missed the normal Rose."

I cracked a grin, despite the grimness of the original conversation. "Aww, that's nice."

Christian flushed and then quickly changed the subject. "You missed Aunt Tasha earlier. She came by while you were…uh, sick."

I lost all traces of friendliness. I bristled, looked down at my plate, and said coolly, "I heard."

Christian recognized the change in demeanor and looked confused for a moment. Then it seemed to dawn on him why I was upset with his aunt, and he grew a little pale. "Ah, Rose, I'm sorry."

I shook my head. Part of it was because I didn't trust myself to speak. I felt a lump in my throat, and I refused to let myself cry in front of Christian.

He didn't seem to know what to do. I quickly rectified the situation by standing up briskly. Christian didn't need to be flustered any more than I needed to be depressed.

"I have to go. It was good talking to you, Sparky."

Christian flashed me a smirk before I turned and walked away.


	7. Surprise

CHAPTER 7

Several days had passed in a blur. I was doing my best to fight off the fog that Dimitri's absence had left me in. Lissa was there for me as best as she could be, considering she still didn't know of the true nature of Dimitri's and my relationship. Adrian was the only one who knew, but he chose not to address it.

One day during Lissa's visit, I asked her, "So you managed to charm all of this silver—" I hadn't taken any of it off for fear of the darkness consuming me again—"but you never told me how. Spirit isn't widely known, so how did you manage to figure out _what _to do and then _master _it in the span of only a couple of hours?"

Lissa shrugged. "Adrian and I researched it. There were some books in the library that kind of hinted at that kind of power being available, but it never came right out and said it. At that point, we figured we might as well try it—you know, it couldn't hurt anything." I nodded and she continued, "We figured that since silver was toxic to Strigoi, it might also be toxic to the darkness within you. So then we found as much silver jewelry as we could without raising suspicion and began to practice. In the first few tries we couldn't tell if anything had happened or not, but then I started to feel a difference when I put the silver on."

I nodded again, suddenly growing distracted. If they had known a cure just an hour earlier, maybe Dimitri wouldn't have left. Maybe he would have been able to see through that charade and he would have stayed. I felt sorrow in my heart as I thought about how much his disappearance really hurt me.

Lissa noticed. "Rose, are you all right?"

I nodded meekly. "Just thinking about all of the damage I did."

Lissa sighed sympathetically. "The people who love you stayed by you. We always will."

Unbeknownst to Lissa, her words meant more to me than she could have imagined.

Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. "Yeah," I choked. "I guess so."

Lissa noticed again. "Rose?" she panicked. "Rose, why are you crying?"

I suddenly couldn't hold it in any longer. I needed someone to talk to. I needed my best friend to understand. I couldn't be the only one shouldering this burden, on top of trying to convince everyone that I was completely cured of the darkness. It took to much acting, too much energy to keep this whole façade going.

"Lissa," I choked out, "You were right. The people who love me stood by me. But the person I love abandoned me."

Lissa's eyes were wide. "What?" she exclaimed. "Rose, what are you talking about?" I could tell that she was concerned about the darkness returning so I quickly charged on with my story.

"Liss, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I'm sorry that I've kept this from you for so long. I should technically still keep it from you; I just can't anymore. I need to tell someone—"

"Rose," she interrupted me. "It's okay. It's all right that you didn't tell me right away. But you can tell me now. Tell me what's going on."

"It's Dimitri," I blubbered. "He wasn't just my mentor. The reason I was so close with him was because I _loved _him, Liss!"

Lissa looked shocked. In fact, she was speechless. She stared at me uncomprehendingly, until she suddenly blinked and said, "Oh."

"Oh?" I cried. "_Oh_? That's all you have?"

Lissa shrugged, at a loss. "I don't know what else to say. I…"

I reached into the bond. I refused to believe that that was all she had to say. In it, I found shock (understandably), concern (understandably), anger at Dimitri (understandably), and…guilt?

"Why do you feel guilty?" I blurted.

Lissa frowned at me, offended by my intrusive method. But luckily she didn't rob me of an answer. Looking somewhat pathetic, she cried, "I should have known! I should have been there for you. But I was too wrapped up in my own world to even _notice_, Rose. Just like you said, I haven't even noticed what you've been going through ever since we got back."

I felt guilt of my own flash through me. I had never meant to be so mean.

"Don't feel guilty about it," Lissa snapped. "It's true. I failed you."

I felt darkness rise within the bond. I started to will it into myself, but then stopped abruptly. I didn't want to go down that path again. Instead, I tried to talk her down verbally.

"Liss, calm down. It's not that big a deal. I've managed. What matters is that you're here for me now. I can talk to you about this. You're my confidante again." I grinned at her.

I felt the darkness slowly die down, and I exhaled in relief.

Lissa noticed it, too and flushed guiltily. "I'm sorry," she said.

I shook my head. "It's okay. Just calm down."

She wore a sad expression. "I did it again. I made it all about me."

Well, that was true. But I didn't voice that.

"You're listening, aren't you?" I said helpfully. "That's you being there for me."

Lissa sat up straighter, holding her chin high. "I'm going to be a good friend, Rose. I won't be so self-centered anymore. I'm here for you."

I chuckled. "Okay, Liss, I'm going to hold you to that."

She smiled at me. "Now start talking. Tell me about Dimitri."

Even though it pained me, I did. I recounted everything, from Victor's lust charm to that time in the cabin after I had sucked all of Lissa's darkness up. I told her everything, and it took hours. By the time I was done, we were both in tears.

"Oh, Rose." Lissa said. "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head, trying to regain composure. "I don't understand why he left. I was cold and cruel, but why couldn't he see through it? Why didn't he fight for me?"

Lissa was at a loss for words. "I don't know," she said lamely. "I'm so sorry."

Despite her lack of advice, it helped to know I wasn't alone anymore. I slept easier, finally not overwhelmed with memories of Dimitri. And I could finally breathe easier, knowing that I didn't have to continue to hide my secret so religiously.

Finally, I felt okay again.

Two days later, I was back into my normal behavior (at least somewhat). I had my spunk back, my confidence, and most importantly, my appetite. I was still depressed over losing Dimitri, but having Lissa there to talk to about it whenever it got hard helped so much.

Lissa, Christian, Adrian and I were out to lunch in the cafeteria. I had been starving and had insisted on getting food. And boy had I gotten it.

I sought out a large sub, a large order of French fries, and then found a restaurant offering a seafood special (which included pan-seared scallops, lobster meat, and a small sample of grilled salmon).

"Well, little dhampir, I'll give you you're weird taste in food," Adrian said. He wore a disgusted expression as I dug into my seafood right after swallowing a bite of my sub.

"Hey," I said defensively. I was greatly offended by his jab. "I don't hate on your food preference. Don't hate on mine."

Christian was green in the face. He looked away as I bit into my lobster.

Lissa, too, looked unnerved. "I've never seen you devour lobster before," she said. "I didn't even know you liked _seafood_."

I shrugged, shoveling more food into my mouth. "It's quite delicious."

My three vampire friends averted their gazes from me gratefully as a shadow fell over our table. My friends greeted Alberta kindly.

"Miss Hathaway?" Alberta turned to me. "You seem to have quite the appetite." She had a strange expression on her face.

"Rose always eats like a growing boy," Lissa objected, confused by Alberta's words.

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I grew defensive. "Hey!" I exclaimed.

I was met with disbelieving stares. At first I didn't know what the problem was, but then I understood: none of my friends could fathom the fact that I had just teared-up over a meager (and true) observation.

Alberta tensed, like something that she had been dreading was finally coming true. She told me to come with her, and I followed dutifully. I was still subdued from the episode at the table.

She took me back to my room and then sighed as I sat down on my bed. She took a seat in my desk chair, looking uncomfortable.

I, too, was uncomfortable. "Um, are you okay?" I asked.

She looked like she was trying to decide how to phrase something. "Rose, this is awkward…but in the past, you haven't exactly been known for your discretion, so this is a subject that needs to be addressed…" She stumbled again, and then stopped completely. She was silent for a moment, and then blurted, "Rose, have you had sex lately?"

I blanched. Part of it was her question—I mean, how _awkward_! That was definitely not something I expected. The other part was the truth—yes, I had had sex lately. In fact, it had been my first time, and it had been with—

Dimitri.

My breath caught in my throat thinking about him, and I quickly had to force the feelings out of my head.

And then, thinking about her preface to the question, I frowned. "Hey!" I objected. "What do you mean I 'haven't been known for my discretion in the past'? It's not like I've been out there offering myself up as a blood whore!"

Alberta sighed. "No, Rose, I know that. That wasn't what I meant. I meant that I know you haven't exactly…well…you're not innocent. Or anywhere near it."

My frown deepened. That wasn't any better.

Alberta, seeing my distaste, quickly charged on—"Look, Rose, I'm not trying to butt into your personal life. I think this may be pertinent…though I hope it's not."

I frowned in confusion, trying to follow her logic. It was kind of warped. And then it hit me: she thought I was pregnant! "No!" I cried quickly. "Alberta!"

She looked kind of shocked. I wasn't sure if it was because of my outburst or because of the informality. "Rose, you have to understand—"

I blurted it out before I really had a chance to think of what I was saying. "Two dhampirs can't have children together!"

She grew paler. "Rose, who was it with?"

I shook my head defiantly, realizing that I had already gotten myself into a deep enough hole. I would have trouble digging myself out of this one already, and I didn't need to make it any harder.

Alberta grew professional again, and said in a strict tone, "Well then let's strike a deal. All you have to do for me is take the pregnancy test. If it comes back negative, I'll leave it alone."

I agreed immediately. It was obvious that Alberta was wrong. I was confused over why she was so adamant. I had already slipped up and said that it was a dhampir that I had slept with, and it was common knowledge that two dhampirs couldn't have children together. I didn't understand why she was pressing the issue, but it seemed like an easy win. The test would come back negative, and Alberta would let it go.

She produced a little baggy from her jacket pocket. I nearly laughed. Did she always carry around pregnancy tests in her pockets? She handed it to me and said, "The instructions are in there."

I took the test into the bathroom and complied with the directions. While we waited, I exited back into the bedroom and demanded, "You can't honestly believe that I'm pregnant."

Alberta shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know, Rose. Dhampirs have strong immune systems, yet you've been sick for a few days now. And honestly, it's not strange symptoms—nausea, morning sickness, a large appetite—"

"Firstly," I interrupted defiantly, "I've experienced nausea constantly when it comes to seeing ghosts, which is a side-effect of being shadow-kissed. Secondly, it's not _morning sickness_; it's just me puking something that hasn't been sitting right in my stomach. It's probably food poisoning. And thirdly, I always eat like a man."

The timer _ding_ed, and Alberta inclined her head toward the bathroom. "Are you going to read it, or should I?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll go."

I went into the bathroom and read the results. And then I gasped. And then I shook my head and said, "No, no, no. Something's wrong. Alberta, this is a faulty test. I need a new one."

Alberta entered my bathroom and read over my shoulder. Sighing, she said, "I'm sorry, Rose. But I'm afraid—"

"No!" I shouted. "I don't believe it. It's faulty. Give me another one, and it will prove you wrong."

Alberta looked tired, like she had spent too long with a disobedient child. I supposed that was a good way of describing how this was with me.

She shook her head. "Rose, it's not wrong. The chance that it could be wrong is very slim." Her expression grim, she said, "I need you to level with me here. Who was it?"

I was still reeling over the result of the pregnancy test. It didn't make sense. That biology lesson was the only one I had actually paid attention to! And now someone was trying to tell me that it was completely wrong!

"Rose," Alberta pulled me back into the present. "If you don't want to tell me, at least confide in Lissa. Besides," she added under her breath, "I have an uncanny feeling that I already know."

I felt nauseous. What kind of sick trick was this? For God's sake, it was impossible!

I leaned over into the toilet and puked, and then cried, "Oh, God, it _is _morning sickness!"

Alberta held my hair back in a motherly fashion as she rubbed my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, Rose. I know this is hard."

"Hard?" I sat up and scowled at her. "_Hard_? Do you know what kind of shit this puts me in?"

Alberta shrugged. "I know that this baby is going to complicate your life. You have a lot of adjusting to do."

I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes. "A baby?" Hell, I was still in disbelief over the mere possibility that I could conceive.

Alberta nodded. Another odd expression crossed her face. "Not to make this even harder on you, but…you need to tell the father, Rose."


	8. Maturity

CHAPTER 8

I froze. Tell…Dimitri? Unthinkable.

"Rose?" Alberta noticed the difference in my attitude.

"I can't." I said shortly.

Alberta frowned. "Rose—" she chastised.

"No, you don't understand," I said. Hysteria was seeping into my voice. "I…I can't."

Alberta's face hardened. "Rose, this isn't about you. It may be hard to tell him, but you owe it not only to him but to that baby, too."

I could hardly believe the next words out of my mouth. "I can't lose this baby." The shock on Alberta's face nearly mirrored mine. "If I tell him, he'll want to be in this baby's life. And if he wants to be in this baby's life…" I stopped, knowing I couldn't finish my sentence without giving up Dimitri's identity.

Alberta was already a step ahead of me. "Rose, you owe it to Dimitri."

I immediately went on the defensive. "_I _owe it to _him_?" I snapped. "He _left_, Alberta!"

She seemed to give weight to my words instead of immediately discarding them. "True. And I, too, am at a loss as to why—"

"It was obviously because he didn't care about me!" I snapped again. "If he could just jump up and leave during my biggest crisis, how in the _hell _can I count on him to take care of a baby?"

"Dimitri is a good guy," Alberta said. "He is very family-oriented and he wants the best for the people he loves. You know that. That's part of why you love him."

I was surprised by Alberta's calmness while discussing my unorthodox relationship. It was so weird, considering it was frowned upon by all authority. If nothing else, our age difference made our interactions illegal.

But I was even more surprised at her words. _Dimitri is a good guy. That's part of why you love him._

"But what if he still wants to be with Tasha?" I asked pathetically. "What if he tries to take this child away?" I would never say it out loud, but part of the reason I was so attached to this baby was because of its connection to Dimitri. This little child was all I had left of him.

Alberta lowered her eyes. "Rose, I don't think Dimitri left to _be _with Tasha."

I frowned. "Then why did he leave?"

She shook her head. "I honestly don't know. He told us of his new assignment and then left. We hardly had enough time to enlist a new guardian in his place before we lost him."

I sighed. "I just…"

Alberta cut me off. "You're a bright girl, Rose. You're someone that I've always admired. You're strong-willed and a talented fighter. You may be a pain in the ass at times, but when you go against authority, usually it's for a good, valid reason. You are responsible, even though sometimes you don't act like it. And you've shaped into a wonderful guardian-to-be. Part of that is thanks to Dimitri."

I was in awe over Alberta's praise. I nearly didn't catch her addition.

I unwillingly conceded that she was right. Even though I knew plenty clearly that that was true, I was still hurt and angry with Dimitri. I didn't want to think I owed him anything.

Realizing that that was not a fact I wanted to address, Alberta quickly came from another angle. "My point is that you're a mature young woman now, Rose. And while two years ago, I might have had to reconsider my words, now I know that they're true."

Mature? That had never been an adjective I'd heard used in relation to me before.

I sighed. "Damn." I was going to have to call him.

Alberta glowed with pride. Call me self-centered, but I was pretty sure it was because of me and the decision I'd made.

"Can I find Lissa first?" I asked. Maybe that made me weak and pathetic, but I wanted my best friend's support during this.

Alberta quickly agreed. "Absolutely. I'll go find her. Will you be all right?"

I gave her a look. "I'm not going to throw myself down a flight of stairs or something, if that's what you're insinuating."

Alberta made a face in distaste. "I'll be right back with the princess." Before leaving, she paused at the door and turned to me. "Do you…could you tell me where she is?" Spirit was still new to Alberta, too, and she seemed uncomfortable asking for something like that. I supplied the answer quickly and easily, though. With that, Alberta left.

I went out into the main part of my room and sat on the floor, leaning against my bed. Left alone, I pondered how this would play out. My heart was beating erratically in my chest. The thought of hearing that velvety, accented voice nearly made me melt to butter.

What freaked me out? His reaction. What would that be? Would he be happy or upset? Hell, would he _believe _me?

I had a vivid image in my mind of Dimitri showing up with Tasha and insisting that they could take better care of that child than I could. What was even worse? I could almost believe they were right. It would definitely make my future easier. With a child, I was in even more danger of being refused as Lissa's guardian.

I immediately snapped out of it, shuddering. I was disgusted with myself. I just got through telling Alberta that I wanted to keep this baby. I loved this baby. I didn't even know it yet, yet I was certain it would soon mean more to me than life itself.

And then it hit me. If that baby meant so much to me already, imagine how much it would mean to Dimitri? Even though he could be out with Tasha right now, making different babies with her, who was I to play God with this child's life and forcibly keep Dimitri out of it? As soon as he heard the news, I knew he would automatically love this child, even if it put a cramp in his life just as it had mine.

I looked up as my door burst open. Lissa rushed in and immediately demanded to know what was wrong.

"Alberta told me you needed to see me right away, and that it was urgent."

I nodded. "It is."

"Well get talking!" She put her hands on her hips, but her face was creased in concern. "That news left Adrian and Christian just as worried, but Alberta wouldn't let them come!"

I flushed as I contemplated their reactions after hearing my news. Shooting an unsure look at Alberta, she smiled in reassurance.

Lissa, witnessing this transaction, frowned and dropped to her knees. It put her at my height on the floor. She took my clammy hands in hers and said, "Rose?"

"Liss," I said slowly, "I…I'm pregnant."

Lissa frowned in confusion. "But...but he was a dhampir!"

Alberta piped in, "I have a theory about that. But I might be completely off base."

We both listened as Alberta explained, "I think it's connected to Rose being shadow-kissed. I'm not sure how and I'm not sure why, but that's the only way I can make sense of her fertility situation."

I frowned this time. "Being shadow-kissed puts me closer to death. Why would that give me the ability to bring more life into this world?"

Alberta shrugged. "Like I said, I may be completely off-base with my theory. But I don't have anything else to go on. Two dhampirs can't conceive together; it's that simple. Yet you and Dimitri have."

There was nothing else to say. Alberta was right. And even though her theory didn't necessarily make sense, it was the closest we had come to a reason.

"Well, that explains your sickness," Lissa finally said.

I couldn't deal with small talk. My nerves were still ratcheted up. "Liss, I have to call Dimitri to tell him."

I not only saw the panic on her face but also felt it through the bond. "Are you sure you can do that?"

I shrugged, unable to formulate a response. After swallowing a few times, I said, "I'm going to try." Looking at Alberta, I added, "I owe it to him."

She looked surprised to hear me say that, after seeing how unhappy I had been over that phrase earlier. But that pride glowed fiercely in her face as she nodded at me encouragingly.

Lissa smiled, too, and squeezed my hand. "I'll be right here."

Alberta handed me my cell phone and took a seat in my desk chair patiently. My fingers shook as I scrolled through my phone book to find his number. When I did, I hesitated before selecting it. If I dialed, it would mean talking to him. Telling him the truth. Risk losing my child.

Taking a deep breath, I pressed the call button.

It rang a few times and then went to voicemail. It was an automated message. No hearing that beautiful voice, after all.

I hung up with a frown and said dejectedly, "He didn't answer."

Lissa quickly produced her own cell phone. "Try a different number. Maybe he'll answer then."

I went through the same motions on her phone, but got the same outcome.

Alberta, who had been silent through this whole thing, fidgeted uncomfortably. I saw her reach in her pocket, but when her fingers emerged, they were empty. She wasn't going to offer me her cell phone.

I wasn't sure why not. Was it because she was worried she wouldn't be able to get through either? Or was she worried because hers was the one number that Dimitri probably _would _answer to?

Either way, it didn't matter. Our eyes met, and Alberta shrugged half-heartedly. "I'm sorry, Rose." She said. "I guess…I guess that means there's nothing left to try."

I didn't object, even though I was torn over whether or not I was happy or upset that I hadn't gotten in touch with him.

Lissa was watching me intently, worried about my reaction. When I finally turned to look at her, I forced a smile onto my face. "Thank you," I said. "You being here helped me a lot."

"I didn't do anything," she giggled.

"But you showed solidarity," Alberta chimed in with a smile. "That's what good friends do."

Lissa smiled in thanks to the head guardian, but then looked concerned again.

"So what do we do now?"

Alberta spoke in an authoritative voice. "Well, Rose will take care of herself and the baby. I'll talk to Dr. Olendzki and we'll get you in for some check-ups. In the meantime, continue your schoolwork. You'll have trials soon and you'll want to be in prime shape for them."

Lissa rubbed my hands soothingly. "We'll make sure that Rose takes it easy."

Alberta smiled and then excused herself.

Lissa smiled at me. "I'm proud of you, too, you know. What you did…that was very mature. I'm sorry it didn't really work out, though."

I shrugged. "I tried, I guess. I just feel guilty now that Dimitri doesn't know."

Some of spirit's darkness reared its ugly head within Lissa. She scowled. "He's the one who left. I don't care if he ever finds out, that selfish—"

"Lissa!" I interrupted her. "Stop it. It's the darkness again. Rein it in. Regain control."

She took a few deep breaths and then said, "You're right. I'm sorry."

I hugged her. "Just breathe. I can't have you losing it. I have a feeling this is going to be rough as it is."

"You mean your pregnancy? People can hardly handle you when your hormones are in check; now that they're running wild, too? Watch out, St. Vlad's, Rosemarie Hathaway is on the loose."

I laughed. I was happy for the moment. Only in the back of my mind was I concerned about Dimitri and his unknown role in this child's life.

There was one thing I was certain of: I wouldn't let this child get hurt. I would protect my baby with my life and I would give this little boy or girl the best that I possibly could. Whether I had a man by my side or whether it was my sole responsibility, I would cherish my child and make sure that the sun and the moon revolved around them.

I smiled as I touched my stomach. Despite the fact that I was only a few weeks into the pregnancy, I would have sworn that I felt that little bugger kick.

_DPOV (Dimitri)_

When Princess Vasilisa had come to my door, it had taken every ounce of strength in my body to close the door on her. As soon as she had spoken Rose's name, though, I knew I had to.

Leaving Rose was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I had literally felt like my heart was chipping with every step I took towards the plane. I kept seeing her beautiful face and her long, wavy hair. I could still feel the warmth of her soft lips on mine. And then I saw the tears in her eyes, the way her bottom lip trembled when she spoke about her friends.

I knew it killed a little piece of her when she lost Mason in Spokane. And then after the Strigoi attack, I watched as another piece was lost after Eddie was killed. It hurt me just as painfully watching her suffer.

Yet, despite the pain that it brought me, I knew leaving her was the only option. It was clear after I saw her that first time in the gym, and even clearer after the second.

I knew something was wrong with Rose. It was obvious. I knew she was depressed—that week of watching her curl up miserably in her room was almost equally as painful as her cold jabs in the gym. I also knew that the anger was uncharacteristic. I suspected it had something to do with spirit's darkness, but I couldn't stick around to find out.

I knew that Lissa and Adrian would figure it out. The two of them showing up at my door proved that.

A small part of the reason it was so hard to leave her was because I was leaving before I saw her get cured. I knew that Lissa would fix her. Lissa cared about Rose like a sister, and there was no way that Lissa would let Rose go on in this funk. Not to mention Adrian, who was obviously in love with Rose. He would be damned if she went on in this hellish mood, too. As much as it pained me to say it, I knew that Rose would be safe left in her friends' hands.

And I couldn't stick around to help. I knew that if I was there after Rose was restored, I wouldn't be able to leave. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to part from her warm embrace. I _had _to leave now, even though it made me seem cold and heartless.

There was a part of me that feared that I was already viewed as such in Rose's eyes. Her testimony said so.

_"It's still inappropriate."_

"_And if I hadn't been fucking around, I would have been able to sense the Strigoi sooner. And if I'd sensed the Strigoi sooner, I would have been able to save Eddie."_

"_And if you hadn't been fucking with my head at the ski lodge, if you hadn't pretended to care about me and all that crap about me 'meaning something'—if you had been a good guardian instead of leading me on, you wouldn't have said a damn thing about Spokane. And if you hadn't said that, then I never would have told Mason while trying to pretend to be into him to try to make you jealous!—and Mase never would have died either!"_

I remembered her words clearly, and they stung just as harshly now as they did then.

If I had thought that it was simply the anger talking, I would never have left her side. I would have fought relentlessly until I figured out how to help her. I would have made sure that she knew the _truth_: that I loved her with all of my heart, and I always would.

But I saw it. I saw it clearly in her eyes. She believed every word of what she said. It wasn't just the anger fueling some meaningless, cruel jabs. Everything she said was true in her eyes. She blamed me for her friends' deaths, and how could I stick around after knowing that? After she came right out and said that she viewed me with disgust and abhorrence? How could I force her to stay around me when she was repulsed by my presence?

Maybe it was immature of me to leave. Maybe it was selfish and the wrong choice. But I had to stick to it.

Like I said, it took every ounce of strength in my body to turn my back on her. I still felt the empty ache in my body. Even being with my friend couldn't solve it. It was like I was addicted to Rose—it physically hurt to be away from her.

But I refused to give in.

Tasha saw that I was in pain, and I knew that she knew it had to do with Rose. She didn't address it though, and I was grateful for that.

Several days after I had settled in with Tasha—though the pain of leaving was still fresh—I received a phone call from the academy.

I took one look at the caller ID and I felt the air _whoosh _out of my body.

_Roza_.

Whatever minimal progress I had made being distanced from her was immediately shattered. Every bone in my body ached to answer the phone and hear her sweet voice. Air was hard to come by as I contemplated what she wanted to say. Was she angry with me for leaving? Was she saddened? Or was she happy? _Why _was she calling?

Just as quickly as the ringing started, it stopped. Part of me deflated. I had missed her phone call. The other part exhaled in relief. I had kept some of my progress, at least.

And then it rang again. This time it was Lissa's number. I almost gave in and answered—was something so important that it was imperative that Rose reached me?—but then I stopped again. I had left for a reason, and, despite what it seemed, it was _for _Rose. More likely than not, it was Rose trying to call me again on Lissa's number. If I answered it, I would lose my resolve. I would want to turn around and run right back to the Academy.

The ringing stopped.

I stopped worrying after a moment. If something were so important that I absolutely _had _to be reached, Alberta would call. I would answer it no matter what if it was Alberta's number on my caller ID.

Like I said, maybe it was immaturity on my part. Maybe I was completely wrong in leaving, and maybe I was causing more damage than rectifying what I had already caused.

But I had no choice but to stick with it. My eyes lingered on the phone's text, reading _Roza _on the "missed calls" list. I fought every urge in my body to call back, and then closed the phone dejectedly. I slowly put it back in my pocket, and closed my eyes.

_Goodbye, Roza._


	9. Four Years Later

CHAPTER 9

Life had _not _turned out as I had expected it to. If you had asked me five years ago where I had expected to be at this point in my life, you would have received a completely different answer.

Now, I was twenty-two years old. I had a four-year-old daughter named Viktoria Maddie Hathaway, who was exactly like her mother. She had my outspokenness and my long, dark waves. I also had a four-year-old daughter named Alexandra Janette Hathaway, who had her father's gentleness and wisdom. Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and even my mother had an important role in my daughters' lives.

Things had worked out amazingly well, despite how unplanned it all was. After I'd had Viktoria and Lexi, I had taken the trials and had graduated with the highest score among my classmates. To my utter surprise, Tatiana had granted me Lissa's guardian. Shortly after, Lissa moved permanently into the Royal Court, and what was even more amazing? Tatiana made me head guardian only a few months after that.

I had fallen into a routine. The past four years had flown by, but I hadn't lost a minute of them. I was there for Viktoria and Lexi during every big moment in their childhood. They and I had our own little life set up together, and we were happy.

"Rose?"

I looked up at Lissa, who was standing over me with her hands on her hips. I was on the floor with Viktoria and Lexi, playing with—Viktoria's favorite—Barbies. The funny thing was, she wasn't a sappy romantic, who made Barbie and Ken play house. She may have been more suited to a G.I. Joe doll, considering she continued to pretend that Ken was a Strigoi and that Barbie was the guardian who was about to kick his ass.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you ready? You have to go to that meeting—don't tell me you forgot."

I smiled sheepishly. "I didn't forget. I just got carried away playing with Viktoria and Lexi."

Viktoria grinned a toothy grin. "Mommy needs to stay and play."

I watched Lissa's heart melt at how cute Viktoria was. I felt through the bond how tempted she was to skip the meeting so we could stay and play.

"Come on," I said, standing up. I grabbed Lissa's hand and pulled her away from Viktoria. Turning back to the twins, I said, "You're going to spend some extra time with Uncle Adrian and Uncle Christian, okay?"

Viktoria and Lexi's faces lit up.

"Uncle Addie and Uncle Chrissie?" Lexi exclaimed. The girls hadn't developed enough teeth to be able to pronounce her uncles' names correctly, so they'd created nicknames for them. It was absolutely precious to watch Adrian and Christian, two strong, masculine men, completely emasculated by two little girls' nicknames. Hell, around the twins, both men melted to mush.

As if on cue, the guys entered the room. Both of my girls leapt up and ran to one of them. I shouted goodbye as Lissa and I left to go to the meeting.

"So what's this meeting on?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

Lissa laughed. "Its on increasing guardian numbers here. You do know you're supposed to be talking today, right?"

I jerked my head toward her. "What?"

"Well, you are head guardian."

I groaned. "I hope Tatiana domineers the conversation this time. I'm _so _not in the mood to have to speak."

One of the guardians came up next to us. He was an extra, unassigned to anyone, and working security at the gates. His name was Joe.

"Hey, Joe," I said warmly. He was a few months older than me, but, considering he was a newbie at Court, I tended to treat him like he was a few months _younger_, instead.

His upbeat, joking attitude made him seem younger, too. "Hi-ya, Hathaway. You ready to give your speech?"

I cocked an eyebrow in alarm. "Speech?"

Lissa rolled her eyes. "It's not a speech. Calm down."

Joe cracked up next to me. "You completely forgot about this meeting, didn't you?"

"I didn't _forget_," I objected. "I just…didn't remember what it was on."

We reached the hall where the meeting was held. Already in seats was the rest of my staff. Saving me a seat next to him was Hans Croft, the head guardian whom I had replaced here after his early retirement. I waved goodbye to Lissa, who turned off in a different direction and then took my seat next to Hans.

"Hey, kiddo." Hans was the closest I had to a father figure in my life. We had started out on iffy terms, but had grown to be friends. I had heard a rumor that it was due to Hans's recommendation to Tatiana that I succeeded to the job as head guardian. "How's life treating you?"

"All right," I said. "My kids are keeping me on my feet."

Hans grinned. He had met Viktoria and Lexi once or twice before and had instantly fallen in love. Even though he didn't approve of my age, he adored my children and he respected me for the good job I was doing. He, along with everyone else save Lissa, Adrian, and Alberta, thought that a reckless Moroi had knocked me up during one of my moments of stupidity.

While I didn't appreciate the assumption, I didn't bother changing what anyone thought. Granted, I didn't _lie _to support it, but I also didn't change what people believed.

Tatiana entered and the session began. She droned on for a while, and I tuned her out.

I sighed as my thoughts drifted towards Dimitri. I had called him every year on the girls' birthday, trying to reach him, but each year it was futile. He had either blocked my number or disconnected that number, because I could never get through. I had once contemplated approaching Alberta and asking if she had heard from him lately, but I quickly changed my mind. All it took was thinking back to that day when I had tried to reach him originally, and she had refused to offer me her phone. I still didn't know her motivation behind it, but that one glimpse had stuck with me vividly for four years.

"Guardian Hathaway," Tatiana said. "Please share your plans."

I faltered for a moment. I didn't know to what she was referring.

Hans whispered, "Increase in guardian numbers."

Right. "We have a little under six thousand children enrolled in all academies at the moment. About seven hundred are seniors about to graduate. And as for Court, we have about a surplus of three that could be spared to individual Moroi."

"That will help," Tatiana agreed. "But only for a while. What plans do you have as backup? This only works because graduation is right around the corner for senior novices. What about if a tragedy strikes in the middle of the year?"

I knew Tatiana was considering an age decree. I was completely against it, and had said as much to her. She had agreed that the age decree was a less than desirable plan, but had not said anything past that.

I gritted my teeth. "I don't know. We could probably spare about ten from the Court's guard."

A few of the guardians looked concerned. Tatiana wore a look of distaste.

"That would endanger all of the occupants here," she said.

"No, it wouldn't." I was fighting to stay civil. It was during times like these, when Tatiana became an unhelpful brat, that I hated being in a higher authority level. It meant I had to stay respectful, because I had a hell of a lot to lose.

"I want you to find me another solution, Guardian Hathaway," she said like an admonishing teacher. I half expected her to give me a due date. "Oh," she added, "And be aware that we have a few royals coming to visit. Their guardians will be accounted for during their brief visit. Meeting adjourned."

I groaned as Tatiana left. Hans nudged me with his elbow. "Rough, huh?"

I shot him a dirty look. "She knows that there is _no other _solution, Hans."

Hans looked uncomfortable. "I shouldn't tell you this, kid, but I think you deserve to know."

My brows furrowed in question.

"I heard a rumor that Tatiana was going to bring the age decree into session."

I bristled. Shit. This really made my job more complicated.

I had a few guardians say hello as I passed by, but I didn't do more than give them a brief greeting back. I had too much on my mind.

When I got back to the house, I could hear excited squealing. I entered cautiously, unsure of who's squealing it was.

It turned out it was Viktoria's. She ran to me the moment she heard the door open.

"Can we go to the gym, Mommy? Can we, can we, can we?" She was speed talking, so quickly that I could barely make out her words. Lexi appeared a moment later, an excited glint in her eyes.

"You both want to go to the gym?" I asked. I carried Viktoria into the living room, taking Lexi by the hand with me. Adrian and Christian were sitting on the couch, both of them sound asleep.

I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, okay. Let's go to the gym." They had a lot of energy that they had to burn off, and I had been looking for a way to express my displeasure.

The twins changed into workout clothes while I changed into my own and then met me at the top of the stairs.

Before we left, I sent the twins in to wake up Adrian and Christian. Viktoria—truly a mini version of me—kicked Christian in the shin. Lexi climbed up on Adrian's lap and started jumping up and down. Both guys woke up with a start, and then looked nervous when they laid eyes on me.

"Go sleep in your own houses," I said. Viktoria and Lexi came back to stand by my side. They waved goodbye animatedly as we left.

When I walked into the gym, I was greeted with lots of hoops and hollers. My fighting status preceded me, and all of the guardians enjoyed it when it came time to spar.

A guardian named Will Wroth came up to me. He bent to greet the girls, giving them animated high-fives before returning to my height. Well, he was actually taller than me. But only by a few inches.

"Hey, Hathaway. You sparring today?"

I hadn't been planning on it, but I was suddenly eager to. "Is Holt here?"

Josh Holt was a guardian that got along grandly with the girls. He would pass up any fight, meeting, or free time just to be able to play with them. The twins had him enchanted.

Wroth nodded. "He's in the back. He just finished his workout. He was cooling down."

I grinned. "All right, then yeah. I'll spar. Let me go find Holt."

Viktoria and Lexi followed me to the back where Holt was stretching. He caught sight of the twins and a broad grin stretched across his face. Before I even had a chance to speak, he said, "Go spar. I'll keep these beautiful ladies company."

Viktoria and Lexi were already bombarding him with requests. "Can we spar, too? Will you teach us how to punch? Will you let us work with stakes?"

I trusted Holt with them, so I didn't feel the need to lay out the rules. He knew what they were.

I went back to the front and took a moment or two to stretch. There was already another person on the mat, rolling his shoulders. When he turned around, I recognized Joe.

"Perkins," I called with an amused grin on my face. "You really in for embarrassment?"

Joe grinned at me. "Hey, don't be so cocky. It isn't ladylike."

The referee—a guardian named Talbot—cued us in, and the dance began. There was loud music blaring in the background to get the guardians pumped up for their workouts. It was some new song with a heavy bass. Hell, I didn't actually care what it was—it got me pumped.

I took on the offensive. I lashed out but Joe deftly ducked. I lashed out with a kick without giving him recovery time, but he managed to avoid it. He threw a right hook towards my face but I leapt out of his range.

The cheering in the crowd was nearly drowning out the music. I couldn't even hear a melody—just the bass.

Joe came closer to try to get a hit in but missed me. I turned my body so that I kicked him in the side. I caught him close to the ribs and he buckled. I threw my body weight on top of him but he threw me off, pinning me to the ground. I brought my knee up, hitting him in a precarious spot, and he rolled off of me. I stood over him and grinned.

"Ladylike or no, I still beat your ass."

"That—was—so—playing—dirty—" he choked out.

The crowd was cheering so loudly that I could hardly hear him. I caught sight of Wroth in the crowd. He was motioning behind me. I turned just in time for my reflexes to kick in. One of the guardians had snuck up behind me and was trying to attack me. He was in the process of lashing out in a punch that would have probably rendered me unconscious had I not turned.

Thanks to my quick reflexes, I managed to duck just enough that I avoided the brunt of it. I still got hit though, and I saw stars as I spun to the mat. The guardian—whom I soon recognized as Brook Phillips—tried to climb atop me to pin me down, but I rolled out of his reach and leapt to my feet.

Phillips had a good eighty pounds and six inches on me. He was a big guy, and a damn good guardian. But my size was actually my advantage in this fight.

He came charging at me again, and I ducked out of his way. I was faster on my feet, and I was behind him before he could turn around. I kicked his knees out and he buckled to the ground. He didn't have the ability to leap right to his feet due to his bulk, but he rolled closer to me and brought me down too. He had time to throw his body weight on mine while my head was still recovering from the rough smack on the mat. Having his two hundred pounds on top of me was less than pleasant. Mustering up every inch of strength I could find, I used my legs to roll me out from under Phillips. Gasping for breath, I scrambled to my feet. He was only on his knees by the time I was completely righted. Without hesitating, I twisted my body into a roundhouse kick that I threw into the right side of his face.

The crowd was so loud that I could practically feel the reverberation. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was dripping with sweat. Taking on Joe was fun but fairly simple. Having Brook sneak up behind me had triggered a number of instincts, and he had put up a damn good fight. I had been nervous a few times there.

I checked around me to make sure there were no more surprise attacks. Satisfied that I was safe, I climbed down from the mat. Joe was grinning at me from the sidelines, holding a pack of ice.

"You are definitely a force to reckoned with, Hathaway."

One of the guardians behind Joe knocked him playfully. "Hell, she oughta be. Belikov was her teacher."

I froze. It had been a while since I had heard Dimitri's name mentioned around her. My body didn't seem to know how to react.

Joe's eyebrows shot up. "Damn. I'm impressed. Though I guess I shouldn't be. It all makes sense now."

I forced myself to remain calm. "Hey now. I'm amazing all on my own."

Joe grinned. "That you are."

I felt my cheeks flush, but Lexi saved me. She came running up to me and grabbed my leg. "Mommy!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Come look! Holt taught Viktoria and me how to punch!"

I grinned at my daughter. "Oh really?" I asked. "Let's see!"

Lexi tugged me towards the back. I waved goodbye to Joe and followed Lexi towards where Viktoria and Holt remained.

Holt stood there with a pillow in his hands, squatted to Viktoria's level, and Viktoria was punching with all of her little might.

He noticed me come in, but Viktoria didn't. I leaned against the doorjamb and grinned at how cute she was. After a few more punches, Holt said, "Break! Lexi's turn."

Viktoria split away easily. I was proud of her. When I was that age, I would have pitched a fit.

Lexi was just as talented as her sister. She threw her punches with accuracy and precision, and the fierceness in her eyes topped off the whole thing. She honestly was a miniature Dimitri.

After a few moments of that, Holt yelled break again. The two girls were flushed and sweaty, but not as much as me.

Holt came over to me with a wide grin. "Your girls are exactly like you."

I grinned. "That's a scary thought."

Holt chuckled. "Not very."

I felt my cheeks flush again. Was I going crazy, or was this visit to the gym a little odd? He was the second guy…never mind. I sounded silly just thinking about it.

"Thanks for watching over the girls. I needed that."

Holt's grin remained in tact. "Anytime. Those girls are angels."

"I thought you just said that they were exactly like me?"

Holt laughed. "Okay, good point. But I mean it. Whenever you need time, let me know."

I gave him a wide grin. "You sure know how to bribe your boss, don't you?"

Viktoria and Lexi were tugging on my pants. "Let's go, Mommy, we're hungry."

I turned back to Holt and shrugged in a "whatcha-gonna-do" fashion.

The girls tugged me out of the gym, where I was only able to wave goodbye to the other guardians. Once outside, the twins raced back to our house. I had to jog to keep up with them, but it was easy. They burst through the door before I got there, squealing excitedly.

I followed them inside just in time to catch the ringing phone.

"Hathaway!" I blurted into the speaker.

"Hey," Lissa said on the other end. "You're still coming for dinner, right? I cooked a whole bunch of food and then I forgot which night you were coming, so we're going to make it tonight. If it wasn't already."

I chuckled. "Well, it was already, but okay. We'll be over there at about six."

"Oh and Rose?" she asked before I hung up. "There's something I have to tell you."

There was something about her tone of voice that put me on edge. I had a feeling that it was bad news that she wanted to tell me.

_Oh boy._


	10. Secrets

**Thank you so much for the positive feedback! Those reviews really keep me going...I've turned into a review-addict! My favorite part about uploading now is wondering what my readers will say... I think that's the great part about FanFiction. It's a "live" thing, so it's really beneficial to the author, and (hopefully) the reader!**

**Anyways, thank you again! I can't wait to read what you will say about this chapter. Oh, and a heads-up...I kind of left you guys hanging... :)**

CHAPTER 10

Viktoria, Lexi, and I arrived at exactly six o'clock at Lissa's. Christian answered the door, and was attacked by the twins, who threw themselves into his arms at the same time. He stumbled backward. I stepped around him and found Lissa in the kitchen. Adrian was next to her, helping her chop something.

Hmm, that was an unusual sight.

I cleared my throat but neither of them turned around.

"I sensed you as soon as you were at the door. I know you're here."

Of course. Spirit.

"Hello to you too, Adrian."

Lissa turned around with a weary smile and said, "Ignore him. He's in a bad mood tonight."

I frowned. "Why?" Usually Adrian was always mellow. I had rarely seen him upset.

"I'm right here," he snapped. "Don't pretend I'm not."

I immediately grew defensive. "Lose the attitude. The girls are here. I don't want them to see you like this."

He sighed and then turned to face me. "Sorry. Where are they?"

I gestured toward the main living area. "Last I saw, they tackled Christian."

Adrian brushed past me gently, obviously looking to find solace with my girls.

I walked closer to Lissa, who was bustling around the kitchen. "What's wrong with Adrian?" I asked her.

She kept her back to me while she mixed the salad. "I'm sure it's nothing."

I frowned at her accusingly. I felt that there was definitely more to it than that, but she obviously wasn't interested in sharing. Sighing, I leaned lazily against the island. "So, what was that news you wanted to tell me?" I fought to keep my voice steady. I was just now realizing just how concerned I was about this news.

Lissa didn't turn around. Distractedly, she said, "Not now, Rose."

I was impatient. She knew better than to taunt me like that. I reached into the bond, searching for the news she had been planning to tell me.

But there was nothing there. She was blocking me out.

I scowled in frustration and couldn't withhold my comment. "Why are you blocking me out?" I demanded.

Lissa finally spun around to face me. Her face was contorted into a scowl mirroring mine, but her jade green eyes held no concern like my dark eyes did. She was simply angry with me.

"Because _I _want to be the one to tell you, instead of you finding out through this stupid one-way bond!"

I didn't need the bond to know that Lissa's outburst was due to the darkness. I quickly reined in my own temper and then tried to talk her down. I hadn't sucked the darkness from her in four years, for fear of a repeat of the last time I'd become overwhelmed.

"All right," I said quietly. "I'm sorry. But could you at least try to level with me here? You sounded…_edgy_ on the phone earlier. I'm worried about you." I paused, making sure I wasn't agitating the darkness more. "Did something happen with Christian? Is there a problem with the wedding?"

Lissa's and Christian's wedding was coming up soon. It was hard to believe that she was already tying the knot, but I supposed I shouldn't be surprised. She and Christian were madly in love and had been since they first started dating. It just seemed too fast to me; Lissa and I had planned on spending our lives together, me as her guardian and her as my best friend. I guess that was how it technically worked out…plus, I had been the first one to stray from the path by having twins.

Lissa sighed, groaning in frustration. The darkness seemed to be gone, but she was still stressed about something. I wished she would tell me, but I couldn't keep pressuring her. Putting her under _more _stress would only encourage the darkness. To my utter disappointment, she brushed me off again. "Not now, Rose."

I was frustrated but fighting to keep my temper in check. I had to be strong for Lissa, and if that meant having to deal with her silence, then I would.

Even though it killed me.

I bit my tongue, trying my hardest to exercise restraint. I had just gotten through telling myself that I would do that for Lissa, no matter what, yet I was still fidgeting uncomfortably. For _my _sake, I _had _to find out.

"Lissa!" I groaned. "_Why _won't you tell me?"

"Drop it, Rose!"

I had never heard Lissa get so loud before. It was almost like a roar. I paused, stunned, but then grew defensive.

"Why don't you stop acting like a diva and get over yourself?" I snapped.

Darkness flared within Lissa again and she opened her mouth to shout back at me. We were both tense and coiled to attack when Christian came into the room and took a halting stance between us.

"Hey!" he snapped. "What the hell is going on between you two?"

Lissa and I were still glaring at each other. Christian had to repeat his question. "We could hear you two all the way at the front of the house! Viktoria and Lexi are freaking out!"

My motherly instincts kicked in. My anger expelled in a rush of air and I sighed. Lissa, too, seemed to deflate at the mention of my kids.

Christian, watching us calm down, turned to his fiancée after a tense moment and said, "Liss, tell her."

I felt the bond start to flicker back. Her blockage was faltering.

With a heavy sigh, Lissa groaned, "We have to reschedule the wedding."

I felt my jaw drop. "Why?" I demanded. "What on earth happened?"

Christian took over, seeing how distraught Lissa was over the news. "Well, there were two options. We could either have our wedding on the date we originally planned, here, at Court, or we could reschedule it for a later date at our desired location."

I narrowed my eyes. "Did Tatiana arrange this?"

Lissa wouldn't meet my gaze as she muttered, "It's because of the guardian shortage."

I flinched as I realized part of why she had been blocking me. True, she _had _wanted to tell me herself. It was something big that she had needed me to be there as a _friend _for, not as a bondmate. But the other part was that she held me responsible in a tiny space of her mind. She associated me with the guardian shortage and the lack of a plan that could remedy this.

There were some times when I really hated the bond. I would have been much happier going on in ignorant bliss.

Feeling a new burden on my shoulders, I breathed out heavily. "Oh, Liss," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Lissa met my eyes slowly, stress making her face look weary. "I didn't mean to lash out at you," she apologized. "I'm just unhappy about my wedding."

Christian rubbed her back soothingly and then said in his old-fashioned Christian-charm, "So are you two done being brats? Can I leave you two alone, or do I have to worry about the house burning down?"

I sent a playful glare his way. "That's your territory, Sparky."

Lissa seemed to still need to vent. "I'm just so tired of having to put my life on hold while everyone else tries to sort through their shit," she groaned.'

I bit my cheek to refrain from commenting. _Yeah, _I thought bitterly, _join the club._

Adrian was suddenly leaning lazily against the doorjamb. "So you told her?"

I spun around, embarrassed that I had been so preoccupied that I had completely missed his presence.

Lissa nodded. "She knows about how the drama at Court is restricting my wedding, what with the age decree and the shortage of guardians." I heard Lissa place the emphasis on those two topics.

Something flashed in Adrian's eyes. I thought it was because he felt a little guilty, too. He was, after all, Tatiana's nephew, and he admired her just as much as she admired him, yet here she was screwing with his friend's life, and he felt somewhat responsible. I was proud of him for being so mature.

With a sympathetic smile, I said, "Your great-aunt sure is a bitch sometimes."

Adrian's face hardened, and Lissa quickly intervened as peace-maker. "Hey now," she said. "Rose, lay off Tatiana. Adrian, where are the girls?"

He immediately lost his anger. "They are enthralled with Steve and Blue."

One of the girls' favorite television shows was "Blue's Clues." I wasn't surprised that the show had stolen their attention from Adrian. It was one among very few things that could.

"So you're off babysitting duty?" Lissa asked.

"For the moment," Adrian said slothfully.

Lissa shoved a stack of plates in his direction. "Good. Get to setting the table, then."

Adrian blanched at being put to work, but did as Lissa asked. She began to shove the casserole dish at me but then stopped abruptly and gave it to Christian, instead. He went dutifully in the direction of the dining room, leaving Lissa and I in the kitchen.

She picked up the salad bowl and gestured toward the dining room. "Go get the twins. Dinner is ready."

I offered to take the salad but she shook her head adamantly. I still felt like she was acting strange, but I didn't want to cause any more trouble, so I left it alone.

I went to the living room where Lexi and Viktoria sat, completely hypnotized by the blue dog on the screen. I hated to disturb them; they were so precious and peaceful like that. But I heard voices rise in the dining room and figured that _tonight _wasn't the night to bend the rules.

"Come on, ladies, its dinnertime!"

Just like me, the mention of food got them moving. They leapt up and raced each other to the dining room. I followed behind them and then took my seat at the table. Lissa and Christian sat at either end at the heads of the table; Viktoria sat next to me on one side; Lexi and Adrian sat across from us on the other side.

There was tension in the air that was nearly palpable. The silence that followed confirmed that I had missed something big. Slowly, I said, "What did I miss?"

I could feel frustration, anger, and sadness churning through the bond. I wanted to immediately address Lissa about it, but I _didn't _want her issue, whatever it may be, to become public knowledge.

By the looks on everyone else's faces, though, it seemed that I was the only one out of the loop. Frustrated with being the oddball out, I demanded more harshly this time, "What the hell happened?"

Lexi scowled at me in admonishment while Viktoria mirrored my look of frustration, glaring at the other attendants at the table.

Lissa quickly interjected, "It's nothing, Rose."

Anger and frustration reached the boiling point in me. I snapped, "That's the second time today you've said that. What is it with you and telling me things today?"

Lissa flinched, and guilt flashed through the bond. Whatever it was she was keeping from me, she didn't like it.

My outburst was only met with silence. I couldn't handle this. Not only was I the one without any information—which was no okay in itself—but this secret was also affecting my friends.

I put my hands over Viktoria's ears and gestured for Adrian to do the same to Lexi. Lowering my voice to a low and deadly hiss, I demanded, "Tell me what the hell is going on."

Lissa still refused to speak. Christian averted his gaze guiltily. Even Adrian tried to avoid me, but he was the weakest link. It was clear on his face: Whatever secret they were keeping, Adrian had the least resolve to keep it from me.

I threw my hands in the air exasperatedly. "You know what? I lost my appetite. I'm going home."

"But Mommy!" Both girls exclaimed at once.

I scooted out of my chair and gave a frustrated sigh. "You two stay and eat. Adrian will walk you home after dinner."

Lissa gave me a chastising look. "Rose, you haven't lost your appetite. You're always hungry."

I wasn't going to dispute that. My stomach was nearly grumbling, I was so hungry. And damn, that casserole did look appetizing. But I wasn't going to give in.

"Maybe so. But I'm not sticking around for this." I waved my arms around animatedly, trying to gesture to "everything."

Lissa opened her mouth to speak again but Adrian interrupted. "I'll walk them home after dinner."

I shot him a grateful look and then left the house. I wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to go, but it definitely wasn't there and it definitely wasn't home. I actually really wanted to go burn off some steam at the gym.

Sadly, my body was craving food. Not to mention, I wasn't angry so much as worried and frustrated. I didn't _mind _Lissa keeping secrets—no, that was a lie, I did mind; rephrase—I didn't mind Lissa having her life separate of mine. I didn't need to be involved in everything happening with her. But I did mind when it started to affect my friends, and especially when it started to affect _me_.

I let myself into my house wearily, going straight to the kitchen after closing the door. I found a quick meal to heat up and zapped it in the microwave. I ate it slowly, still on edge over Lissa's odd behavior. After polishing off the food, I went into the living room and spread out on the couch. I was just sitting there, staring at the ceiling blankly, when my mind shifted to Dimitri.

The girls' birthdays were coming up soon. In a few months, they would be turning five years old. In a few months, I would call Dimitri's cell phone number, and I was sure that I would get the same, useless automated message.

I sighed.

I kept thinking back to that day when he decided to leave. It had all happened so fast—it was all in the span of a few hours. I had only gone violent-psycho for one day, and that was all it took for him to manage to disappear.

I felt a few tears escape down the sides of my face. I closed my eyes, hoping to make the tears stop, but before I knew it, my closed eyes led to slumber, and I was out cold.


	11. Rarities

**Here's chapter eleven for you guys! I tried to write it as quickly as possible without leaving out any critical info. I hope you guys enjoy it! I'm working as quickly as my schedule allows to crank out the next chapter! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! (They always make me smile, and the more I get, the faster I find myself writing these chapters.)**

CHAPTER 11

I woke abruptly to a knock on the door followed by adolescent laughter. I leapt upright on the couch just as Adrian opened the door and my two daughters came barreling in. They found me immediately and wasted no time leaping on top of me and squealing about how much fun they had with their Auntie Lissa, Uncle Chrissie, and Uncle Addie during dinner.

After they had gotten enough of the excitement out, I told them to go get ready for bed.

"I'll be up in a minute to tuck you in," I told them as they charged up the stairs.

Adrian, who had made himself right at home in my leather armchair to the left of the sofa, stood up as the girls disappeared. "I suppose this is goodbye, little dhampir."

A concerned frown painted my face. "Adrian, what was going on at dinner tonight?" There were a million other questions I wanted to tack on, but I figured that was the most prominent, and I wanted that answer first.

His face twisted. "The correct response was, 'Only for now,'" he said dryly.

"Adrian," I pleaded, "I'm worried about Lissa. This behavior is uncharacteristic…I remember what happened last time one of us acted uncharacteristically." I was referring to the horrific time when I had been possessed by spirit's darkness. That awful time during which so much shit happened…

Adrian didn't need any more details than that. He automatically knew what I was talking about. "This is not _anything _like that," he replied instantly.

I sighed. "Then _what _is it like?"

I saw his resolve chip, just a bit. For a second I thought I had gotten through his shell, but then it was replaced and he resumed his usual playboy swagger. "I'll watch you bloom again tomorrow, my beautiful Rose, my little dhampir."

I glared at him. "That's a cheesy line. Don't ever use that on me again."

He backed to the door with a sly grin on his face. "Ta-ta."

I locked the door after he left and then went up to the twins' bedroom. They were already in bed—the little angels—and had chosen a story for me to read. It was a Disney princess story.

I grinned. That was something about my girls that never ceased to amaze me. They both had their parents love and talent for fighting, yet, at the end of the day, they wanted to hear stories about damsels in distress being rescued by their knight in shining armor. It was a desire I had never experienced, nor a joy I had ever had the chance to. But even though reading princess books hadn't been my cup of tea when I was younger didn't mean I didn't love getting the chance to read them to Lexi and Viktoria now.

They were asleep by the time the story was done (a rarity, for sure), so I turned out their light and crept back to my room. I climbed into my bed and turned off my light even though I was wide-awake from my little nap earlier. I hadn't meant to doze off like that.

Left with nothing but time, I started thinking about Lissa again. Her behavior was concerning me. I knew something was off-kilter, but she wouldn't give me any clues, and neither would Adrian or Christian. They were all ganging up against me on something, yet I didn't even know what it was.

I contemplated Lissa's wedding news. I believed it. It made sense, and I wouldn't have been surprised in the least. Lissa and Christian had been looking to have their wedding away from Court, in a tropical paradise. They wanted a nighttime wedding on the beach on some romantic island—and because of that desire, that meant that their security details would have to be nearly doubled, possibly even tripled. She was, after all, the last Dragomir.

With that demand, I knew firsthand just how hard it was to fulfill it. I had the firsthand knowledge of just how low the numbers were. It had been that way for four years now, and it just so happened that this was the year that it was going to change.

I sympathized with her, but I still didn't understand why I had to be treated like an outcast. Sure, it was my job to provide the security that she needed, and considering that I had failed her in that aspect, it made sense that she was slightly unhappy with me. But for her to openly defy me and treat me like nothing more than a scrap of gum on the bottom of her shoe? I knew for certain that there was something else she was hiding.

With frustration burning in my blood, I sighed loudly and filled onto my side. I pulled the blankets to my chin and thought about her wedding again.

I was thrilled for her. I couldn't wait until she had everything that she wanted. She deserved it. But there was part of me that was secretly jealous.

I had never been one to dream about weddings as a child, and hell—I'd never even imagined having kids of my own. But now, watching Lissa so excited, and watching Lexi and Viktoria get older everyday, there was a part of me that felt slighted. Maybe even _shattered._

If Dimitri had stayed, what would have become of us? How would Lexi and Viktoria's lives be different? How would _my _life be different?

I kept thinking that by some amazing miracle, Dimitri and I would have sworn together that we would stand by our children no matter what. Hell, I keep imagining that we would have gotten married!

It was the sad, embarrassing truth. I was heartbroken over the fact that my dream was nothing more than just that—a dream. I didn't get to have the Princess's happy ending with her Prince Charming (not that I would have accepted it even if I had the chance; I was a firm believer in being my _own_ Prince Charming) like in Disney books, or like Lissa.

But I did have two things that made not getting my happily ever after with Dimitri okay. And those two things had just climbed up on my bed and snuggled up on either side of me.

"What's this?" I teased gently. My voice was no more than a whisper.

"We couldn't sleep," Lexi murmured back. "We wanted to be with you."

My heart ached at how similar she was to Dimitri. Just listening to her nearly gave away her paternity.

It hurt just as equally as it prided me, however. How long had I dreamt about hearing those words escape Dimitri's lips again?

Viktoria, ever the mini-me, was slothfully splayed out next to me. She was half-asleep and completely incoherent.

I giggled. "All right," I said, "But we're going to sleep now."

Lexi cuddled up to me on one side and Viktoria half-heartedly on the other. I fell asleep that night to the sound of gentle snoring.

Considering my off-kilter sleep pattern last night, I was less than ready to get up in the morning. When my alarm went off in the morning, it met a rude awakening of its own. I chucked it violently off my bedside table and against the wall, not meaning to shatter it but simply trying to get it to stop blaring.

The noise startled the girls, though, who quickly leapt up and scanned the area attentively. It was the cutest thing—they definitely were Dimitri's and my children. Only four years old and already alert, ready guardians-in-training.

"It's okay," I grumbled, the twins' sudden activity waking me up immediately. "It was just the alarm clock."

I heard Viktoria mutter to her sister, "I thought you were supposed to hit the snooze button, not throw it at a wall…"

I rolled my eyes as I told them to go get ready. I had another meeting this morning, and they had to go to daycare. When they emerged from their room about ten minutes later—I had already groomed myself and changed into proper guardian attire and was just about to knock on their door—they were wearing their T-shirts backwards and had on jeans from the dirty laundry hamper.

"Girls!" I reprimanded gently. "That's not how you get dressed."

By the way they emerged the first time, I was afraid to send them back in alone again. I feared that next time they would come out trying to both fit into the same piece of clothing. So I followed them in and helped them change.

By the time we were downstairs, we had just enough time to grab a Pop-Tart (one package for each of us…they definitely inherited my appetite) and run out the door.

I dropped the girls off and then was rushing to my meeting when I felt Lissa fall into step beside me. She was hurrying to keep up with my brisk pace, and I could only tell she was attempting to find me because of the bond.

"Rose!" she said breathlessly. "Rose, can we talk for a minute?"

I kept walking, holding a grudge from last night. I didn't understand how she thought she could just play me like a puppet.

"Rose, please?"

I reached into the bond and looked for Lissa's feelings. She was open to me now, and she had relaxed. She was no longer frustrated or angry or worried or any of the hellish emotions she had experienced last night.

Sighing, I spun around impatiently. I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice. "I'm late for a meeting. I can't talk right now."

Lissa looked slightly hurt, and tried to smile weakly at me to brighten my mood. "You're the head guardian," she attempted to joke lamely, "They can't start without you."

I contemplated for a moment, and then, sighing, said, "All right, talk fast."

Her face lit up. "Okay, look," she hurried to get out all of her words, "I know you're mad at me for last night and I'm sorry, but it honestly was nothing. I was stressed over my wedding and the drama at Court surrounding the guardians and I was just overwhelmed. I'm sorry I took it out on you, and I'm sorry you felt like I was cutting you out of something important."

The bond said that Lissa was telling the truth. I felt her need for me to forgive her burning within the bond, and I could hear her desperate mental loop: _Please let Rose forgive me, please don't let her stay upset with me…_

I sighed again. I still felt like I had missed something last night, like there had been another issue that I had been unaddressed with. I didn't like that feeling, like I was on the outside looking in through the glass, but being unable to hear the conversations taking place without me.

But as much as I believed there had been more to the story last night, Lissa—and the bond—insisted that there hadn't been.

"Okay," I finally conceded. "You're forgiven. Just…don't do that again. I use this bond to help me protect you, but when you block me out and lie to me and try to keep things from me, it causes problems."

Lissa nodded. "Come over after your meeting? I want to talk to you some more." There was that tone again…like there was something pressing on her mind, something that was important…and something that would cause a big reaction from me?

I quickly shook off the feeling. Drawing conclusions like that was exactly what had led me down the rabbit-hole last night. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

I nodded. "Of course. I'll come over right afterwards."

Pleased with my answer, Lissa hurried off in the opposite direction, while I jogged to my meeting.

I was greeted with smirks and several teasing, slightly haughty comments. I apologized and then added, pulling rank and giving a good excuse at the same time, "There was an emergency with Princess Vasilisa."

That at least shut people up.

I sat down at the head of the table. Hans was to the right of me, scribbling on a legal pad.

"All right," I said. "I guess, um, let's start talking."

Hans looked up and nearly laughed at me. He saved me quickly, "Would you like to start by addressing the age decree, Guardian Hathaway?"

I nodded to him gratefully. "Thank you, Guardian Croft. Please start the discussion."

Hans had been looking for that opening. He immediately jumped in, voicing his opinion clearly.

"The age decree is ridiculous," he snapped. "Forcing sixteen-year-olds in the battlefield is only going to put us down _more _guardians, not raise our numbers."

There wasn't much dispute. The crowd stayed mainly silent, murmuring a few things under their breath but not really speaking out in disagreement.

Finally, one of the guardians—Elisa Fitch—said, "But if we were able to adjust the curriculum, maybe the age decree really would work." Met with disbelieving stares, she cleared her throat and nervously began again. "The biggest issue we have with the age decree is that we don't think sixteen-year-olds will have had enough training to ensure their survival during a Strigoi attack. If we adjust the curriculum to focus around training skills and survival skills instead of including—and focusing a good amount of our attention on—real-world subjects like advanced mathematics or even Moroi-based subjects, like our history. If we focused more on fighting and survival, it may be possible that sixteen-year-olds could be prepared."

I tried to give weight to her words. I let them hang in the air, not disputing them but not agreeing with them. I was still a firm believer that the age decree was simply the Royal Court signing the death warrants of thousands of young dhampirs.

No one else supported her, either. Except, then another spoke up.

"It's a good point," he said. I think he was one of Tatiana's close guards. I wasn't exactly sure of his name. "But it still doesn't ensure that making them graduate early is the best thing. Even if they've learned everything they need to know, part of those last two years is getting in the habit of _using _those newly acquired skills. The students have to get in the hang of putting them into a normal routine."

Another guardian, who used to be stationed at St. Vladimir's, piped in, "That's very true. You can't give a baby a knife and expect them to be able to chop up a watermelon."

I wasn't sure I understood the analogy, but I let it slide. The guardian continued, "The only way your theory would work is if they condensed the curriculum into next to nothing, so that the novices had learned everything they needed to by the time they reached high school levels. Then the last two years they spent as high-school students would be the two years that they would need to utilize as practice time."

I thought back to my trials, my last year at St. Vladimir's. It had been just after having the twins, and it had been hard enough on me getting back into shape in time to regain my strength. I had been ready though; my motivation had gotten me through. I had been ready to be a guardian ever since grade school.

I went in knowing exactly what it was like to kill Strigoi. I knew the risk, I knew the price, and I knew the pain that they caused, whether you won or lost against them. I was a special case, as egotistical as that sounded. Despite my immature sense of humor and bedside manner, I was actually very sophisticated when it came to my duty. As a novice, I had been prepared to jump into battle; and it hadn't been because I wanted the attention, or simply because I wanted to fight. I went in because I knew that by getting rid of those Strigoi, I would be helping to make the world a better place.

How Miss America of me.

I seemed to have missed part of the conversation, because people were starting to get rowdy. An argument had sparked somewhere, and people were getting heated over it.

"Hey," I called attention back to the front, trying to halt the fight before it started. "Keep it clean."

One of the guardians shot me an accusatory look. "What's _your _stance, Guardian Hathaway?"

I did a double take before recognizing it was Josh Holt who had asked me that. I was surprised he didn't call me Rose, but then I remembered that we were in a formal meeting, and, hey, I was his boss.

I thought over my words carefully. I didn't want to seem unreasonable or unrefined; it was my job to keep order and stay as unbiased as I could in situations like these.

"I think that the age decree will only cause more problems for us. It's putting too much pressure on young kids who aren't ready yet—both physically and emotionally. You never really understand what it's like to kill a Strigoi until you've actually had to do it…and even though you're doing it for the greater good, it's still unnerving—not to mention fatally dangerous. If these novices are not completely positive of what they have to do in a confrontation, if they are not completely focused, or if they are not emotionally ready to handle taking on a Strigoi, then you might as well be signing their death warrants by graduating them early."

I couldn't see any disagreement on any of my staff's faces. Elisa and the guardian who had half-agreed with her theory seemed to have switched back to my side, against the age decree, without any hard feelings.

Sighing, I said, "All right, well, now here's the hard part: What's our _alternative _to the age decree? We still have a serious issue at hand. This shortage, if left unmanaged, could get out of hand. God forbid another Strigoi attack take place—if a Strigoi chooses a popular enough target, they would have the chance to wipe out a good number of dhampirs."

The guardians were at a loss. I looked at Hans, and even he was shrugging. I asked him, "Are there any other unpromised novices or guardians that would be able to _enlist_?" I hated making this sound so militaristic, but, hey, that was what it was at the moment.

Hans shook his head. "None that I know of."

I sighed. If Hans was at a loss, than I was more than screwed.

Hans had earned a mixture between a retirement and a promotion. He had retired from his old job as head guardian at Court, where I replaced him. It was now my job to immediately oversee the guardians at Royal Court, and to be able to efficiently oversee the guardians still present in the U.S., whether they were the guardians at an academy like St. Vladimir's, or if they were guardians assigned to Moroi charges. It was Hans's new job, the "promotion" part, to oversee _all _of the guardians, worldwide. He used connections all over the world (most prominently in Russia) to keep tabs on guardians and novices and whatever charges they were assigned to.

I dejectedly dismissed the meeting. My hopes were dashed, and I was back to stressing over the age decree and a seemingly nonexistent alternative. I had to find a way to keep the age decree from becoming law—I wouldn't let Viktoria and Lexi grow up under that statute. I would be damned if I let them go out and battle Strigoi on their own at age sixteen.

I was walking away in a trance, completely distracted, when Joe suddenly jogged up beside me.

"Hey, Rose."

I smiled. "Hey, Joe. How are you?"

"Peachy. Rough meeting today. Are you stressed out about the age decree?"

I nodded. "I'm at a loss with an alternative. Even though I think it's the stupidest law ever, and I will resist it with everything I can, it seems to be the only visible solution at the moment."

Joe sighed, mirroring my frustration. "I just don't understand how they are willing to throw these young kids to the wolves."

I bit back a smirk. "Actually, they're Strigoi."

Joe grinned. "Ah, of course. My apologies, Guardian Hathaway."

I rolled my eyes. "I have to go meet Lissa. I'll see you later, Joe."

He called after me quickly, "Ah, wait, Rose!" I turned around and raised my eyebrows. "Meet me at the gym after you're done with Lissa?"

I nodded. "Sure thing. I'll see you there soon."

I walked off in a rush, hurrying to Lissa's. My schedule was filling up quickly.

I ran into Christian on my way to his house. He had a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face when he saw me.

"Have you seen Lissa?" he asked urgently. "It's important. I have to talk to her _now_."

I shrugged. "I'm on my way to your house right now. She asked me to meet her there."

Christian began to take off in that direction but stopped when he saw me following him. "Rose, I have to talk to Lissa. Alone."

"Relax," I told him. "I'll hang out in the living room. It's not like I'm going to glue myself to Lissa's side."

Christian continued to look uncomfortable but didn't try to send me away again. Which was good, because I wouldn't have gone anyway. My curiosity was piqued.

We got to the house and Christian rushed in before me. I followed him in, rolling my eyes at his drama. I swear, for such a snarky person, he sure was being melodramatic.

Lissa came out with a bright grin on her face but faltered when she saw Christian's urgent concern. "What's wrong?" she demanded of her fiancé.

He gestured toward the office. "We need to talk."

Lissa shot me one apologetic glance and a brief message—_I'll be out in just a minute. Please wait for me—_before disappearing behind Christian.

I wanted to know what they had to talk about. A part of me considered slipping into the bond to eavesdrop, but I quickly admonished myself. I was above that. Not to mention, that was a cold breach of privacy. Lissa would be furious with me.

I fiddled absentmindedly with a candlewick on the counter in front of me. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and stopped to study myself.

I had changed in four years. My body had toned back up nearly immediately after having the twins because of my copious physical training, but my face bore the signs of hardships.

My face had thinned out a little more from its original heart shape, and my cheekbones were more prominent. My hair had gotten longer—I had never cut it, despite the fact that most guardians did—and I had gotten tanner. With my already tan complexion, all of my extra time in the sun only darkened my skin. I had a healthy glow, though, and it complimented my dark eyes.

I tapped on the counter impatiently, fidgety and curious. I didn't do well in situations like these. It was taking all of my resolve to keep from slipping inside Lissa's head to hear what she and Christian were discussing. Whatever it was, I had seen how important it was in Christian's eyes. He was usually mellow about most things, and this was the most on-edge I'd ever seen him. Whatever it was had really rattled him.

Aw, damn. I couldn't help myself.

I slipped into Lissa's head.

_LPOV (Lissa)_

I had been prepared to talk to Rose about what had been bothering me the night before when suddenly Christian showed up, fear and agitation all over his handsome face.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately. I feared something horrible had happened. Had a death occurred?

"We need to talk." His voice was low and husky yet filled with urgency.

He opened the door to the office that branched off at the far end of the foyer, and gestured inside. I followed quickly, but not before sending an apology Rose's way. I felt bad leaving her hanging like that, so I added through the bond, "_I'll be out in just a minute. Please wait for me._"

I closed the door behind me and then frowned at Christian in concern. "What's wrong?" I demanded again.

"Block Rose out," Christian said immediately.

I didn't argue. I forced up the shield that kept her out of the bond. It took some concentration, so I had to really focus on both what I was supposed to do and what Christian had to tell me. I nodded when I felt comfortable with the shield's success.

"Aunt Tasha just called."

My face dropped.

"She's here."

"What?" I screeched. I didn't mean to be so loud. I hoped I hadn't alerted Rose at all. I checked the block and then my feelings, trying to mute them, and then said again, "What do you mean she's here? I talked to her last night. She said she wasn't going to come here!"

Christian sighed. "I just spoke with her. She just landed a few moments ago. I asked her the same thing—last time we spoke, she said that she needed to push the trip out indefinitely because of the recent Striogoi attack nearby her house. But when I spoke with her again today, she said that she decided that Court was the safest place for her right now, plus, she wanted to be close by to help with wedding plans."

I had a million thoughts racing through my head at once. I was torn so severely that I nearly felt like I was literally in two pieces. One part of me was excited that Tasha was coming in. I admired Tasha and valued her opinion, plus, it would be nice to have another opinion when it came to wedding plans. But the larger part of me still harbored hard feelings towards the woman who had inadvertently caused my best friend so much pain.

I also couldn't stand the thought of her showing up at Court because that meant Dimitri would be back.

And if he came back, he would see the twins.

They had never made an effort to come back and visit in the past four years. I'm pretty certain that a large part of that was Dimitri. I don't think he wanted to come back to face Rose. It was no secret that she held just as much anger as she did pain over his abrupt departure.

I swallowed, my head throbbing. "I have to tell Rose. She has to be forewarned. This is going to kill her anyway, this being thrown on her so suddenly."

Christian sighed. "I tried to stall. I did everything I could to try to convince Aunt Tasha otherwise, but she was already here."

My head was spinning. I had to tell Rose. But how? I had planned on telling her about my stress last night after dinner, but she had gotten fed up and stormed out. And then I had tried to make amends today, once I had found out that we were in the clear for at least a few more weeks. But now? I had maybe thirty minutes to spring the news on Rose and demand that she remain composed and friendly to my guests.

I felt awful. I didn't know how I would be able to ask that of her. After everything she had been through…not to mention the twins…and Tasha's and Dimitri's stay would last for a while if they were here for the wedding…oh God…

Then, through all of my agitated inner ramblings, the doorbell rang. I vaguely heard Rose shout, "I got it!"

Christian's and my gazes met, wide-eyed and horror-filled. I leapt for the door at the same time Christian did. "Rose, no!" I cried, but it was too late.

"Rose," Tasha said with a tentative smile. "It's good to see you again."

_RPOV (Rose)_

Lissa had blocked me out? What the _hell _was going on in there? The past two days had been hell for me, what with being on the outside all the time. I was going to have to make it abundantly clear in Lissa's and my upcoming chat that I was not okay with being sidelined. Part of my job as Lissa's guardian was being included in what was going on in her life. The other part of my job as her best friend was being included in what was going on her life. So having all of these secrets weren't peachy with me.

I was contemplating going and knocking on the office door when there was a knock at the front door. Grateful for a distraction (but slightly confused at who it could possibly be) I called out, "I got it!" and headed for the door.

Just as my hand turned the knob, Lissa burst through the office door and cried, "Rose, no!"

But the door was already open.

And I was staring at Tasha Ozera.

Shit.


	12. Cocky

**Sorry this chapter is shorter. I was working really hard to get something out to you guys...even though this is sort of another cliffie :)**

**Hope you guys enjoy! I'm working to keep the chapters coming ASAP! **

**(P.S. All the reviews are incredible! Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to write a review. I love hearing everything you have to say!)**

CHAPTER 12

"Rose," she said awkwardly. "It's nice to see you again."

I could tell that she was just as nervous to see me, as I was shocked to see her. Underneath the uncertainty was her friendliness, though, and I could tell she was just barely refraining from engulfing me in a big hug.

But I couldn't join into her happiness. I was frozen in place, a million thoughts running through my head at once. I hated surprises. I always had.

I slowly began to wake up again, and, numbly, I turned to face Lissa.

_Oh no, _I heard her inner monologue, _Rose, oh gosh, look at how upset she is, I have to fix this, I should have told her as soon as I found out—_

"You knew?" My voice was low and flat. I couldn't summon the energy that was needed to fuel my rage just yet.

But as soon as those words left my lips, I understood. "Ah. That was your big news last night."

Lissa flushed in guilt. But didn't say anything. I knew she didn't want to have this conversation in front of Tasha.

But I wasn't in the mood to appease her. I turned back to the door and slowly brought my gaze to Tasha's.

"Where's Dimitri?" His name burned on my lips.

She had an uncomfortable blush in her cheeks. "As soon as we landed, he said that he needed to do something. I told him I'd be here."

_Dimitri's here. He's walking around this campus as we speak._ Shivers ran down my back.

I brushed past Tasha wordlessly, sliding silently out the door.

_Dimitri's here. He's walking around campus. He could be walking this way right this moment._

I felt my blood run cold at the thought.

I heard Lissa calling after me both verbally and through the bond.

"Rose, please wait. Let me explain!"

I kept walking, refusing to cut her any slack this time. What she did was lousy, and I had a lot of shit on my plate now. I had to start regrouping, and I couldn't do that with her blabber. I shut her out of my head and tuned her out of my ears.

She managed to catch up with me, nearly running to keep up with my brisk pace. "Rose!" she coughed, "Please. I just found out!"

I spun around, anger finally exploding within me. My cheeks were flaming and my hands were unconsciously clenching into fists. For the first time in my life, I honestly hated Lissa. At this moment, I didn't want to see her nor speak to her nor hear her pathetic pleas for me to understand. I wanted her to stay away from me. Her and her little bitch aunt-in-law, too.

But I had to get out this piece of my mind first. "_You just found out_?" I cried, more loudly than I had meant to. We were in public now, and I didn't want to attract attention. Luckily, there was no one around. "Lissa, you knew since yesterday. That was why you were blocking me out, wasn't it? All of that wedding drama you spun was nothing but bullshit, wasn't it? And then this morning! For God's sake, Lissa, you told me it was nothing. You passed it off as stress over wedding issues. You're twenty-two years old now. Don't you think it's time for you to grow up?"

Lissa flinched. "Rose," she said weakly.

Disgusted with her selfishness, I shook my head and turned away again. "I have to meet Joe."

I left her standing there, trembling, and started toward the gym.

I had yet to really feel furious. I was unhappy with Lissa; disgusted, hurt, and, yes, angry, but I had yet to experience that blinding rage that I knew was on its way. I just needed a trigger.

Meanwhile, I felt panic overtaking my body. Dimitri was _here_. And worse, he was _roaming_. He could be anywhere. Where was safe anymore? Home? God forbid he was trying to find me; it would be the first place he would show up, so no. Definitely not home. Lissa's definitely wasn't safe anymore. Her house had turned into a bat cave—and not a cool bat cave, like Batman's awesome hideout—no, Lissa's house was equivalent to the bat caves with millions of gross little bats with the glowy red eyes and the nails-on-the-chalkboard squeaks. And they just so happened to be named Tasha and Dimitri.

_Dimitri._

Damn, why did he have to come back? This made so many buried problems shift to the surface…like the twins.

There was a huge difference between my failed attempts at contacting him over the telephone for the past four years and seeing him now—and vice versa—him, seeing me, and the twins.

I couldn't come right out and tell him. Despite my unwavering resolve on their birthday, I couldn't immediately confront him about it _now_.

The rage that I hadn't found earlier was suddenly there, crashing down like a tidal wave overhead.

Besides, it's not like he's made any attempt. At least I've tried. What's a few more weeks? It's not going to kill anyone.

Suddenly very eager to hit something, I quickened my pace as I approached the gym. I was hoping that Joe was up for some good sparring, because boy, did I have some venting to do.

The guardians that were training seemed to notice my agitation when I walked in. They weren't as carefree in their greetings, and some of them even tried to blend into the shadows to avoid being seen. I didn't know I was so intimidating.

Joe was in the back, talking to Josh Holt. Great. My two favorite guys. Maybe I could talk both of them into going to the mats with me, and I could beat both of them up at the same time.

They looked up as I entered, their smiles faltering slightly as they recognized my attitude.

"Rose?" Holt asked in concern. "Are you okay?"

"You look like you want to kill someone," Joe added.

I jerked my head toward the mats. "Come on. Let's spar."

The guys exchanged distraught looks. Their pregnant pause indicated that neither of them wished to be the victim of my wrath.

Groaning, I went back out to the main area. "Who wants to spar?" I shouted. "Meet me on the mat."

I had two guardians ballsy enough to take me on. Of course, I don't think they realized that I wasn't acting normally. It was Mark Potter and Leo Adams that were stretching before me, and I grinned in anticipation. This would be a good fight.

I heard someone shout out in the crowd, jokingly, "Cocky much, Hathaway?" and then someone else, "Two at once? Jeez."

The commentary was drowned out as someone cranked up the music. Once again, it was only bass that resounded, the melody and words getting lost before my head had a chance to listen to them.

My two opponents took the offensive, both of them strategizing to overwhelm me. It was an interesting method that had a fifty-percent success rate. Half the time, the two people on the offensive were able to band together to work _with _each other to take out their common enemy. Then, once the enemy was done with, the two "friends" became enemies again, and the battle between those two ensued. The other half of the time, the two people couldn't get past their differences to work together. As guardians, however, I knew that their team skills were impeccable. This would be an interesting test of my abilities.

Mark came at me first, lashing out towards my face. I ducked, and then blocked his next hit, throwing a harsh kick into his side. Leo had snuck around behind me and kicked my legs out from under me after I was back in stance. I fell hard to the mat, the pain rushing hotly through the entire right side of my body. I couldn't silence the loud groan of pain that escaped my lips. I had trouble regaining my strength—my whole right side was almost numb—and during that time, Leo threw another kick into my stomach. I curled into myself, the breath _whoosh_ing out of my body in unbearable pain.

But I was trained to deal with that kind of pain.

I rolled away from him as he tried to get another kick in. Mark was waiting for me on the other side, throwing his body weight on top of me. I was able to begin to roll away before—playing dirty—he grabbed my hair and yanked me back. I splayed onto my back, Mark trying to climb atop me and Leo going towards my feet to drag me away (where he was planning on dragging me to, I had no idea. The mat was only so big).

My battle instincts were on high alert. This was a completely unfair fight.

But I was trained to deal with unfair fights.

I sent out a half-assed kick just as Leo was reaching down to grab my feet. Apparently he had forgotten common sense. The kick may not have carried classic Rose Hathaway brute force in it, but it was enough to knock Leo in the cheek. He fell to the floor, clutching his cheekbone (which may have shattered).

Mark didn't spare Leo a glance. He was focused on incapacitating me. Still battling to keep me down under his body weight, but also trying to find a way to use his arms and legs to physically stop me, he winced in frustration.

The fight had just become even.

With all of my body weight, I jerked forward, throwing Mark off of me. He was on his feet half a second and a half after I was—but that was fine. I used his delay to move to Leo, who was back on his feet, and threw a sharp right hook into the same cheekbone that was already bruising. In a wicked combination, I added in an uppercut punch, which jerked his head back harshly, and an acute, precise crescent kick directly into his stomach. He whirled to the ground, puking.

Mark was coming at me by then, trying to get his hands around my throat. If he could keep me in a chokehold for over thirty seconds, it was sparring-rules that the victim was "dead."

I ducked out of his reach, spinning behind him. Despite his several inches on me, he was a spry guy who knew how to handle his size. He was a badass guardian. He whirled around, refusing to give me the upper hand.

We danced for a moment, both of us breathing heavily. Then I launched at Mark, charging for his gut. I took him down, but he rolled my body weight under his. Keeping up the momentum, I continued to stay out from underneath him. There came a moment when we were both able to regain our footing. Not wasting any time at all, I kicked Mark in the kidney. He stumbled but didn't keel. I lashed out again, this time getting closer and using my fist to punch his directly in the nose. I heard it crack, and he let out an angry yell, but he didn't stop fighting.

I twisted my body at an angle and jerked my elbow toward his neck. That was a quick and efficient way to debilitate your opponent. However Mark's reflexes were still on high alert and he blocked the jab easily. He ducked out of my range and put some distance between us. I could tell he was trying to nurse his nose and stay away from me at the same time. He was lucky this was only training.

But I wasn't going to take it easy on him. I lunged for him again. This time I ran and then slid, taking his legs out from under him as well. He hit the mat hard, and I'm sure the force rattled his broken nose. That had to hurt like hell. My right side was still throbbing with every move I made from when Leo took me down earlier.

I scrambled on top of him but he jerked his palm up, snapping my head back. He hit my chin, which cramped my neck, but luckily missed my nose, which would have distressed me had he broken it. I would take a hurt neck over a broken nose any day.

I fell off of him, stunned by the sharp impact. He regained himself quickly, but I did too. I wasn't an easy bitch to incapacitate.

We danced for a little bit again, and then I ran forward, molding my body against him. Throwing my body weight against him, I used my legs to kick him out from under me, where I landed on top of him sharply. He grunted as my elbow landed in his stomach. I went for the punch that would render him unconscious—I hated to beat my staff up to the point of debilitation, but, hey, he was the one who chose to spar against me—but faltered.

That scent.

It hit me like a tidal wave.

I knew that scent.

It was strong and musky, yet sweet…intoxicating.

My eyes jerked up to the crowd.

And there he was.

But then Mark shifted so that he had the upper hand, and he put all of his might into a heavy punch that snapped my head to the side. And then, to make sure that he won, he slammed me into the mat.

But it wasn't necessary. I had seen stars at the first punch, and my vision swam. Being slammed into the mat sent tingles throughout my body, but only for a moment, because then everything went still and black.


	13. Badass

CHAPTER 13

Damn, my head hurt. My vision hadn't returned yet. My neck was stiff. Hell, my whole body was stiff. My right side especially.

I heard commotion around me.

"Rose? Are you okay?"

"Rose, talk to me?"

And then possibly the most horrific sound of all:

That soft, velvety, accented voice, laced with concern, saying my name. And not just my name. It was my _name_; his name for me… "_Roza_?" He murmured. "_Roza_, can you hear me?"

My eyes fluttered open. My heart was racing. I wanted to leap away from his touch, because, my God, it burned. I felt his gentle fingers on my skin, and the electricity between us was nearly palpable. _Shit._

My vision slowly returned, the faces in front of me blurry at best. I blinked several times, and they slowly swam into focus. I recognized Joe and Holt, and then Dimitri. Mark was standing over them, looking down with a mortified look on his face. His nose was still bloody and broken, but he seemed to have forgotten about the pain.

And then the pain struck harder. Groaning miserably, I started to sit up. Immediately, several pairs of hands rushed to help me. Or maybe it was to push me back down. I don't know, a mix between both sort of happened.

"Be careful," Holt said. "You hit really hard. You may have broken something. How do you feel?"

"Like I was hit by a fucking train," I grunted irritably. I reached with my left arm (because it was less sore than my right) and meekly rubbed behind my head, slowly moving down to my neck. Damn, pressure hurt.

Joe chuckled. "You might as well have been. Potter here definitely didn't take it easy on you."

My gaze focused on Mark, who was pale. "I didn't know you were distracted. I thought you were still in the fight. God knows you were beating me down to nothing. I'm sorry Hatha—"

"Stop it," I said with a weak smile. "I beat the shit out of you guys all the time. I guess this is some sort of karma or something."

Mark still looked upset. I rolled my eyes. "Jesus, Potter, get over it. I'll be fine."

All three pairs of hands assisted me as I sat up more. My entire being ached.

I was suddenly hyperaware of the giant, sexy Russian next to me. I tried to ignore him completely, to pretend that he wasn't even there.

Joe gave me a nervous glance. Holt was already picking up on the tension between me and…_him_…and was trying to sort through it. I prayed that he wouldn't come to correct conclusion.

I frowned at Joe, using his uncharacteristic frown as a good distraction. "What's wrong, Perkins?"

He looked embarrassed. "Look, I know you're my boss and I shouldn't be the one giving the instructions, but…well, Rose, you should go see Lissa. She needs to heal you."

I blinked a few times. At first, I didn't process his words. Then several questions bombarded me at once. Firstly, why was he embarrassed to say that to me? Did he somehow know that Lissa and I were on the outs at the moment? The last thing I wanted was to go crawling back to her for help. Secondly, I was still taken by surprise by everyone's casual reference to spirit. For the longest time, it had been feared and ignored. Now, Joe was blatantly exploiting its features.

Then I gave him an irritated look. "Like hell. I'm fine. Just let me stand up—" I struggled to my feet, only succeeding with the guys' help. Damn, I hated being a damsel in distress. I had never played that role well.

As soon as I seemed sturdy, they tentatively left me alone. I was okay for a few seconds. But then my head was whirling, my vision swimming, and my legs buckling. Then I began to crumple again.

Strong arms caught me. I flushed furiously as I looked into those deep, dark eyes. I was able to catch a hint of emotion before they become cold and professional again.

"You're fine?" scoffed Joe. "I don't think so. Come on, you have to go to the Princess."

I swallowed, quickly averting my gaze. "I'll be okay. Just get me some water and give me a minute to regroup."

Joe looked skeptical, but sent Holt to get me a glass of water. Holt returned a moment later with a Styrofoam cup filled with icy water, and I drank it greedily. My head was still heavy on my shoulders, but I forced myself out of _his _grasp anyway. I swayed a bit, but corrected myself before any of the guys could touch me again. I gave them a warning glare as they approached.

"See?" I said. "I'm fine. I'll be going now."

Holt was watching me with a calculating expression, but he didn't say anything. His strong jaw clenched in thought. Next to him, Joe looked unsure, but wasn't willing to disobey his boss.

Good. At least I still held some power.

I left slowly, trying not to overwhelm my body. I was definitely in pain. And if I had been smart, and not stubborn, I _would have _gone to Lissa. My body could have stood to be healed. It would have made everything a lot easier.

I finally walked out into the cool morning air, and the pressure in my head seemed to ease just a bit. I walked at a leisurely pace, relishing the peace and quiet. This was the most calm I'd had all morning.

My entire right side was throbbing. It hurt to move my right arm or stretch my right leg. My hip was stiff.

And my head…well, my neck was stiff. It ached as though someone had pounded it a few times with a meat mallet. My actual _head _was just as pained. I felt like I had a hundred marbles rolling around inside, plus pressure around my eyes, and a constant whistling in my ears. Shit, maybe I had a concussion.

I really wanted to go climb into a hot bath and close my eyes. That would be heaven.

Because I still couldn't get over that feeling.

His voice. His touch. His eyes. And that concern…

I was confused. And I didn't like being confused.

It had taken me almost five years to begin to get a handle on things. I was still only beginning to make progress. There were still many aspects of my life that I had yet to come to terms with, one of which was definitely Dimitri.

Part of it was the twins, obviously. That was a constant burden on my shoulders. I was always afraid that I was making the wrong decision by not trying harder to make sure that Dimitri found out about his daughters. But then I was always concerned that I would be making the wrong decision by _telling _him. That kind of news…dropped like a bombshell on top of him…well, I had been in his shoes just a few years ago.

And then there was that question…always that question…lingering in the back of my mind.

Why did he leave? Why did he abandon me? He and I had just gotten through confessing our love for each other. We had clasped hands after our time in the cabin and had sworn we were done ignoring our connection. We were tired of lying about it to people, always trying to cover it up.

Yet a week after he promised me that he loved me, he was gone.

And I hadn't seen him for four years.

And then _BAM_.

There he was.

"Roza," I heard.

Shit. _BAM._ There he was again.

I kept walking, pretending I hadn't heard him.

"Rose, I know you hear me."

I wasn't going fast enough to outrun him. Hell, I had leaves scuttling across the ground faster than I was going. He would be right next to me in about thirty seconds.

"Really, Rose?"

_23._

A frustrated sigh. "You're acting like a child."

_17._

"You can't ignore me forever."

_10._

And then I felt his hand on my arm, and he hissed, with what I would swear was concern in his voice, "_Roza_!"

Damn. I had been off by ten seconds.

I slowly turned to face him.

"Dimitri," I said coolly.

He wore his professional guardian mask. But I could see just beneath it, and I could see…what the hell? Disappointment?

"What were you thinking in there?" he snapped.

I immediately went on the defensive. "I was sparring. Practice makes perfect," I retorted coldly.

"By taking on two fully trained guardians at once? Both of those guardians have been battling Strigoi just as long as you have, if not longer. Taking both of them on at the same time was stupid."

I glared at him. "Who the hell do you think you are?" I snapped. "You're not my mentor anymore!"

He was watching me with a composed expression. He raised an eyebrow in cool amusement. "No, I'm not."

Then there was silence. Neither of us spoke for a while. I was still mad at him, but I took this time to really look at him. I could pass it off as venting time, or something. I don't know—but I could come up with an excuse if I was studying him _now. _But once we were back in a crowded environment with Lissa, Christian, and Tasha? I'd be damned if I showed any weakness at all around him.

He was still a god.

He hadn't aged a bit. He still towered over me, and his muscular frame was just as toned and amazing as it had been when we had trained together. For a moment I was back in the cabin, where I felt that soft skin on mine—

I blinked. "Why aren't you with Tasha?" I managed to keep my voice steady, thank God.

"I had to do something first. I know she's with Lissa and Christian."

I took a deep breath and exhaled, forcing myself to remain calm. "Well, it's been great catching up with you, but I have to go." I started to turn around when he said, "_Roza_, you need to have Lissa heal you. You took a hard beating in there."

I took offense to his words, even though they were true. "I'm fine. And you have no power over me anymore. So let me go and don't bother me again."

That last part may have been a bit overkill. I watched as Dimitri stiffened, bristling at my verbal abuse.

"You're stubborn. You don't want to go to Lissa and you'll fight it the whole way. But so help me, if I have to drag you, I will."

My glare deepened. "You will not touch me, Dimitri. You _left._ Do you get that? You _left_. You have _no _power over me any more. _Nothing_. Do you understand me?" I didn't wait for his answer. I got closer, shoving my finger accusingly into his chest. "_I _have a life. A life that _doesn't_ include_ you_. So if I don't want to get Lissa to heal me, she _won't_. I'm twenty-two years old, damn it, and I can make my own decisions. _I have a life_, and it is _without you_. I've survived without you acting like a watchdog."

Dimitri stood still, not flinching at my biting words. He was completely shut down, though, and I was partly disappointed about that. The sadistic part of me really wanted to see him hurt by my words—at the very least, _somehow_ affected—but I got nothing.

Keeping up my angry attitude, I turned and walked away from him.

Again, my pace was slow. And again, he caught up to me easily. It took him maybe _one _leisurely stride to catch up.

"_Roza_—"

"Stop it!" I snapped, wheeling to face him again. Through gritted teeth, I hissed, "My name is _Rose, _god damn it, not _Roza_! You don't have the right to call me that anymore."

He faltered for a moment, but then continued, "Rose, you know it's for the best."

I rolled my eyes and let out a bitter laugh. "Have you been _listening_? My God."

"If you don't go to Lissa, I'll send her to you. I'm not going to let you suffer simply because of your ego."

I couldn't keep it bottled in any longer. Dimitri seemed to have that effect on me. He always had. "I'm not speaking with Lissa at the moment, okay?" I cried in frustration. "I'm not doing this to prove that I'm too good to be healed or admit defeat in a battle, it's because I refuse to go to _her_!"

Dimitri frowned. "Why are you two fighting?"

_Because of you._

I sighed. "Goodbye, Dimitri."

This time when I walked away, he let me.

When I got home, I went straight to the bathtub. I gathered hot water and put in some bubbles. I climbed in tentatively, the hot water stinging at first but eventually bringing me nothing but pleasure.

I closed my eyes as I relaxed, breathing in the soothing scent of lavender, jasmine, and vanilla. It was something in the bubble bath mix. Damn, it was amazing.

I really was in pain. I was being silly, not calling Lissa. She could heal me in two minutes, and then we could go back to silence. I had every right to be pissed, and I wasn't going to stop any time soon. What she did was low, and I really despised her for it right now. Not even the temptation of no more pain stopped me from feeling slighted.

Shifting slightly, and wincing in pain, I reached over to retrieve the phone. Luckily, I knew another spirit user who would be happy to help.

"Adrian?" I said when he answered. "I need your help. Do you mind coming over?"

"Of course, little dhampir. I'll be there in about ten minutes."

I spent a few more moments relaxing in the hot water. My eyes were closed. Sleep was close by…it would be easy to succumb to the darkness…

"When you said you needed my help, I didn't realize you meant _that_."

My eyes snapped open. "What are you doing here?" I exclaimed. "You said ten minutes."

"And that was fifteen minutes ago. I expected to get yelled at for being late. Instead I get a warm welcoming." He grinned widely. "I should be late more often."

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my forehead with a soapy hand. "Ugh, I must have fallen asleep."

Adrian was dressed down today, surprisingly. He was wearing a loose T-shirt and jeans, and his hair was perfectly mussed, just as he liked it. He sat on the side of the tub and stuck his hand in.

"Ooh, nice and warm. Let me join you." He began to take off his shirt as a joke, but I stopped him.

"Adrian, stop it. I didn't mean to fall asleep in the tub…I meant to be dressed by the time you got here."

"I like it better this way."

I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips. "Of course you do. Look, I need you to heal me."

His joking immediately ended. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

I explained what happened at the gym, about how Mark showed no mercy. I watched his expression, and then added jokingly, "Yeah, I know, I'm a badass."

He cocked an eyebrow. "No, you'd be a badass if you'd actually beaten both of them. You got taken out. That makes you a lame ass."

I glared at him. "Screw you too, pretty boy."

He grinned at me, but it slowly faltered as he said, "Why didn't you go to Lissa?"

I swallowed. "Tasha and Dimitri are back."

Adrian's eyes flashed. "Ah."

His lack of reaction alerted me to the truth.

"You knew, too!" I exclaimed. I scowled at him. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

He looked sheepish. "I wanted to. I told Lissa that I would pay for you to take a vacation for a while, so you could avoid confrontation. She didn't like that idea, though."

I sighed in frustration. "Why the hell do you guys think it's okay to play God with my life? It is _my _life!"

Adrian shrugged. "It's fun."

I scowled again. "This isn't a time for jokes. I'm furious with Lissa. I've never been so upset with her before. She knows it, too. I can feel her depression through the bond."

It was true. She was trying to cover it up and keep up a good façade for Tasha and Christian, but she was broken inside. It killed her that I was so torn up. She wanted nothing more than to rectify things with me, but didn't dare approach me again. My last jab had been cruel and hurtful, and she couldn't handle too much of that. Unhappily, she decided that she had to give me time and space and let me come around on my own.

Adrian sighed. "I'm sorry, Rose."

I closed my eyes again. "Please just heal me."

He cocked an eyebrow. "I need to touch you. Does that mean I get to climb in, too?"

I groaned. "Get out. I'll meet you in my bedroom."

"Oh, there instead? I was looking forward to the bath—"

"Out!" I yelled.

With a teasing grin, he left my bathroom. I drained the water and toweled off. Going into the laundry hamper, I found a pair of sweatpants to slip on, as well as a singlet top. I pinned my hair up and limped out to Adrian.

He grimaced when he saw me. It was true—I looked like hell. The whole right side of my body was a mess. It had been the right side of my face that Mark had socked when he knocked me off, and my cheek bore the giant bruise. The entire right side of my body from my shoulder to my hip was black and blue and tender. Even though he only saw my arm, I knew that it showed more than enough of the abuse that my body had suffered.

"I suggest not taking on two guardians at once, anymore."

I rolled my eyes as I gently sat next to him on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I kind of agree with that."

He put his hand gently on my cheek. I felt the energy flowing within me. A moment later he moved his hand down to my shoulder. It traveled down the length of my body smoothly, and I shivered.

I may not be attracted to Adrian in that way, but he was still an attractive guy, and I knew that he had feelings for me. Feeling his gentle caress along my body after having those feelings of abandonment from Dimitri dug up; I felt a warm tingling inside. It felt nice.

Adrian's emerald eyes met mine, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. We were so close. If one of us leaned in just a little bit more, our lips would touch… How nice it would be to finally feel soft, warm lips on my own after all this time… I craved his touch…

I felt my heart rate speed up. My body was moving forward on its own accord. I felt Adrian's body heat mixing with mine. His sweet scent was so close. His minty breath was right in front of me.

And then his lips were on mine. They were soft and warm, and it felt right. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I welcomed it. It had been so long…

His hands slid up my hips, under my shirt, up and down my back. Our bodies were nearly molded into one. My hands wound up to his face, cupping his cheeks delicately as our tongues danced together.

_Oh, God,_ I moaned, _This is amazing. I've missed this touch, this contact…That hair, and those eyes…Dimitri…_

I was immediately jerked out of the trance. Adrian didn't recognize the difference, and kept kissing me. Shocked and mortified, I slapped him. He broke away with wide eyes, massaging his jaw.

I was frozen. How the hell had I managed to let that happen? And what was even worse? I had _slapped _him. Slapping was for sissy girls. Real girls—like _Rose Hathaway_—_punched _people. But no, he got a sissy slap. Shit.

"Okay, I take it I missed something."

I was speechless. "The twins!" I exclaimed suddenly. "I forgot to pick them up!"

I leapt up and ran for the door, ignoring the fact that I was dressed in sweatpants and a tank top. I grabbed a jacket before running out the front door, hopping while trying to put on my shoes. I jogged the entire way to the daycare.

When I reached the front desk, the receptionist had Viktoria and Lexi next to her. She gave me a sympathetic look, and then gently ushered the girls forward.

They both gave me dark looks.

"You're late," Lexi said accusingly.

"I am so sorry, girls—"

The twins definitely had my attitude. They turned away from me angrily, walking ahead with their chins held high.

We walked back to the house in silence. When we arrived, Adrian was already gone. He left me a note on the kitchen counter.

_ Little dhampir, _

_ We have to talk about this._

_ -A._

Joys. Something to look forward to.

Sighing, I put the note in my jacket pocket. The girls were sprawled in front of the TV, entranced by some Disney movie that was airing on network television. I vaguely recognized Sleeping Beauty.

I sighed, plopping down at the island in the kitchen. I had a view of the girls from here but wasn't in their space. I knew they needed it; they were both upset by my bad attendance. I felt guilty. For multiple things.

Putting my face in my hands, I stifled a groan. What the hell was wrong with me?

Today just _was not _my day.


	14. Awkward Silences

**Okay, so here's the first real meeting of everyone, all at once! Enjoy! (And review!)**

CHAPTER 14

I woke up to the girls jumping on top of my bed. I grunted, but they only squealed in delight.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" They shouted. "Get up! Get up! There's someone downstairs!"

I was instantly awake. "What did you say?" I demanded, jerking upright. I was already out of bed, grabbing my silver stake out of my drawer. I don't know why I got it; it was ridiculous to think that there was a Strigoi in my foyer. But I still grabbed it and ran downstairs.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Christian. But then it registered that it was _Christian_, and I was on guard again.

"What are you doing in my house?" I demanded. "How did you get in, and why the hell are you here so early?"

Christian smirked. "It's not that early, Rose. It's already eleven o'clock."

I glanced at a clock disbelievingly. Shit, he was right.

"And the girls let me in."

I shot a disapproving look towards the twins, who were hovering on the stairs.

"But it's Uncle Chrissie!" Viktoria complained, unhappy with my admonishing stare.

"You still don't let people into the house unless Mommy gives you permission."

Christian rolled his eyes. "I'm just here to tell you we're all getting together for dinner tonight at Lissa's and my place."

I instantly bristled. "I'll be sure to avoid being anywhere near there. Thanks for the heads up."

Christian sighed. "Don't you think you can forgive Lissa, Rose? She's miserable. She hates that you're mad with her. She really was just trying to do what she thought was best."

"Hey," I snapped. "Don't act like I owe you any favors. You were in on the scheme, too. I'm just as mad at you as I am at Lissa."

Christian held up his hands in mock-surrender. "Okay. I just figured I'd deliver the news. Lissa decided that it would go over better if I was the messenger, and not her."

"She thought right," I said bitterly. I didn't mean for the girls to catch on to the tension, but I wasn't going to pretend like everything was peachy for Christian so that he could pass on false hope to Lissa. I wanted her to know that I was still upset.

He shut down a little bit. He didn't like me ratting on the woman he loved, no matter what beef I had with her. "It's tonight at seven. Be there by six-thirty, though, if you decide to come. Oh, and Adrian will be there." He closed the door behind himself.

Little did Christian know, that only made me want to skip dinner even more.

I turned back to the girls, who were watching me with wide eyes. There was silence for a moment, and then they started bouncing up and down and exclaiming, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, can we go to the gym? Can we, can we, can we?"

They were so energetic. I swear.

"Not now, guys," I said, rubbing my forehead. I would have to find some aspirin. My head was aching.

"Aw, but Mom! Please?" They whined.

I sighed, looking at their hopeful faces. "We have to run errands first," I said. "If you guys are good during errands, and we have time afterwards, _maybe_."

They jumped up and down excitedly. "Yay, yay, yay!" they yelled.

Sighing, I chased them upstairs where I helped them get dressed. I told them to brush their teeth while I got ready myself, and then I met them in the hallway at the top of the stairs. My little angels looked precious today—Viktoria was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that said, "Let go of the chocolate and no one gets hurt!" It was something that Lissa had bought her. Lexi was wearing a cute little sundress with leggings and a light jacket. The girls had both picked out their outfits on their own and then I had helped them into them.

It was funny how similar yet different the two girls were. Lexi was like the one side of me that enjoyed dressing up and looking pretty. I had used my good looks and my sexy body to my advantage plenty of times at school. I remembered how much fun I always had wearing teasing dresses that made the guys pant.

But then there was Viktoria, resembling the other side of me, the side that was always most comfortable in jeans and T-shirt. That was a good, versatile outfit, and it was great to move around in in case there was ever a surprise attack. Of course, I didn't expect my four-year-old daughter to be facing off with any Strigoi any time soon.

I locked up behind us as we left to go to the grocery store. Granted, that meant walked down campus for several minutes until we reached the building that acted as the grocery store. But hey. It all meant the same thing in the end.

The girls were on their best behavior as we went aisle by aisle. They even pretended to be excited when I picked up vegetables for them to eat.

While I was trying to pick out nice-looking string beans, Lexi asked, "Mommy, why aren't we going to Auntie Lissa's for dinner tonight?"

I stopped, looking down at her in surprise. "Do you want to go to Auntie Lissa's tonight?"

Lexi considered, but her sister answered for her. "Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Then we get to see Auntie Lissa and Uncle Chrissie and Uncle Addie!"

"But you saw them just the other day," I said. Damn it! My kids wanted to go. I didn't want to make them unhappy. And I couldn't give them a good, valid reason why we _couldn't _go without raising more questions. They were smart girls; they would take any reason I told them and be able to twist it into a reason why we _should _go.

"But Uncle Chrissie came this morning specifically to make sure we were coming tonight!" Lexi insisted. _Specifically _came out more like "thpuh-thif-ickly", and I had to try to disguise the grin that jumped to my lips.

_Damn you, Christian._

I tied up the bag of string beans and tossed it in the cart. I knew I was going to regret this question, but I felt like I owed it to them. "Will you guys be upset if we skip it tonight?"

The girls said nothing, but pouted their lips and averted their gazes to the ground.

Sighing, I grumbled, "All right. I'll call Christian."

After we got home, the girls insisted that they had not only been on their best behavior, but we also had plenty of time to go to the gym. Realizing that that was what I had promised them, I had no choice but to agree.

I helped the twins change into yoga pants and T-shirts, and then did the same to myself. I laced up their sneakers and then they charged ahead, radiating glee.

Several of the guardians gave me amiable pats on the back when they saw me, teasing me over my epic fail the other day. As awful as it was, I appreciated them making a joke out of it. It was better than having it remain as this awkward, tense situation.

Despite being healed, I wasn't ready to do any more sparring any time soon. I followed the girls to the back, where they had been looking for Holt. He wasn't there though.

I picked up a pillow (it was gentler than the normal mat that was used to practice punches and kicks) and squatted. "Who's up first?" I said.

The girls took turns throwing punches and kicks into the pillow. With each round, I found some aspect improving. I was beyond impressed, but then I had to remind myself—these were, after all, not only the grandchildren of Janine Hathaway, but also the children of Rose Hathaway and Dimitri Belikov. They were bound to be amazing.

I grinned at my girls as their hits became more precise and their kicks more trained. If they kept up this kind of practice, hell, they would definitely be ready by the time they were sixteen.

Not that I wanted them to be.

The thought of Viktoria and Lexi out there at sixteen, battling Strigoi like I had, was enough to make my blood run cold. When Lissa and I had run away, I'd had to make sure I was good enough to be able to protect her out in the real world. That was part of why I was such a good fighter. Plus, I had always been bloodthirsty when it came to killing Strigoi.

But thinking about my daughters in that kind of danger? Unthinkable.

I grinned and laughed as Viktoria and Lexi did something cute. Then when they both ran at me and knocked me over, laying on top of me and giggling. God, I loved these girls.

As long as I had them by my side, maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad.

I was silly to try to convince myself of that. When we showed up at Lissa's at six-thirty, just like Christian said to, my heart was pounding and I felt lightheaded. I hadn't been this nervous in years. And let me tell you, I hadn't missed the feeling either.

Christian let us in, greeting the girls with a giant bear hug. They both squealed in excitement.

I lingered in the doorway, which was unusual for me. Normally I would barge right in and find Lissa. Now, I was frozen in place, wondering if it would be socially acceptable if I turned and ran away. Or would that be considered rude?

Christian gave me a sympathetic smile. "Liss is in the kitchen. She'd love to see you."

I swallowed nervously. I was still mad at her. I couldn't believe that she'd kept something so incredibly important from me. But, at the moment, she was my only ally that I knew that I could count on no matter what.

I slowly sidestepped Christian and the girls, but paused when Lexi tugged on my hand.

"Wait, Mommy, can we come with you?"

I didn't react for a moment, confused. Usually the girls were immediately taken with Christian and whatever games he would play with them. I had never had them follow me into the kitchen for girl time with Lissa.

"Um, sure," I said uncertainly. Lexi extended her arms, silently asking to be picked up. I hoisted her onto my hip. Viktoria, not liking to be left out of anything, made the same motion. I bent down and let her climb onto my other hip.

Holy crap. They got heavy.

Christian chuckled as I staggered at first, but then gathered my strength and quickly rushed to the kitchen. I didn't see Tasha or Dimitri yet, which was fine with me. I wanted to put that off as long as possible.

In the kitchen, Lissa was bustling around, trying to juggle stirring a pot of pasta and spinning lettuce at the same time. Adrian was leaning lazily against the counter, watching her tiredly. He immediately turned to the door when he heard me though.

I saw his eyes light up. I convinced myself that it was because of the girls. He came up to me and took Viktoria from my left hip, gently touching her nose and grinning with her.

Lissa turned around at the commotion and then froze nervously when she saw me. There was an awkward silence as we watched each other uncertainly.

Lexi put her head on my shoulder and waved gingerly to her auntie. Lissa smiled and waved back, blowing a kiss.

I slowly walked over to Lissa, trying to think of how to phrase what I wanted to say. She looked frightened, and I quickly checked my temper. I couldn't be a bitch.

"I'm sorry," I said slowly.

She didn't want to speak aloud because of the twins, but through the bond, she told me, "I'm sorry, too. I feel awful about how I handled things. If I could do it all over, I would. I was so cruel to you, and I did that thing again…I took you for granted…and I was a lousy friend…and for that I'm sorry."

I smiled at her to let her know it was okay.

Behind me, Adrian whispered, "Is everything good between you two, now?"

Lissa's smile widened as Viktoria reached for her. Adrian handed her off to Lissa, who bounced my daughter on her hip happily.

"Well, hello!" She exclaimed animatedly. Viktoria was still full of energy.

But then there was Lexi, who had her head on my shoulder and was being very quiet. I craned my neck to look down at her.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I asked concernedly. Adrian came around in front of me and gently smoothed Lexi's hair out of her face.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm just sleepy."

"Do you want to take a nap upstairs? I'll tuck you in," I offered.

But Lexi immediately wound her arms around my neck and shook her head. "No!" she whined. "I want to stay with you!"

I hugged her close. "Okay, okay!" I hastened to assure her. Adrian frowned at me, silently asking me what was wrong. I shrugged, just as confused as he was.

Lissa, too, seemed concerned with Lexi, but was doing her auntie-duties with Viktoria, who was relishing in the attention.

I heard the door open again up front and I tensed. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to take deep breaths in and out. _Calm, Rose,_ I told myself.

I felt someone grab my hand. It was Lissa, and she was sending soothing messages through the bond, too. She gave me an encouraging smile and then handed Viktoria back to Adrian as she went back to getting dinner ready.

I went and sat at the island, and Adrian took a seat next to me. Viktoria had jumped down and was next to Lissa, trying to watch everything Lissa was doing.

Adrian rubbed Lexi's back. "Is she okay?" he whispered.

I shrugged again. "She was fine earlier today. As soon as we got here, though, she asked to be picked up."

Adrian frowned in concern but didn't question me any more. After a moment of silence between us, he finally said, "Are we going to talk?"

I closed my eyes again. I could really only handle so much in one night. I was starting to get overwhelmed. "Adrian, not now."

He was a good guy. He dropped it, returning his attention to Viktoria as she ran back to him.

"Come on!" she exclaimed, tugging on his hand. "Let's go play with Uncle Chrissie!"

"No you don't," Lissa interrupted. "It's dinner time. You go with your mommy and she'll tell you where to sit, okay?" Adrian fell back to help Lissa carry in the meal.

Viktoria took my free hand and twirled around like a dancer as we went into the dining room. I giggled at how happy she was but was careful not to disturb Lexi. She was still awake, but her eyelids were drooping and she seemed very tired.

We entered the dining room and I bristled. This was it.

Tasha and Christian were in conversation, but Dimitri's eyes landed on me instantly. They widened slightly as he saw the girls on either side of me.

I froze. Was he putting the pieces together? Did he see the similarities? Would he see the resemblance as soon as we all sat down and he got to know his daughters?

The only thing stopping him from drawing the obvious conclusion was the fact that we had defied biology. And that was the only fact I clung onto as his eyes slowly crawled back to meet mine.

I quickly looked behind me as Lissa and Adrian came up brightly, carrying the dishes. I forced a smile on my face and helped the girls into their seats. I sat in between them. Of course, Lexi was still clinging to me, so I was technically only next to Viktoria.

Christian and Lissa sat at either end of the table again, and then Tasha, Dimitri, and Adrian sat across from the girls and I.

Damn. This was weird.

There was no way I could help Viktoria without unhanding Lexi. Considering for some weird reason she didn't want to be put down, I motioned for Adrian to come over. I gently handed her over to my friend and then leaned over and helped Viktoria get her dinner.

I felt Dimitri's eyes on me the entire time, and I felt my cheeks flaming.

After Viktoria seemed to be okay, Adrian handed Lexi back to me. But instead of going back to his own seat, he sat down in what was supposed to be my other daughter's seat.

There was an awkward silence following what little chatter there had been over serving dinner. I was only picking at what little food I had taken because of Lexi, and also because I was trying to keep a keen eye on my other daughter, who was exercising her manly appetite.

I felt Lissa searching for a topic to bring up that wouldn't make things worse, but she was coming up with nothing. She and Tasha had already discussed the wedding down to every last detail, and even then, the guys would be left unattended for in that conversation. She didn't want to dig into Tasha and Dimitri's past four years together for fear of upsetting me, but knew she could try to bring up anything from my past, either.

Finally, Tasha said, "So, Rose, are these your girls?"

From what I could tell, she didn't seem to be mean or spiteful. She seemed genuinely interested, and I watched her eye my daughters with wonderment.

I swallowed, tensing. I felt Adrian shift uncomfortably beside me, and through the bond I felt Lissa fidgeting nervously. Even Christian, on the opposite end of the table, was suddenly very interested in his food.

"Yes," I said. "This is Viktoria," I ruffled Viktoria's hair affectionately, to which she pursed her lips at me (which was met by a grin on my part), "And this is Lexi." I tucked a fallen strand of hair behind Lexi's ear, and then noticed she was asleep.

I met Tasha's gaze again, but accidentally caught sight of Dimitri in the process. He looked stricken, and I was horrified for a moment that he had figured it out. But then Tasha said, "Those are beautiful names. Where did you come up with them?" and I realized that he hadn't drawn that conclusion.

I swallowed again. "Well, I always thought Alexandra was a beautiful name. And I needed a name that went well with _Maddie_," I said, smiling at Viktoria. "And I came up with Viktoria, in the process." I hoped that Dimitri couldn't tell I was lying. The truth had been that I knew he had a sister named Viktoria. I had used her name as a reminder of why I had to keep calling Dimitri on every birthday.

Yet here I was now, with the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth, and I swallowed my words. I felt guilty again.

"Maddie?" Tasha asked.

"It's a combination," I said quietly. "Of Mason and Eddie."

There was another awkward silence that followed. We always tried to avoid going back to that time…not only was it heartbreaking, because I had lost my two best friends, but it had been the cursed time when everything else had gone wrong in my life, too.

Lissa quickly chimed in, "They're beautiful girls. And they're so much like Rose, it's not even funny."

I shot her a look, but grinned. She grinned back at me.

Adrian also said, "They got their mother's talent, also. You should see those girls spar. They're deadly."

I smiled at him.

And then Christian, adding, "They even have her recklessness. Their favorite game is trying to play dodgeball with fireballs."

I rolled my eyes. Christian knew that that game was off-limits, but what he said was true. That was the girls' favorite game, and they tried to weasel him into it each time he babysat.

Ah, friends. What would I do without them? They helped make this dinner so much better.

Tasha grinned, enjoying the happiness. "That's wonderful." I could tell there was something else she was biting back, but I pretended I didn't know. I could only imagine what it was.

And then…awkward silence.

Damn.

I gently scooted my chair back and stood up. "I'm going to go put Lexi down upstairs. I think she'll be okay since she's sleeping."

"I'll help you," Adrian offered, standing with me.

I grimaced. I knew that meant that he was going to try to use that time to talk to me about the kiss. I wasn't ready to tell him that I had imagined that he was actually the man who had abandoned me who had put his tongue down my throat.

But I couldn't say that out loud. So I simply let him follow me as I put Lexi down on the guest bed and tucked her in. She was fast asleep and was snoring quietly. I kissed her forehead as I turned to leave.

"Rose, wait."

"Adrian, not now."

"Now you sound like Lissa. And you were just furious with her for doing the same thing to you."

I stopped. "That was completely different, and you know it. Look, now just isn't the time. We'll talk about it," I added unwillingly. "But not right now."

He sighed but followed me nonetheless. When we returned downstairs, Lissa had already started on the dishes. Adrian quickly disappeared to the living room, where Christian and Tasha were back to having a conversation. I began to head toward the kitchen to help Lissa when suddenly Dimitri appeared beside me and grabbed my arm.

"Hey!" I said, scowling.

"How old are they, Rose?" His voice was low and deadly.

I kept my attitude in place, refusing to be scared. He couldn't know. There was no way he'd have been able to figure out the biology aspect. Could he?

I jerked my arm away from him. He released me easily, but still held my gaze with his dark one. "Four," I admitted unwillingly.

His jaw clenched and unclenched, and I heard his sharp intake of breath.

_Was he figuring it out?_

"Rose?" Lissa called me nervously from the kitchen doorway. "I need you in here. Now."

I didn't waste any time walking away from him.

In the kitchen, Lissa turned on the water, left it running, and then started the dishwasher, also. She hissed, "Are you all right?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

She gave me a look. "Rose, I saw the way he grabbed you. What did he want?"

I swallowed nervously. What was he doing with that information? I hated not knowing what was going on inside his head. "He just wanted to know about the twins."

She gasped. "And?" she demanded.

"And I told him that they were four years old. Nothing else."

Lissa had battling emotions about that. I could feel it in the bond; part of her wanted me to tell him the truth—he deserved to know. The other part agreed that it should stay secret.

I blocked her ramblings out and said, "Why didn't Tasha offer to help?" She was turning out to be a poor guest. Not offering to help prepare, not offering to help clean up. Sheesh.

Lissa gave me a look that told me she knew what I had been thinking. "She offered to help," Liss told me, "But I insisted that she relax instead. I figured you would help."

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically. "Just what I wanted to do—dishes."

She cocked an eyebrow. "I figured it would beat having to sit out there and socialize."

I held up my hands in mock-surrender. "Touché."

She grinned and tossed me a towel. "Start drying," she said, pointing to the dish rack.

After dinner, both of my girls were exhausted. Viktoria was asleep on the couch, and Lexi was still out cold upstairs. Lissa and I had finished the dishes and had gone out to join them. Tasha and Christian were on one sofa, Adrian in one of the armchairs, and Dimitri next to Viktoria on the other sofa. When Lissa and I entered, she took the seat on the other side of Viktoria. I quickly sat in the armchair next to Adrian.

I felt Dimitri's eyes lingering on me again, and I flushed beneath his gaze. I glanced at the clock and then said, "Oh, jeez, look at the time. I ought to be going."

Lissa was laughing through the bond at how obvious I was. To my face, she said, "You can't carry both of those girls. I'll help you."

I shook my head. "Nonsense. I'll be fine."

I went upstairs to get Lexi. She stirred when I picked her up but didn't wake. Darn. I had kind of hoped she would wake up so that she could walk. Maybe Lissa was right.

I carried her downstairs, her head resting against my shoulder. I reached the sofa and I contemplated how to pick Viktoria up. They were getting bigger; it wasn't as easy as it used to be.

"Crud," I muttered. Lissa grinned at me, but I shook my head again. "You're not walking all the way across Court with me and then walking back on your own."

She scowled at me. "It's _Court_," she insisted. "I'll be fine."

I sighed, knowing that she was right. Still, I felt uncomfortable. I didn't know why. It was probably just my guardian instincts, out of whack or something.

Dimitri stood up. "No, she's right, Princess. I'll help Rose take her daughters back."

I paled. Oh, shit.

And then Adrian stood up, too. "That's not necessary. I need to head home, too. Rose's place is on my way. I'll just go with you, Rose."

I gritted my teeth. For God's sake, I just wanted to pick up my daughters and go. I gestured to Viktoria. "Just hand her to me."

But when Dimitri picked her up, he didn't hand her to me like I insisted. He kept her cradled close to his body and said, "All right, let's go."

Lissa was pale beside me. She was still sitting on the couch, but was on the edge. I could feel her nerves through the bond, but they were nothing compared to mine.

_Dimitri was holding his daughter. _Oh, God, what if he knew?

I swallowed. "Fine," I said thickly. "Let's go."

Dimitri told Tasha that he would be back soon and then followed me out the door. We walked in silence to my house, but I was hyperaware of his close proximity—not only to me, but also to my daughter. God, why did this have to happen?

We reached my house and I opened the door gently, trying not to wake Lexi. I tried to take Viktoria from Dimitri then, but he shook his head. "Where's her room?"

Gritting my teeth, I led him upstairs to the girls' room. I laid Lexi down on her bed, where I tucked her in and kissed her forehead, murmuring, "I love you" in her ear. And then I moved to Viktoria, where Dimitri had laid her down, and did the same.

Dimitri was standing in the doorway with a peculiar expression on his face.

I pushed him out gently, closing the girls' door behind me. I didn't want to wake them.

"What?" I demanded quietly.

"You spoke in Russian," he said.

I flushed as I realized that I had. Sometimes at night, I would recite to the girls the one piece of Russian that meant the most to me. It was the one saying that I had longed to hear for four years, and it was with that Russian accent that I had wanted to hear it.

I quickly put up my barriers again. "Yeah, I did." I said coolly. "Thank you for carrying Viktoria back. You can go back to Tasha now."

"Rose," he said, "I want to talk to you."

I swallowed again, closing my eyes. _No, no, no._ "Dimi—"

"_Rose_," he said again. "I _want _to talk to you."

I clenched my teeth. "Not now."

He straightened up. "Of course not," he said coolly, his guardian mask back in place. "I'll see myself out."

And I stood there dumbly, listening to the sound of the door closing gently behind him.


	15. BadassAwkward Silences DPOV

**So this chapter is longer because it's a combination of Badass and Awkward Silences, but these are from Dimitri's perspective. This is just to give you guys a little insight as to what's going on in our beloved Russian's head at the moment. (It's a bit of a mess.)**

**Next chapter will be from Rose again, and I'm trying super hard to get it out to you guys ASAP! I've been sick though, so the majority of my time has been spent sleeping...and then the other half has been me trying to get caught up on school work :/ But I haven't forgotten about you and I'm working hard!**

**As always, R&R! **

CHAPTER 15

I was concerned about Rose.

She had been cocky in the gym, attempting to take on two fully trained guardians at once. She was amazing, but she wasn't _that _amazing. What she had attempted was suicide.

Of course, she would have taken both of them down had she not hesitated at that last moment. And I couldn't help but think that it was because of me.

That guardian she was fighting, I remember him being called _Potter_, hadn't recognized her change in demeanor. If he had been paying attention avidly, like is required during sparring, he would have seen that she wasn't ready for that kind of brute force. Instead, he punched her so hard that she literally blacked out—you could see it in the way she stumbled—and then threw her entire, weakened body to the mat.

It had taken mounds of self-restraint not to beat that guardian to a bloody pulp. Luckily for him, I had been more concerned with Roza's health than with revenge.

Two other guardians rushed to her side, as well. One had short, spiky blonde hair and the other had chestnut brown hair that curled around his face. I didn't understand their connection to Rose, but I had no place to tell them to leave.

The blonde one asked if Rose was okay, and then the brown-haired one asked if she could talk to him. Something inside of me heated up darkly, but I quickly pushed it aside as her eyelids fluttered.

"_Roza_?" I murmured. "_Roza_, can you hear me?"

The two guardians also hovering over Rose sent me odd looks, but I ignored them. Roza had taken a hard fall, and I was afraid that she might have a concussion. Or worse, she could have broken any number of bones. The hard hit must have rattled her entire body.

She groaned and began to sit up. I began to push her back down, afraid to let her move, while the other two guardians worked the other way.

Feeling the resistance and obviously not wanting to strain her either, the blonde one told her to be careful. "You hit really hard. You may have broken something. How do you feel?"

Rose was rubbing her head and neck, wincing with every move. She squeezed her eyes shut in pain as she groaned, "Like I was hit by a fucking train."

I bit back a smile. Ah, how I missed that dry sense of humor.

The brown-haired one enjoyed her humor, too. He laughed. "You might as well have been. Potter here definitely didn't take it easy on you."

The guardian blanched under all the attention as it shifted to him. I couldn't help the distasteful glare that stretched over my face.

"I didn't know you were distracted. I thought you were still in the fight. God knows you were beating me down to nothing. I'm sorry Hatha—" he rambled, but Rose interrupted him.

"Stop it. I beat the shit out of you guys all the time. I guess this is some sort of karma or something." Potter still didn't believe her. Rose rolled her eyes and grunted, "Jesus, Potter, get over it. I'll be fine."

I helped her sit up delicately and she winced in pain. The brown-haired one looked like he wanted to say something but bit it back. The blonde one was glancing suspiciously between Rose and I, obviously picking up on the tension between us. Rose was being obvious in her quest to ignore me.

She frowned at the brown haired one and said, "What's wrong, Perkins?"

He looked embarrassed. "Look, I know you're my boss and I shouldn't be the one giving the instructions, but…well, Rose, you should go see Lissa. She needs to heal you."

Rose looked stunned. I knew that she was reeling over his casual reference to spirit, but she also looked nervous. But then it all changed and she went back to being stubborn. "Like hell. I'm fine. Just let me stand up—"

She stood up shakily, but looked sturdy for the first moment. My heart was beating wildly in my chest; I didn't like Rose taking these risks with her body. I still wasn't convinced that she was strong enough to take care of herself.

And I was right.

She began to fall, her legs buckling weakly beneath her. The other two lurched forward half a second after it began, but I was already to her and caught her quickly.

I came face-to-face with Rose, and those dark eyes once again captivated me. Her red lips were parted slightly, and it was all I could do not to lean down and kiss those full, welcoming lips.

We were both broken out of the trance as she looked away guiltily and the brown-haired one, Perkins, scoffed, "You're fine? I don't think so. Come on, you have to go to the Princess."

I wanted to agree but decided not to push my luck. I was lucky that Roza wasn't already running away from me, or spitting, or shouting obscenities at my face. All of those would have been understandable reactions.

"I'll be okay," she insisted. "Just get me some water and give me a minute to regroup."

One of the guardians left and then came back with a cup of water, which Rose drank greedily. After finishing the cup, she stood on her own, determined to show us that she was capable.

"See?" she said. "I'm fine. I'll be going now."

Neither of the other dhampirs said anything as Rose started for the door. I watched her carefully as she limped along, still worrying about her health. I started to follow her when my telephone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and answered,

"Belikov."

It was Tasha. "Dimka, we were invited to have dinner with Christian and Lissa tonight. I would love to accept, but I wanted to check with you first."

I quickly agreed. "Absolutely. Accept the invitation. I'll be over soon."

I hung up then, starting for the door again, only to be stopped by the two guardians who had been looming over Roza earlier.

The blonde one extended a hand. "I'm Josh Holt. You must be Dimitri Belikov."

The brown haired one, Perkins, was more excited. He shook my hand enthusiastically, asking me how long I was here for and if I was free at all. "You're a legend," he said. "It would be great to get a few spars in with you while you're here."

I nodded distractedly, thanking him for the compliment. Josh Holt, on the other hand, wasn't interested in my history or whatever names I had earned for myself. He had a different subject on his mind.

"You mentored Rose Hathaway at St. Vladimir's, right?"

I froze, trying to calculate his motives. Where was he going with this? Rose was not any of his business.

"Yes," I said coolly. Then, purposefully cutting the conversation short, I said, "Excuse me, I have to go. It was nice to meet both of you."

I went outside, worried that I had lost Roza's path. She could have gone anywhere; she had been living here for four years, and probably had any number of hideouts that she had discovered. If I lost her now, I wouldn't be able to find her again until she wanted to be found.

But luckily, she was only a few paces ahead.

She was moving slowly and with a limp, but I couldn't tell if her speed was because of pain or absentmindedness. She seemed to be lost in thought about something as she walked; I could tell because of the way she dragged her feet along the sidewalk.

"Roza," I called to her.

She faltered for a second, but then continued walking,

"Rose, I know you hear me." I felt that out frustration burning within me. I remembered how she used to be able to push me just far enough to really test my patience. Now was one of those times.

She kept walking.

"Really, Rose?" This was like our training sessions back at the academy all over again.

"You're acting like a child." I said accusingly, hoping to get a rise out of her. _Anything_ would be better than this _nothing _that she was giving me.

"You can't ignore me forever." I baited, but nothing happened.

Frustrated, I grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Roza!" I exclaimed heatedly.

"Dimitri," she responded coolly.

I tried not to let any emotions seep through. I wasn't sure what I had expected, but I was stung by her frostiness. I had at least expected anger, I realized. _Something _like classic Rose. But there was nothing.

I quickly covered up my disappointment with a lecture. "What were you thinking in there?"

Her face twisted into an offended scowl, and she snapped, "I was sparring. Practice makes perfect."

"By taking on two fully trained guardians at once? Both of those guardians have been battling Strigoi just as long as you have, if not longer. Taking both of them on at the same time was stupid." It was easier reaching down and finding reasons to be angry with her for her stupidity than having to stop and think about why she didn't even want to look at me anymore.

She glared at me. My words had done their job: she was pissed.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she snapped. "You're not my mentor anymore!"

I kept my composure, even though her words stung. I forced myself to remain impassive. "No, I'm not."

She grew silent, and I didn't know how to fill it. I settled for letting my eyes drink her up again. Four years later, and she was just as beautiful. Her complexion was slightly tanner, due to more time in the sun. Her face had thinned out, making her appear so mature. Her long hair had grown a few more inches, but she still hadn't cut it.

I longed to reach out and run my fingers through her hair. But I battled with my inner desires, and remained professional.

Rose was the one to finally speak. Her words rang out clearly and coolly. She obviously wasn't experiencing the same turmoil that my heart was.

"Why aren't you with Tasha?"

_Because I was looking for you. _"I had to do something first. I know she's with Lissa and Christian."

She took a deep breath, and then said dismissively, "Well, it's been great catching up with you, but I have to go."

I couldn't let her walk away. I didn't know the next time I would see her again, not to mention how she would act. This may be our only one-on-one time, and I didn't want it to end. I didn't want her to want to run away from me.

"Roza, you need to have Lissa heal you. You took a hard beating in there."

She bristled again. "I'm fine. And you have no power over me anymore. So let me go and don't bother me again."

I stiffened, trying to disguise my pain but probably failing. I hadn't expected a jab like that. _Bothering her? _

I had to summon up strength to overcome her cruel jabs and become the mature one again. I may not have any power over her anymore, but I would still attempt to fulfill that old role of mentor, if I thought it would get me somewhere. "You're stubborn. You don't want to go to Lissa and you'll fight it the whole way. But so help me, if I have to drag you, I will."

She glared at me threateningly, and then hissed darkly, "You will not touch me, Dimitri. You _left._ Do you get that? You _left_. You have _no _power over me any more. _Nothing_. Do you understand me?" She moved closer, jabbing her finger at me accusingly. "_I _have a life. A life that _doesn't_ include_ you_. So if I don't want to get Lissa to heal me, she _won't_. I'm twenty-two years old, damn it, and I can make my own decisions. _I have a life_, and it is _without you_. I've survived without you acting like a watchdog."

I clenched my jaw, but otherwise remained unmoved. I couldn't let her see how hard this was for me. I refused to let her see how hard this was.

She began to walk away again. Again, I refused to let her go.

"_Roza_—"

"Stop it!" She spun around furiously, her voice rising. She lowered it as she nearly growled, "My name is _Rose, _god damn it, not _Roza_! You don't have the right to call me that anymore."

That hurt. I would always think of her as my _Roza_. But I pushed on, saying, "Rose, you know it's for the best."

She rolled her eyes in frustration and let out a bitter laugh. "Have you been _listening_? My God."

"If you don't go to Lissa, I'll send her to you. I'm not going to let you suffer simply because of your ego." At this point, I was worried about her health, and I was worried that I wouldn't get to see her again. I at least wanted to know that she would be okay.

Suddenly Rose burst, "I'm not speaking with Lissa at the moment, okay? I'm not doing this to prove that I'm too good to be healed or admit defeat in a battle, it's because I refuse to go to _her_!"

I frowned, concern immediately rising within me. "Why are you two fighting?" Those two were like sisters. Only something very powerful could come between them, and I was concerned by what it was. What had I missed on this end?

She sighed, shutting down again. "Goodbye, Dimitri."

I couldn't keep trying to trap her. Feeling a little piece of my heart chip, I let her walk away from me.

I was torn over Rose's cold departure, but I had to remain composed for Tasha. I waited a few moments and then began in the direction of Lissa and Christian's. I hesitated for a moment in front of the door, and then knocked.

Lissa answered it.

She regarded me coldly for a moment. She held distaste and disappointment in her gaze, but I didn't let it pierce me. At least, not on the outside. Inside, I was reeling. Lissa hated me that much, too, simply on Rose's behalf?

I suddenly felt a panic rising in my gut: _How much destruction had I caused?_

"Princess," I greeted formally.

"Guardian Belikov." Her tone was flat and nearly unwelcoming. Despite her motion for me to come into the foyer, I was hesitant.

"How are you?" I asked pleasantly, trying to break the ice between us. It was obvious that I wasn't her favorite person, though, and she didn't warm up to my attempt at small talk.

"Tasha and Christian are in the living room. Make yourself at home."

She led me to the room, but then continued walking past it on her own. I hesitated in the doorway to the living room. I _should _go sit with Tasha and Christian and be a pleasant guest. But I _wanted _to find Lissa and talk to her some more.

So I followed her into the kitchen. She looked startled when she heard me come in, but her alarm disappeared when she saw it was I. She went back to making her veggie platter, only allowing me a cool answer. "You passed the living room, Guardian Belik—"

"I know I did." I interrupted her abruptly. I was sick of these games. "Listen to me, Lissa. Obviously you're upset with me. Rose is too. She refuses to look at me, nonetheless speak to me. But I need to know—"

"You left," she cut in harshly. "You left, and when you left, you relinquished any hold you had on Rose. You don't get to waltz back in now and suddenly think that you're part of her life. She moved on."

I froze. _She moved on._

Lissa seemed to need to dig the knife a little deeper. "And it was _without _you."

I stiffened again, a cold dread filling my body. _She moved on. And it was without you._

Did that mean that Rose had created a new life for herself, with a different man? She had definitely made herself successful in her career. One of the guardians in the gym had referred to her as his "boss", plus I had heard through some of my connections of Rose's promotion before that, as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she had found someone else to make her happy.

And she deserved it.

I couldn't bring myself to demand about Rose and her wellbeing. I could barely stand to bring up the prospect of Lissa looking into healing Rose. That would take too much explaining, and I would also end up interfering into their personal business. That would upset Lissa and, if it got around to her, Rose.

Becoming coolly professional again, I said, "Thank you for your time, Princess. I'll go join Tasha and Christian now."

Dinner was miserable for me after that. No one seemed to notice though, and I seemed to do a sufficient job of hiding my feelings. Only Lissa kept shooting me strange looks, with mixtures of sympathy and conflict.

I didn't care to decipher them. Getting closer to the Princess meant getting closer to Rose, which could only bring more pain.

Afterwards, I had begun to follow Tasha into the living room when Lissa asked me to join her in the kitchen. Tasha watched me go in confusion, but didn't attempt to intervene. I did as the Princess asked and followed her instead.

Her demeanor had softened since earlier. She kept her voice low as she turned to me and said, "Look, Dimitri. Level with me here. You _left. _For all intents and purposes, you _abandoned _Rose. And it took her four years to even begin to get over it. She's _still _trying to pick up the pieces. So forgive me if I'm not exactly welcoming." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I remained silent. I wasn't sure how Lissa interpreted my silence, but she continued with a sigh, "I'm happy to have you and Tasha here for the wedding. I can't thank Tasha enough for all of her help." She paused again, and then, with sorrow in her voice, said, "But I'll be ready for things to go back to the way they were when you leave."

I head my head high and my emotions veiled, but I couldn't help but take her confession to heart. If Lissa was that ready for me to disappear, how miserable was I making Rose by hanging around?

Lissa must have been on the same page as I was in her own thoughts. I heard her mumble under her breath, "I'm worried Rose won't be able to handle much more."

I flashed back to four years ago, when I had told Rose I was leaving. She had been cold and cruel, making jabs about how her life would go on without me in it. That was all I had seen at the time.

But there was something in Lissa's words that made me reconsider.

"This may sound odd, but please answer it," I begged of Lissa. "Four years ago, hen I left…had you already told Rose I was leaving? Before I'd had a chance to?"

I saw the wheels turning in Lissa's head as she struggled to remember. And then, slowly, she nodded. She frowned in confusion as she asked why.

My revelation struck me hard. I felt the guilt crash down on me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't left Rose strong and collected like I'd imagined.

My voice was weak. "How did she react when you told her?"

Lissa blinked several times as she thought back. "Well, she found out when she was infected…and she was physically sick. And then when she had to face it again after being…_saved_, she broke down in tears." Lissa's voice had grown defensive toward the end of her memory. I knew she was daring me to say anything more about Rose's weakness.

I nearly staggered at the impact. I had left, thinking that Rose was furious with me, thinking that she despised me for contributing to the domino effect that led to the deaths of her friends. I had left thinking that I would be making Rose stronger and happier, and that in time, she would feel that way. But now I saw the truth—I had left Rose broken. While in her most fragile state, I had heartlessly dropped her and let her shatter to pieces, and then ran away before I could get stuck with cleaning up the mess.

No wonder she hated me.

Lissa grew wary across from me. Frowning guardedly, she repeated, "What's wrong, Dimitri?"

I sighed, closing my eyes. "I have to fix this."

When I opened my eyes, Lissa was tense. "Leave Rose alone," she threatened lowly. "She deserves to stay happy."

I bristled at the undertone. "Thank you Princess." I replied coolly. I left the kitchen before she could say anything else. In the living room, Tasha and Christian had reached a light lull in their conversation. I used the pause to interject, "Tasha, I'm going to head back to the house."

She leveled me with a curious stare but didn't try to stop me. "I'll join you," she quickly said, realizing that her curiosity was stronger than her desire to continue small talk with her nephew.

She and I left after thanking Christian. I was walking briskly, trying to sort through my thoughts, when Tasha said, "What's going on Dimitri?"

I shot her a sideways glance. "What do you mean?"

Her jet-black hair was blowing into her face. She shook her head to get it out of her eyes and said, "It's Rose, isn't it?"

My breath hitched in my throat and my step faltered. "What?"

She groaned exasperatedly. "Oh please, Dimka. It's always Rose. She's been on your mind for the past four years."

I didn't bother denying it. It was true. I kept my voice low as I said, "I made a mistake and I have to fix it."

Tasha's exasperation didn't cease. "You made a mistake by coming back here. You should have stayed back home like I told you you could."

I tensed. "I'm your guardian. It's my job to go where you go. If I'd hid out at your place because I was too afraid to face Rose, that would make me a coward."

We reached the house that we had been offered to stay in. Tasha opened the door in frustration, and then spun around on me as soon as I had shut and locked it.

"Dimitri, I know Rose meant a lot to you. She means a lot to a lot of people. She's loved and well cared for, and she's a strong girl anyway. She's survived the past four years without you. Don't do this to yourself."

I saw the concern in Tasha's eyes. I forced a reassuring smile to my lips. "Don't worry, Tasha," I said, "I'm doing what I have to do."

The next day passed in a blur. Tasha told me that we were going to Christian's again for dinner, so I rearranged my schedule to fit that. I was preoccupied the entire day, trying to put together a speech that wouldn't sound rehearsed.

_Roza, I can't apologize enough for the colossal mistake I made. I played God with both of our lives, and I made the wrong decision—_

_ Roza, I've spent the last four years in agony. I went through every day numbly, wishing that I could be with you again—_

_ Roza—_

No. I told myself firmly, having to stop completely. Her name is _Rose_. Not _Roza._

I began running my laps around the track again, still trying to formulate an explanation that didn't sound ridiculous.

"Belikov!" I heard from the outskirts. I snapped my head toward the sound, and laid eyes on the blonde guardian from the gym the other day. Holt, if I recalled correctly.

He jogged over to meet me. "You free to talk for a bit?"

I was instantly on guard. I didn't like the sound of this. "It depends," I said cautiously. "What's the time?"

He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I stopped quickly, my reflexes working immediately to avoid a collision.

"You have time," he said. "What's going on with you and Rose?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I don't believe that is any of your business."

"I saw how she reacted yesterday. Don't feed me that bullshit."

I resisted the urge to punch him. Coolly, I said, "Excuse me, but I have to go." He moved to stop me, so I quickly put more force behind my words—"Or I'll be late."

Unwillingly, he stepped aside and let me pass. "This isn't over," he shouted to me.

As I stalked back to the house where we were staying, I realized that part of the reason my blood was boiling was because of…_jealousy._

I had been overwhelmed by that same feeling yesterday when I watched Rose interact happily with those two guardians. I was still reeling as I entered the house.

Tasha was in her room with the door closed, but I heard the hair dryer going. I went into my own room, across the hall, and stripped down to shower. As the hot water beat down on me, I continued my earlier thoughts about what I could say to Rose.

But I couldn't focus.

The main thing on my mind now was Holt. Was something going on between him and Rose? Was that why he had been so curt with me? Was he trying to protect his woman?

The thought alone nearly broke my heart in two. Even though it would be perfectly reasonable for Roza to have moved on, the thought that she had was painful.

I finished up and toweled off, and then found an outfit to change into. It was a pair of blue jeans with a snug gray T-shirt, topped with my usual duster. I felt another tug on my heart as I recalled the jokes Roza used to make about my duster. She always found a way to pair it and my love of Western novels together.

I heard a crash in Tasha's room and immediately ran to her. I jerked her door open, only to see her fussing over a fallen cup of ice water.

"Forget it," I told her. "We can clean it up later. But right now," I added, glancing at the clock, "We have to go." Christian had asked that we be there by six-thirty…technically, we were already two minutes late.

She seemed distressed to leave it, so I quickly brushed it up and threw the glass in the trash, and then Tasha used her heat to dry up the carpet.

I locked the door after we left and rushed to Christian and Lissa's. Before I was able to knock on the door, Tasha stopped me. "Dimka," she said quietly, "Christian told me that Rose would be here tonight."

I felt my determination grow. "Good," I said. Maybe now I'd have a chance to actually be able to lay out my feelings for her without fretting over it.

I saw the concern cross Tasha's face, but she quickly pushed it away as she knocked on the door. Christian answered it with a bright grin on his face as he greeted his aunt. He, too, just like Lissa, was not as friendly in welcoming me. Obviously making the wrong decision came at a steep price.

We retreated to the dining room. Christian and Tasha struck up a conversation on something that I tuned out as I focused on what I would say to Rose. I had to apologize to her. I had to tell her the truth. And I wanted us to rekindle at least our friendship.

My eyes immediately found her as she walked from the kitchen.

And she was carrying one young child, and holding the small hand of another.

She froze as she saw me. I swore I saw guilt flash through her eyes.

And then she broke her gaze as she glanced back at Lissa and Adrian, who came bustling into the dining room with the meal.

I sat in between Tasha and Adrian on one side, while Rose sat in between the two children across from me. However, Rose was unable to assist the one young child while holding the other, so she asked Adrian to help.

Adrian gently took the young girl from Rose, grinning at her and smoothing her hair down. The little girl looked sleepy.

I instantly felt jealousy flash through me. He was the father of Rose's children, wasn't he? It was obvious in the loving gazes he sent the little girl's way, not to mention the gaga eyes he always has for Rose.

I brought my gaze back to Roza, who was very focused on putting food on the other little girl's plate. Her cheeks had a rosy flush to them. I missed her.

She then leaned over and took the other little girl back from Adrian. Instead of returning to this side of the table, he took a seat next to Rose. There was silence following that, but I didn't really care.

I was too focused on the fact that Rose was with two little girls.

And right beside her, in what was supposed to be my place, was Adrian Ivashkov.

The silence stretched on. Rose picked at her food mildly, still holding the other girl, who was fast asleep, while keeping a sharp eye on the girl to her right, who was devouring every last scrap on her plate.

The silence was broken by Tasha, who finally asked, "So, Rose, are these your girls?"

Rose looked uncomfortable for a moment. Adrian shifted beside her, Lissa fidgeted nervously at the end of the table, and Christian was suddenly over-interested in his dinner.

"Yes," she finally said. "This is Viktoria," she ruffled the little girl's hair, "And this is Lexi." She smoothed the hair away from the face of the little girl in her arms.

I was stunned. Rose had said that her daughter's name was Viktoria. I was able to make the connection between Rose's daughter's name and my sister's name before a million other thoughts took over in my head.

"Those are beautiful names. Where did you come up with them?" Tasha asked, most likely coming to the same conclusion as I had. Viktoria wasn't a common name.

Rose fiddled with the little girl in her arms' hair as she said, "Well, I always thought Alexandra was a beautiful name. And I needed a name that went well with _Maddie_," She grinned at Viktoria. "And I came up with Viktoria, in the process."

I instantly stiffened at the sound of _Maddie_. I knew what it was. But Tasha didn't.

"Maddie?" she asked in confusion.

"It's a combination," Rose explained quietly. "Of Mason and Eddie."

It was quiet for a moment before Lissa suddenly said, "They're beautiful girls. And they're so much like Rose, it's not even funny."

Adrian piped up as well, "They got their mother's talent, also. You should see those girls spar. They're deadly."

And then Christian, chimed in, "They even have her recklessness. Their favorite game is trying to play dodgeball with fireballs."

Next to me, Tasha grinned. "That's wonderful."

I heard the undertone in Tasha's voice. There was another question on the tip of her tongue. And I was willing to bet I knew what it was. Because I had a feeling I had the exact same question.

But because neither of us was willing to speak it, Rose suddenly stood up. "I'm going to go put Lexi down upstairs. I think she'll be okay since she's sleeping."

"I'll help you," Adrian stood too.

I felt a new flash of jealousy burn through my body. I tried to scold myself, to tell myself that I had no right to hold a grudge against the man. He had every right to help Rose after I had done what I had, and if that…_whatever it was_, had led to the two of them having children together, I had no right to feel any resentment.

Seeing the table broken up, Lissa stood. "I'll begin doing the dishes."

Tasha stood and offered to help, but Lissa refused.

"Nonsense," she said. "You're my guest. Please go enjoy time with Christian."

I lingered for a moment after everyone had broken off, waiting for Rose to reappear. I had trouble keeping my temper in check. There were millions of things on my mind: Who their father was, how old they were, what was going on between Rose and Adrian, where _we _stood, not to mention that damned apology—

And then there she was, heading toward the kitchen.

I grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Hey!" she demanded angrily.

I couldn't stay peaceful like I had told myself to. My words came out as a growl. "How old are they, Rose?"

Rose put her classic attitude into play and jerked away from me. Glaring at me all the while, she snapped, "Four,"

Damn.

That was all it took to ruin me.

My heart seemed to shatter at the same time my entire body wanted to shake with fury.

Four years ago was when Rose and I had been together. Four years ago was when Rose and I had declared our love for each other. Four years ago…

Four years ago, she'd had twins.

So I wanted to know who the hell the father was. And I wanted to know if she slept with him while we were together or if it had been after I'd left.

I didn't know which answer would be worse. If it was while she and I had been together, I would be devastated. Yet if she had gotten herself into this situation out of a rebound relationship, I would feel immensely guilty. Especially now that I'm trying to summon up the courage to _apologize _to her for making such a gigantic mistake.

"Rose?" Lissa called suddenly from the kitchen doorway. "I need you in here. Now."

Rose immediately turned her back on me.

I supposed it wasn't too different than what I did to her four years ago.

In the living room were Tasha, Christian, Adrian, and Viktoria. Adrian was lounging in an armchair off to the side, while Tasha and Christian were somewhere in the middle of having a conversation and watching Viktoria play.

She danced around for several minutes, a bright grin on her face. I could see Rose clearly in her daughter. The dark hair and the dark eyes, plus that recklessness that Christian had mentioned earlier. There was passion there, too.

It wasn't until after ten minutes of dancing and jumping around that Viktoria collapsed next to me on the sofa. She looked up at me with big eyes.

"You're tall," she said.

I grinned at her. "I know."

She cocked her head to one side. "What's your name?"

"Dimitri," I told her.

From the other side of the room, Tasha said with a smile, "But you can call him Dimka."

"Dimka!" The little girl squealed excitedly, laughing. "Dimka, Dimka!"

She was precious. If only her mother regarded me with that much excitement. She used to. Until I abandoned her.

I felt my spirits drop as Viktoria even began to wind down. Her eyelids drooped and she slumped lazily. It wasn't long before she was snoring gently.

Only a few moments later did Rose and Lissa enter. Lissa sat on the other side of Viktoria, while Rose immediately put as much distance between us as she could by going to sit next to Adrian.

My eyes lingered on her as I felt another spark of jealousy. He got to be in her life. I didn't.

She glanced at the clock uneasily and then said, "Oh, jeez, look at the time. I ought to be going."

Lissa moved to the edge of the couch and said, "You can't carry both of those girls. I'll help you."

Rose shook her head. "Nonsense. I'll be fine."

Rose returned a moment later from upstairs carrying Lexi, who was still fast asleep. When Rose reached the sofa, she paused for a moment, trying to devise a way that she could manage both of her children at once.

"Crud," she grumbled. Lissa grinned, but Rose refused again. "You're not walking all the way across Court with me and then walking back on your own."

Lissa scowled. "It's _Court_," she insisted. "I'll be fine."

Rose sighed, looking torn. I knew that she was on the verge of giving in.

Maybe this was my chance.

I stood up. "No, she's right, Princess. I'll help Rose take her daughters back."

But then Adrian stood up, too. "That's not necessary. I need to head home, too. Rose's place is on my way. I'll just go with you, Rose."

I felt my blood boiling. So help me God, if she told Adrian to help her—

Through gritted teeth, Rose gestured to Viktoria and demanded, "Just hand her to me."

I picked the little girl up, nearly beaming at my opportunity. I was going to _make _this my chance. I kept Viktoria held close as I turned to Rose. "All right, let's go."

I saw Rose's frustration. "Fine," she said in annoyance. "Let's go."

I told Tasha that I would be back soon. I watched her face contort as I walked away with Rose, but I was too preoccupied to really decipher it. I was sure she would lecture me later.

The walk was short and silent. Rose walked briskly, obviously trying to _avoid _conversation. I didn't mind at the moment; I was still trying to figure out _what _to say to her.

When we reached her house, she opened the door and then gestured for Viktoria. I shook my head. "Where's her room?"

I saw how unwilling Rose was to take me upstairs, but I was obstinate. She finally led me to their room. I laid Viktoria in the bed opposite her twin's, and then watched Rose. She laid Lexi down, kissing her on the forehead and murmuring, "_I love you_" in Russian. She moved over to Viktoria and then did the same.

I was stunned by her casual use of Russian. Since when did she know how to say, "_I love you_"? How had she even learned?

She pushed me backwards as she closed the girls' door behind her. Frowning at me, she demanded, "What?"

"You spoke in Russian," I said, still obviously staggered.

She blushed slightly but then bristled just as quickly. "Yeah, I did." she said coolly. "Thank you for carrying Viktoria back. You can go back to Tasha now."

This was my chance. "Rose, I want to talk to you."

_I want to tell you that I'm sorry._

She swallowed, closing her eyes. "Dimi—"

I interrupted her. "_Rose_," I said again. "I _want _to talk to you."

_I want to tell you that I love you._

Her jaw clenched. "Not now."

I felt my resolve falter. If she could barely stand to look at me, how was I going to be able to make this work? It was almost like four years ago all over again. The only thing I could see was Rose's disgust in me.

Putting up barriers of my own, I immediately shut down. "Of course not," I said coolly. I made sure I was completely professional again. "I'll see myself out."

And then I left, alone, with nothing but a shattered heart and unfulfilled longing to be with my _Roza _once again.


	16. Shrink

**Okay, so I have to take a few minutes to chatter up here about a few things...**

**Firstly, I want to apologize in advance for the tarot-card scene. I know these readings don't exactly match what Rhonda used before. For this, I did my best trying to find a site off of Google that seemed to give me the best descriptions...and then I tried to interpret them and apply them... I'm sorry if I misused/misinterpreted/completely butchered tarot. It's definitely not my forte.**

**Secondly, I want to take a second to shout out to Do'B. I just wanted to let you know that your past review was really amazing. You let me know exactly where you stood and what you wanted to hear, and then you told me the pro's and con's about what I've written so far. I was literally grinning the entire way through your message. It's reviews like yours that really make me want to write and write and write nonstop. So thank you! And please keep reviewing!**

**And that leads me into my final (but consistent) note: Please review! I admit, I've turned into a review addict. It's sort of become this thing where, when I upload a chapter, I keep checking into my email (it sends me alerts) and I keep waiting for reviews...and no joke, if I don't get a lot of reviews, I don't have the motivation to go back in and write right away. I mean, I'd never abandon this story. I'm having too much fun writing it! :) But it means a lot to an author (as you all know, assuming you've been in my shoes before, too!) to have people give commentary and compliments, and even complaints, that give the author something to work on. And while I really don't want to become one of those people who says "Not updating until I get _ reviews!", I definitely understand where they're coming from. So I'm settling for begging - PLEASE REVIEW! Anything at all is better than nothing.**

**As always, thank you guys. Smooch, smooch.**

CHAPTER 16

Considering my broken alarm clock, I was woken the next morning by the shrill ringing of my cell phone. I didn't look at the caller ID as I flipped it open.

"Hello?" I answered groggily, squinting as I opened my eyes.

"Guardian Hathaway, Her Majesty the Queen wishes to see you right away."

I grumbled, but the person on the other end had already disconnected. I climbed out of bed grouchily, barely managing to open my eyes enough to pick out my guardian attire. Right before I ran out the door, I remembered to call Lissa.

"Liss," I exclaimed breathlessly. "I'm late for a meeting. The girls are still fast asleep. Can you get over here to watch them?"

"Of course!" she replied brightly. I swear; I didn't understand how she could be so chipper so early in the morning. "I'm on my way right now."

I was able to hang around for about two minutes before Lissa showed up, and I only gave her a brief greeting before taking off for my meeting with Tatiana.

When I reached the hall where she wanted to see me, I was flushed. "Ah, sorry—"

"Guardian Hathaway," she said, inspecting her fingernails, "You're late."

"I know, I'm sorry—"

"Enough." She brought her made-up gaze to mine and said with a cheeky grin, "I heard you had a rough few days."

I stopped, narrowing my eyes in confusion. "You knew," I grumbled as it dawned on me. And then I groaned. Of course Tatiana knew. She was the queen—it was her job to know who was coming and going from Court. And of course she knew what was going on in _my _life, simply because she enjoyed meddling.

Her grin widened. "Of course I did! Why, Rosemarie, you didn't doubt me that much, did you?"

I sighed. "Of course you knew that Dimitri was coming back. Everyone knew."

She beamed again. "And let me guess, the Princess didn't feel the need to share that information with you?"

I bristled. That was rehashing very bad memories, and it made me go back to the verge of reinstating my grudge against Liss.

"I did try to warn you," Tatiana said, raising her eyebrows.

"What?" I cried. "You did not!"

"I did too!" Tatiana insisted. "At that meeting, I told you that a few royals were coming to visit and that their guardians would be accounted for. _Obviously _someone's head was in the clouds…" She cocked an eyebrow accusingly.

I groaned. "That wasn't a warning."

She shrugged, obviously disagreeing. "As you please."

I sighed, waiting for her to fill the lull. She didn't, however; she simply went back to inspecting her nails.

"Why am I here, Tat—Your Majesty?"

She looked up, giving me a dazzling smile, fangs and all. "Of course. I nearly forgot." I suppressed a groan as she went on, "I need the guardian information from you."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"For the age decree."

I froze. The age decree? Oh no, I hadn't come up with an alternative yet!

"But—" I began numbly.

"Rosemarie," Tatiana began to interrupt, but I usurped her.

"Look, Tatiana," I say cautiously. I suppose I'm treading dangerous waters already, by simply not being formal, but I quickly pushed that out of my mind. "I get it, okay? As the queen, you have to be proactive about things like this. But please, Your Majesty, give me some more time. I've just been overwhelmed with…well, you know, and I've been struggling to keep up with everything else on my plate. Please, Tatiana, two weeks. Please."

I hated begging. I didn't like pretending that I was down on my goddamn knees, with my hands clasped together in prayer-form in front of me. I resented all of those signs of weakness. But hey. If admitting "defeat" would earn me a longer deadline on my assignment, this was a subject that I was open to using drastic measures for.

Tatiana sat still, watching me with her queenly expression on her face. Half of me felt my hopes drop. The other half started to droop, too, after she was unmoved for a moment.

And then, miracles upon miracles, she said, "One. I want an alternative in one, and if you don't give it to me, we're going through with the age decree. This isn't a game, Guardian Hathaway, and I don't want you treating it like it is. One week, no exceptions." She looked away, bored. "Dismissed."

I sighed in relief. Even though she hadn't granted me two weeks, one week was better than nothing. I guess that meant I had to start cracking down.

I left the hall wearily, my mind nearly overwhelmed with everything and nothing. I was still thinking about the other night, Dimitri; and then about the day before, Adrian; and then I was concerned with Lexi again. I hadn't seen her yet today, and I didn't know if she was better or not. The worry that nagged at my gut almost drove me straight home to her.

And then there was the nothingness. I made a permanent space for the age decree alternatives in my head. I wouldn't forget again. Tatiana was…well, _generous_ in giving me one week over nothing, and I knew I couldn't ask for that again. I _had _to take this seriously. Yet…despite my resolve to keep it as a permanent fixture in my head, mentally jotting down ideas as they come, there were no ideas _to _jot down. I was drawing a blank on alternatives, just like I had from day one.

"Rose!" I heard, and snapped around to the voice. Damn, I hadn't heard any footsteps.

"Ambrose," I greeted with a smile. I hadn't been expecting to see him, but he was a pleasant surprise. Especially as opposed to Dimitri or Adrian. "How are you?"

"Doing well," he replied lightly. "How about yourself?"

I hesitated—stupid idea.

"Ah," he said, "That rough?"

I didn't bother denying it. Maybe it would be nice to vent to someone who wasn't directly involved in these affairs. He was truly unbiased.

And then he gave me my opening. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I gave him a hesitant smile. "Are you sure you want to offer that?"

He gestured for me to follow him. He led me a few yards to the left to his massage parlor. He let me go into one of the rooms and put up a "Do-not-disturb" sign. He gestured to the massage table.

I took a seat and let my feet dangle childishly. "Well, um,"

"Why don't you start with the very first thing on your mind?"

"Dimitri's back in town," I blurted. "And he has my mind whirling."

Ambrose nodded gently. "You and Dimitri were…_involved_, right?"

I stiffened at his word choice, but slowly nodded my head. "Yes. While I was in school at St. Vladimir's."

Ambrose digested my words and then said; "I remember hearing when he left. It was sudden, right? He abruptly took up an offer, and left in the same day. Tatiana was buzzing."

I swallowed, trying to keep the tears away. Rehashing those memories were painful, and I didn't like the emotions they stirred. That threat of emptiness was on the verge of returning; just simply thinking about how cold and alone he had left me.

"Yes," I choked out. "It was sudden. All in the span of a few hours."

Ambrose noted my reaction and tried to smooth over it. "So, he left. And that was hard. And…now he's back?"

"After four years," I cried. "Four years of absolutely _nothing_, and then suddenly he's _back_! In front of me! In my life!"

Ambrose blinked. "Rose," he said cautiously, "What about the twins?"

He had met Viktoria and Lexi once before, briefly, during a formal gathering where they had come along with me. It had taken him one glance, and, for some reason, he immediately knew. I didn't like his "sixth sense"…especially when I was working so hard to make sure the subject was glossed over when it came to everybody else.

Even the people closest to me, who knew of Viktoria and Lexi's parentage, had a hard time accepting the truth. For Ambrose to grasp it so swiftly and surely was too unnerving for me to continually relive.

I understood what he was asking. Without meeting his gaze, I sighed, "He doesn't know. I haven't told him, and he hasn't seemed to put the pieces together, thank God."

The masseuse sighed. "Rose, you know—"

"That I should tell him," I cut him off, "Yeah, yeah, I do. But I've been trying, Ambrose! For the past four years, I call him. And for the past four years, he never answers. So excuse me for reserving the right to keep at least a little dignity."

"That's not dignity!" Ambrose insisted. "That's selfishness! You're now _purposefully _keeping Dimitri from his daughters."

"After _he _made no effort to come back for them!" I shouted.

"He didn't know they even existed!" Ambrose's volume met mine.

I stopped, his words stinging. They were true. He was right. I was being selfish. That was it. There was no more to it.

Seeing my changed demeanor, Ambrose sighed again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laid into you so hard. It's not my place."

I blinked, swallowing, and then choked out, "If you hadn't, it would have been a while before somebody else did. My friends are too busy trying to keep things peaceful. It would be a while before any of them dared to bring up a glitch."

Ambrose was quiet. I finally groaned, "This is all so messed up! I just…I don't know what the best thing is to do. I wish…I wish I could see the future or, or, or at least what I'm supposed to look forward to."

Ambrose cleared his throat, and I looked up at him. He had a sly grin on his face. "There is a way," he said slowly.

I understood what he was getting at and immediately sobered. "No. Uh-uh, no way José! We're not going to see Rhonda."

Ambrose shrugged, but continued watching me from underneath his long, full eyelashes. Finally, I groaned. "Fine. But I still don't believe her."

With a bright, dazzling grin, Ambrose led me from the massage parlor to Rhonda's little tarot-reading place. I was still confused by the twisting maze that seemed to go on forever into the back of the building.

I tensed the moment I walked in. The receptionist wasn't behind the desk, and Ambrose walked back and opened the door leading to his aunt without hesitation. Rhonda looked happy to see him as he entered, but she grew pensive as I followed him in.

"Ah," she said. "Rosemarie. Hello again. It's been a while."

I smiled politely, silently praising myself on my improved manners. I guess having children did that to you.

She laid eyes on her nephew and said, "I suppose you brought her here for a tarot reading?"

Ambrose nodded. "She's lost."

I whipped my head around and scowled at him. "I'm not lost!"

He shrugged, but Rhonda wasn't paying attention. She produced her cards and shuffled them, and then held them out to me. "Cut it," she advised.

Taking a deep breath, I did, and then gave the stack back to Rhonda. She put it together and then dealt out three cards.

I felt my breath hitching in my throat in anticipation as I watched the cards. It looked sketchy—the Hanged Man, Judgment, and the High Priestess had been dealt out. All three cards were upside down.

"Aw, shit," I groaned under my breath. Rhonda cut me a sharp look that immediately shut me up. Turning back to the cards, she frowned, pausing, and then slowly began her explanation.

"You're surrounded by secrets," she said, the frown still intact on her face. "These secrets are hurtful. They will lead you into great peril; cause you unthinkable pain and emptiness." She was pointing to the High Priestess as she said that. Her finger slid to the Judgment card. "To heal and renew the wounds caused by these secrets, you must make the hard and final decision. There's no more hiding after this. You must change your ways on this judgment day. But…" Her face went blank as her finger slid to the final card. Her voice, too, lost its emotion. "By the time you realize what you must do, it will be too late. A great sacrifice is the only way to ensure that the truth is known."

I swallowed, unsure of how to respond to that grim expectation. My secrets were going to fuck me over so badly that I was going to have to make a "great sacrifice" to rectify the deep hole that I dug for myself.

Greeaattttt.

Behind me, Ambrose cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Uh, Rose, we should go now."

I quickly stood up. "Uh, thanks," I said briefly to Ambrose's aunt before hurrying out of her red office.

Once we were back in the maze to get to the front of the building again, I hissed at Ambrose, "That was supposed to make me feel better?"

Ambrose shrugged. "I didn't know what your future held, either."

I groaned. "You're a horrible shrink. I'm never talking to you about my problems again. Even your advice to go get advice from someone else sucks."

Ambrose shot me a lopsided smile as we reached the front of the building. "I'm sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped it would, Rose. And I do hope that things get better for you. You deserve it."

I sighed, more stressed than before. "Thanks, Ambrose. It was good seeing you again."

He gave me a hug before letting me run off. I didn't know whether I was more inclined to go home or whether I wanted to burn off steam at the gym, but I decided on going home first. At the very least, I had to change.

When I returned to an empty house, my mind was made up. I changed into workout clothes and headed for the gym. It was time to get back into sparring.

When I walked in, it was surprisingly empty. There were several guardians scattered throughout, but not nearly as many as there normally were. I poked my head in the back, looking for Holt or Joe, but found neither. As I returned to the main floor, I realized that sparring was out of the question. So instead, I moved to a punching bag.

I put my energy into the combat for about twenty minutes before slipping into autopilot and letting my mind wander.

For some reason, the first thing that popped into my mind was Adrian and the kiss.

I didn't know how I was supposed to take care of that, but I knew I had to. I cared about Adrian too much to let this ruin our friendship. I knew it killed him enough as it was that I continually rejected him, but now to have _taunted_ him first? This would be a rough explanation and an even harder recovery. How could I expect him to go on as if nothing happened after I tell him that while kissing him, I imagined he was Dimitri?

Which led me into my next headache-inducer. My old mentor's return had done nothing but screw me over. I was suddenly losing fights that I should have been able to win, double-checking myself to make sure that I hadn't blown my cover, and hallucinating about what it would be like to be with him again. It was all too obvious that I was still in love with him, and that in itself was too painful to bear.

I threw a punch packed with all of my distress concerning Dimitri into the bag and then winced as I heard my knuckles _pop_. Shit. I guess Lissa would need to heal that.

Stopping my workout, which, as I passed the clock, I realized had only lasted for a mere forty-five minutes, I went to the freezer and collected a bag of ice. Wrapping it on top of my hand, I started back for my house.

When suddenly I stopped, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, and had to blink to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Mom?" I asked disbelievingly.

But she was real. Standing in front of me was Janine Hathaway herself, wearing a bright greeting smile.


	17. Confrontations

CHAPTER 17

"Hello, Rose."

I grinned, reaching in for a hug. Despite a rocky relationship with my mom, things had gotten better over the past few years. Especially when the twins came along. My mom and I had finally found something that we could bond over, even if it was an unplanned pregnancy.

She had been my support the entire way, right alongside Lissa, Christian, and Adrian. She was also the one who had seen me, on a few select birthdays that she had been able to attend, make that call, only to end up in silent tears over my loss. Even four years later.

When we broke from the embrace, she immediately asked, "How are you and the twins?"

My smile faltered, and I sighed. "Well, that's kind of a long story."

Janine Hathaway frowned at me and said, "Let's walk."

I explained to her about Dimitri's return and my fear of his finding out the truth. After she assured me that he wouldn't, simply because the biology didn't add up, I went on to tell her my other nugget of bad information: my concern over Lexi's health.

"I may just be overreacting," I said, "But I've never seen them like this. Hell, I've never seen _anyone _like this. Lexi is just plain exhausted. She didn't even eat last night. I haven't seen her yet this morning, so that's probably the other half of why I'm so anxious."

My mom was frowning in concern again. "I don't understand," she said. "Lexi's…sick?"

I shrugged. "That's my point," I said. "I don't know what's wrong. I have yet to figure it out."

My mom sighed. "I wish I could help. But I'm just as confused as you are."

The conversation had become depressing. I quickly changed the subject. As happy as I was to see my mom again, I was instantly on guard for the reason of her visit. "So why are you here?"

She saw my tenseness, and quickly hastened to reassure me, "The Szelsky's are visiting for a while. I tagged along," she added with a grin, "So I could spend some time with you and the girls. Two weeks, actually."

I grinned back, exhaling in relief. At least there wasn't a Strigoi threat approaching. I couldn't handle that on top of all of my other shit at the moment. "Wow. That's a nice vacation."

She looked excited. "And I'm looking forward to spending it with my family."

I finally felt truly happy for a moment. I was warm inside, and my smile was genuine. Having my mother here definitely made me feel more secure; knowing I had another—_strong_—vote in my corner was reassuring. And so for at least one moment, I wasn't as stressed out as I had been for the past few days.

And then it all came back.

With a sigh, I said, "I do have to get back, though. I was going to go straight to Lissa's to pick up the girls. Do you want to come with me?"

She nodded. "And I want Lissa to heal that hand while you're over there."

As we walked, we talked.

"I had a meeting this morning," I explained as Janine asked why Lissa had the girls. "And even though I left them at home, I'm sure she took them over to her place."

Lissa was a firm believer in having a large, healthy breakfast, and there was no such thing in my house. Even with the girls' and my appetites, my idea of a decent breakfast was grabbing a Pop-Tart as I ran out the door.

Sure enough, when we approached, I heard raucous laughter from inside. I let myself in, calling in to Lissa, and then found the party in the living room. I tensed as I saw the rest of the company, but still forced a polite smile.

Lissa was sitting on the floor with Viktoria and Lexi. Viktoria was showing off her combat moves, throwing punches and kicks into the air while Lissa leaned against the side of the couch with Lexi curled up in her lap.

Viktoria's moves had captured the attention of the whole audience—Lissa and Christian, Tasha and Dimitri—but Lexi's attention veered as soon as she saw me.

She climbed out of her auntie's lap and ran to me, rubbing her eyes sleepily. I caught her—not with my bad hand, thank goodness—and swung her up onto my hip, kissing her cheek. "Hi, sweetheart," I said. "How do you feel today?"

Lexi simply shook her head, still rubbing her eyes, and buried her head in my shoulder.

My mom smoothed Lexi's hair out of her face, but Lexi didn't seem to notice.

By then, Viktoria had noticed her grandmother and me.

"Mommy!" she exclaimed, running for me. I would have squatted, but I didn't want to disturb Lexi. Instead, Mom was down at Viktoria's level as my daughter plowed forward.

The greeting changed as Viktoria squeezed her grandmother, and a murmur went through the living room. Lissa stood and came over to us, giving Janine an awkward half-hug.

"It's good to see you again, Guardian Hathaway. How long will you be staying?"

Through the bond, I heard Lissa worrying about the same question I had earlier. Luckily, Janine addressed it.

"The Szelsky family is visiting Court for a while. I came along."

I felt Lissa relax, as well as some of the heightened tension in the living room. Lissa noticed my gaze, which was pointedly ignoring those in the living room, and she quickly remembered her manners (which in this case, tended to screw me over). "Oh, Guardian Hathaway," she turned her body so that the living room was in view and gestured to the guests, "I'm sure you remember my fiancé Christian, and Tasha Ozera and her guardian Dimitri Belikov."

As she spoke aloud, her voice was perfectly neutral and hostess-like. Through the bond, though, I heard the way her voice dripped disdain as she introduced "_…guardian Dimitri Belikov._" I had to hide the smile that attempted to form on my lips. Ah, that was my best friend.

My mom nodded. "Hello," she greeted formally. There was no way she was—or would become—buddy-buddy with any of the people in that room, _possibly _save Lissa. And she was definitely fighting to keep control of herself when it came to the giant Russian sitting on the couch.

"Momma, Momma," Viktoria squealed, tugging at my clothes. The attention transferred down to my outgoing daughter. I gently gave Lexi over to her grandmother and then squatted down to Viktoria's height.

"Yeah?" I responded just as excitedly.

"Guess what Dimka taught me! Guess, guess, guess!"

My smile froze in place as my blood ran cold. What the hell was Dimitri doing interacting with the girls?

I fought the urge to jerk my attention to Lissa accusingly, and instead, asked, "What?" trying to continue acting excited.

And then my daughter whipped her little leg out, hooked her foot around the back of my leg, and then pulled, knocking me down. I reached out with my hands to block my fall, but as soon as the weight hit my bad hand, I shrieked. My ass hit the floor and I immediately jerked my bad hand up.

Viktoria was grinning, believing that she had executed the move correctly. Lissa was watching me in concern.

"Rose?" she demanded frantically, "What's wrong?"

I stumbled to my feet with my mother's help, and held out my hand to Lissa. I grumbled, "I broke my hand at practice."

With a sigh, Lissa took my hand in hers, and I felt the warm glow flood my veins.

Viktoria, realizing that something had not gone as planned, looked up at me with wide eyes. I hated admonishing her, but I had to do this. I began to squat again but then stopped. Simply bending at the waist, I said, "Viktoria, I'm glad that you're learning combat, but you never, ever use that on Mommy unless she's ready, or unless we're sparring, okay?"

She nodded and then latched onto my legs in a hug-fashion. "I'm sorry!" she squealed.

"It's okay," I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't pry away from my legs. Finally I gave up and turned back to Lissa, who had released my hand. The aching had stopped.

"Thanks," I said to her.

Lissa grinned. _You only admonished her for using it on you. Does that mean anyone else is fair game?_

With a glint in my eyes, I nodded. Lissa laughed aloud, and then stopped as she realized that our entire interaction had just been between us.

I felt anger burning through me as I laid eyes on Dimitri. He looked slightly guilty—good! I opened my mouth to admonish him, too, when Christian started speaking. He was staring straight at me.

"Little Viktoria there was relentless this morning," he said deliberately. "She kept demanding to go to the gym. Considering Moroi aren't allowed in, and Dimitri was the only dhampir among us, she was able to settle for some one-on-one training in my living room. And I even helped some."

His underlying message came through loud and clear: Don't lay into Dimitri. He was only trying to help.

Swallowing, trying to contain my temper, I finally brought my eyes back to my old mentor. "Thank you then," I managed to choke out.

He nodded silently.

And then I couldn't tear my eyes away.

_I want to talk to you, Rose._

What had he wanted to talk to me about? Nervous and afraid, exhausted and overworked, I had pushed him away. Now I wished I hadn't.

_What had he wanted to talk to me about?_

Tasha snapped me out of my thoughts. "So, Rose, will you and your mother be joining us for dinner tonight?"

"I sure hope you will," Another voice chimed in from behind me. I spun around, almost tripping again over Viktoria, and then laid eyes on Adrian.

I felt my cheeks flaming. I had yet to address the issue with him, either.

After a quick check with my mom, I turned back to the company in the living room and nodded. "Sure. We'll be here at about six-thirty again, right, Liss?"

My best friend nodded, and I used that opportunity to try to get out. I didn't want to have to double-check myself around both Dimitri and Adrian. It took too much work.

"See you then, Liss." I started for the door, peeling Viktoria away from my leg, but Adrian thwarted my plan.

"Good. I'll walk with you. We have to talk, still." There was something odd in his voice.

I sighed, closing the door as I left. "Adrian," I hissed, "Not now." I shot a look at my mother, trying to signalize _why _now wasn't good. It wasn't just an excuse this time! (Even though it kind of was.)

But my mom didn't get the hint. "No, it's all right. You two talk. I'll take the girls back to your place, Rose. Keys?"

Grudgingly, I tossed her my keys. _Thanks for having my back, Mom._

Viktoria ran ahead to go with her grandmother. Lexi was still in my mom's arms. Once they were sufficiently far enough ahead, I whispered, "Adrian, look—"

"Forget it happened, Rose."

I snapped my gaze to his, completely taken aback by his words. "What?"

He looked pained. Broken down, even. I felt guilty. Why did I have to keep doing this to him?

"The kiss. It was a mistake."

I didn't know what to say. After all of my fretting about how to handle this, he was able to say one simple sentence and excuse it.

"Adrian—"

He wouldn't meet my gaze now. Looking at the ground, he said, "I care about you, Rose. And I can only wish that you reciprocated. But the fact of the matter is that you don't. And I care too much to let something like this ruin our friendship."

I was filled with pain and guilt. I hated this. I hated myself for letting this happen.

I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Why? Is it…is it in my aura?" If it was in my aura, I was in danger of Lissa coming to whatever conclusion Adrian may have.

"Partly," he said, still avoiding my gaze. "It's different when you're with him. Even through all of your anger and guilt and whatever other turmoil you're experiencing with him, your aura is still bright. It's obvious you still love him. Before…before you knew I was in the living room with you. I could tell you were thinking about him."

Slowly, quietly, I asked, "And the other part?"

He finally brought his gaze back to mine. He wore an amused smirk, but it was weak. "I'm not stupid, Rose. It was obvious that your mind was somewhere else during the kiss by the way that you were so eager to ignore it afterwards."

I sighed. "God, Adrian, I'm sorry. I can't believe I made such a mess out of this."

He reached out and brushed his fingers against my cheek admiringly. "It's a mess that we can clean up." And then he pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead.

I buried my face into his shoulder, breathing in his sweet scent. Adrian was so amazing that sometimes I forgot the toll it took on him to be that way. He was motivated by his feelings for me, yet my constant rejection never seemed to faze him. And now, after he would be completely justified to hate me after what I did, he was still here beside me, caring about me, protecting me, and supporting me. Well, in his Adrian-way.

The door opened and Dimitri and Tasha stepped out. Adrian and I quickly broke apart, and I felt regret course through me. Damn. I had forgotten that we were hanging outside of Lissa's. Okay, now this was awkward.

"Oh. Uh," Tasha said, trying to figure out how to proceed.

"I have to go." I said quickly, gesturing toward my house. I refused to look at Dimitri's face. I took off in the other direction before anyone could try to include me in a conversation.

I felt his presence but didn't hear his footsteps until we were a few moments from my house. I picked up my pace but then gave up, knowing that it was a futile attempt. He would catch up to me if that was his intent.

He seemed to notice this. He approached just as heatedly, though, towering over me with a dark expression over his features.

"Is it Adrian?" Dimitri demanded, scowling down at me.

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

"Was it Adrian that you slept with? Are those his daughters?"

I felt sadness engulf me. Dimitri was still thinking about the girls? He was trying to place their parentage? And he was defensive about it, at that.

"No," I said quietly. Was this the time for truth? Was this my chance to finally get that weight off my shoulders?

Dimitri's frown deepened, but this was due to perplexity. "Then who, Rose?"

_You're surrounded by secrets. These secrets are hurtful. They will lead you into great peril; cause you unthinkable pain and emptiness._

How did I know Rhonda hadn't been referring to _after _the truth? What if that pain was going to strike as soon as Dimitri found out? I still harbored that fear that he would insist on taking my daughters away from me.

_To heal and renew the wounds caused by these secrets, you must make the hard and final decision. There's no more hiding after this._

The hard and final decision being the truth. I couldn't hide behind lies, just like he couldn't hide behind a disconnected telephone.

Which sparked something inside of me. Maybe I did still love Dimitri. And maybe I was more hurt than I was angry with him. But I still felt the stab of four years ago, and every year since. It wasn't like he had tried, either. And trust was a two-way street.

"Why does it matter so much to you, Dimitri? I haven't heard from you in four years. Maybe I made a mistake back then, but it's in the past now. Why does it suddenly mean so much to you?"

"It was you and me four years ago. That's why it matters so much, Roza. You either were going around behind my back or else you had a rebound relationship, and either way the bastard abandoned you and those beautiful girls."

I couldn't sort out my feelings. I was relieved that he was still in the dark about their true parentage but depressed that those were the other conclusions he had come to. Not to mention the rage he was already summoning for the girls' absent father. Little did he know, he hated himself.

But I closed my eyes instead, pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "What happened to your cell phone?" I asked flatly, staring at the ground.

"What?" he asked, taken off guard. "What are you talking about?"

"Your cell phone, Dimitri. Why didn't you ever answer it?"

"What are you talking about, Rose?" he repeated.

But behind me, my mother opened the door. "Rose? The girls are asking for you."

And behind Dimitri appeared Tasha, with an odd expression on her face. "Dimka?"

A sad expression crossed my own face. "Maybe four years is too long," I said quietly. I don't know if the others heard me—I was speaking as lowly as I could manage without my voice cracking—but I knew Dimitri did. "Maybe there isn't any coming back from that."

And then Dimitri shocked me. He reached out and took my face in his hands. Looking squarely in my eyes, our faces only a few inches apart, he said fiercely, "Don't say that."

I was frozen, locked in his gaze and melting in his touch. It was my mother, who came up behind me quickly and snapped, "Don't touch her," that broke the trance.

He took a step back immediately, but didn't stop looking at me. Overwhelmed and confused, I turned and went inside.

My mom was right on my heels. "What the hell was that?" she snapped at me.

I rubbed my forehead. I was so confused. "I don't know," I murmured. My mind was reeling.

"Well, as much as I'd love to lecture you on _that_—" Her voice was dry, "—there's a bigger problem. Lexi's still acting strangely."

I snapped my head toward my mother. "Where is she?"

Janine gestured to the living room. I rushed in there, where Lexi was curled up in a ball on the couch with a blanket over her. She looked so tiny.

"Feel her forehead," my mother instructed. I did as she said.

Lexi's forehead was burning up. "A fever?" I gasped in confusion. "That…that implies illness."

"Which implies weak Moroi traits," my mother finished.

"She has to go to the doctor," I said quickly, ignoring Janine's statement. I scooped her up into my arms and asked for Janine to stay with Viktoria. "I don't expect it to take long," I said, "But if for some reason you have to go, call Lissa."

I didn't know the doctor at Court as well as I had known Dr. Olendzki at the academy. I had only been to see her a few times, and it had been for the twins' routine checkups. When I brought Lexi in this time, however, Dr. Markovic, an older Moroi woman, immediately made time for the spur-of-the-moment appointment.

Lexi was barely conscious. She was sleeping, her little eyes fluttering. She was on the verge of being awake, but not quite there yet. Dr. Markovic took her from me, putting the stethoscope up to Lexi's chest. And then to her back, and then to her sides. Then the stethoscope disappeared and a thermometer appeared in its place. She stuck it in Lexi's mouth and when it beeped a moment later, she retrieved it for a response.

"Well, her breathing's fine. She has a fever. I think it's just a virus. We're not exactly equipped to handle symptoms like this, considering they're human."

I scowled, taking it personally. "She's not human, she's dhampir."

"Rose," Dr. Markovic spoke gently, "We don't really know _what _she is. She's…a special case."

I felt my blood boiling. "She has dhampir reflexes and strength."

Dr. Markovic shrugged. "Okay, so, like I said. She's a special case. She has some Moroi qualities, but not all."

I clenched my fists. "Can you help her or not?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"I think it's just the flu. She has no choice but to wait it out."

"Thanks." I said stiffly, picking Lexi back up and leaving the office coolly.

I glanced at the clock on the wall as I left. It was five o'clock. We had dinner in an hour and a half. I was contemplating whether we had enough time to drive out to the nearest town when I bumped into someone. Luckily, it was Adrian and not someone else that I couldn't explain the truth to.

"Little dhampir?" he asked concernedly. He spotted Lexi in my arms and his frown deepened. "What's going on?"

"Lexi's sick," I murmured. "With the human flu."

Adrian's eyebrows shot up. "She's sick? As in…"

"Yes, as in!" I snapped. "And as awful as this sounds, I'm worried about someone finding out. If…_you-know-who_ finds out, this is going to raise a whole new round of questions and I'm not sure I know how to answer a lot of them."

Adrian raked his fingers through his hair. "Um, okay. Well, get her some of that human medicine, then. Something to make it go away."

"It's a virus," I groaned. "All she can do is wait it out."

"So? Those medicines are created to disguise symptoms. Or at least make them feel better. Whatever, it's the same thing. My point is, just write it off as exhaustion. With some medicine cloaking the real illness, it should be fairly simple to pull off. She's young, after all."

I closed my eyes. Adrian took Lexi out of my arms helpfully. He bounced her as her eyelids fluttered, and then she cuddled into his shoulder sleepily.

"I guess…I'll go out and get some later…"

Adrian was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "Rose, what happened when Dimitri followed you home earlier? I was going to go after him, but—"

"It's my battle, Adrian, not yours." I sighed and then said, "I don't know what happened. It was…strange, to say the least. He wants to know who their father is. He thought it was you," I added.

Adrian made a sad face. "There are times when I wish that I was."

I chose to disregard his comment. It only made me feel worse about our…"relationship."

I wanted to explain to Adrian what happened after that, when Dimitri had gotten so close and demanded that I hold onto hope for us…was that even what had happened, or had I imagined that? Had I completely twisted something into a fantasy of mine, or was Dimitri on the same page that I was? I honestly didn't know. And the only way to find out was to talk to Dimitri again…but how could I now, when I was in the process of fabricating a huge lie to cover up my _other _huge lie that I've been telling him.

I gestured toward the direction of my home. "I have to go," I said quietly. "I need to lay down…and I need to call Lissa to tell her that we're not going to come to dinner tonight."

Adrian's face fell. "She'll have to count me out as well, then. There's no way I'm suffering through that without you."

"No she won't. You're going," I said immediately. Adrian cocked an eyebrow at me, and I continued, "I'm not going to be there, which means I need _you _to be my eyes and ears. Pass on whatever happens."

Adrian groaned. "Only for you, little dhampir."

I took Lexi back and went home. My mother demanded answers the moment I walked through the door, and I gave her what minimal information I had. Then I told her that dinner was off, and she made a sarcastic remark like, "Oh, darn."

I smiled and then headed up to my room. I needed a nap. My head was whirling on my shoulders, and my stress-level was skyrocketing. I couldn't handle this much drama.

I laid down on my bed, the fluffy mattress and pillows equivalent to clouds beneath my body. I closed my eyes, relishing the quiet, when suddenly my clouds started to bounce. My eyes snapped open, and Viktoria was next to me, making the bed jiggle.

"Hi, baby," I said, pulling her close to me. She snuggled up into me and said, "Mommy, what's wrong with Lexi?"

I sighed, closing my eyes again. "She doesn't feel well."

Viktoria sighed, too. "I miss her. She doesn't want to play with me anymore."

"She just needs to rest to get better." I felt myself drifting.

Viktoria was quiet for a moment, and I felt even closer to sleep. But then she said, "Mommy, will you tell me about Daddy?" and I was suddenly wide-awake again.

"What?" I asked.

Viktoria looked up at me with those wide eyes. They were the same shade as my eyes were, but her eyes were big and innocent. I knew that mine were not. I had witnessed so much in my life; innocence was a nicety that I didn't have any longer. Of course, it wasn't like I was all that innocent when I was younger, either.

"I don't know about him. Tasha was asking about him."

I felt rage burn through me. The audacity! That woman—ooh, I was furious. I had a mind to go over there right now and beat the shit out of her. How dare she try to milk my four-year-old daughter for answers about _my _personal life!

Viktoria watched my reaction and her eyes started to tear up. "Mommy, do I not have a daddy?"

I watched Viktoria's pain and instantly felt broken inside. All this time I thought that things were okay. I was protecting my daughters, and I was keeping them here with me. We had a good life together. Had I been wrong this entire time?

"Of course you do, honey," I said, pulling her close again. "Your daddy is strong and smart and handsome, and he's gentle and fair and warm."

"Do you love him?"

I paused, unsure of how to respond. Of course I loved Dimitri. I loved Dimitri four years ago and, damn it, I loved him now. "Yeah," I said quietly. "I do."

"Then why isn't he here with us?"

I swallowed thickly, feeling the pain of earlier resurface. Why _wasn't _he here? It was because he didn't know the truth. I was lying to him. I was keeping him from being here, on the other side of his daughter, telling her stories as she took a nap.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whispered, tears catching in my throat. "I love you."

Viktoria stopped, seeing my distress. She snuggled closer to me and kissed my neck, where she could reach. "I love you, Mommy. Even though we don't know our daddy, Lexi and I are happy here with you."

I closed my eyes, letting a single tear escape out of the corner of my eye. When I finally fell asleep for my nap, I dreamt of my times back at the academy with Dimitri.


	18. Passionate Kisses

**So, I really appreciate the reviews that were put up in response to the A/N. I agree with what most of you said (and that was how I was planning on writing it anyway ;) ... I hope you guys come to agree that the rest of the story (the upcoming chapters) is a good medium, not going too fast, but not dragging on, either. I promise that I'm not putting in pointless things...if there's something in the story, it's somehow important! **

**Anyways, you guys can look forward to the big KABOOM, coming up soon. I won't give away exactly when…of course, technically, you already know.**

**Enjoy this chapter, and hold your breath for the next one! (Well don't actually, because the truth is I don't know when I'll be able to post it, but I will make sure I try super-duper hard to crank it out!)**

**Ooh, and just going to add in here...I definitely JUST realized that the little "break" things (like a funky symbol or even a few asterisks) I put into my word documents never showed up once I posted here...so I'm sorry if skips from one scene to the next were ever confusing... I did just realize how to insert the "horizontal ruler" though, and I can use that now! **

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated... I feel like such a broken record here... But please do review. They always make me happy :)**

CHAPTER 18

I woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest. My dreams about Dimitri had lasted all the way into morning, and I was just now waking and realizing that that was all it had been—a dream.

Sighing, I disentangled myself from Viktoria, who was still curled up in a little ball, and went down the hall to her sister's room. Lexi, too, was fast asleep on her bed. I felt her forehead; the fever still hadn't broken yet. I was definitely going to have to go out and get medicine for her.

I went downstairs. My mother was at the table, sipping coffee. That was a strange sight, for sure.

"It's about time you got up," she said. "I was beginning to have flashbacks to when you were a teenager."

Normally I would have a bitter retort on the tip of my tongue. My mother and I used to be impossible to keep in the same room for more than a few moments at a time. And even though I still had that comeback on my lips, I swallowed it now. I still may not agree exactly with how my mother went about things when it came to me and my childhood, but I wasn't going to put a crick in this newfound…comradeship.

Comrade.

_Dimitri._

I had never really been able to sit down and talk to my mom about things, but this slipped out before I could really control it. "Viktoria asked about Dimitri last night."

Janine's eyes snapped toward me. "What?"

"Apparently Tasha was asking about their father."

"She asked specifically about Dimitri?"

"No." I closed my eyes. "Viktoria asked me to tell her about her father."

My mom paused. "And?" she asked quietly.

I brought my gaze to hers. "I think it's time for the truth, Mom."

* * *

Jab, jab, cross.

_Janine bit her lip. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Rose."_

Jab, jab, cross, kick.

_"I'm tired of the lies. The girls deserve to know. _Dimitri _deserves to know!"_

Kick, kick, kick.

_Her face grew cold. "Are you ready to give them up, then? Because Dimitri won't leave them once he knows the truth. And he's not going to leave his charge; that's not the type of man he is."_

Jab, jab, jab, cross, cross, kick, cross.

_"I know that. And the last thing I want is to lose my daughters…" I couldn't tell her that Rhonda's words were weighing on my conscience._

_ Janine sighed. "It's your call, Rosemarie."_

I sighed, steadying the bag as it flew back at me. I wiped sweat off my brow and slowly turned to face the sparring mat. It was empty. The whole gym, really, was dead. I didn't understand—had I missed the memo, or something? Where _was _everyone?

Of course, the one time I was _really _looking for a distraction, I was out of luck.

I turned back to the punching bag, starting up again, when I suddenly heard, "Hathaway?"

I spun around to the sound of the voice and felt a smile stretch over my face as I saw Holt.

"Holt. What's up? Haven't seen you in a while."

"Could say the same for you. Where are the twins?"

"At home. My mother's visiting for a while and she wanted to spend some time with them."

Holt shifted, and the dim lighting caught just right on the side of his face. It was black and blue.

"Oh my God, Josh!" I cried, grabbing his chin and reexamining the wound. "What happened?"

He shook his head, shrugging it off. "I just had a disagreement."

I became professional, slipping into "boss"-mode. If he was on the outs with another one of my employees, I needed to know. We couldn't have rifts in our line of work. If it was someone that he had to be around—

"Who was it?" I demanded. "Who did you fight with?"

Holt looked uncomfortable. "Damn, I knew I should have gone with the sparring line instead."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, well, you didn't. As your boss, I'm demanding that you tell me who—"

He closed his eyes and looked away. "Perkins. Joe Perkins."

I frowned, believing I'd misunderstood him. Joe? Happy, funny, almost-awkward Joe? I voiced this confusion. Holt nodded, confirming.

"Wha…What on earth were you _disagreeing _on this badly?" I frowned at his disfigured face.

Holt turned away again, chewing on his bottom lip. "It's not that important. Perkins and I are staying out of each other's ways from now on."

I shook my head, "No, you don't get off that easy. Tell me what the hell it was over!"

Holt's cheeks flushed. "No, Rose."

So help me God, I was going to pull the trump card. "I am your boss. It's Guardian Hathaway, and I asked you a question."

There was anger in his eyes as he snapped, "You're my boss? That's it?"

I frowned, making a face. "What?"

And then he leaned down, taking my face in his hands and thrusting his lips upon mine.

I'm not going to lie. It was a nice kiss. It was passionate and warm, and I associated Holt with the girls and their happiness. It definitely could have been a worse surprise.

But I wasn't there. Even if it meant that I was stuck in the past, I was still in love with Dimitri, and Dimitri alone. Even years of being around Adrian, having him constantly attempt to woo me, had not changed that.

I broke away from him harshly, scowling. "What the hell was that, Holt?"

He still had that fierceness in his eyes. "I don't know what's going on between you and Belikov, but those girls mean the world to me, and I think you're amazing."

I was flustered. How had I never seen any of his admiration before? I had always thought of Holt as…well…a really awesome babysitter. Damn, I felt like a bitch saying that.

Shaking my head and averting my gaze, I grabbed my water bottle and left the gym.

Outside, even the cool air was doing little to soothe my head. Just what I needed, another thing to add onto my already overfilled plate. Let's see, I'd put Josh right in between whatever was going on with Dimitri and the age decree alternatives. Ah, perfect fit.

I had the burning urge to hit something. I settled for letting out a guttural groan, and clenching my fists so hard that my fingernails dug into my palms. Deciding that it was "unsafe" to hang out in front of the gym, for fear of Holt coming out, I immediately charged in the direction of the track. Unless he was stalking me, he wouldn't go to the track after working out in the gym.

Running wasn't my favorite thing. Never had been. I still had vivid memories of training with Dimitri; at the beginning, when I had first come back to the academy after Lissa's and my two-year hiatus, running was Dimitri's way of getting me back into the hang of training.

At the moment, though, it was my only outlet. Doing a brief stretch of lunges for my hamstrings, I took off around the track. I slowly began to contemplate a few of the issues battling around in my head.

There was Holt, now, and his sudden declaration of love. That would be a fun bubble to burst. The only thing I could hope for was that it wouldn't impact his ability to do his job. I could handle having to keep the girls away from him from now on, but if me turning him down negatively affected his guardian abilities? That was getting into the part about my job I hated.

Then there was the age decree. I was still drawing blanks for alternatives. I knew there had to be some middle compromise, but I just couldn't draw it out. I began to think about people I could ask. As head guardian, I was supposed to be able to take care of this stuff, but hey…having a little help wasn't against the law or anything.

There was my mother, who would probably have an interesting outlook. I would be sure to run it by her. I had always viewed Alberta with respect; maybe I could call her later and ask her opinion. Possibly Lissa and Christian. And as much as I hated to admit it, Tasha might even have some good suggestions.

Maybe even Dimitri.

Ah, Dimitri. My worst stressor, at the moment.

I was more confused than ever. It was easy to be angry with him. I could disguise my confusion and lies behind a cold shoulder without difficulty, but now? Now that I realized I _couldn't _be mad at him? Now that I realized I still loved him, and that I _wanted _him to know the truth? That was a whole new ballgame. I still had yet to figure out how to play.

"Rose!" I jerked toward the noise, slightly angered about being snapped out of my own mind. God knows I needed all the time I could get to think about all of this stuff.

But when I saw it was Joe Perkins, I almost considered it a favor from God. I needed to talk to him anyway, and this way I didn't have to hunt him down.

I slowed to a stop as I met him halfway. He was wearing that big grin that he normally wore and looked like he was energized. I hated to kill his buzz, but I figured this information took precedence over his happy attitude.

"Perkins," I said coolly, remaining completely professional. "We need to talk."

He frowned, recognizing my seriousness. "Okay," he said slowly. "'Bout what?"

I swallowed. "Josh Holt."

Joe's face soured. "What about him?"

"Why were you two fighting? You did damage to his face." I inspected him, "Yet I don't see any marks on you. Was this an attack?"

He averted his gaze, clenching his jaw. I felt my own anger burning within me. I didn't like it when my employees starting acting like children. They needed to be competent. Our line of work wasn't exactly a walk in the park—

"Is that what Holt said? That I attacked him?"

"No," I began, but Joe spoke over me.

"Let me guess, he painted this picture where I was this awful person, totally unthinkable and—"

"Perkins, what are you talking about—?"

"All so he could get to you!"

"Get to me?" I snapped. "What the hell is going on?"

Joe seemed to be off in his own world though. He wasn't listening to me, though he was watching me with a determined, hungry expression on his face. "I'm not going to let him win," he said, more to himself than actually to me.

But then, like fucking déjà vu, he grabbed my face between his hands and mashed his lips on mine.

His kiss wasn't as passionate as Holt's was. It still that heat behind it, but Joe's kiss was hungrier. Of course, I'm not saying that Holt's kiss was a walk in the park either—

_Jesus, Rose!_ I scolded myself. _Stop comparing the kisses and get out of here!_

Finally gathering myself, I launched my fist into the right side of Joe's face. He staggered, grunting at the impact. I was scowling, so angry that I nearly had steam coming out of my ears.

"What. The Fuck. Is Going. On. Here?" I demanded furiously. This was the second assault on me in freaking thirty minutes! What the hell kind of signal was I sending off all of a sudden?

Joe looked back at me in confusion. His brow furrowed. "What the hell, Rose?"

"I am your _boss_!" I exclaimed. "Why the hell are you kissing me?"

Joe's frown deepened. "You're the most beautiful thing on campus. You're funny, clever, strong, and loyal. Your family is beautiful. You're a badass fighter. You're a snarky bitch sometimes, but hey, I think that's sexy—"

"Hey!" I exclaimed, offended. I mean, honestly. Snarky bitch?

"—Why are you so angry?"

"I'm _angry_," I shouted at him, "Because I was just attacked _twice_!" I lowered my voice as I whisper-shouted, "And it wasn't a fight, which I could've taken easily! I was attacked by fucking _lips_!"

Joe rubbed his cheek gingerly. "What are you talking about, Rose?"

"Guardian Hathaway!" I snapped at him. "It's not Rose to you. It's Guardian Hathaway. Because I'm your boss. Hear that, Perkins? Your _boss_. And nothing more!"

There were so many emotions flitting around in my head that I couldn't even begin to sort out which was which. I spun around from him and stalked off quickly, deciding that the _only _safe place left to go was my house.

But no.

That would have been too easy.

Sitting in front of my door was none other than the person that I was trying to avoid. The one who had my head in a mess. The one who I wished I could tell _everything _to—hell, there had been one point in time when I _could_—

Dimitri.

He saw me and immediately stood.

"Ro—" He caught himself just in time, "—se,"

I rubbed my forehead. "God, you have awful timing. Now's not a good time, Dimitri."

I tried to sidestep him but he blocked me. I mean, that was a pretty easy feat for him; he was over a foot taller than me, wider built, and heavier. If he wanted to restrain me, even if it was just to keep me from entering my own house, he had the ability to.

Of course, I had the ability to fight him. And I would most likely win. I had been practicing with different opponents nearly every day for the past four years. I had become an even better guardian than I had been when Dimitri had left me. While he was a god and a badass, to say the least, I was damn near close, if not surpassing, on the ranks.

But I was exhausted. And my head was still whirling from the completely unexpected drama with my two guardians.

I mean, come on. Dhampir-dhampir romances were basically forbidden. Those romances had been a rarity for the majority of my life. Any and all of the romance stories I ever heard were about Moroi and dhampirs, or Moroi and Moroi. I had never once heard about a dhampir-dhampir romance succeeding. And, honestly, that was part of Dimitri's and my original problem. There had been other factors, too, but the illicitness of a relationship as such was definitely among them.

So why, all of a sudden, was there an upsurge in dhampirs professing their love? And why the hell was I the subject of their admiration? I mean, of course I'm amazing, and who wouldn't love me? But…really?

"Rose, we have to talk."

I groaned. My patience was wearing thin. In the back of my mind, I heard a little voice grumbling, _"Of course, of course you're in a bad mood when Dimitri comes along. The one person you need to try to save a good mood for…"_

"What?" I snapped. "What is it that you want to talk about? Start talking, Dimitri."

He looked surprised, but did. "You said four years was too long."

I snapped my gaze to his. Where the hell was this going?

"It's not, Roza, and I will prove it to you."

I groaned. This was not what I needed. More professing.

"_It's too late_!" I shouted, everything bubbling to the brim. I was completely overwhelmed. I literally felt like I was ripping apart at the seams. I was using every ounce of energy left not to simply scream out to the world that Dimitri was the father of my children. "Dimitri, four years changes everything! I have two kids. You have a charge who is madly in love you. I'm the head guardian here. You're living your life with your best friend, who could give you as many children as you want!" I started spewing out random facts. The facts I gave for Dimitri were the same ones that I'd unwillingly admitted to him that night on the roof before the incident in Spokane.

Dimitri's face contorted, but it wasn't so much in pain as it was in suspicion. "You're hiding something from me. Something big. Rose, you're lying to me."

I started to shake. Damn it, he couldn't try to unravel me right now. I was too weak; he would succeed. If he kept asking, just applying a little more pressure…

"Rose, tell me, what's going on?"

If he pushed just a little more, I would crack. I was sure of it. I started shouting, trying to banish the tears of fear that sprang to my eyes. I don't even know what I was shouting. I think I was rambling. I couldn't be sure. "Four years changes everything, Dimitri! I have my own life! You have yours! We can't go back to how it was at the Academy. How can we even try? Everything we declared to each other, declarations of love and loyalty, that all went to hell in a hand basket! It's like starting over from scratch, but it's not from scratch, because we have a history. A long, complicated history!"

"But Roza," he cut me off. His voice was heavy with desperation. I heard the love in his voice, but I couldn't fathom it. "I love you. It doesn't matter that we had a complicated past, it doesn't matter that we made mistakes. My biggest mistake, my worst regret, was leaving you four years ago. Can't you see how much it's killing me? I wish I had stayed, I wish I hadn't delved so deeply into the darkness of my own. I want to be here for you _now_, though, Roza, can't you see? Those beautiful girls need a father in their life, and if you'll let me, I will do my best, Roza—but Roza, I need _you_ in my life—"

He had closed the gap between us. Our faces were inches apart. His hands were cupping my face; those warm, gentle hands enveloping my cheeks; and his touch was sending warm tingles throughout my body.

But the biggest fear on my mind was that he was too close. I immediately snaked out of his grasp, putting distance between us. Still shaking, I said, "Do _not _try to kiss me. There's already been too much of that today. Too much kissing. No more."

Dimitri's brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

I was backing up, trembling, rambling; I was a complete mess. Jesus, was I having a mental breakdown or something? All I knew was that I couldn't handle this anymore. No more.

I turned around and stalked off _again_, hoping that this time I would finally get it right. Maybe Lissa's was a safe haven. I prayed to God that it was.

And thankfully, I finally found my place. When she opened the door, seeing me so distraught, she immediately ushered me inside and sat me down on the couch.

"Talk to me," she demanded, worry clear in her voice, demeanor, and through the bond.

She didn't have to ask me twice. I hated dumping on her like this, but I needed to vent, and she was the only person I had. I told her about my dream, and my revelation in the morning about how I felt like the truth had to come out, and then went on to explain the strange encounters with both Holt and Perkins, and then how I came back to my house only to find Dimitri waiting for me. When I told her what happened with him, there were tears in her eyes.

"Why…why are you crying?" I tried to search for the answer through the bond, but I couldn't find it.

She forced a smile and tried to blink the tears away. "Nothing, Rose," she said quickly. I insisted though, and she finally said, "It's just…Dimitri's trying. And I really hope that you listen to him, Rose, really listen…he's _trying_, and it's such a beautiful thing—"

"I still love him, Liss." I interrupted quietly.

Her breath hitched in her throat and the smile she produced was genuine. "Rose, that's great."

I shook my head. "No, it's not. It's awful."

She frowned, taking my hand in hers. "Why, sweetie, why is it awful?"

I reiterated to her what I had just found out myself, earlier. "It's so much easier to lie and keep him at a distance when I'm angry. Now…now, I just want to fix everything."

"Why is that bad?" Lissa murmured.

I couldn't help the pathetic sound. "That means I'd have to let him in again. And that means he can hurt me again."

Lissa closed her eyes, sighing. "I know," she whispered, "It's scary. But…Rose?" She didn't say the last part aloud. _I think for you and Dimitri, it's worth it._

I closed my eyes, wishing that things weren't so complicated. I missed the way things used to be…Hell, I never thought I'd say this, but, well, I missed the Academy.

At least at St. Vlad's, before the attack, life had been somewhat fun. I had had friends, been popular and outgoing, and had felt a strong connection to protecting Lissa. Plus, I had had Dimitri. He had been my mentor, my confidante, my best friend, my soul mate. I would have trusted him with my life. Now? I could hardly stand to trust him with the truth.

But things were oh-so-different now. I had my two beautiful daughters, one of whom was weighing on my mind heavily (mental note: medicine!), and the other one I was concerned about because of the heartfelt talk we'd had last night. Well, it wasn't really that heartfelt. It was more like she asked a question that was heart-wrenching to _me._ But still.

And now Lissa was engaged to be married. The wedding was coming up quickly, and before I knew it, I really _will _have lost my best friend. She and Christian are already inseparable as it is…add the vows and the wedding bands, and it's a done deal.

And meanwhile, all I wanted was to run up to Dimitri and kiss him. I had this vivid imagination, where, in my fantasy, Lexi, Viktoria, Dimitri and I were all a big happy family.

Lissa wrapped her arms around me. With a sigh, I let out all of my stress, and tried to relax. Forcing a smile and pulling out of the embrace, I said, "Thank you. For letting me unload on you like that."

She grinned. "What are best friends for?"

She reached out and gently touched the _chotki_ around my wrist. It had never left me, in the many years since she had given it to me for Christmas. It was Dragomir family heirloom, but for the guardian. I cherished that bracelet.

Her eyes were soft as she said, "You've always had my back. You're always waiting in the shadows to make sure that I'm safe, and I always feel like I'm simply…using you. And I don't want that to be the truth, Rose. I'm glad that you trust me enough to talk to me."

I could hear the other reason in her mind: four years ago still weighed heavily on her conscience. Knowing that so much pain had come to me simply because I was always trying to keep her safe and sane had killed her then, and continued to kill her now. Plus, there was that awful ache in her heart that still haunted her; my cold words when I had been infected, about how she was a horrible, selfish person and a terrible friend.

I wanted to reassure her that that wasn't true, that it had been the darkness speaking, when suddenly we were interrupted by the front door opening. I assumed it was Christian, so I gave her a small farewell smile.

Standing and approaching the foyer, a sarcastic "Fire boy" comment on my lips, it immediately fizzled out and I froze up as I saw who it really was.

Lissa came up behind me quickly, and then tensed as she pieced it together, too.

Tasha Ozera had let herself in, most likely planning on talking more wedding mumbo-jumbo with Lissa, and had then paused awkwardly as she laid eyes on me.

Despite my stress and depression over earlier, and my weakness before when confronting Dimitri, I was renewed now. And boy, was I pissed off. Viktoria's words came slamming back into my head at full force, sparking that fire within me.

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, guys. I'll come back later—"

"Freeze right there, Tasha. You have some explaining to do." My voice was cold and hard. I felt Lissa's shock and unease through the bond, and I could hear her inner ramblings about how confused she was. That part of last night I _hadn't _shared with her.

Tasha's face was indecipherable. I thought I saw nervousness and some slight guilt, but I could have sworn I saw a shadow of something else, too. But what?

The anger was building up in me at an alarming rate. I might as well have been infected again with the way I felt my rage skyrocketing.

"I want to know what makes you think it's all right to try to milk answers out of my four-year-old daughter."

Lissa's eyes snapped wide in shock. "What?" she exclaimed.

Tasha's eyes clouded with guilt and worry. "Rose, I am _so _sorry—"

"You should be!" I snapped, my entire body tense. "What answer were you looking for, Tasha?"

She shrugged, stammering, "I don't know, Rose, I was just curious—"

"_Curious_?" I hissed/shouted. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to snap at her, low and deadly, or if I wanted to scream and make her jump. Either way, I was furious, and she was damn well going to know it. "Curious is trying to ask _me_, Tasha. Not going after a four-year-old!"

Beside me, Lissa was stunned. She was astonished at my accusations, but was beginning to realize they were true. She grew irate, like I was.

"Fair enough," Tasha said calmly. She wasn't nearly scared enough.

My scowl deepened. I wasn't about to just let her go; I didn't trust her around my children, so I was going to make sure that she _stayed away._ My tactic was to make her scared-to-death of me.

Tasha started speaking again, obviously not picking up on my tension. She didn't seem to understand that hearing her voice was like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Her voice grating on my nerves, she said, "Look, Rose, I'm sorry for doing what I did. I never meant to upset you, and now I can see the error of my ways."

She was being diplomatic. It would have been smart of me to leave it at that. I had, after all, clearly conveyed my displeasure, and I knew that Lissa had my back on this one. But hey, we're talking about me here.

Luckily, though, my lapse in self-control wasn't the only reason I did what I did. And if it was brought up in the future, I would be more than happy to place the blame solely on her.

"But don't you think your daughters have the right to know?"

I snapped. I don't know if it was because of her words or the judgment in her voice, but I guess it didn't really matter. Hell, it was probably because, deep down, I knew she was right. And _Tasha _being right about an issue so personal to me was just…_insulting_.

I lunged for her, growling like an animal. I took her down easily—she hadn't expected an attack—and managed to punch her, but it was weak. She was already reacting to my assault, and I had forgotten that she had martial arts experience.

She blocked my next attempt at a punch and managed to throw me off of her. I recovered quicker than she did, but she was braced for another attack. It didn't matter though, because Lissa was _screaming _in my head.

_STOP! _

I had never heard her so loud before. I was stunned into submission, and then slowly came about myself again. Tasha was breathing heavily, not from exertion but from disbelief. I don't think she ever expected those words to have such an impact on me. Of course, that was stupid of her.

_Rose, _Lissa said in my mind, _for God's sake, control yourself!_

I couldn't shake the rage that was coursing through my body. My first instinct was to lunge at Tasha again. How _dare _she impugn my parenting skills! I was a great mother. I knew my faults, but she had no right to flaunt them in front of me.

"Jesus, Rose!" Tasha exclaimed. "What the hell was that?"

Lissa warned me to be rational through the bond.

Controlling myself in a way that made me seem cold and deadly, I slowly approached Tasha.

"Stay away from my kids," I threatened under my breath. "Because if I find out you've been messing with them, you _will _have to answer to _me_."

Tasha watched me with narrowed eyes, not responding with fear but also not defying me. I believed that I had, at the very least, rattled her.

And then I brushed past her, closing the door behind me.

I tried to control my frustration, but I was nearly busting at the seams. It had taken all of my self-control not to go completely guardian-badass on Tasha. Even after the drama and stress of my day, she had still pissed me off enough to ignite that spark within me.

Even now, after being able to take just a _hint _of that anger out on her, I was still raging! I couldn't fathom how she could imagine that weaseling answers out of a four-year-old was an acceptable action! _And then _she went on to tell me that I was a bad mother!

I was pacing in circles, clenching my fists and growling under my breath, when I heard the door open again. I jerked around, glaring at the person coming out.

It was Tasha, half-turned back to Lissa, who I could hear, warning, "Don't bait her, Tasha!"

And then Tasha closed the door and saw me, coming to stand directly in front of me.

I laughed bitterly. "Oh, you are testing my patience. I guess we're really putting Dimitri's training to the test, huh?"

Tasha scowled at me, obviously offended. "Rose, I said I was sorry. I made a mistake." Then, narrowing her eyes even further, she suddenly shook her head in disbelief and let out a bitter laugh of her own. "What am I talking about? This isn't even about overstepping any boundaries with your children. This is about Dimitri." Her face darkened. "Get over it, Rose. Grow up."

I tensed, ready to throw a punch. That bitch had the audacity to bring up _Dimitri_, too! Did she not realize that she was just making me want to leap at her again?

I settled for a verbal lashing. "_You _just made it about Dimitri. Don't you dare try to parent me, Tasha. Stop treating me like I'm a child."

"You're acting like one," she snapped.

I bristled. "Says the person who tried to weasel an answer that really has nothing to do with her out of a four-year-old."

Tasha stiffened. A tense, silent moment passed. "Don't keep hurting Dimitri," she finally said crisply.

I couldn't help the sarcastic laugh. "Right, I'm sure I'm tearing him up inside." Truth was, I probably could be. I honestly wasn't thinking rationally, though—I was pissed and frustrated and disgusted with Tasha, and the one thing I _was _focusing on was not losing my temper and going psycho-bitch on her.

Tasha instantly lost any friendliness. Her posture tensed and her face was deathly serious. I was nearly frightened. I probably would have been terrified if facing off with evil creatures of the night wasn't my job.

"Either you leave Dimitri alone, or I will _make sure _that you are out of his life for good."

I was frozen for a moment. Had she really just threatened me? Seriously?

And then I was unfrozen. I started to act on my first instinct—eliminate my threat—when suddenly I was frozen again. Except…I wasn't _frozen_ at all.

I was burning.

I had planned on punching her. Not even really hurting her enough to do any permanent damage—just a good, strong punch that would give her a wicked headache and make her regret crossing me. Even after four years of maturing and growing up myself, I still identified threats as a touchy subject.

But before I could even begin to make my move, I felt tingling. A burning sensation was flooding from my fingertips through my arms, all the way down to my toes.

The pain from the heat was slightly reminiscent of Spokane, when Christian had had to burn the flex-cuffs off of my wrists. That had been painful as hell.

This wasn't as severe, but it still hurt. I smelled the burning but couldn't place where the actual fire was. I grimaced, refusing to cry out in pain, but held Tasha's gaze darkly.

"What are you doing," I growled, slowly bending my fingers to clench my fists. Moving the joints sent a deeper round of scalding heat coursing through my body, but I tried to brace myself through it. I was failing, though; I wasn't trained for this type of internal torture. It was like my body was ripping apart from the inside out.

"Don't test me, Rose." The burning intensified until I couldn't resist letting out the beginning of a shriek. As soon as the first hint of the high-pitched cry had escaped, the burning was gone and the sound died in my throat.

Gasping, but refusing to appear weak, I straightened my posture. It didn't really matter, anyway, because Tasha had already turned around and was heading back into the house, leaving me alone outside.


	19. Reminisce

**Sorry, guys. I would have gotten this chapter up sooner but FanFic was acting weird, and it wouldn't let me upload... :(**

**Anywaysss...this chapter is a bit slower than the others, it's mainly flashbacks and some realizations. Sorry if it's not exactly what you had in mind...THAT part is coming up soon though :) :)**

**Please read and review. I had so many reviews this time (I think from a bunch of new readers, as well as some of my regulars!) and I was working all weekend to get this typed and ready for you. The reviews were sweet and encouraging, and that's my motivation. Without reviews...it's like writer's block. :( ... SO PLEASE REVIEW!**

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CHAPTER 19

There was only one place I could go. Technically, the gym, the track, and Lissa's were all off-limits. The only safe place left was my house, and if Dimitri was still there, then so be it. Worst-case scenario, he had to witness another outburst.

But luckily—or was it unluckily? I was still so confused by what I was feeling where he was concerned—he had left. I let myself in wearily, slowly reading the note that my mother had left for me. It was propped up on the counter in the kitchen.

_Rose,_

_ I was called into an urgent meeting at the last minute. I couldn't reach you or Lissa on your cell phones, so I called Adrian. He's with the girls at his place. I should be home later. Let me know when you pick them up, otherwise I will._

_ Mom._

I sighed, partly in relief and partly in annoyance. I was glad that she had been responsible enough to make sure that the girls were taken care of, but I was also irritated that she had to leave in the first place. Technically this was her vacation, right? So why was she dropping everything—meaning spending time with her grandchildren—to go to some meeting?

I glanced at the clock. It was about one o'clock. I glanced between the couch and the door. My gaze longingly slid back to the couch. It really had been a long day…and I really wanted to avoid having to cross the quad again. Maybe I was being chicken, but the last thing I wanted was to take a chance of running into…well, _anyone_.

So I settled on calling Adrian, instead.

"Hello?" he answered. I heard Viktoria in the background, but no Lexi. She still must have been sleeping.

"Adrian, it's me."

"I know it is."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "My mother said you had the girls."

"I do."

"Would you mind walking them over? I really just want to lay down on the couch for a while."

"You sound tired."

"It's been a long day."

"Why don't you take a nap, then? I'll keep the girls for a while longer. Janine said that she would pick them up when she was able if you hadn't already."

I began to object, but then realized that he was right. A nap would be amazing. It was definitely what I needed to unwind.

"Thanks, Adrian."

I heard his smile over the phone. "Anything for you, little dhampir." And then he disconnected.

Considering he was giving me enough time to actually get in a decent _rest_, I forgot the couch and instead went up to my bed. I climbed onto the fluffy mattress, relishing its warmth and comfort. How I regretted ever leaving my bed this morning.

I pulled the comforter up to my chin and curled into the fetal position. I pushed strongly into my pillow, until my face was mashed into the fabric. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out deeply, until my heart rate was low and smooth.

My breathing was heavy and slow. Calming down, I felt sleep close in on me until I was completely gone.

And then I dreamt of Dimitri again.

When Lissa and I had finally been caught and brought back to the Academy, Dimitri had unwillingly agreed to mentor me in order to get me caught up on what I missed in my classes so that I could continue attending the Academy and not be sent away. This memory had been of one of our practices a few weeks after my return.

I had walked in on him reading a book and listening to 80's music in the gym one morning. Being, well, _me_, I had a snappy retort to greet him with.

_"Whoa, Dimitri," I said, tossing my bag on the floor. "I realize this is actually a current hit in Eastern Europe right now, but do you think we could maybe listen to something that wasn't recorded before I was born?"_

_ Only his eyes flicked toward me; the rest of his posture remained the same. "What does it matter to you? I'm the one who's going to be listening to it. You'll be outside running."_

_ I made a face as I set my foot up on one of the bars and stretched my hamstrings. All things considered, Dimitri had a good-natured tolerance for my snarkiness. So long as I didn't slack in my training, he didn't mind my running commentary._

_ "Hey," I asked, moving on to the next set of stretches, "what's with all the running, anyway? I mean, I realize the importance of stamina and all that, but shouldn't I be moving on to something with a little hitting? They're still killing me in group practice."_

_ "Maybe you should hit harder," he replied drily._

_ "I'm serious."_

_ "Hard to tell the difference." He set the book down but didn't move from his sprawl. "My job is to get you ready to defend the princess and fight dark creatures, right?"_

_ "Yup."_

_ "So tell me this: suppose you manage to kidnap her again and take her off to the mall. While you're there, a Strigoi comes at you. What will you do?"_

_ "Depends on what store we're in."_

_ He looked at me._

_ "Fine. I'll stab him with a silver stake."_

_ Dimitri sat up now, crossing his long legs in one fluid motion. I still couldn't figure out how someone so tall could be so graceful. "Oh?" He raised his dark eyebrows. "Do you have a silver stake? Do you even know how to use one?"_

_ I dragged my eyes away from his body and scowled. Made with elemental magic, silver stakes were a guardian's deadliest weapon. Stabbing a Strigoi through the heart with one meant instant death. The blades were also lethal to Moroi, so they weren't given out lightly to novices. My classmates had just started learning how to use them. I'd trained with a gun before, but no one would let me near a stake yet. Fortunately, there were two other ways to kill a Strigoi._

_ "Okay. I'll cut his head off."_

_ "Ignoring the fact that you don't have a weapon to do that, how will you compensate for the fact that he may be a foot taller than you?"_

_ I straightened up from touching my toes, annoyed. "Fine, then I'll set him on fire."_

_ "Again, with what?"_

_ "All right, I give up. You've already got the answer. You're just messing with me. I'm at the mall and I see a Strigoi. What do I do?"_

_ He looked at me and didn't blink. "You run."_

_ I repressed the urge to throw something at him. When I finished my stretches, he told me he'd run with me. That was a first. Maybe running would give me some insight into his killer reputation. _

I vaguely began to recall that that training session was when I had really begun pushing myself. I had become motivated to impress him, to prove myself to him. I had finally cracked and started to become the serious guardian-in-training that they had wanted me to be.

Well, maybe not quite that serious. Another memory slowly crept up to me, yet it wasn't nearly as inspiring. I was actually embarrassed to recall this, but then I realized that _this _was the situation that finally pushed me over the edge.

Jesse Zeklos and I had snuck into the lounge and had gotten…well, hot and heavy, to say the least. I had been found with my shirt off, and we had been on the verge of doing some inappropriate things, when suddenly we had been discovered.

_We sprang apart. I was ready to handle a fellow student or even possibly the matron. What I was not ready for was Dimitri. _

_ He burst in the door like he'd expected to find us, and in that horrible moment, with him raging like a storm, I knew why Mason had called him a god. In the blink of an eye, he crossed the room and jerked Jesse up by his shirt, nearly holding the Moroi off the ground._

_ "What's your name?" barked Dimitri._

_ "J-Jesse, sir. Jesse Zeklos, sir."_

_ "Mr. Zeklos, do you have permission to be in this part of the dorm?"_

_ "No, sir."_

_ "Do you know the rules about male and female interactions around here?"_

_ "Yes, sir."_

_ "Then I suggest you get out of here as fast as you can before I turn you over to someone who will punish you accordingly. If I ever see you like this again"—Dimitri pointed to where I cowered, half-dressed, on the couch—"_I _will be the one to punish you. And it will hurt. A lot. Do you understand?"_

_ Jesse swallowed, eyes wide. None of the bravado he usually showed was there. I guess there was "usually" and then there was being held in the grip of a really ripped, really tall, and really pissed-off Russian guy. "Yes, sir!"_

_ "Then _go_." Dimitri released him, and, if possible, Jesse got out of there faster than Dimitri had burst in. My mentor then turned to me, a dangerous glint in his eyes. He didn't say anything, but the angry, disapproving message came through loud and clear._

_ And then it shifted._

_ It was almost like he'd been taken by surprise, like he'd never noticed me before. Had it been any other guy, I would have said he was checking me out. As it was, he was definitely studying me. Studying my face, my body. And I suddenly realized that I was only in jeans and a bra—a black bra at that. I knew perfectly well that there weren't a lot of girls at this school who looked as good in a bra as I did. Even a guy like Dimitri, one who seemed so focused on duty and training and all of that, had to appreciate that._

_ And, finally, I noticed that a hot flush was spreading over me, and that the look in his eyes was doing more to me than Jesse's kisses had. Dimitri was quiet and distant sometimes, but he also had a dedication and an intensity that I'd never seen in any other person. I wondered how that kind of power and strength translated into…well, sex. I wondered what it'd be like for him to touch me and—shit!_

_ What was I thinking? Was I out of my mind? Embarrassed, I covered my feelings with attitude._

_ "You see something you like?" I asked._

_ "Get dressed."_

_ The set of his mouth hardened, and whatever he'd just felt was gone. That fierceness sobered me up and made me forget about my own troubling reaction. I immediately pulled my shirt back on, uneasy at seeing his badass side._

_ "How'd you find me? You following me to make sure I don't run away?"_

_ "Be quiet," he snapped, leaning down so that we were at eye level. "A janitor saw you and reported it. Do you have any idea how stupid this was?"_

_ "I know, I know, the whole probation thing, right?"_

_ "Not just that. I'm talking about the stupidity of getting in _that _kind of situation in the first place."_

_ "I get in _that _situation all the time, Comrade. It's not a big deal." Anger replaced my fear. I didn't like being treated like a child._

_ "Stop calling me that. You don't even know what you're talking about."_

_ "Sure I do. I had to do a report on Russia and the R.S.S.R. last year."_

_ "_U_.S.S.R. And it _is _a big deal for a Moroi to be with a dhampir girl. They like to brag."_

_ "So?"_

_ "_So_?" He looked disgusted. "So don't you have any respect? Think about Lissa. You make yourself look cheap. You live up to what a lot of people already think about dhampir girls, and it reflects back on her. And me."_

_ "Oh, I see. Is that what this is about? Am I hurting your big, bad male pride? Are you afraid I'll ruin your reputation?"_

_ "My reputation is already made, Rose. I set my standards and I lived up to them long ago. What you do with yours remains to be seen." His voice hardened again. "Now get back to your room—if you can manage that without throwing yourself at someone else."_

_ "Is that your subtle way of calling me a slut?"_

_ "I hear the stories you guys tell. I've heard stories about you."_

_ Ouch. I wanted to yell back that it was none of his business what I did with my body, but something about the anger and disappointment on his face made me falter. I didn't know what it was. "Disappointing" someone like Kirova was a non-event, but Dimitri?...I remembered how proud I'd felt when he praised me the last few times in our practices. Seeing that disappear from him…well, it suddenly made me feel as cheap as he'd implied I was._

_ Something broke inside of me. Blinking back tears, I said, "Why is it so wrong to…I don't know, have fun? I'm seventeen, you know. I should be able to enjoy it."_

_ "You're seventeen, and in less than a year, someone's life and death will be in your hands." His voice still sounded firm, but there was a gentleness there too. "If you were human or Moroi, you could have fun. You could do things other girls could."_

_ "But you're saying that I can't."_

_ He glanced away, and his dark eyes went unfocused. He was thinking about something far away from here. "When I was seventeen, I met Ivan Zeklos. We weren't like you and Lissa, but we became friends, and he requested me as his guardian when I graduated. I was the top student in my school. I paid attention to everything in my classes, but in the end, it wasn't enough. That's how it is in this life. One slip, one distraction…." He sighed. "And it's too late."_

_ A lump formed in my throat as I thought about one slip or one distraction costing Lissa her life._

_ "Jesse's a Zeklos," I said, suddenly realizing that Dimitri had just thrown around a relative of his former friend and charge. _

_ "I know."_

_ "Does it bother you? Does he remind you of Ivan?"_

_ "It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how any of us feel."_

_ "But it does bother you." It suddenly became very obvious to me. I could read his pain, though he clearly worked hard to hide it. "You hurt. Every day. Don't you? You miss him."_

_ Dimitri looked surprised, like he didn't want me to know that, like I'd uncovered some secret part of him. I'd been thinking he was some aloof, antisocial tough guy, but maybe he kept himself apart from other people so he wouldn't get hurt if he lost them. Ivan's death had clearly left a permanent mark._

_ I wondered if Dimitri was lonely._

_ The surprised look vanished, and his standard serious one returned. "It doesn't matter how I feel. _They _come first. Protecting them."_

_ I thought about Lissa again. "Yeah. They do."_

_ A long silence fell before he spoke again. _

_ "You told me you want to fight, to _really _fight. Is that still true?"_

_ "Yes. Absolutely."_

_ "Rose…I can teach you, but I have to believe you're dedicated. Really dedicated. I can't have you distracted by things like this." He gestured around the lounge. "Can I trust you?"_

_ Again, I felt like crying under that gaze, under the seriousness of what he asked. I didn't get how he could have such a powerful effect on me. I'd never cared so much about what one person though. "Yes. I promise."_

_ "All right. I'll teach you, but I need you strong. I know you hate the running, but it really is necessary. You have no idea what Strigoi are like. The school tries to prepare you, but until you've seen how strong they are and how fast…well, you can't even imagine. So I can't stop the running and the conditioning. If you want to learn more about fighting, we need to add more trainings. It will take up more of your time. You won't have much left for your homework or anything else. You'll be tired. A lot."_

_ I thought about it, about him, and about Lissa. "It doesn't matter. If you tell me to do it, I'll do it."_

_ He studied me hard, like he was still trying to decide if he could believe me. Finally satisfied, he gave me a sharp nod. "We'll start tomorrow."_

I remembered the pride that had filled me to my core, seeing Dimitri trust me like that. I didn't want to let him down then, and there was still a part of me that hated to let him down now. I felt like the lies I was keeping from him sent me right back into that lounge with Jesse…and once Dimitri found out, he would give me that same disappointed look.

I recalled one time in practice, once Dimitri and I had begun to fall into the extended routine. He had shown me new maneuvers that I had quickly absorbed; yet I had failed to successfully utilize any of them on him during practice. When I demanded to know what I was doing wrong, he simply told me "nothing" and then dismissed class so we could get ready for a banquet.

_He walked off ahead of me. Studying him carefully, I realized I couldn't let the opportunity go by. I leapt at his back, positioning myself exactly the way he'd taught me. I had the element of surprise. Everything was perfect, and he wouldn't even see me coming._

_ Before I could make contact, he spun around at a ridiculously high speed. In one deft motion, he grabbed me like I weighed nothing and threw me to the ground, pinning me there._

_ I groaned. "I didn't do anything wrong!"_

_ His eyes looked levelly into mine as he held my wrists, but he didn't look as serious as he had during the lesson. He seemed to find this funny. "The battle cry sort of gave you away. Try not to yell next time."_

_ "Would it really have made a difference if I'd been quiet?"_

_ He thought about it. "No. Probably not."_

_ I sighed loudly, still in too much of a good mood to really let this disappointment get me down. There were some advantages to having such a kick-ass mentor—one who also happened to have a foot of height on me and outweighed me considerably. And that wasn't even considering his strength. He wasn't bulky, but his body had a lot of hard, lean muscle. It I could ever beat _him_, I could be anyone._

_ All of a sudden, it occurred to me that he was still holding me down. The skin on his fingers was warm as he clutched my wrists. His face hovered inches from my own, and his legs and torso were actually pressing against mine. Some on his long brown hair hung around his face, and he appeared to be noticing me too, almost like he had that night in the lounge. And oh _God_, did he smell good. Breathing became difficult for me, and it had nothing to do with the workout or my lungs being crushed._

_ I would have given anything to be able to read his mind right then. Ever since that night in the lounge, I'd noticed him watching me with this same, studious expression. He never actually did it during the trainings themselves—those were _business_. But before and after, he would sometimes lighten up just a little, and I'd see him look at me in a way that was almost admiring. And sometimes, if I was really, really lucky, he'd smile at me. A real smile, too—not the dry one that accompanied the sarcasm we tossed around so often. I didn't want to admit it to anyone—not to Lissa, not even to myself—but some days, I lived for those smiles. They lit up his face. "Gorgeous" no longer adequately described him._

_ Hoping to appear calm, I tried to think of something professional and guardian-related to say. Instead, I said, "So, um…you got any other moves to show me?"_

My lips twitched in a smile subconsciously in my sleepy state. If I asked that question _now_, I would most likely get…well, possibly an X-rated answer.

I thought about how those rare smiles had seemed like sunshine on a rainy day to me. Technically, they still were. I'd had yet to see one since four years ago, and I was just now realizing how much I missed them. I was just now realizing how much I missed Dimitri.

My mind was already calling up another memory, this time after a practice that had left my hands raw. I had been feeling upset and overwhelmed over the last few days, untrue rumors having circulated across campus that said that I had slept with Jesse and Ralf. Later it was discovered that it was Mia Rinaldi's doing, to try to get back at Lissa and me during an ongoing feud, but until then…it had been rough on me.

Dimitri and I been discussing family issues while he had bandaged my hands. I had vented to him about my woes with my mother, and he had gone on to tell me about his family back in Russia.

_"You don't know your father, do you?"_

_ I shook my head. "No. All I know is that he must have had wicked cool hair."_

_ Dimitri glanced up, and his eyes swept me. "Yes. He must have." Returning to my hands, he said carefully, "I knew mine."_

_ I froze. "Really? Most Moroi guys don't stay—I mean, some do, but you know, usually they just—"_

_ "Well, he liked my mother." He didn't say "liked" in a nice way. "And he visited her a lot. He's my sisters' father too. But when he came…well, he didn't treat my mother very well. He did some horrible things."_

_ "Like…" I hesitated. This was Dimitri's mother we were talking about. I didn't know how far I could go. "Blood-whore things?"_

_ "Like beating-her-up kinds of things," he replied flatly._

_ He'd finished the bandages but was still holding my hands. I don't even know if he noticed. I certainly did. His were warm and large, with long and graceful fingers. Fingers that might have played the piano in another life._

_ "Oh God," I said. How horrible. I tightened my hands in his. He squeezed back. "That's horrible. And she…she just let it happen?"_

_ "She did." The corner of his mouth turned up into a sly, sad smile. "But I didn't."_

_ Excitement surged through me. "Tell me, _tell me_ you beat the crap out of him."_

_ His smile grew. "I did."_

_ "Wow." I hadn't thought Dimitri could be any cooler, but I was wrong. "You beat up your dad. I mean, that's really horrible…what happened. But, _wow_. You really are a god."_

_ He blinked. "What?"_

_ "Uh, nothing." Hastily, I tried to change the subject. "How old were you?"_

_ He still seemed to be puzzling out the god comment. "Thirteen."_

_ Whoa. Definitely a god. "You beat up your dad when you were _thirteen_?"_

_ "It wasn't that hard. I was stronger than he was, almost as tall. I couldn't let him keep doing that. He had to learn that being royal and Moroi doesn't mean you can do anything you want to other people—even blood whores."_

_ I stared. I couldn't believe he'd just said that about his mother. "'Im sorry."_

_ "It's all right."_

_ Pieces clicked into place for me. "That's why you got so upset about Jesse, isn't it? He was another royal, trying to take advantage of a dhampir girl."_

_ Dimitri averted his eyes. "I got upset over that for a lot of reasons. After all, you were breaking the rules, and…"_

_ He didn't finish, but he looked back into my eyes in a way that made warmth build between us._

_ Thinking about Jesse soon darkened my mood, unfortunately. I looked down. "I know you heard what people are saying, that I—"_

_ "I know it's not true," he interrupted._

_ His immediate, certain answer surprised me, and I stupidly found myself questioning it. "Yeah, but how do you—"_

_ "Because I know you," he replied firmly. "I know your character. I know you're going to be a great guardian."_

_ His confidence made that warm feeling return. "I'm glad someone does. Everyone else thinks I'm totally irresponsible."_

_ "With the way you worry more about Lissa than yourself…" He shook his head. "No. You understand your responsibilities better than guardians twice your age. You'll do what you have to do to succeed."_

_ I thought about that. "I don't know if I can do everything I have to do."_

_ He did that cool one-eyebrow thing._

_ "I don't want to cut my hair," I explained._

_ He looked puzzled. "You don't have to cut your hair. It's not required."_

_ "All of the other guardian women do. They show off their tattoos."_

_ Unexpectedly, he released my hands and leaned forward. Slowly, he reached out and held a lock of my hair, twisting it around one finger thoughtfully. I froze, and for a moment, there was nothing going on in the world except him touching my hair. He let my hair go, looking a little surprised—and embarrassed—at what he'd done._

_ "Don't cut it," he said gruffly._

_ Somehow, I remembered how to talk again. "But no one'll see my tattoos if I don't."_

_ He moved toward the doorway, a small smile playing over his lips. "Wear it up."_

I took a moment to think about how things had changed for us. For starters, my relationship with my mother had improved significantly. When it came down to it, it was technically thanks to Dimitri that my mother and I had been able to bond.

I was well into my guardianship—hallelujah, I hadn't had to cut my hair—and I had gained respect from my colleagues. I, too, had set my standards and lived up to them. Granted, I was still considered a troublemaker (and a force to be reckoned with) thanks to my past, but the people around me took it in stride.

And one of the most obvious things—something that seemed so small, yet was so significant to me…Dimitri no longer had qualms about being openly affectionate towards me. I compared his modest interaction with my hair several years ago to just this afternoon, when he had been only inches away from kissing me publicly.

To me, that little fact seemed to make all the difference in the world.

My mind began throwing memories at me so quickly that it was difficult to sort out which was which. I thought that the order began to get messed up, too, somewhere in the midst of the reminiscences. I remembered the lust charm, and the way that I was enthralled with him. I had never felt so close to anyone like I had felt to him then. I could recall the feel of his fingers on my body so clearly, and the way that he—

_Snap out of it, Rose._ Even in a dreaming state, my mind seemed to know when to get me to call it quits. Despite admitting to myself that I was still in love with him, and despite my resolve to tell him the truth about his daughters, I was still trying to keep myself a healthy distance away from him. I wouldn't be able to handle him leaving me twice.

I remembered when I had _told _him to leave. On the roof, right before the Spokane incident, I had told Dimitri that he should be with Tasha.

_"We aren't fighting right now." I blurted out._

_ He gave me a sidelong look. "Do you want to fight?"_

_ "No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I don't mind in the gym."_

_ I thought I detected the hint of a smile. Always a half-smile for me. Rarely a full one. "I don't like fighting with you either."_

_ Sitting next to him there, I marveled at the warm and happy emotions springing up inside of me. There was something about being around him that felt so good, that moved me in a way Mason couldn't. You can't force love, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love._

_ The next words that came out of my mouth astonished me, both because they were completely unselfish and because I actually meant them._

_ "You should take it."_

_ He flinched. "What?"_

_ "Tasha's offer. You should take her up on it. It's a really great chance."_

_ I remembered my mom's words about being ready for children. I wasn't. Maybe she hadn't been. But Tasha was. And I knew Dimitri was too. They got along really well. He could go be her guardian, have some kids with her…it would be a good deal for both of them._

_ "I never expected to hear you say anything like that," he told me, voice tight. "Especially after—"_

_ "What a bitch I've been? Yeah." I tugged his coat tighter against the cold. It smelled like him. It was intoxicating, and I could half-imagine being wrapped in his embrace. Adrian might have been onto something about the power of scent. "Well. Like I said, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want us to hate each other. And…well…" I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them. "No matter how I feel about _us_…I want you to be happy."_

I had honestly meant that. When I had told Dimitri that, I had braced myself for the worst. I had planned to hear the next day that I would need a new mentor; that he had gone with Tasha back to Minneapolis. I had been ready for it then.

But Dimitri had refused her. I remembered walking into the gym after the Spokane incident, and he had been sitting there, reading another Western novel.

_"I thought you might come by," he said, putting a bookmark between the pages._

_ "It's time for practice."_

_ He shook his head. "No. No practice today. You still need to recover."_

_ "I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." I pushed as much patented Rose Hathaway bravado into my words as I could._

_ Dimitri wasn't falling for any of it. He gestured to the chair beside him. "Sit down, Rose."_

_ I hesitated only a moment before complying. He moved his own chair close to mine so that we sat directly across from each other. My heart fluttered as I looked into those gorgeous dark eyes._

_ "No one ever gets over their first kill…kills…easily. Even with Strigoi…well, it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through…" He sighed, then reached out and caught my hand in his. His fingers were exactly like I remembered, long and powerful, calloused with years of training. "When I saw your face…when we found you in that house…you can't imagine how I felt."_

_ I swallowed. "How…how did you feel?"_

_ "Devastated…grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked…I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young." He squeezed my hand. "You will recover—I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy."_

_ My eyes dropped from his and studied the floor. "It's my fault," I said in a small voice._

_ "Hmm?"_

_ "Mason. Getting killed."_

_ I didn't have to see Dimitri's face to know compassion was filling it. "Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions…you should have told others when you knew he was gone…but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him."_

_ Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked back up. "I might as well have. The whole reason he went there—it was my fault. We had a fight…and I told him about the Spokane thing, even though you asked me not to…"_

_ One tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. Really, I needed to learn to stop that. Just as my mother had, Dimitri delicately wiped the tear off my cheek._

_ "You can't blame yourself for that," he told me. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That was what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role." When Mason had come back for me, I realized, he'd let his feelings for me get in the way. It was what Dimitri had always feared, that if he and I had any sort of relationship, it would put us—and any Moroi we protected—in danger._

_ "I just wish I'd been able to…I don't know, do anything…"_

_ Swallowing back further tears, I pulled my hands from Dimitri's and stood up before I could say something stupid._

_ "I should go," I said thickly. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for…talking."_

_ I started to turn; then I heard him say abruptly, "No."_

_ I glanced back. "What?"_

_ He held my gaze, and something warm and wonderful and powerful shot between us._

_ "No," he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha."_

_ "I…" I shut my mouth before my jaw hit the floor. "But…why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby. And she…she was, you know, into you…"_

_ The ghost of a smile flickered on his face. "Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that…couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…" He took a few steps toward me. "Not when my heart is somewhere else."_

_ I almost started crying again. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted."_

_ "You act young," he said, "because you are young. But you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know. That day…" I knew instantly which day he referred to. The one up against the wall. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has ever figured that out—and it scared me. You scare me."_

_ "Why? Don't you want anyone to know?"_

_ He shrugged. "Whether they know that fact or not doesn't matter. What matters is that someone—that you—know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend."_

_ "Like Tasha."_

_ "Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brace. But she doesn't—"_

_ "She doesn't_ get_ you." I finished._

_ He nodded. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you."_

_ I'd thought the same thing about Mason. "But she couldn't."_

_ "Yes. And, so…that's a problem."_

_ "Because it's wrong for us to be together."_

_ "Yes."_

_ "Because of the age difference."_

_ "Yes."_

_ "But more importantly, because we're going to be Lissa's guardians and need to focus on her—not each other."_

_ "Yes."_

_ I thought about this for a moment and then looked straight into his eyes. "Well," I said at last, "the way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians yet."_

_ I steeled myself for the next response. I knew it was going to be one of the Zen life lessons. Something about inner strength and perseverance, about how choices we made today were templates for the future or some other nonsense._

_ Instead he kissed me._

_ Time stopped as he reached out and cupped my face between his hands. He brought his mouth down and brushed it against my lips. It was barely a kiss at first but soon increased, becoming heavy and deep. When he finally pulled away, it was to kiss my forehead. He left his lips there for several seconds as his arms held me close._

_ I wished the kiss could have gone on forever. Breaking the embrace, he ran a few fingers through my hair and down my cheek. He stepped back toward the door._

_ "I'll see you later, Roza."_

_ "At our next practice?" I asked. "We_ are _starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me."_

_ Standing in the doorway, he looked over at me and smiled. "Yes. Lots of things."_

If he said that to me _now_, well…again…things probably would have gotten fairly hot and heavy.

I thought about what he said again. "_When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend."_

Isn't that what I had just told Lissa earlier? When Dimitri had confronted me in front of my house, he had seen beneath my cool exterior and had discovered part of the reason of _why _I was being less than friendly to him. And it hadn't even been a slip-up on my part—he just knew! He knew me that well. That was a scary concept, especially when I was battling to hide two four-year-old secrets from him. I was teetering on the edge as it was—he wasn't stupid; all it took was one little hint to spark some doubt and he would be able to put the pieces together in an instant—yet now I had to admit that there was more to it then just smarts involved; he understood me so well that he knew my idiosyncrasies, my habits, my joys and fears. He would be able to see into my soul, just as I saw into his, and he would be able to tell that those girls were his own.

I admonished myself for a moment. Why is that such a horrible concept? I was seriously considering telling him the truth anyway. What difference did it make that he could tell I was hiding something, and he would call me on it?

I then felt my subconscious start to doubt that the truth was the right path…after all, he'd left once. What was to say he wouldn't leave again?

I shifted on the mattress, my eyes fluttering for a moment, but I didn't actually wake. I was back into my dreaming state less than a moment later, and I was recalling his broken promises.

After sex in the cabin and, subsequently, the Strigoi attack, Dimitri had told me his motivation behind giving into temptation.

_"I don't think what we did was wrong," he said softly. "I'm glad we did it. If we could go back in time, I'd do it again."_

_ A swirling feeling burned within my chest. "Really? What made you change your mind?"_

_ "Because you're hard to resist," he said, clearly amused at my surprise. "And…do you remember what Rhonda said?"_

_ There was another shock, hearing her brought up. But then I recalled his face when he'd listened to her and what he'd said about his grandmother. I tried to remember Rhonda's exact words._

_ "Something about how you're going to lose something…" I apparently didn't remember it so well._

_ "'You will lose what you value most, so treasure it while you can.'"_

_ Naturally, he knew it word for word. I'd scoffed at the words at the time, but now I tried to decipher them. At first, I felt a surge of joy: _I _was what he valued most. Then I gave him a startled look. "Wait. You think I'm going to die? That's why you slept with me?"_

_ "No, no, of course not. I did what I did because…believe me, it wasn't because of that. Regardless of the specifics—or if it's even true—she was right about how easily things can change. We try to do what's right, or rather, what others say is right. But sometimes, when that goes against who we are…you have to choose. Even before the Strigoi attack, as I watched all the problems you were struggling with, I realized how much you meant to me. It changed everything. I was worried about you—so, so worried. You have no idea. And it became useless to try to act like I could ever put any Moroi life above yours. It's not going to happen, no matter how wrong others say it is. And so I decided that's something I have to deal with. Once I made that decision…there was nothing to hold us back." He hesitated, seeming to replay his words as he brushed my hair from my face. "Well, to hold _me _back. I'm speaking for myself. I don't mean to act like I know exactly why you did it."_

_ "I did it because I love you," I said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And really, it was._

_ He laughed. "You can sum up in one sentence what it takes me a whole speech to get out."_

_ "Because it's that simple. I love you, and I don't want to keep pretending like I don't."_

I felt the agony rip through my body, even in my unconsciousness. Back then, I had thought that that was my biggest obstacle—trying to protect my love for Dimitri. Now…now, that seemed like nothing.

_Because it's that simple._

God, it was true. It was true then, and it was equally as true now. It was tearing me up inside to pretend like I couldn't stand Dimitri. I hated watching his face contort in pain every time I brushed him off.

_I love you, and I don't want to keep pretending like I don't._

Even though those words had been spoken four years ago, I suddenly realized that they were equally true now. I hated this broken feeling, this feeling of uncertainty with the weight of lies…it reminded me of the _bad _side of the Academy.

And while I felt myself giving into the sorrow, giving into the desperate longing to tell Dimitri the truth, I was almost immediately contradicted.

When I had been experiencing my drama with the ghosts—when the wards had failed at St. Vladimir's, and the Strigoi attack had taken place, thanks to—Dimitri had promised me that he would stick by me through all of it. He told me that I could confide in him, and that he had my back no matter what. What had been his exact words?

_"I'm not leaving you alone on this, no matter what. You know I'd never abandon you."_

With a sharp stab of anger and unthinkable pain, I jolted awake in bed.

It was hard to breathe for a moment while I forced myself to let go of the pain. I forced myself to let go of Dimitri.

He'd lied to me once. He'd abandoned me, out of the blue, during a time when I needed him most.

I couldn't count on him.

He didn't love me, at least not enough. Maybe he did harbor feelings…but it wasn't the type of romance that two people needed to have…that chemistry…if it were truly there, he wouldn't have left. He _shouldn't _have left.

I couldn't suffer like that again. I couldn't allow the chance for my baby girls to suffer like that.

With one agonizing push, I built a brick wall within me that blocked out any and all of my feelings for Dimitri.

My mentor…my friend…my soul mate…Comrade…

He was gone. Forever.


	20. Rude Awakening

**Sorry it took so long for me to update! Last weekend was my birthday weekend (lots of celebrating, it was my sweet 16!), then a busy week at school, followed by my birthday present (a trip to NYC; my first time ever!)! So I was writing it, but I just didn't have a chance to upload. I'm working on the next part, and it shouldn't take as long this time. As always, read and review!**

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CHAPTER 20

I was asleep when my mom brought the girls home from Adrian's. I vaguely heard the commotion downstairs, but—I was sad to admit—I was exhausted after spending a good portion of time crying over my realization.

I stirred when I felt Viktoria climb in next to me again, but apparently she was just as tired as I was. A moment after she snuggled in, I could hear her heavy breathing, indicating her sleeping state. I rolled over, tucking her into my arms, and then resumed my slumber.

She wasn't next to me when I woke up in the morning, though. She must have gotten up before me and gone downstairs. Damn, I was a bad mother for not immediately realizing that she was gone.

That wasn't what woke me up, though. It was my cell phone again. I groggily answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I grumbled.

"Rose?" I glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. That was early for Adrian.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned not only by his unusual alertness but also because of the urgent tone of his voice. "Adrian, why are you up so early?"

"Why are you sleeping in so late?" he countered grouchily. Just as quickly, he switched gears. "Get out to the council hall now. Aunt Tatiana is taking the age decree to session."

I shot up, panic burning through me. "What?" I screeched. "She gave me a week!"

"Look, I don't know what's going on, all I know is that everyone is there and that the voting is going to take place very soon—"

I was already out of bed and throwing on an outfit. A quick brush through my hair, brushing my teeth and a quick splash of water on my face later, I was running through the door, leaving my mother calling after me in concern.

I was running at full speed, putting my training to work. I wasn't even out of breath when I reached the hall—thank you laps—and was able to burst in and immediately take in my surroundings.

Tatiana was at the head of the table, picking at her nails, obviously bored. The people gathered around the table were deep in discussion—a heated one, at that—but she didn't seem to be paying much attention.

I stormed up to her, the guardians standing by her letting me through without hesitation. After all, technically I was her _head _guardian, even if I wasn't _her _guardian. They stepped away respectfully, allowing our conversation to remain between the two of us.

"What the hell is this?" I hissed, catching her attention.

"Ah, Rosemarie. How nice of you to join us. Did you come to put in your two cents?"

I felt rage boiling through me. How could she look me in the eyes and remain so calm? She had just betrayed me.

"You gave me a week," I growled, trying but failing to keep the venom out of my voice. My body was battling with my brain—I was tensing to punch her, but my mind told me that that would _not _be a good idea.

Tatiana didn't blink. "I changed my mind. A week was unallowable."

"Why?" I demanded harshly. The guardian who had let me by—whose name I could not remember—was starting to pick up on my antagonism and took a step closer to Tatiana.

"We just don't have the time." She said wearily.

"And you didn't think to call me, or alert me in any way at all? You were just going to let the age decree go through without even letting me know?"

"It's your job to be aware of the things that go on around here."

"With the _guardians_!" I snapped. "It's _your_ job to make sure that this society is taken care of!"

"And that's what I'm doing." Her calm, nearly bored behavior was beginning to morph into annoyance. She was getting defensive.

"No, you're sending a bunch of teenage dhampirs into their early deaths, all for a few uptight Moroi!"

Tatiana's face hardened. The guardian, who I was now too angry to even _attempt _to recall his name, took another step closer, preparing to remove me. I could see his hesitation—he was waiting for a clear signal from the Queen.

"That's enough," she snapped. "Compose yourself, Guardian Hathaway."

I shook my head, fuming. "You are nothing but a lying sh—"

Tatiana was enraged at this point. The guardian restrained me easily, pulling me away from Tatiana. But I was…well, almost literally blinded by rage. I was screaming at her as he was dragging me away, thrashing to get out of his grip. The conversations died as I became the subject of their attention.

"You're such a liar! You weren't even going to give me a week, were you? You don't give a shit about any of the dhampirs." I managed to break free of the guardian and charged forward again. I don't think I was planning on physically attacking her; I just wanted to be closer to her instead of being dragged away. These words had weight, and she—and all of the other people in the room—had to hear them.

I saw the darkness in her eyes. She was just as infuriated as I was, but she didn't say anything in response to my allegations (which were very true).

Convinced that I was right, I felt another wave of rage rush through me. "You sanctimonious bitch!"

And then I was restrained again, being pulled out of the hall and into the quad. The door slammed behind us, but the guardian didn't return inside. And then I realized it wasn't a guardian.

Well, it was, but it wasn't Tatiana's guardian.

It was Dimitri.

I paced, still furious. I couldn't believe that I had lost the age decree battle. I had been so preoccupied that I hadn't given it my all, and then had foolishly believed that Tatiana would actually give me a fighting chance to dismember the decree. I should have known she never would have been open to alternatives.

"Rose, calm down."

I whirled around, directing my anger towards him. "What are you doing here, Dimitri?"

He looked puzzled. "I'm here to watch the discussion."

"No, not _here_," I groaned. "_Here_, as in Court. Why the hell did you come back?"

He looked hurt for a moment, and then covered his emotions. "For the wedding."

"It's not for another couple of months."

"Tasha wanted to be here."

I bristled at the reference. "I don't give a shit what Tasha wants."

Dimitri bristled, too. "Yes, about yesterday. What the hell were you thinking?"

"_Me_?" I snapped. "Do you know what the hell _she _did?"

Dimitri paused, unsure for a moment, but then disregarded it and turned back on me. "I know that _you_ threatened her. You're a guardian, Rose, and whether you like her or not, it's your duty to keep her safe—"

"Yeah, yeah, because _they come first_. I graduated, I have my promise mark. I don't need any of your lectures, Dimitri. I know what my job is."

"Then why don't you start doing it?" he snapped.

I paused for a moment, and then felt some of the anger dissipate. I was used to his lectures, his calmness, even his passionate expressions to me of hope and love. But there was something in that…actual anger…actual disappointment…

He truly didn't believe that Tasha was to blame.

"Why don't you keep a closer eye on your charge, Dimitri," I said coolly. "And keep her away from my kids while you're at it."

That seemed to puzzle him for a moment, but I didn't bother to enlighten him. I decided that his beloved charge could take that reward. "And how about before you go out pointing fingers and doling out lectures, you find out the whole story."

I began to storm off, but Dimitri caught my arm and refused to let me go. "Tell me what happened."

I shook my head defiantly. "Ask Tasha. Let's see if she's as wholesome as you think she is after you hear the truth."

Dimitri scowled, shaking his head. "I get that you don't like her, Rose. I understand that I betrayed you for her, and that you'll hold a grudge for that if nothing else. But this is a little excessive, don't you think?"

I was completely and utterly disgusted. He wasn't even trying to see my side. I felt more of the anger vanish, and a threatening feeling of sadness and hurt begin to encroach. I tried to put force behind my words but I didn't know if it came across.

"Stay away from me. Either you and Tasha leave, or I will. I'm not staying here while you are."

He seemed stricken by my words. He dropped my arm like I'd electrocuted him, and then even took a step back in defeat. I couldn't read his expression, but felt that I'd done damage. I didn't stay to watch, though. I went off in the direction of Lissa's.

I was trying to keep my anger in check as I knocked on the door. I had to vent to her. This was as important to her as it was to me, and I knew that she would want to know exactly what happened, especially since I was technically the one who was supposed to have dismantled the idea.

When she answered, she was already modeling a look of distress and anger. I thought she'd simply already heard about the age decree being taken into session, but then I realized that she anger was directed towards _me_.

"Liss, what's wrong?" I demanded, pushing into the foyer and leveling her with a concerned stare.

Her thoughts were blocked to me. The only thing I could distinguish certainly was her anger.

"Rose, I know what Tasha did was wrong, but you had no right doing what you did."

I frowned, confused and disbelieving. Firstly, what was going on? Secondly, why in the _hell _was Lissa siding with Tasha?

"What?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"

"She told me about the threat, Rose. She told me exactly what you tried to do."

"And what was that?" I asked, annoyance seeping through. For God's sake, did Tasha have _everyone_ under her spell?

Lissa looked offended. Apparently the annoyance was stronger than I had thought. Frustrated, she said, "You tried to attack her!"

My eyebrows shot up and my eyes widened to the size of saucers. "I did _what_?" I screeched.

Lissa's face darkened. "She told me about the threats and how you tried to punch her. She said that she didn't want to tattle, but that she was concerned about your mental state. I have to agree."

"You have to—" I stopped, backtracking, and then said, "Wait. What do you mean she 'didn't want to tattle'? Of course she did! Liss, this is all a ploy to make me look bad—"

"Tasha's not that underhanded, Rose. It may have hurt when Dimitri chose her over you, but it's not like she held a gun to his head and demanded that he did. This grudge you're holding over her is completely unfair!"

"You know what, I _did _try to punch her, but you know what she did? She used magic offensively on me! She made me feel like I was on fire, from the inside out."

Lissa's eyes widened. That allegation was not something to be taken lightly. Offensive magic was not only outlawed, but also highly controversial. I didn't think it should be such a surprise; after all, Tasha was the one who had been fighting for a long time to encourage offensive magic—

Lissa's voice was soft. I almost missed what she said. "How could you sink so low, Rose?"

I blinked, not believing what I was hearing. I knew Lissa wasn't calling me a liar!

"What?"

Lissa looked sad. "I know it's hard on you. And what Tasha did to Viktoria was unacceptable. But you trying to attack her, and then trying to pin the blame on her—"

"You don't believe me?" My voice was low and flat. I simply couldn't fathom it. She wasn't siding with me? _When I was right?_

Lissa still modeled an upset look, but I wasn't concerned for her anymore. I barely heard her as she spoke. "Rose, I think it's time to bury the hatchet. Tell Dimitri the truth. Absolve Tasha of any blame. She's honestly nothing but an innocent bystander, caught in the process."

I felt my heart hardening towards Lissa with every word she said. Like hell I would take her advice. Like hell I would even think to listen to her.

I closed my eyes, sighing, and then left. I heard her calling after me, but I ignored her pointedly, heading back in the direction of my house. On the way, I suddenly thought of Hans. I had to speak to someone about Holt and Perkins, at the very least to watch my back. Even though we didn't operate exactly like humans did, and false accusations were rare, I didn't want to jeopardize anything by brushing off the kisses. If one or both of them cried wolf, I was going to make sure my back was covered.

He answered on the second ring.

"Croft," he said gruffly.

"Hans," I said, "It's Rose. I need to talk to you."

"Talk," he grunted.

"Not over the phone. It's personal…job-related… I just need to tell you in person."

He made a sound. "Well, I'm right in the middle of something now, so a one-on-one will have to wait. Do you think you could come by in an hour or so?"

I said yes. The only thing left on my agenda today was to hole up in my house and wallow in misery. Not a very Rose-thing to do, but the best I could come up with. After all, I had not only miserably lost my battle with the age decree, but had also most likely shot my career to hell. My best friend thought I was a jealous, overdramatic liar. I couldn't stand to look at the man that I loved. And I was afraid of getting attacked by Holt or Perkins again.

My life was just peachy.

Before I hung up, Hans paused and then said, "Rose, are you okay? You sound…upset."

I stopped, checking myself. I had to remain professional. I couldn't let this get to me. I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down, but I was already on edge now that Hans had begun to make a connection. I couldn't have my personal life unravel in my job setting.

I mumbled incoherently and then said goodbye and disconnected.

Just my luck, I ran into Adrian on my way home.

"Little dhampir," he said dryly. His voice didn't hold the normal amount of affection that it usually did for me. "I heard about your run-in with my aunt."

I darkened. Of course, Adrian was here to beat me down, too.

"It's true," I growled. "She's a lying, sanctimonious bitch who only cares about herself."

Adrian darkened as well. "Cut it out, Rose. You're the one who went crazy and started calling her names."

"She deserved them!" I snapped. "She's done nothing but lie and meddle and gossip. We don't need a bitch like that overseeing everything we do. Our early demise is going to be due to her!"

Adrian shook his head. "Don't you think you're being slightly overdramatic?" He said acerbically.

I bristled, but was unable to keep self-control. My voice rose to a shout, and I heard the frustration and hysteria bubbling through. "Why the hell have both you and Lissa turned on me?"

Adrian's anger dissipated just a tad, and I knew that the Lissa news seemed to surprise him.

"Yeah," I charged on, "She seems to think that I'm making false accusations against Tasha because I'm jealous."

Recognition dawned in Adrian's eyes, and I realized that he wasn't surprised at all.

"Right," he said dryly. "Dimitri."

I clenched my jaw. "No, Tasha. We're not talking about Dimitri."

"We're always talking about Dimitri."

I ground my teeth together and dug my fingernails into my palms. I began to shout back, but then swallowed and let out a frustrated sigh instead. Keeping my anger bottled up, I grumbled, "I have to get the hell out of here."

I stormed away from Adrian, unable to listen to the judgment in his voice. I had never seen him so disgusted with me before, and I didn't like the feeling now.

When I reached my house, it was empty. Janine must have taken the girls out somewhere—knowing her and knowing them, it was probably to the gym. Half of me wanted to go out there and join them; I could stand to burn off some of this negative energy. The other half relished the fact that I had the house to myself, and I didn't want to give it up yet.

I was still wound up like a top. I didn't know whether I wanted to burst into tears or punch something. Actually, no, that was a lie. I wanted to punch something. The question was, what? Punching pillows didn't satiate my lust for violence…I needed to do more damage than that to truly feel like I was making progress.

I clenched my fists, truly fighting to get back in control of myself. I was having brief flashbacks to four years ago, the last time I had lost control—

I passed by the mirror for the seventh time. It hung over the rectangular table where a few pictures and my cell phone often sat in the foyer, a few steps from the door. The foyer was narrow and short, but the table and the mirror gave it a cozy, homey feel.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection. In reaction to a surge of rage and frustration, I lashed out with my fists balled up and shattered the glass. When my knuckles returned to my body, they were bloody and sliced. There were shards of glass stuck in the open wounds.

Grimacing, I let out a groan of frustration and stalked upstairs to my bathroom. I dug around one-handed in the cupboard for a moment, and then found the tweezers and gauze. I sat on the edge of my bathtub, forcing myself to stay calm.

I hated patching myself up. That was what doctors were for. But I couldn't go to Dr. Markovic, because I already knew her reaction: _You got this by smashing a mirror because you can't control your temper?_

Yeah, I have a feeling that wouldn't go over too well.

Trying to keep myself from throwing up in disgust, I fought to keep my hand steady as I used the tweezers to pluck out the shards of glass sticking out of my knuckles. Once I was sufficiently satisfied—actually, it was more like my stomach just couldn't handle anymore, and all of the glass just so happened to, luckily, be gone—I put the tweezers aside to go in boiling water and reached for the gauze. I tenderly wrapped my knuckles, gritting my teeth the entire time.

When all was finished, I dropped my head into my hands and let out a guttural groan. How had my life become such a train wreck? Not only was it bad enough that Dimitri returned, but I was also juggling job struggles and personal struggles that seemed to have risen out of nowhere all of a sudden.

Probably the worst curse of all was Lexi falling sick. I was still unsure of how to go about that. It was definitely an ailment that would raise a spectacle around this kind of community. I knew it was best for us to keep it hidden, but I couldn't help but feel guilty as I did so. Wasn't part of my motivation hiding her from her father?

I sighed.

I couldn't lose Lexi or Viktoria. They were my world. They had been everything I had cherished and counted upon for the last four years. They were my stability and my reason for being good and kind. They were everything to me.

I would be damned if I lost them, to sickness or to their other parent.

Especially while Tasha was around.

I don't know how I managed to piss her off so incredibly—okay, well, maybe I do know how I did that. But the point is that I somehow managed to piss her off enough that she decided to "take care of me."

Hell, it was a sound tactic. Eliminate the threat.

She had not only threatened me with her magic, but had driven her point home when she succeeded in turning Lissa and Adrian against me. Maybe Adrian had been a lucky bonus to her—I had a feeling that Lissa had been her main target.

While I applauded her efforts—she was a terrific strategist, and her execution was nearly flawless—I wasn't going down without a fight. Tasha was a battle that I could easily handle; all I needed was a little time and logic, and I would be able to beat her at her own game. I was sure of it.

But until then, I was serious about her staying away from my kids. And if that meant the three of us had to hole up in this house for the next several weeks until she and Dimitri left, then so be it.

My mind wandered back to Lexi. I wondered how much longer this illness would linger. Dr. Markovic had spoken of the flu, which was only cured by time and rest. I was willing to go by those rules, but I was more concerned with her surroundings than anything else. I was still frightened that Viktoria may somehow manage to catch the bug—if Lexi's immune system was compromised, there was a strong chance that Viktoria's was, too—and the last thing I wanted to do was prolong Viktoria's exposure.

Groaning again, I struggled to come up with a plan. There were so many factors to consider; every time I came up with one idea, I had to discount it because of a contradiction from something else.

Finally, I concocted my plan: I would take it one step at a time. First, I was going to go out to town to get Lexi some human medicine that might help make her feel better. Then, I would come back and start plotting my revenge against Tasha Ozera. And sometime after that, I would find a time to get in touch with Lissa, where I could rectify whatever damage Tasha had done.

Satisfied with my plan, I changed into new clothes, went downstairs, and stuffed my cell phone into my pocket as I walked out the front door.

* * *

Getting out of Court was easy. Considering I held a prominent job that allowed easy recognition, all I had to do was ask for the keys to one of the cars, and it was mine. I suspected that news hadn't yet reached these guardians about my fallout with Tatiana. I had a feeling that after they caught wind of that, my privileges might be shot.

It was about thirty minutes to the nearest town. With traffic, it was closer to forty-five. Other than that, the drive was pretty uneventful. I passed a few accidents but stayed out of any of my own. At first it felt foreign to be behind the wheel of a car; the last time I'd been in a car had been a while ago, and it had been even longer since I actually drove somewhere on my own—but I quickly got back into the hang of it, one mailbox and one off-roading experience later.

While I was paused at a stoplight, I began to remember my car ride with Dimitri, when I had been scheduled to meet with Arthur Schoenberg but we had instead discovered the Badica massacre.

I immediately stopped myself. Clenching the wheel and gritting my teeth, I even gave the lecture to myself out loud.

"Knock it off, Rose! That's the past; focus on the present. Focus on Lexi. She needs this. This is more important than dwelling over old times with Dimitri!"

The light turned green, and my foot went down hard on the gas pedal. It was a little too hard; the car lurched forward, engine revving excitedly.

I reigned in my temper as I returned to speed level, and then slowed further as I pulled into the pharmacy parking lot.

Resting my forehead on the steering wheel, I closed my eyes and sighed. I made a mental list:

Lexi's medicine.

A few snacks.

And that new tube of my favorite lip gloss.

Hey, it had been a rough few days. I thought I deserved a treat.

I climbed out of the car quickly and cautiously, hyperaware of my surroundings. I used my guardian skills to scout for any threats and learn the layout of the environment.

Then I stopped.

Sighing, I walked to the door. Working at Court for so long had made me paranoid. I forgot how to _enjoy _the real world, and was instead determined to find every ounce of danger in it. I mean, for God's sake, I was in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, only a short ways away from the safety of Court! Any Strigoi who dared to hunt here had a death wish. The guardians would be on any Strigoi here like white on rice.

I was able to go through the store and pick up what I needed pretty quickly and efficiently. There was a box of half-priced stuffed animals sitting at the end of one of the aisles, and I fished through it for two cute toys for the twins. I ended up with a stuffed penguin for Lexi and a stuffed pig for Viktoria.

The boy behind the counter was most likely twenty, yet his acne-pocked face made him appear much younger. His hair was almost platinum blonde and spiked up into a "faux-hawk". He had on glasses, but they were contemporary and complimentary to his face shape. He might as well have sported braces, and he may have passed for a high-schooler.

He grinned at me when I came up to the counter, revealing a smile that had definitely been assisted by expensive orthodontia.

I didn't even know his name, yet he was blatantly flirting.

Giving me what he thought must have been an alluring wink, he ran my lip gloss over the scanner. "That'll be a pretty color on those lips," he said. Again, he must have been under the impression that he was a sex-magnet.

Mockingly, I put on a cheap grin and said, "Yeah, I love it. And those stuffed animals will just thrill my twins at home."

His smile disappeared almost immediately. I hated using Lexi and Viktoria for something like that, but hey…he was laying it on way too thick, and needed to be put in his place.

He finished checking me out—in both senses—and I went back out to the car, digging around in the bag for my pretzels. I was entirely too focused on seeking out my snack, and didn't feel the warning signs.

It wasn't until it was too late that I realized what was happening.

My stomach rolled, and my skin tingled. Nausea swept through my body, triggering my gag reflex. I bit back bile as my head snapped up and I began scanning the area. Just as I was about to check my right side, I felt the attack.

A Strigoi bounded into me, knocking me to the ground. His technique was sloppy—with focus, I would be able to escape him.

The bag flew away from me, but that was the least of my worries. My guardian training kicked in, my senses on high alert, my muscles tensed and ready to fight.

The Strigoi had unbelievably fast reflexes. He was already recovering from my block from his first attack, and was onto another strategy.

We squared off for a moment, doing a little dance, until I finally took the offensive and lunged for him. I waited until the opportune moment, when he was in front of my car—

When I lunged, he dodged out of the way, expecting the dance to continue again. Instead, I used that opening to leap into my car and slam the door shut, sealing me inside.

I fished in my pockets for the keys, but came out empty-handed. The Strigoi, now understanding my ulterior motive, was pissed and charging for my door. It was closed and locked, but that mechanism was useless against a Strigoi's strength.

I gave up on the keys and redirected my efforts toward my cell phone. If I could phone in for help, some extra guardians would show up for reinforcement, and all would be solved.

But my cell phone was lost. I caught a glimpse of it in the road before the Strigoi filled my window, blocking my view of anything else.

I was trained to be prepared. I wasn't afraid to go up against him. However, I believed that I would have had a better chance if I had been…well, _more _prepared.

The Strigoi reached for the door handle. In another second, the door would be ripped from the hinges, and I would be exposed. I quickly reached for my stake, but grabbed nothing but air on my waistband.

Shit, his fingers were closing around the door handle—

I leaned for the glove compartment—

I heard the door tear away as though it weighed nothing—

I opened the compartment, my fingers closed around the cool, silver stake—

The Strigoi dragged me from the car with enough force to break some of my bones. Luckily, I don't think he did; there would be bruising, though.

I came face-to-face with those red-ringed eyes, that chalky complexion, and those sharp fangs. Due to his bulk, I believed that he had been a dhampir before being turned.

My fingers had a firm grip on the stake, but the angle he was holding me at was no good. There was no way I'd be able to get the stake through his heart at this angle.

He gave me a sharp shake that rattled me. I clung to the stake as though it were my lifeline—though, at this moment, it was—but didn't fight him. Not yet.

"Rosemarie Hathaway?" he growled, his voice cold. It reminded me of death.

I bit the inside of my cheek, my gaze never changing. How the hell did he know my name? Why wasn't he fighting me? There were a million questions running through my mind, and the fact that I couldn't ask any of them made me crazy.

He grinned, showing his fangs. There was nothing nice or friendly in his smile, though; it was cold and nerve-wracking.

"They said you would be a piece of work."

I kept my face blank, even though my heart was racing. This was…_planned_?

"They said you'd fight, though. I don't see you living up to that reputation too much."

I tensed but controlled myself, despite my urge to set him straight. I was at a disadvantage here and couldn't afford to get myself in deeper simply because of a wounded ego.

My eyes slid to my phone, lying abandoned in the lot. God, why wasn't there anyone else here? A car driving by, the young cashier popping out for a smoke-break…_anything_? Any distraction would have been useful.

The Strigoi noticed my movement and followed my gaze. As if on cue, my cell phone started ringing. His cold smirk grew wider, and I could see the amusement clearly in his eyes. He shifted his body back in front of mine and sneered, "Sucks, doesn't it?"

He seemed distracted—if nothing else, by his cockiness—and I used that to my advantage. With my blood pounding in my ears, I swiftly jerked the stake up to his chest.

He must not have been as distracted as I thought, though, or else I was just really out of practice, because he blocked me effortlessly, I think giving me a concussion in the process.

Because as he deftly not only _avoided_ the stake, but also managed to send it flying several yards away from my grasp, he also struck me with such force that it sent me flying towards the ground.

It was at a horrific angle. I would be looking at significant agony after going down that hard. I would be taking the brunt of the force on my left side, going down on my arm and hip. I would be lucky not to shatter any bones.

But as quickly as he threw me, he stopped my fall. It was serious déjà vu, taking me back to my lame attack on Dimitri when he had first come to retrieve us. The sad part was that I had been weak then. Now, I was supposedly at my prime—yet I was so distracted that I was just as pathetic now as I was then.

He didn't help me just to help me, though. He stopped me from falling on my side, but then slammed me back into the SUV with enough force that my teeth rattled, and I blacked out almost immediately.

Well, shit. This was bad.


	21. Waiting

**I'm sorry it took so long for an update. Part of it was that I was busy, but the majority was that I was lacking inspiration to keep writing this. I kept trying to force things to happen, and it sounded bad. I went back and tried to redo it, but I can't tell if it worked or not. So, basically, this chapter, though it's important to the story, may not be that good...So I'm sorry if you guys don't like it. **

**You know the speech and the lectures. You know the drill. So please review.**

CHAPTER 21

_Ouch._

Oh, God, my head hurt.

My entire body ached, but my head was the worst. Throbbing, pounding, stabbing like a jackhammer on my brain…

When I came to, I was bound to a chair in a small, dark room. At first I was grateful for the darkness. Light would have agitated my wicked headache.

But then I recalled the situation and wasn't as gung-ho about the lack of illumination.

It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust, and then for me to get over the throbbing in my head to focus. While I tried to get ready to view my surroundings, I was trying to figure out how I could get out of my bindings.

Sadly, they were the plastic flex-cuffs that were next-to-impossible to get out of.

And then my entire plan of escape was wiped clear of my mind as a sickening sense of déjà vu swept over me. My entire body bristled and my heart fluttered into an arrhythmic pattern. This was exactly like Spokane, all over again.

I thought of Mason, my heart wrenching as the memories came pouring back. And then Eddie, whom I had lost soon afterwards due to another Strigoi attack. And then Christian, who had suffered through it too—

Oh, my God, Lissa.

I had completely forgotten about Liss. Damn this one-way bond! I could have used her help right about now.

Focusing on her, I slipped seamlessly into her perspective.

She was sitting at the table, enjoying dinner with her fiancé, his aunt, and Dimitri. Well, "enjoying" was a term used loosely. She plastered on a smile but was lost in thought. I took a selfish pleasure out of knowing that it was me on her mind.

However, it wasn't exactly flattering thoughts about me.

She was still torn over my fault—or at least, what she _thought_ I had done. Tasha sure had done a fantastic job of ingraining her story into my friends' minds. Her allegations had ensconced easily, and it would be tough on my part trying to undo the damage she'd inflicted.

I heard her battles as she tried to determine who was right and who was wrong in her mind. She didn't believe that Tasha would do something so low, but she couldn't believe that I would either. She believed Tasha's side because I was known to have a temper, and it made sense that, being under so much pressure, there was a strong chance that I could have finally cracked. But when she saw me, and she saw my reaction, she believed that my response wasn't faked.

But she couldn't decide who was lying.

I wish she knew it wasn't me.

I was furious and hurt that she didn't immediately have my back. We had been through so much together; I would move heaven and Earth for her—she should know by now that she can trust that I wouldn't lie to her. I couldn't say as much for her, lately, yet I still forgave her and vowed to be at my best around her. Yet despite my anger and disappointment over her lack of faith in me, I hated to say that I understood it, too.

Damn being mature. It was too complicated.

Had I been in her position, I would have had to do a double take, also. Especially considering Lissa had never seen Tasha the way I had seen her.

Lissa had to tune into something Christian was saying. She smiled and laughed dutifully, put in her two cents, and then zoned out again to contemplate whom she would ally with.

She was abruptly snapped out of it when she heard the front door slam. At first she tensed nervously, imagining it was me and fearing a heated faceoff between her guest and I, but then frowned in confusion when she saw it was Janine.

My mother's face was clouded. She was obviously irate, but I saw lines of concern aging her beyond her years. Lissa noticed this, too, and her confusion grew.

The girls ran in from behind their grandmother and immediately dispersed to their favored people. Viktoria ran to Christian, full of pent-up energy and zeal. Lexi, whose eyes were still glazed in exhaustion, went to Lissa. Liss picked her up in her arms and then stood, facing my mother.

"Guardian Hathaway," she greeted politely. My mother interrupted her sharply.

"Where's Rose?" she demanded.

Lissa's brow furrowed. Her eyes flickered to Lexi, and she wondered whether or not this was an appropriate conversation to conduct in front of the children.

My mother had no such qualms, even though I technically agreed with Lissa.

"She's not home. She won't answer her cell phone. I haven't found her anywhere around Court."

A chair scraped as someone jumped up. Lissa turned and saw it was Dimitri.

"Rose is gone?" His face was haunted, as though this were a fear of his, coming true.

I slipped away from Lissa just enough to scold myself. _Don't look so much into Dimitri's intentions_, I warned. _He's on Tasha's side, too._

Forcing myself to forget about Dimitri and whatever his intentions were, I refocused on the conversation.

Janine's sharp eyes remained on Lissa. Lissa felt skewered under my mother's gaze.

"Have you spoken to her?" Janine demanded. Again, through the hard, cold, roughness in her voice, I heard the worry and despair.

"Not since earlier!" Lissa insisted, and then felt a stab of regret. Earlier…when she had accused me of being a liar. Lissa's inner monologue grew panicky, her ramblings rising to a shout in her head.

_Please don't let that be the last thing Rose hears from me, _she exclaimed. _Where is Rose? She was so distraught earlier…did she run away?_

As quickly as the idea popped into her mind, she expelled it. For good reason, too. _No, she would never leave the twins._

Thank God she had at least some sense.

Lexi's head drooped against Lissa's shoulder, but my daughter's eyes stayed open. I longed to be there, to be the one holding her, to feel her forehead and make sure that she was better.

Viktoria was laughing quietly with Christian, who was doing a pretty damn good job of multitasking. He managed to keep Viktoria pleased while also tuning in to the conversation between his fiancée and my mother. Usually when I was involved in something with my daughters, that was the only thing I could focus on.

Janine's face clouded further. I knew that that was not the reply she had hoped for.

Dimitri spoke again. "What do you mean you can't find Rose?"

My mother's face darkened in anger. It didn't take a genius to understand that she was less than happy about Dimitri's involvement in this conversation. She opened her mouth to chew him out, but Christian interrupted.

"Are you sure she didn't have some guardian business to attend to? As head guardian, there are lots of things that just…_pop_ up." He spoke benignly, with a level, unbiased tone. For once, Christian was the voice of reason out of everyone in the room.

Janine looked a little less concerned, but still disconcerted. As much as I hated to watch her distress over me, I was thrilled that she was picking up that something was wrong here. Maybe that meant they would be able to help me out now.

Lissa calmed slightly at Christian's words, as well. Dimitri remained standing, and I didn't know what Tasha did. Lissa wasn't concerned with her, and if Lissa didn't pay attention, I couldn't pay attention.

"Right," Liss said, easing back into her chair with Lexi. She was still concerned, but had been able to relax a bit with this new development. In her head, I could hear her inner reel on repeat: _Rose is fine, absolutely fine…_

Aloud, she suggested, "Why don't you call Hans, and he'll probably be able to relay the message. My guess is he's probably with her now, anyway."

Back in my own body, I felt my heart wrench with hope. Yes, talk to Hans. He would tell you that something happened. I just now remembered that I had broken an appointment with him.

Janine's cell phone was at her ear in less than thirty seconds. The ringing lasted longer, though, and the entire dining room was tense with anticipation. Finally, Hans' gruff voice sounded on the other end. Lissa couldn't make out his words past mumbles, so she only caught Janine's end.

"Guardian Croft, it's Guardian Janine Hathaway. I was hoping to speak to Rose." A mumble, and then Janine's face twisted into a frown. "I can't reach her." Hans spoke some more. "No, I can't find her or get in touch with her. I thought she might have been attending to some reserved guardian business." Her face clouded even more. Her eyes tightened—I don't think Lissa came to the same conclusion I did, but that tightening of my mother's eyes spoke legions to me. She was terrified, truly terrified, that something awful had happened.

When she hung up, she was demanded to reiterate the whole conversation.

"He hasn't seen or heard from her since this morning. In fact, she apparently missed a meeting they were supposed to have earlier." Her voice had gone flat. She was in guardian mode.

Lissa's heart began pounding, her blood rushing. Her calming mantra about my safety rapidly changed into a desperate jumble of dramatic pleas about where I could be and what I could be doing.

Lexi shifted on Lissa's shoulder, and my friend glanced down at my child. Her eyes lingered on Lexi for a moment, and I felt the emotion before I heard it in her mind.

_Repulsion._

It wasn't that my daughters disgusted her or that she hated them—no, not by any means at all. She loved them, and always would—but this newfound churning fear that was ablaze in her gut was making her unstable. The thought of losing me was more than Lissa could handle, and looking at the two little mini-me's, she suddenly couldn't stand to be strong for them. She couldn't look at them and feel close to them—not until I was back home and safe again.

Uncomfortable now, she rose and handed Lexi off to Janine. Janine looked confused but didn't question her.

Liss paced, her thoughts running wild. _She wouldn't have run away, would she? But the girls…she wouldn't have left them…_

_ But how was she taken off Court? The only other option is a Strigoi, and the wards would block those out…_

_ Wait._

Lissa's voice was firm but desperate, and cut through the tense air like a knife. "Adrian. She's probably with Adrian." I could hear how much she was hoping that was the truth. "She goes to his place when she's upset. He calms her down."

_Well, that used to be true._

When no one else moved quickly enough, Lissa scrambled over to the phone and dialed Adrian's number.

He answered on the next to last ring. "Hello?" his words sounded slurred.

Lissa felt her hopes flounder. "Adrian," she said, "Is Rose with you?"

"What?" he mumbled. "No."

Lissa frowned, sidetracked. "Adrian, how much have you had to drink?"

"Only a few," he stumbled over the words. "Not that much. Why are you calling me?"

Lissa breathed through her mouth, trying to remain calm. Her imagination was running wild. _Where is Rose?_ She kept screaming. "Adrian, Rose is gone."

He slurred, "She's probably in some probationary meeting after the stunt she pulled earlier."

"No, Adrian, she's completely disappeared."

He kept mumbling. Lissa felt her concern and frustration bubble over. "Adrian, goddamn it, how much have you had to drink? This isn't to medicate spirit, is it? You drank this much to get drunk!"

"Good job, darling," he drawled drunkenly. "Nice to know you're on top of the game."

Lissa resisted the urge to throw the phone against the wall. She also had to resist the urge to stomp her foot like a child. Taking a deep breath and battling to keep the hysteria from taking over, she said, "Adrian, Rose might be dead." The hysteria still crept through to the surface.

That finally shut him up.

"I don't think I heard you correctly," he mumbled, gaining some coherency. "What did you say?"

Tears threatened to fall from Lissa's eyes. "Rose is gone, Adrian. We can't find her."

Adrian was still too drunk to completely comprehend her words, but he was beginning to sober up. "Wait, what you do mean she's gone?"

Across the room, Janine snapped impatiently, "Jesus, get with it. She's _gone_, Ivashkov."

Lissa clutched the phone closer to her ear, trying to expel my mother's frantic attitude. If anyone lost control, Lissa wouldn't be able to hold it together any longer. I could feel her desperation bursting at the seams. It was only a matter of time before she would combust anyway, simply on her own.

I wished I could tell her to stay calm. I wished I wasn't causing her such distress.

"Can you get over here, Adrian?" she asked. "Or do we need to go over to your place—"

"I can get over there!" he grunted defensively. He was adamant about coming over, but Lissa doubted his ability.

"Okay, I'll just come over to meet you and fill you in on the way over—"

"No!" Adrian said, at the same time as another voice in Lissa's dining room. She spun around to see Dimitri, watching her intently. He was the one who had spoken.

"I'll go get him and bring him here. It will be quick and effortless, and he won't have a choice but to listen to me explain."

Lissa nodded numbly. She couldn't find the strength to argue.

Dimitri disappeared out the door.

Lissa disconnected with Adrian, ignoring his drunken protests about being able to get over to her place on his own. She turned to my mother. "Should we try to get in touch with someone?"

"Who?" Janine's voice, though cold and hard, was weak with worry. I wasn't sure if Lissa heard it or not, but I certainly did.

Lissa tensed, stress making her patience run thin. She started when Christian showed up behind her and put a comforting arm around her. She vaguely watched Viktoria run to Janine, who was already juggling Lexi.

_Rose, where _are _you? _

The door opened, interrupting her thoughts, and Adrian barged through. He wasn't sober, but he seemed to have faded out of a portion of his earlier drunkenness.

"What. The hell. Is. Going. On?" He demanded. "Rose is gone? How the hell is that even possible?"

Lissa spun around and finally took in the scene before her. Adrian looked rough; his hair was tousled—and not the purposeful way he normally styled it—and his clothes were wrinkled. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was swaying a bit. Behind him, Dimitri was standing formally; posture straight, with his hands behind his back. Lissa had to do a double take before noticing the expression on his face. It was…shocked? Horrified? Pained?

She couldn't find the right way to describe it, and neither could I. I had never seen that look of pain and horror on my Comrade's face.

Lissa nearly asked what was wrong, but bit her tongue. She didn't have time to worry about anybody else right now. I was her number one priority.

Janine's cell phone rang. Everyone turned toward her expectantly. My mother fumbled to open it, but did just as the third ring came to a close.

"Hathaway!" she barked. Her gaze was focused on the wall as she listened, and then her face drained of color. She swallowed, blinked, and then said, "But the timing—" She was obviously growing frustrated. She glanced at Lexi and then tried to motion to Lissa, but Lissa took a step back.

I felt Lissa's emotions churning. She wanted to be there for my children, but she couldn't bring herself to. There was still that nagging feeling in the back of her mind about my safety…

Janine looked surprised at Lissa's rejection, but didn't voice her feelings. Instead she attempted to juggle Lexi and her cell phone, looking even more frustrated now.

Adrian was too drunk to handle Lexi, or even Viktoria. Christian was too busy trying to keep Lissa sane to have to handle either of the kids. Tasha had enough sense to know that she would be blasted if she so much as offered to get anywhere near my kids.

Dimitri stepped forward, motioning for Lexi. Janine handed her off easily, not bothering with grudges or worrying about secrets.

Lexi immediately took to her father, cuddling into his shoulder and clinging to his body. He smiled down at her despite the tension in the room, and, very softly—Lissa barely heard him—whispered, "Don't worry, Sashen'ka. We'll find your mommy. I'm not ready to lose her either."

With a start, I was jerked out of Lissa's head. There was somebody close. The nausea was roiling in my stomach, and I felt my head whirling. The door opened, and I squinted as the bright light poured into the room. Just as quickly as the door had opened, however, it shut, and my eyes had to readjust again.

A shadow was suddenly in front of me. The light turned on somehow, bright light flooding my eyes, and I cringed.

"Well, lookie here, she's awake."

My eyes snapped open, despite the brightness of the lights, and I glared at the Strigoi before me.

"Go to hell," I spat.

It wasn't the same Strigoi as before. It was an older man, with glossy black hair that was cropped short. He was tall, but not as tall as Dimitri. A grin stretched over his face. The red-ringed eyes crinkled good-naturedly. He would have been cute were he not so evil.

"Now, now." He said in a mockingly placating tone. "Control yourself, dear." He reached a hand out to run it through my hair.

I bucked in the seat, but didn't make much of a difference. He only laughed, his hand running smoothly through my hair. Just as quickly as I amused him, though, I pissed him off. His hand suddenly fisted, gathering a twist of hair, and he jerked my head back. My scalp burned. I stopped moving.

"_Do not_," he growled, his face only an inch from mine, "make me regret bringing you here."

I was still for a moment, and then a bitter, mocking grin spread over my face. "Oh, believe me," I hissed back. "I'm going to make your life hell."

I expected him to get angry again, but he only laughed. "Well, you're funny. I'll give you that."

And then he turned, went out the door, and the lights went off behind him, leaving me in pitch blackness all by my lonesome.


	22. More Questions Than Answers

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CHAPTER 22

My captor never came back.

I was sitting there, gathering all of my anger and spunk, waiting for him to come back so I could spit in his face (figuratively; in my current position, spitting in his face only would have screwed me over some more), but he never showed.

My stomach was what alerted me to the alarming passing of time. I ignored it at first, but my famine grew and grew until I could hardly stand it. Hours must have passed that I battled with my body's needs, but my stomach was relentless. It was growling ferociously when the door suddenly opened and a shadow filled the little space.

The build was slimmer and more feminine. The Strigoi flipped the light on, and I saw that it was, indeed, a woman, but then I realized that it wasn't a Strigoi.

The woman was a dhampir.

My heart skipped a beat. _What the hell?_

"Rose?" she asked quietly. Her voice was rough, yet silky. It slid down my spine like slick, warm honey, but alerted thousands of needles in my brain like a raging porcupine.

"Who are you?" my own voice was husky and sharp. I coughed to clear my throat, but it did little to help. My nerves were more of the culprit than anything.

She was about my height, but slim and fit. She didn't have the curves that I did, but she held herself with a firm confidence that reminded me of myself. She was broad-shouldered and athletic—more so than simply from training. This woman actually participated in sports to help keep her in such good shape. She had long blonde hair that was full of body and had a little curl at the ends. That reminded me of Lissa. Her eyes were a bright, stunning blue that reminded me of Christian.

I felt a stab of pain as I thought about back home.

She pushed her hair behind her ear and closed the door as she took another step forward. "You don't know me," she said calmly. "But you can trust me."

I let out a bitter laugh. "Sure, I can trust you. I'm being held captive by Strigoi and you don't seem to be too eager to let me out of these restraints, so excuse me for doubting your so-called honorable intentions."

The girl cracked a smile. "Fair enough," she conceded. Her voice was barely above a whisper. She didn't make any other move, or start to talk. Hell, she looked completely at ease!

Frustrated, I began to demand answers. "Who _are _you?"

Her eyes flashed. She was quiet still, and I felt my confusion steepen. "How do you know me?" I tried again.

She was more willing to answer that one. "Seriously? You're a legend."

I barely suppressed a groan. That wasn't helpful. I already knew that.

The girl seemed to draw the same conclusion. She smiled again, and then paced leisurely in front of me. "I know; you're looking for more detail than that."

"Well, yeah." I said. "I'm looking for a way out of here." I tried probing subtly, continuing, "You can get out with me. We can both break out of this joint and get back to…well, I'm going back to Court. You would go wherever you came from." Irritation spiked within me as my anticipation started growing. I couldn't wait to get out of this hellhole. The words slipped out before I had a chance to censor them. "I'm going to kill every single fucking Strigoi in this place before I go."

She stopped, turning to face me. Her blue eyes were sharp and alert. Her posture tensed up. Her face seemed to shut down—a guardian mask.

Thinking of perfected guardian masks made me think of Dimitri, which in turn made me think of my daughters, and everything else that was being held just out of reach for me.

The girl closed the distance between us until she was right before me. "Knock it off, Rose. Don't piss these people off. You're not in a position to deal with the consequences." Her voice had a small tremble, but I wasn't sure if it was due to anger or fear. I just couldn't figure this girl out!

I studied her face, desperately searching for some piece for recognition. I couldn't find anything. "Who _are _you?" I repeated.

There was noise on the other side of the door. The girl's head snapped in that direction, and then back to me. She looked pained—and…frantic? Frazzled? I couldn't find a fitting adjective in time—as she hastily whispered, "Please forgive me."

I began to ask for what when she wielded a heavy, blocky object against my face, snapping my head to the side and forcing me to lose consciousness completely.

* * *

I was simply unconscious for a long while. I didn't actually know how long, either. There was no way for me to tell. I had no way of knowing whether I was dead or still alive, either, which would have been useful knowledge.

Because while I was unconscious, Adrian summoned me into one of his spirit dreams.

I was standing in the basement that I had been kept in when I had been kidnapped in Spokane. It was as barren and haunting as it had been then, and, despite the fact that I knew it wasn't real, I felt panic shoot through me. I remembered Isaiah and Elena walking through the door, tormenting my friends and me…

I spun around, desperately searching for why I was here. Subconsciously or realistically, it didn't matter; I never wanted to be in this Godforsaken place again.

And then I froze.

Adrian.

He was turning around, too, inspecting the basement with a puzzled expression on his face.

I called out his name, but no sound was produced. He looked right through me, a frown creasing his forehead. I tried yelling out to him again, but I couldn't seem to find my voice. I waved my arms around like a mad person, trying desperately to get him to notice me. Why didn't he see me?

I jerked toward him, ready to fling myself at him, when suddenly my surroundings went black.

I know it wasn't my vision, because I could feel my eyes straining to refocus. However, they never had a chance to, because at the same time that my surroundings blacked out, it seemed that the floor disappeared right from beneath my feet, and I was falling. I didn't have time to register the feeling of fear or even the chance to try to prepare a scream. Not a second later, I was disembodied again and seeing through Lissa's eyes.

I couldn't tell how much time had passed from there, either. Everyone was still in the same clothes from last night, albeit their outfits were wrinkled and not as immaculate as before. The twins were gone, which led me to believe that they were probably asleep upstairs.

Joining the original party that had gathered in Lissa's house was Hans. He was speaking fiercely to whoever was on the other end of his cell phone. Liss wasn't trying to listen in on his conversation, so I didn't know what his goal was.

My mother was listening intently to Hans' conversation, her guardian mask firmly in place, the only indication of her fear being the slight shaking of her hands.

Tasha was in the same seat that she had occupied at dinner (which had been cleared), a concerned frown creasing her face. Back in my own body, I felt rage flare through me. How dare she pretend to actually give a shit, now, when it actually mattered!

Dimitri was on his own cell phone, looking just as harsh and frustrated as Hans. I couldn't tell what his conversation was about either, but he was definitely passionate about whatever the subject was. I rarely saw him get so…well, unprofessional.

Christian was next to Lissa, taking in everything that was going on. He seemed to be able to multitask between listening in to Hans' and Dimitri's respective phone calls, as well as rub soothing circles on Lissa's back.

And Lissa.

She was numb. She wasn't absorbing any information. Dimitri and Hans might as well have been speaking in Greek. She didn't notice my mother's uncharacteristic fretfulness (well, her hands, at least), or Tasha's faked concern. She didn't even seem to realize that Christian was beside her, let alone trying to massage her to help soothe her.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. Even though I had absolutely no control over the situation, I hated being the reason for Lissa's depression. Not to mention, her instability made me nervous. I vividly remembered her history of setbacks…

I searched in her mind for some sort of wavelength to catch onto.

_Rose has to be okay, _I heard her thinking. Even her inner monologue sounded weak. She was truly torn apart. _This can't be the end. I can't lose her. Especially not like this. I can't let that fight be the last thing she ever hears from me._

Dimitri snapped his phone shut, sighing in frustration, and swallowing thickly. It took a trained eye, but I could see that he was distraught, too. Hell, what was I saying? Anyone could tell that he was distraught.

A moment later, Hans did the same. My mother leapt as soon as the call had ended.

"What did he say?" she demanded.

"Rose took a car yesterday, after the…_incident_…with Her Majesty. The car was never returned."

"Have you instigatedthe GPS tracking service?" Dimitri asked. "We'll be able to pinpoint her location—"

"Yes, Guardian Belikov," Hans cut him off sharply. "Of course I instigated the GPS. We can expect results from that within the next hour." Hans took a deep breath and then exhaled in a sigh. His voice was stressed and irritated but held a certain amount of warmth in his next words. "I admire that girl. Rose is a character that I've really grown to care about. But I swear, sometimes that girl pisses the hell out of me."

Janine's voice was hard. "She didn't run away."

Hans hesitated. "Janine, her actions imply—"

"If we were supposed to interpret her actions to determine what it was she was really doing, we would have been screwed over a long time ago."

Tasha's voice was gentle and quiet. "It wouldn't be the first time she's run, Janine."

My mother's glare was fierce as she directed it towards Tasha.

"She's right," Christian said quietly. My mother's glare jerked toward Christian.

Lissa's voice sounded just as flat and disjointed as she was feeling. "She wouldn't have left the twins."

"She's right, too," Christian said again.

Janine raked a hand roughly through her red curls.

Adrian stepped into the room after descending the stairs, looking dazed and perplexed. I felt bad for just now realizing that he had been missing from the group.

All eyes turned to him. It was Lissa who spoke though, regaining just enough strength to put inflection into her voice. It was concern that accompanied her words. "Adrian? What's wrong?"

He slowly met her eyes, that baffled, almost-frightened expression never leaving his face. "That was the strangest thing…"

"What are you talking about?" Christian asked.

"The spirit dream…"

Several loud questions at once, though they were all essentially the same: "Did you talk to Rose?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. Like I said, it was the strangest thing. I contacted her, I could feel it—but she wasn't there. The room was empty."

Lissa's heart constricted in her chest. She couldn't bring herself to ask Adrian her question. It was Hans whose gruff voice held the strength.

"Does that mean she's dead?" He choked on the last word, grief threatening to take hold of the old man.

Adrian met his eyes slowly. "I honestly don't know."

My mother shook her head furiously. "No, no, no. You said you contacted her. You said you felt it—you knew that you were able to contact her, to make the dream work, right? So she can't be dead. Maybe she was unconscious, or drugged, or something that disabled her momentarily…but no, no, no, she can't be dead."

Tasha spoke again. "Adrian, how long did you sleep before you attempted to access her dreams?"

Adrian shrugged. "I'm not sure. Why?"

"If you're no longer drunk, you may be too hung-over to fully access your abilities. That may have hindered the process, too."

Janine was nodding. "Yes, that was probably part of it too. You were very intoxicated last night. I doubt you slept it all off." I could hear the desperation in her voice.

Adrian didn't respond. He was probably ashamed, angry with himself for allowing himself to get so drunk.

Hans was the first to speak after that. "Well, that's a good sign. She's expected to still be alive."

Christian added, "If she ran, we know she's fine. Rose knows how to take care of herself."

"She didn't run!" Adrian snapped, suddenly awoken from his puzzled state. His eyes were raging. "How dare you!" He began to charge toward Christian, fists clenched for a fight.

Dimitri was out of his seat and blocking Adrian's path all in less than a second. He was cool and collected but reacted passionately, giving me a glimpse of the guardian that I had fallen so hard for back at St. Vladimir's.

"Calm down," he said firmly, reminding me again of the guardian that I used to train with. He had brought me so far. "Attacking Christian won't help Rose." Dimitri added, "And you're not defending her honor. She didn't run. Beating it into them won't do anything except cause more delays in finding her."

Adrian was watching Dimitri with dark eyes, but he didn't argue. Maybe Adrian hated the guy, but he wasn't about to make a scene—especially when he knew that Dimitri was right.

Inside Lissa's mind, I realized that she was only vaguely taking in her surroundings. She knew what was happening, and the seriousness of the atmosphere, but she was only half-there mentally. Instead, she was lost in thought.

_Rose is alive._

_ Rose is dead._

_ She has to be alive. Adrian was able to almost-contact her through a spirit dream. Like Janine said, she was probably just in between a conscious and unconscious state, and that was why it didn't work. Or, like Tasha said, Adrian's abilities were still muted by his alcoholic binge last night._

_ Rose ran away._

_ Rose was kidnapped._

_ She wouldn't have run away. She would never leave her children behind. No matter what stress she was under, she would never abandon Lexi and Viktoria like that. If it were truly that bad, she would have taken them with her. And, hey, if it were truly that bad, she could have just gone back with Janine for a while! _

_ But things were definitely bad here. She and I were fighting. She and Tatiana had a falling out that could very well have cost her her position. Due to the fight with Tatiana, she and Adrian argued—or was it due to Tatiana? Had their fight been because of something else?_

_ Like Dimitri? Dimitri was sending Rose over the deep end. She was overly stressed about him. And then there had been that problem with those two guardians. Not to mention probably the worst problem for her…Tasha._

Well jeez, put like that, my life was just peachy, wasn't it?

_And it wouldn't have been the first time she ran away when things were bad._

She immediately backtracked. _No, wait. Rose and I only ran away because she wanted to help me. She thought that running away was in our best interest. It was never a spiteful escape to her. _

With more resolve, but not enough to completely convince herself, she repeated: _She didn't run away._

A mumbled noise came from upstairs, starting quietly, and then growing into a wail. The twins were awake.

Half of Lissa began to go to them, to be with them and play with them and console them and promise them that I would be back soon. But the dominant half, the numb half, didn't even twitch. She simply looked towards the sound.

Adrian started up the stairs instinctively but then turned and stared straight at Lissa. "Aren't you coming?" he demanded. "I can't take care of both of them at once."

I wanted Lissa to go to them. I wanted to see them through her eyes, to feel them in her arms, to hear their melodic voices through her ears…but I could feel the strain that it would put on her. At the moment, being around the twins was almost like a phobia to her. She couldn't bear to be strong for them while the threat of losing me loomed right above her head.

When she made no move to help him, Adrian's face twisted. He lost some of his anger and frustration, and it was replaced by a strong sense of fear and concern.

I knew exactly what he was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing.

_If they lost me, they would lose Lissa too. _

Everybody else was frozen, watching the interaction between Lissa and Adrian. Finally, Hans started forward. "I'll help you, Lord Ivashkov."

Adrian waved at Hans in irritation, obviously trying to tell him to screw formalities but not having the patience to lay it out for him. The two went upstairs.

Tasha stood and started for the hallway, gently touching Dimitri's arm on her way. He stood and followed her.

Lissa was still numb. Considering the group was beginning to disperse—at least throughout her house—there was no reason for her to stay in the dining room. She stood wordlessly and started for the living room, leaving Christian and my mother behind.

She entered the living room through the door between it and the dining room. She paused as she saw Dimitri and Tasha in the other doorway, the double doorway that separated the living room from the foyer.

They had just begun a conversation.

"I think we should go home, Dimitri. I'm going to book us a flight for tomorrow."

Dimitri's eyes flashed furiously. "What? No, I'm not going back to Minneapolis right now. Rose needs me here."

"Dimitri, you're too personally involved. You're distraught. We'll only get in the way here. Let Janine and Hans do their jobs. They'll handle this."

Dimitri took a step away from her. He was visibly fuming. He had to take a few deep breaths before he spoke again. "You book yourself a ticket, Tasha. I'll speak with Hans, and another guardian will fly down with you."

Tasha's face contorted. "Dimitri, you're my guardian."

Dimitri couldn't compose himself quick enough. His voice was sharp. "But I love _her_!"

They were both silent for a moment. Tasha swallowed. "Dimitri, you're only going to complicate things. Just come home. When they find her, you can deal with things then."

Dimitri shook his head. "I'm sorry Tasha. You can go, but I'm not going with you. Text me when you get there and let me know that you've arrived safely. I'll send a guardian to meet you tomorrow sometime in the morning so that you can prepare to travel with them."

Tasha's face darkened. With her scars—which I had once thought made her look beautiful in her own way—that angry, frustrated expression made her look menacing in a side that only I had seen of her.

"I'm not going." She said.

Dimitri sighed. "Tasha, I think you were right. It's for the best if you go."

"Damn it, Dimitri, no! You're _my _guardian, not hers. She rejected you. She's run away—she'll come back only when and if she wants to. And she made it clear that she wasn't coming back as long as you stayed here. How do you know that you're not the one that's keeping her away?"

_Ouch._ Low blow. Even Lissa flinched at that one.

Dimitri was obviously stung—and now haunted—by her accusation, but he remained strong. "I'm staying to assist with the search party. Not to beg for her to take me back. Not to try to force myself back into her life." He paused, and then continued, "She didn't run away. It looks bad, I know, but I can't believe that she would do something so juvenile. Maybe I don't know her as well as I used to, but I still know her, and I especially know she would never abandon those beautiful daughters of hers."

"There isn't going to be a search party, Dimka." Tasha said quietly. "Either she ran away, in which case _one_ guardian will be sent to retrieve her, or else she was kidnapped. If that's so…"

"Stop," Dimitri pleaded, choking out the single word. His anger had dissipated and he was now barely fighting tears as Tasha laid out my future. Little did she know, I was in the worst of those situations and my options weren't looking too bright.

Tasha reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand. "I'm here for you, Dimka. No matter what. Just don't…don't waste yourself on this. Rose made her own future. Don't let it define yours."

Lissa shifted her weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable with what she was witnessing. She didn't know what to make of it.

Tasha was trying to make a quick escape with Dimitri the moment the going got tough. Lissa supposed this was a good thing, because—like Tasha said—if I _had _run away, Tasha and Dimitri's absences would heighten the likelihood of my return…

Yet Tasha didn't take Dimitri's objection lightly. She grew irate, dangerous, mean, stubborn…a side of her that Lissa had yet to experience. Part of Lissa wondered if that was the side that I had claimed to see—the side that Lissa believed I had lied about.

And then, like a flipped switch, she was immediately affectionate and caring.

Lissa was stunned. She let out a muted frustrated sigh, slowly creeping backwards to return to the dining room. As she stepped backwards, her weight hit the floorboard wrong and it creaked loudly.

Lissa froze.

Tasha and Dimitri jerked their attentions to Lissa.

"Princess?" Dimitri asked, abandoning Tasha immediately. He stepped forward through the living room to get a better view. "Are you all right?"

Lissa must have been regarding him with a distasteful look, because he winced.

Tasha appeared beside him and said, "Lissa?"

And then Christian appeared behind his fiancée and asked, "What's going on in here?" completely oblivious to the tension.

Lissa felt the weight of so much on her shoulders. Looking directly at Dimitri, while so many thoughts spun around in her head, she whispered, "She deserves so much better than this."

Christian frowned, twisting to get a better look at Lissa's face. "Liss?" he asked in confusion.

Dimitri, too, was frowning. "What?"

Lissa kept watching Dimitri. "She deserves better than everything here. She deserves a better friend than me. She deserves a better guy than you. She deserves a better boss than Tatiana."

Dimitri flinched. Christian's face reflected his increasing worry as Lissa became crazier and crazier.

Tears filled Lissa's eyes as she began to cry, "Rose is too good for this. We ruined it all. We don't deserve her. We don't deserve her." She was growing hysterical. She was now sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her voice was rising to nearly a shout.

And then, to make matters absolutely, one-hundred-percent worse, Lissa passed out, and I was shunned from her mind.


	23. Care

**Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!**

**Sorry for the wait, guys. Things are busy here. I'll try to be better about updating.**

**As always, R&R! I know I haven't really shown it with these last few updates, but it really does speed up my motivation and keeps me writing. Without your feedback, I have no clue whether you like where the story is going or whether you're bored with it...or if you're confused, or even if you're loving my ideas! I would love to hear what you have to say about it. Please, please, PLEASE review!**

CHAPTER 23

_DPOV_

Christian caught Lissa in his arms, lifting her in concern. He struggled under her weight, but not because he couldn't handle it. It was because he was frightened, and unsure of how to proceed. I had seen it many times.

Despite the flurry of questions and concerns that were running through my own mind, I took control and remained calm. I gestured for Christian to give her to me, gently carrying her to the couch. She weighed practically nothing; I began to worry about her health. I knew Rose had always been wary because of the effect the darkness had on the Princess, but now I was beginning to fully grasp the weight of Rose's concern. Was the darkness's plague finally taking its toll on Lissa?

I laid her down, propping her up on pillows, and Christian fell beside her. He smoothed her hair out of her face with shaky hands, fear apparent in his eyes. Tasha was behind him, rubbing his back comfortingly. I could see the fear of her own in her eyes; fear not only for Lissa but also for her nephew.

Janine had heard all the commotion and had run in, demanding to know what was happening. Seeing the discomfort, she stopped, and waited for the opportune moment to extract answers.

"Is she all right?" Christian asked unsteadily. "What…what happened before I came in?"

I stood still, unsure of how to answer. Did I really know what had happened? No.

One minute, Tasha and I had been talking—well, arguing, actually—and then Lissa had suddenly gone off the deep end.

"Is it the darkness?" Tasha asked.

"We'd need Adrian to tell us that," Janine said. "He has to read her aura. He's upstairs with the girls right now."

I heard the unspoken words. Janine hadn't offered to get Adrian, because she didn't want the twins to be alerted to any problems. Everyone was too _on edge _right now to be able to handle dealing with two little girls, but she couldn't very well abandon them. She was going to let Adrian spend his time with them, and then have him tend to Lissa in a little while.

But Tasha did not hear the undertone.

"I'll go stay with the girls while he comes to…_read _Lissa." She moved to start for the stairs, but Janine adroitly blocked her path. Though Guardian Hathaway was more than a head shorter than Tasha, Tasha still stopped dead in her tracks.

"You will not go _anywhere _near those girls." She growled, her entire body tensed to take Tasha down.

Tasha's face was unreadable. Her eyes were wide, obviously not expecting such a vicious response, but didn't seem too surprised by the fact that she was being rejected. I quickly intervened before either of the women took it farther.

"No need," I said. "I'll go get Adrian, and Hans can stay with the twins for a few moments."

Though Rose's mother still didn't look too happy about me being anywhere near her granddaughters, she apparently decided that I was better than my charge. With a silent internal groan, I went upstairs.

There was definitely something that I was missing. Everybody here seemed to have a huge secret that they were burdened with, and for some reason, I was led to believe it had to do with the twins. Whenever Tasha or I tried to get close to Rose or her new life here, all of Rose's friends immediately intervened.

There was a nagging voice in the back of my head that kept saying that part of the reason things weren't going too well was because of…well, the _circumstances _that I left under. As much as I hated to admit it, it was true: I had essentially abandoned Rose during her greatest time of need, and nobody had forgiven me for it. It didn't help that I went off with Tasha, considering that that had probably led to many rumors about relationships and children of our own, which had been Tasha's original proposition to me…that I had originally declined.

I stopped myself before I revisited the past too much. I made my decision back then, and, though I regretted it, there was no way to change it. I made my mistakes. Now I could only hope to rectify them in time.

I reached the bedroom where the girls were. When I opened the door, Hans was tickling Viktoria while Adrian did a little dance with Lexi in his arms. Though she still looked sleepy, her eyes were open and she was giggling along with her dance partner.

Viktoria caught sight of me first. She broke into a wide grin—even wider than the one she already wore from Hans' relentless tickle-monster—and then ran over to me after exclaiming, "Dimka!"

Lexi also greeted me with a bright smile. She didn't run to me like Viktoria did, but it was nice to know that at least Rose's daughters hadn't been poisoned against me yet. I supposed it was only a matter of time before Rose began cracking down.

Hans and Adrian, however, weren't nearly as welcoming. I could have tried to convince myself that it was nothing personal, but the problem was…well, it _was _personal. They hated me because of what I did to Rose. They were judging me for my biggest mistake. They were unforgiving because they had witnessed, first hand, how torn apart Rose had been after my sudden disappearance four years ago.

And now, they were watching history repeat itself as I came back and threatened to impose myself on her life again.

Yet, despite the fact that I knew all of the pain I had caused her, I couldn't bring myself to walk away. Maybe I was being selfish again. Maybe I was a masochistic bastard. I wasn't sure; all I knew was that I would be damned if I lost Rose again.

Adrian snapped me out of my thoughts. His voice was mild—not necessarily kind, but not sharp, either. He must have been numbed by Rose's disappearance. "Is there any news?" he asked quietly, trying to remain calm and speak cryptically in front of the twins.

I shook my head. "No news. Lissa needs your help downstairs." I fought to keep my voice steady. I couldn't say any more than that, and I tried to portray my restrictions through my gaze.

Adrian understood. With a sigh, he put on a bright smile for Lexi. "I have to go help your auntie Liss, sweetheart. I'll be back soon. For now, would you like to lie back down? You could take another little nap."

Viktoria shrieked. "No! I want Lexi to play!"

Lexi's eyes were wide and blinking innocently. Damn, when that girl grew up, she would get whatever she wanted just by batting those eyelashes.

"I want to play with Viktoria!" her voice was throaty, but I chalked it up to the fact that she most likely just woke from a nap.

Adrian hesitated for a moment before nodding and setting her down. "Keep an eye on them?" he murmured to Hans, who nodded. He beckoned to me as he strode out the door but we both froze when one of the twins yelped, "No!"

Adrian reacted immediately, ready to battle whatever problems the twins had encountered. In a brief moment of realization, I saw that I respected him for that. Whether he was the girls' father or not (which Rose claimed he wasn't), he was a brave protector of them, and he had proven his love.

But Adrian wasn't expecting what they said. Honestly, neither was I.

"Dimka, stay!" It was Viktoria who had requested me, but Lexi was watching with a wise, comprehending gaze.

Adrian didn't know how to handle this. He shut down, and I felt that it was for more reasons than one. I didn't know how to undo the action, but I did what I thought was best.

I kneeled to be at their level. Neither of them came closer, and I didn't go to them. I simply told them, "I can't play right now. I need to help your auntie Lissa and your uncle Adrian." Before I even realized the words were out of my mouth, I continued, "I'll be back to play with you soon."

They seemed satisfied with my answer, at least for now, so they let me leave. Adrian refused to speak to me as we left the room, not that I attempted to change this. I was just as content walking in silence. He would be filled in on the crisis downstairs when we reached it.

It was when we were at the foot of the stairs that he finally decided he could no longer hold it all in. Turning on me, his voice no higher than a whisper, he demanded, "You honestly don't know what kind of hell you're raising here, do you?"

I didn't know how to respond. I was absolutely taken aback by his comment. I had neither expected nor understood it. Because of the incomprehension, I kept my perfected guardian mask firmly in place.

Frustration growing, Adrian went on, "You just had to ruin things, didn't you?"

My eyes narrowed, but I did nothing else.

He seemed to refuse to say anything further until I reacted, but not before saying this: "She's gone because of you as much as she's gone because of me."

And then someone screamed.

* * *

_RPOV_

It had been at least two days. I was sure of it. I was absolutely famished, craving just about anything and everything. I was parched; I don't think I had ever gone this long without any sort of beverage. I was desperately in need of some good ole' H2O. I hadn't slept well at all, having been knocked unconscious both times. When I woke up, I was still exhausted, but with the added joy of feeling like I had just been plowed over by an 18-wheeler.

I couldn't tell whether it was night or day. When I woke up the second time, my light had been left on. Apparently after the mystery woman had left, she hadn't stolen my vision and whoever had been on the other side of that door hadn't cared to.

Well, at least that was nice. I was no longer swathed in darkness.

After being kicked out of Lissa's head, I had been frantic and filled with fear. She was experiencing a total breakdown, and I was _here_! I needed to be there for her!

It took a lot of maturity on my part, but I eventually managed to calm myself down and convince myself that freaking out over Lissa's crisis while I was stuck here would do nothing but bring about more trouble. The last thing that my captors needed to know about was Lissa's newfound vulnerability.

So after a few deep breaths and a lot of repeated consolations, I managed to regain my composure. She was still there, lingering in the back of my mind, and I couldn't help but fret a _little_.

But new problems took my main attention.

Like Adrian and that weird, half-, failed-, totally-messed-up-spirit-dream.

What _was _that?

Tasha seemed to have a valid point. If Adrian had still been drunk when he had tried to contact me, it made sense that the spirit dream would have failed. And it had been true; he _had _been extremely intoxicated the night before. It wouldn't have surprised me if he were still hung-over.

But there was still something that felt…_off_.

I groaned, shifting in my seat. What was I saying? The whole situation was _off_. It wasn't like Strigoi held dhampirs hostage on a regular basis. Usually it was instantaneous death or they were changed; yet neither had happened to me. Yet.

Of course, as far as I knew, I wasn't being used as bait. I hadn't heard any mention of using me to get to Lissa or Tatiana. Not that it was common in our world, but I hadn't heard of any ransom note, either.

I puzzled over my captor's motives for a few moments more before I sighed in defeat.

I was running on fumes. I had no energy and no protein or carbohydrates to go on, either. My brain was hardly piecing together simple patterns, let alone complex intentions based on theories that could essentially be completely off base.

With a defeated groan, I realized what I had to do.

I had to suck up to the damned Strigoi.

I needed food and water desperately, even if it meant defying every urge in my body to spurn my captors.

I was debating whether I should call out to him or whether I should simply wait for him to show when he opened my door. Wow, small miracles.

"Ah, you're awake. Wonderful." He came towards me, but not in a menacing way. He loped around with the grace of a man who had all the time in the world. "I should assume you're very hungry by now?"

Despite my earlier resolve, I stayed stoically still, only watching him with wide, vigilant eyes. I suddenly refused to alert him to my vulnerability. I didn't want to give him something to hold over my head and make me jump for like a puppy.

He smiled wearily, showing his fangs. Otherwise, it was a very human gesture. "I'm sure you are. I'll have someone bring in a tray for you. We want to keep you strong."

Ah, there it was.

"Are you going to turn me?" I asked, venom in my voice.

"You mean awaken you?" He smiled again, though this one was more fitting to a Strigoi. "Now, now, Ms. Hathaway, I can't reveal all of my surprises, now can I?"

"It's not a surprise," I spat. "You're either going to turn me or kill me. I just don't understand why you haven't done it already."

His red-ringed eyes sparkled. He found this amusing. "Don't worry, my dear. You don't need to fret about your future. It's in good hands."

I groaned. "Oh shit. That doesn't sound promising."

His amusement only intensified. "You could be in worse situations, you know."

My lips curled in disgust. I didn't say what was really on my mind—it was true; I could have been used as his blood whore. "I'd say this is pretty bad." I snarled.

"Yes, yes, I'm not surprised. You have no reason to trust me." He flashed me a dark grin. "And you shouldn't."

I bristled, ready for an attack. It was an instinctive reaction, one that happened without my really thinking about it. It didn't matter that I was currently incapacitated. My body was ready to respond to his threat.

He laughed, seeming to notice my reaction. "Oh, Rosemarie, calm down. As I said, you're in good hands."

I was silent, still braced for an attack. I was fighting every urge in my body to just lose it, to go crazy and buck against my restraints, to scream every obscenity I could think of in this monster's face.

I just barely succeeded.

Switching the subject on a dime, he said, as friendly as ever, "So, tell me about your children. Twins, I hear?"

My heart dropped into my gut while my brain sent out signals of fury. My entire body was on fire, my vision completely red. He hadn't made any threat on them or even had a hint of evil in his voice. It seemed completely innocent.

But that wasn't how it registered with me.

"Fuck you!" I screamed. "You touch one hair on their heads and I will make sure you suffer a long, agonizing death."

The Strigoi's eyes narrowed. I could tell he was battling to keep his cool. He wanted to brush me off with amusement, as he had been doing regularly. However, my outburst angered him.

I pushed just a little harder, unable to deal with this awkward power struggle. "You so much as mention their names, and I can't even begin to explain to you exactly what I'll do to make your life hell."

And just like that, he was in my face. His red-ringed eyes were right in front of me, staring me down. His nose was less than an inch from mine. He was grasping my arms so fiercely that I was nearly certain he was about to crush my bones. I refused to show my pain.

"Threaten me again, and it won't end prettily." His voice was low and toxic. Clearly, the joking was over.

I wouldn't be intimidated, though. He had crossed a line. Nobody—especially not a dirty Strigoi—got to threaten my children. Momma Bear was out and defensive—and she wasn't one to back down. Ever.

"You don't want to fuck with me when it comes to my children," I growled back just as darkly.

The fact that he was losing his control over me was obviously pissing him off. His eyes were glowing with rage, and his entire posture was rigid. He was nearly shaking with bottled up fury.

I was just as furious, but I wasn't as unhinged as he was. He was still fighting with himself to keep his cool—a strange phenomenon; Strigoi weren't exactly known for their patience—and that was making him lose his focus. I, on the other hand, was ready to push him off the deep end.

And that I did.

I spit in his face.

True, it was a sissy attack, but it was the best I could manage while both my hands and feet were bound. It was the only way I could prove my point about my protectiveness about my kids. Hey, I thought it was a valid move! It definitely got my warning across.

But I guess I wasn't sure if it actually said, _"Don't fuck with my children or I'll rip your goddamn head off" _or something more along the lines of, _"I'm a stuck up brat who thinks that she's so good that she can insult you and spit in your face and get away with it just because"_.

While I didn't think the second option was too bad, it was most definitely putting me in a more precarious position.

The Strigoi was outraged. He lashed out, throwing my chair across the room. The ropes binding me to the chair snagged on something and came undone as I hit the floor. I smacked on my right side, that entire side of my body going numb after feeling a sharp jolt of pain. My skull cracked against the hard floor and my vision went blurry, but I managed to recover quick enough to get to my feet.

The Strigoi was in front of me again, ready to attack. I couldn't use any offensive maneuvers; my hands were bound in flex-cuffs behind my back. I could only duck and try to trip him or kick him or something.

I was able to avoid him for a few punches before managing to get in a good kick to his side. His pain tolerance was high, though, and he barely flinched. It wasn't until I got my leg up to his face level—that was some talent, right there—and kicked him across the cheek that he was momentarily incapacitated.

I turned around and kicked the leg of the chair until it broke off. I struggled, with my back turned, to try to get a hold of it in my hands, but the Strigoi was faster. His hands wound around my neck and he squeezed—even the mildest pressure on his end was deadly to me—only loosening his grip as he began to bring his mouth down—

"Stop it!"

A scream from the doorway.

The Strigoi stopped, dropping me like a rock, and spun to face the voice.

It was the female dhampir from earlier.

"Get out of here!" I cried to her. I couldn't let her get hurt. This Strigoi was pissed and out for blood—literally. I couldn't let him get her.

But she was paying me no attention. Her eyes were desperately pleading with the Strigoi. "Julian, stop it! Don't hurt her!" she cried at him.

The Strigoi was still shaking in anger. He stood there for a moment, where none of us dared to even take a breath. (Well, I didn't take a breath, and neither did the dhampir girl. The Strigoi didn't have to worry about that.)

And then, to my utter shock, he relaxed. He sent a disgusted glance my way and then stormed to the door. He stopped in front of the dhampir girl. I tensed, terrified that he was going to attack her…but he didn't. He simply quietly demanded, "Take care of her." And then left.

I had crumpled to the ground. My entire body was now throbbing in pain. I was woozy from those hard hits. I had relaxed since the Strigoi—who I now knew was named Julian—had left, but I was still perplexed by the female.

With a sigh, she came over to me and helped me up. She began to flip the chair over so it was usable again, but then noticed the broken leg. "I'll bring up another one." She said softly.

"Who are you?" I repeated from earlier. I was getting really annoyed that she wouldn't answer me.

She brought her blue eyes to meet mine. "My name is Angelina. You don't know me."

"No, I don't." A fact that was extraordinarily frustrating to me. I couldn't tell whether she was a friend or a foe, and the fact that she knew so much about me while I knew so little about her was unnerving, in this situation at least. I tried to thumb around for some answers, but I had lost my calm, patient attitude and was now impatient and demanding. Not the best way to try to reason answers of out somebody, but hey, I was doing what I could. "Why did that Strigoi listen to you? You told him to stop and he did."

She bristled, breaking eye contact. "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is," I objected, anger flaring through me. Despite my haziness, I knew that I hadn't missed anything. I saw exactly what had happened, and I wanted answers. "It's exactly that simple. And it's unfathomable. Strigoi are monsters. _That _Strigoi, in particular, is a monster! He has me locked up here to do who-the-hell-knows-what—"

She cut me off before I could continue. Sharply, with her volume raised, she snapped, "Julian is not a monster! He's a good person!"

I stopped, bewildered by her attitude. How could she see good in him? Maybe she didn't like me, and she thought I was getting what I deserved. The Strigoi had, after all, made my life miserable by doing this to me. He had stolen me away from my world, my job, my friends, my children.

But she claimed that she was my friend. She had told me earlier that I could trust her; she clearly hadn't wanted to attack me that one time (at least, she had led me to believe that was the case). She seemed to be a good person, a good guardian even.

I truly didn't know. Was she waiting for Julian to change her? Maybe she wanted to be Strigoi, and this was her way of trying to earn it? I couldn't see that though...she was too kind to me to want to long for that lifestyle. There had to be something else.

Was she a promised guardian? I didn't know, and had no way of knowing without asking—and that I did _not _want to do right now—so that was a dead-ended theory. If she was a guardian, maybe the Strigoi had been her charge? Did she feel obligated to stay with him?

But that didn't explain his behavior in return. Most Strigoi didn't have Julian's patience, and very, very few would have responded to Angelina's request earlier. He had been angry enough that he would have killed me if she hadn't stepped in when she had. So why didn't he? Why did she have the power to stop him?

My jaw dropped as I realized what was going on. She was voluntarily staying here with him. She defended him. She pleaded with him to be good. He listened to her. He treated her well. He took care of her.

"You're in love with him," I whispered.


	24. Darkness

**So, I know that nobody wants to hear pathetic excuses, so here's the truth: I've been extremely busy between school and the need to de-stress in my short time off. I know that you guys want me to write, write, write, write, and post, post, post, post...and I completely understand. I'm the same way with the stories that I follow on FF, too. But I can only give you guys apologies, and tell you another truth: I'm not sure how good I will be about updating for a while longer. I have two weeks left before finals, and so things are getting tough. I'm going to have to dedicate even more time to school, and in my time off...well, if I'm not immediately bursting with ideas, I would kind of like to take some time to lay down and read a good book and rejuvenate rather than forcing myself to try and spit out another chapter if my heart isn't in it... **

**Blah. I've babbled. Sorry, it's late. ;) **

**Anyways...the point is, summer is close. Once I'm out of school, updating will be easier and more frequent, I promise! I'm getting to the best part of the story (in my opinion!) and I can't wait to share it with you. I promise, I'm not abandoning you! Just...a postponement.**

**As always, please read and review. I know I sound like a broken record on this point, but I want you all to know that it truly means a lot. I can't say that it will make me update sooner, because that is a matter of how much free time I have, not based on reader feedback. But it truly is a great motivator, and reviews always put a smile on my face. I hope that you guys can find it in your hearts to review just because it makes me more excited to post. Like I've said before...I'm a review whore. **

Chapter 24

I couldn't believe it, even after the words had left my mouth. How could she love him? He was a monster!

Her eyes immediately snapped to mine and, though she said nothing, I saw the dare there.

"H—bu—…how?" I finally managed to sputter. "He's Strigoi!"

Angelina whipped a Swiss knife out. At first I froze, thinking, _wow, I really pushed her buttons_, but then she spun me around and sawed off my cuffs. I flexed my hands, grimacing as I heard bones pop and crack and felt the pain of raw skin moving for the first time. Then she leaned down and started coiling the rope around her arm, gathering it up off the floor. "He's a good person," she repeated.

I grabbed her shoulder and forced her to look at me. "He. Is. Strigoi." I repeated more firmly.

She sighed and closed her eyes. She dropped the rope to the ground and said, "Look—"

I flushed as my stomach let out a loud growl. I had completely forgotten about my hunger. I wanted to ignore it, but Angelina had heard it and refused to. With a small smile, she said, "Here, I brought you lunch. That was why I had come up."

She led me to a tray that had been dropped haphazardly onto a short table that I hadn't noticed before. On the plate were an apple, a ham sandwich, and an assortment of chips. There was a plastic soda bottle filled with a clear liquid that I assumed was simple water.

Angelina began to reach for it, but then stopped, stepped back, and gestured to it. "Go ahead."

I frowned. "Were you going to eat it?"

She grinned. "No. I was going to hand it to you, but then I remembered that you weren't restrained."

Her words lit a match in my head that began burning furiously. _You weren't restrained. _I wasn't restrained. I was free to roam. Well, about my room, at least.

My stomach growled again and Angelina repeated, "Rose? Dig in. Obviously you're dying to." Then she grimaced and said, "Sorry, wrong choice of words."

My mood darkened as I understood. "Yes, poor choice."

Angelina winced again and then said, "Look, Rose, I know you're upset, but please, just understand—"

"Don't tell me to understand anything," I snapped, slamming my fist on the table. The tray jumped. The water bottle tipped. Luckily, it was capped. "You kidnapped me. You're holding me hostage. You're keeping me from my friends and family. You're keeping me from my _children._" Before I could stop myself, the rest came bubbling out. "One of whom is sick, and I don't know how to help her. And I'm trying to keep both of them a secret from their father, who has now complicated my life again beyond belief. And my best friend is—" I finally stopped short, realizing that I had almost divulged Lissa's vulnerability to the enemy. No matter how nice and trusting Angelina seemed, I would be flat-out stupid to trust her with my secrets.

Angelina tilted her head, brows furrowed in concern. "Lissa's what, Rose?"

Damn it.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter."

Angelina didn't push the matter, but I knew a fair amount of the damage had already been done.

"Tell me why Julian is such a _good guy_," I said quickly, biting sarcasm evident in my voice.

Angelina bristled again. She took a few deep breaths and then I watched her shoulders relax. She gestured to the food again.

"Eat," she said. "I'll talk."

I didn't move for a moment, and she tilted a small smile my way. "I get it," she finally said. "I'll start, and you can eat whenever you decide you want to."

Damn, she knew the game I was playing.

I grabbed the apple defiantly and chomped into it. Ah, it tasted so marvelous. It was juicy and sweet and—

"I'm a promised guardian," she said quietly, not meeting my gaze. Her eyes were glued to the floor, her blonde hair falling around her face as a shield. "But I left when I met Julian."

"As in, you just up and quit?" I asked disbelievingly between chews.

"No," she answered, still watching the floor. "I…I was guarding a Moroi named Olin Chmela. I was assigned to him right out of school. He wasn't Royal, but he wielded lots of money and power. He moved us to France, where we stayed for a few years until we had to relocate, due to an increase in Strigoi numbers. We came back to Montana, closer to the Academy." She paused, swallowed, and then took a deep breath and tried to start again, but seemed to choke on the words.

I bit my tongue. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "When was this?" I asked quietly.

She swallowed again and slowly brought her eyes to mine. "Almost five years ago."

The Strigoi attack on St. Vladimir's.

I swallowed and averted my gaze.

After a pause, her voice thick with emotion, Angelina continued, "Olin and I were there for maybe two or three weeks before the attack took place. During that time I became reacquainted with an old classmate of mine that I used to be very close with."

I kept my gaze elsewhere. I knew who she was talking about, but I didn't want to interrupt again. My throat, too, was thick with shared emotion. That tragic attack was a day that went down in infamy, right alongside the surprise bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941. Rehashing the memories were beyond painful.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw a flash of something. I tried to glance it out of my peripheral vision, but saw nothing there when I looked.

"Julian and I…we fell in love. And then the attack happened…and he was turned." I heard her choking back something that sounded eerily like tears. A quick peek revealed my accuracy.

"I couldn't let him go on like this. I knew it wasn't something that he wanted. He was repulsed by anything Strigoi-related." She half-smiled, as though remembering an old joke that the two of them had shared. Her misty eyes warmed fondly, unfocused as she recalled a memory. With a sigh, her happiness faded and she returned to her sad tale. "I disappeared during the chaos, making it seem as though I was one of those in the wreckage who had disappeared to a darker fate.

"I tracked Julian all over the world for the first two years. I was down to my very last penny when I finally found him in Chicago."

I frowned. "Chicago?"

Angelina smirked. "Hey, it can be a ghetto place. A Strigoi could fit right in in the correct area."

I shivered, mentally noting to never book a vacation in Chicago.

"I…I was prepared for him. Prepared to kill him, that is. But…" She looked away again, flushing guiltily.

"You couldn't kill him." I finished for her.

"No," she whispered. "I saw him…and I just faltered. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't react quickly enough. He knocked me unconscious and drank from me." She shivered, and there were tears in her eyes as she went on, "When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. I couldn't remember anything at first, but then Julian showed up and…well, let's just say I remembered everything."

I frowned, trying to fit the jigsaw puzzle together in my mind but unable to figure out how her story led to this…current way of living.

Angelina watched my face contort, and she gave a small smile. "Still confused?" she offered. When I nodded, her smile grew slightly. "I haven't told you my secret yet. See, I had gone in prepared to kill him, but I had planned for the worst."

I shifted. "You expected for things to go awry?"

"I wouldn't say _expected_," she said. "I just…prepared."

I nodded. In a strange way, I respected her for it. She hadn't gone in blindly. She had made sure that her bases were covered. Yes, I had to say that I had a newfound appreciation of this stranger.

"And what was it that you had up your sleeve?" I was eager to hear about her secret weapon.

Angelina smiled, amused by my interest. "A silver ring."

I made a face. "What?"

"A silver ring. It was charmed with spirit."

My heart skipped a beat. Spirit-charmed jewelry. That's what Lissa and Adrian had researched and used to bring me out of my spirit-induced madness.

I blinked wildly, trying to sort through a few thoughts. How would that affect a Strigoi? How could that make a difference? I knew how it affected me, though I wasn't necessarily sure I understood the mechanics behind it, but I was completely perplexed at how Angelina knew to go that route.

So I asked.

She shrugged. "When I was tracking him, I ran across a spirit user. He took me in while I needed shelter and food, and gave me some tips for trying to trap Julian. He gave me a ring to test on Julian."

"What does it do?"

Wistfulness filled her ice blue eyes. "It brings back their human side." Then she half-laughed and corrected herself, "You know what I meant. The side that I fell in love with."

I couldn't suppress my shock. My jaw dropped and I'm sure I was looking at her like she was absolutely crazy. "It does what?" I demanded.

She smothered a giggle. "No, Rose, I'm not crazy. Believe me, I felt that way for a long while, toting around a tiny ring with the insane hopes that it could restore my one failed dream."

I still couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility that a simple spirit-charm could reverse the hell that was being a Strigoi.

But then I stopped, thinking back to its effect on me. It wiped out insane darkness and restored me to myself…I supposed it wasn't such a far-fetched idea…

"But how do you keep it going? The spirit fades with time."

Angelina's face reddened in embarrassment. It took her a moment before she summoned enough strength to tell me, "The spirit user that helped me…we struck a deal. Every ten months, we conduct a trade. Another ring for…well, it doesn't matter what I give him in return."

I blinked, curiosity gnawing at me. I couldn't handle suspense like that. Especially with a story this bizarre already. I needed all the facts.

I don't know how I came up with this answer. It was one of those moments where something clicked…I didn't know where and I didn't know why, but the reason flitted into my mind and struck a chord.

"You're his personal blood whore."

Angelina's eyes snapped to mine with a vehemence that startled me. The ice blue color of her eyes was exaggerated with this angry passion, and they were sharp, like daggers, boring into me daringly.

Moroi at the Royal Court were given feeders, or humans that offered themselves to the rush of a vampire's bite. Royal Moroi that lived outside of the Court's boundaries usually were able to provide these

I tried to tear my eyes from hers so I could inspect her neck for bite marks, but she was captivating. I couldn't break free no matter how hard I seemed to try.

"Listen closely, Rose." Her voice was low and dark. "Make no mistake, I'm not proud of what I have to do. But it keeps him with me. And for me, that's worth it all."

I finally ripped my gaze from hers. Her neck looked clear. "But…there are no bites."

She readjusted her hair so that it fell down past her shoulders, covering her neck, but grunted in agreement. "No, there aren't. Because I haven't seen him in a while, and Julian would never do that to me."

I blinked a few times, chewing on my food gingerly. The crunch was the only sound for a while, until Angelina finally whispered, "Rose, he's not a monster. That ring…it brings him back. He's more like the man that I fell in love with."

I tried to summon some semblance of understanding, or at the very least pity, but I had trouble finding anything but anger. Yes, maybe this was an amazing breakthrough for Strigoi, but I had yet to see proof that it made Julian any less monstrous. Maybe it dulled his evilness, but it sure as hell didn't erase it. He was still dark and dangerous and I would never trust him, and I felt resentment towards Angelina for being so dedicated.

How could she not see what he was? She wasn't high on Strigoi amphetamines, so there was nothing to blame other than her lovesick attitude. She kept saying that Julian was a good person, but what did she have to show for it at the end of the day? I would never be so stupid!

I mean, for God's sake, if Dimitri turned Strigoi—

I felt my spiraling temper fizzle out. If Dimitri turned Strigoi, we had once had an agreement that I would hunt him down and put him out of his misery; same would go for me should I meet that horrid fate. Several years ago, when we had spoken about it, I had been gung-ho about upholding his wishes, and I had sworn that I would make sure that his reputation wouldn't melt down to sick Strigoi standards.

Yet now, looking back with a new light of maturity (damn that stupid thing, it always got in the way and complicated things!), I had to face the reality. It wouldn't have been that easy.

Would I have been able to kill him? I thought about plunging a stake into Dimitri's chest…and winced, nearly breath taken by the horror of the thought. The reality was that I would have done the exact same thing that Angelina did. I would have bargained for a way to keep Dimitri with me if I could.

I would have battled with myself every day afterwards, trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing but deep down knowing that I wasn't at all. I was keeping a killer alive, trying to delude myself with false hopes and visions, while others were suffering for my selfishness.

Even though I still disagreed with Angelina's tactics, at least now I understood.

Taking a deep breath, I quietly murmured, "Angelina, I understand that you love him." I paused, summoning Dimitri into my mind. He was my rock, the thing that stationed me firmly between understanding where Angelina was coming from but also finding a way to convince her that she wasn't right. "And I know that you don't to lose him. This is your only way of keeping him."

Her blue eyes grew misty as she watched me, waiting for me to get to my point.

"But you have to face that he's not the man you fell in love with. He's Strigoi; he's a cold-blooded killer. Maybe he's good to you, and he brings back good memories, but you know that in those times when you're not together, he's out killing innocent people for his feedings. How can you say that he's not a monster, knowing that?" I watched that sink in; I watched her color go pale, her face contort in pain, and a fresh batch of tears stream from her eyes. I tried to remain composed as I whispered, "How can you say he's not a monster when he's taken me from my friends, my family, and my two babies? They need me, and nothing you can say can justify kidnapping me."

Angelina's face hardened immediately. I reran through my words hastily, trying to find where I had lost her. Everything I said made sense—what the hell set her off?

"You don't know everything, Rose. Don't pretend you do." Angelina went to the door. "Get off your goddamn high horse and realize that not everyone is your enemy." She smirked at some untold joke, and then added, "Or rather, some enemies are more important than others."

And then she left, leaving me more confused that I was before.

Damn.

* * *

I finished my meal, relishing it, and then sat in a corner and closed my eyes. I was tense for quite a while, waiting for any sign of a visit from either Angelina or Julian. I wasn't sure whether I _wanted _them to come or not, but I supposed it was a good thing that neither of them showed. I eventually gave up on waiting for them and instead switched over to Court to see how everyone was holding up. Last I'd seen them, Lissa had broken down and passed out. I was desperate to know the she was okay.

Slipping into her mind wasn't as easy as it usually was. At first it seemed like she was blocking me, but it was a weak barrier—more of an inconvenience that a true, hindering obstacle. With a little prodding, I found a way to get into her mind.

And it was completely black.

I was literally surrounded by pitch blackness. I turned around, searching for Lissa, but was completely alone. I didn't see through her eyes, hear her thoughts, or anything. It was only me, alone, looking around for something to help me out.

And then a streak of metallic blue whizzed past me, bright enough to startle me but then disappearing just as quickly afterwards. I spun around as my peripheral vision caught another jolt of brightness; this time, a vivid purple. The flashes came more frequently, all in different hues—dramatic greens, yellows, reds, blues, purples, oranges, et cetera—until I was completely surrounded. I was momentarily blinded by the stunning colors, the force around me so violent that my long hair was whipping completely in my face, and so that made their sudden disappearance even more bewildering. When the lights were gone, I was blinded yet again by the rapid onslaught of utter blackness.

It took a few moments for my eyes to readjust, and I was doubly on-edge now that I had just experienced something so bizarre.

"Lissa?" I called out hesitantly, tensed for…I don't even know. A grizzly attack? A plummeting rocket ship? Lissa herself?

There was no answer, not that I necessarily expected one. I frowned, trying to think of what this was and what else I could do when I heard it.

Like a whisper in the wind, words that I couldn't make out unless I strained to hear them…"_Stupid bitch, she left me…I'm going to kill that scar-faced whore for chasing her away…That stupid bastard ripped her to shreds…How can that blind prick stand by his aunt after what she's done?...Those stupid twins won't shut up!_"

Each phrase faded in and out as though they really were carried on the wind, blowing past me, and then circling around for another chance. I didn't have to hear it word for word though—I got the gist. And I didn't need any more clues.

Lissa was still unconscious. That explained the pitch-black surroundings. It didn't exactly explain the colors, but hey…I didn't know what went on in one's subconscious. Maybe it was something along those lines. I wasn't too concerned with the colors at the moment.

But those thoughts…the uncensored hatred and vile words…that was darkness. Not darkness as in what I used to describe my surroundings, but the darkness that affected Lissa negatively. The darkness that had cost me Dimitri all those years ago. The darkness that drove both of us insane.

I hadn't taken the darkness from Lissa in almost five years. I had learned to talk her through it, get her to push it somewhere where it didn't affect her so much. I had noticed small differences, like a shorter tolerance span, more sarcastic comebacks, or a grouchier mood when she was cranky. Despite these small setbacks, I had been led to believe that this was better for both of us. Her body was designed to handle the darkness—it was an adaptation that came along with spirit.

Mine, on the other hand, couldn't handle it whatsoever…as was demonstrated the last time I had taken in too much.

Yet I couldn't stand here and do nothing, despite my fair warning.

Closing my eyes, focusing on the darkness and the darkness alone, I willed myself to suck it from her. The vicious whispers grew louder and louder as I became nearer and nearer. They were almost shouts in my ears when I was finally close to breaking. I had never had such trouble taking darkness from her!

I could feel my knees growing weak and my head pounding on my shoulders when the voices finally silenced. I was okay for a moment—breathless, but all right—but then the darkness settled in and I felt my entire demeanor change.

Through my vision, all I could see was blackness. I had a vague feeling that, around me, things were changing, but I couldn't place it. I was too blinded by my unadulterated rage.

_Tasha…oh, that bitch. She's a liar. She turned Lissa against me. I know she's angling at something. That evil whore is going to pay._

_ Dimitri…he deserves a slow, painful death. Emasculation and humiliation…make him feel the pain that he made me feel. He doesn't deserve me or my children._

_ Lissa…why the hell didn't she believe me? _

I could hardly get past the anger long enough to witness what happened next through Lissa's eyes, but I was able to push it aside just long enough to watch the movie unfolding before me.

She woke up screaming.

Christian, sitting next to her, jumped. The moment he recovered, he was trying to comfort her. His hands pulled her into a tight embrace while Tasha, a few feet away, looked stricken. Not a moment later, Dimitri and Adrian burst into the room, followed shortly thereafter by Janine. I heard Hans thundering down the stairs, but no squeal of the children. He must have told them to stay put.

"Liss," Christian pleaded, horrified, "Please, talk to me…what's wrong?"

Lissa's eyes were wide and she was gasping for breath. She shook her head, refusing to speak. No one—including me—knew if it was because she was in shock or because she couldn't.

My mother, however, was ashen for a reason of her own. Clutching her phone close to her chest, murmuring to Hans, she finally requested attention. One glance at his face showed that he was just as shaken as Janine.

"They found the car that Rose took," my mother's voice came out hoarsely. Her eyes looked glassy. I had never seen her look so…weak. Vulnerable. Pained. Sad.

Dimitri and Adrian spun around first; both of their faces alight with hope. I refused to see the other emotion there.

Christian followed Lissa's suit, who was the next to turn her head to face my mother. Her eyes were still wide, her lips still quivering. I don't know what was on her mind. Where had our paths crossed? What boundaries were there?

Last to turn her attention to my mother was Tasha. When she did look, her expression was unreadable.

"It was parked outside of a small convenience store a few miles away. Her phone was found on the ground a few feet away from the car. There…" she choked for a moment. "They found traces of blood."

"But no body?" That was Adrian.

Nobody answered, for fear of what it would mean.

_No, there wouldn't be a body. If a Strigoi attacked, they would either dispose of the body themselves or else…well, a different fate had been met._

There was silence. No one dared speak. I daresay I even saw a tear trickle down Janine's cheek. Hans, too, looked wilted, as though this news had broken him inside.

And then a melodic soprano, shaky and choked, whispering, "She's not dead."

All eyes turned to Lissa, but the gazes were only tired and saddened. No one took what she was saying seriously. They were all used to her denials.

"She's not dead," Lissa repeated, putting more force behind her words. Her eyes were still wide as saucers, but her strength was slowly returning. "She took the darkness."

This got her more stares. My mother's eyes widened. "What does that mean?" she asked, leaning over to Hans. She had never been properly filled in to the perks of the bond between Lissa and me.

Adrian, overhearing, said, "A side-effect of spirit is darkness. It acts on our deepest emotions…well, by that, I mean our hidden angers and dark feelings." He paused, letting Janine absorb that, and then continued, "Because of the shadow-kissed bond that Lissa and Rose share, Rose has the ability to…_suck _the darkness from Lissa."

Janine looked like there were many more questions she wanted to shoot at Adrian, but she didn't. Lissa was insistent, but few people gave her any credibility.

Dimitri looked weary. "How can you tell, Princess? You were unconscious. Maybe it was just a dream."

"No." Lissa's voice was sharp. "I know it. I know _Rose._ It was her, damn it!"

Christian quickly began to soothe her. "Liss, just think about it. We're not discounting your theory, we just don't want to get our hopes up—"

"Bullshit!" she cried. At first I worried about my efficiency in taking the darkness from her, but then I saw the tears prickling behind her eyes and I knew that this was from stress and worry, not anger. "Believe me! She's alive!"

Seeing the wary looks of everyone else, she turned desperately to Dimitri. "Please, Dimitri, you at least have to believe me. You knew her as well as I did. You were like her other half."

"Four years ago," he whispered. The torment was unmistakable in his voice. Even his dark eyes looked haunted. "I've been shunned by her now."

Lissa scowled. "For God's sake, I'm not asking you to marry her, I'm just saying agree with me!"

Christian frowned in concern next to her. "You said she took the darkness, Liss."

Lissa's scowl deepened as she turned on her fiancé. "She _did_. This is you, now, pissing me off."

I felt like I was about to explode from the amount of darkness I already took from her, but I knew that she needed—that we _both _needed—for me to take this rising amount, too. So bracing myself as best as I could, I battled again with my focus and determination to steal the darkness. I felt success a few moments later, and then, as I slipped back into her perspective, I saw that my efforts paid off.

She had a blank, stunned look on her face. Everyone paused, worried.

"Lissa?" Adrian finally asked, breaking the silence.

"She did it again," Lissa whispered. "I swear I'm not crazy, she just took more."

"More darkness?" Christian frowned. "That's a lot, Liss."

Lissa felt desperation rising within her. "Why don't any of you believe me? Don't you want to find her?"

Lissa believed that everybody in the room flinched at that one, but my mother took it the hardest.

"Of course we do!" she snapped. "I want my daughter back!"

"Then listen to me!" Lissa cried. "I know what I'm talking about! I'm like a direct link to her."

"Direct link…" Adrian trailed off, Lissa's words seeming to have sparked an idea of his own. Without another word, he turned around and sprinted off towards the stairs.

Lissa looked around, barely meeting any eyes. They were all looking away guiltily, wearily, or for some other reason. She felt desperation tugging at her gut, tears stinging her eyes, and her head pounding with disbelief.

How could they all turn away from her? She didn't understand. She was trying so hard. This was the first thing she truly felt like she was doing to help me…this could be something to help bring me home. I could feel Lissa clinging to prayer that if only her words would be taken seriously…she could help…

A tear slid down her cheek. "She's alive," she whispered again. This time, no one seemed to even hear her.

Lissa took one last look around, feeling more alone than ever before. She had never been so confused, hurt, and utterly abandoned.

_Please Rose,_ she said to me. _Help me. Help me convince them to have hope. They won't listen to me alone. Why won't they listen to me? I want you back. I know they do too. I just have to make them believe. _ She paused. _I believe in you. I know you're coming home to us. I will fight until my last breath to bring you home. This is not goodbye._

For a moment, Lissa's love overpowered the darkness. I was able to feel my own heart wrench for her, and, blinking back tears of my own, I repeated firmly, "No. This is not goodbye." Taking a deep, steadying breath, I added under my breath, "Not by a long shot."


	25. In the Best Interest

**My finals are done! I am officially out of school for the next two and a half months. Hopefully that will free up some time that I can now dedicate to writing! :) **

**Sorry for the wait on this. I was trying to write while also studying for finals, but I had to put this on hold. That's why it took so long... but anyways, it's here now! **

**Enjoy. The end is getting closer! I love your comments and thoughts. (I love to see how you like the twists and turns, and whether or not I've tricked you. :P)**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I won't say more than that since you know the drill. But I am hoping for a significant number...this chapter has a pretty big question in it...**

Chapter 25

Janine went to get Lissa some water, but I also think she had to leave to stay composed. Lissa's words startled her.

Only Dimitri stayed with her at first. Christian went to lie down, at everybody's advice. He looked absolutely exhausted. Hans had accompanied my mother into the kitchen, and Tasha stepped out for a phone call. Adrian was still AWOL.

Lissa pointedly ignored Dimitri. She was still irked with him for not believing her. Hell, she was pissed at _everyone._

Dimitri made no move to break the silence, though he looked like he had a lot to ask. He, too, looked exhausted. I wished someone would tell him to take care of himself. As much as I wanted him to suffer, this was not what I had in mind.

_Whatever, _a voice inside of me snapped. _He deserves what's coming to him. He asked for it._

It was Lissa who ended up speaking first. She spun to face him, barking, "What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?"

He raised an eyebrow wearily. "I'm sorry?"

"You left four years ago. Why? Why would you be stupid enough to leave her? You obviously still love her. So what was your reason?"

Dimitri's face grew shadowed. "I have my reasons."

"Well why don't you share them? Because right now you're not earning any brownie points. No one here is happy with you." She glared at him. "Especially me." Charging on without giving him a chance to say anything, she continued, "I mean, why won't you believe me? What do I have to gain by making it up? Only double the heartbreak if I'm wrong. But I'm not. I'm telling you, I know it was Rose." Her glare deepened as she challenged him, "Because I know her the best. If for no other reason, at least through the bond. She and I have always been able to communicate on that higher level. You at least have to admit that much."

Slowly, he said, "Yes."

"So why am I suddenly completely discredited? When I finally have a chance to help Rose, why are you all shutting me down like I'm some pesky spam e-mail?"

Dimitri was quiet for a few moments. Lissa didn't like his lack of reaction. She was about to blast him some more when he finally answered, "We're afraid to get our hopes up."

Lissa softened infinitesimally. "So am I!" she exclaimed. "I don't want to get hurt with this any more than you do. But why do you all immediately expect me to be wrong? Why don't I even get a chance? For God's sake, I have valid proof!"

"Your proof is emotion-based. You could be making it up." He quickly added, "It wouldn't be your fault. It's a common reaction to trauma."

"Oh, so you're saying no one believes me because I'm supposedly emotionally unstable?"

She had said it with a sarcastic bite, but when Dimitri didn't react again, she frowned. "Okay, maybe I don't have the best history with emotional stability. But I've been on the straight-and-narrow for almost the past five years. Rose has helped me learn to control what my abilities cause. It's still challenging, but I'm not nearly as unhinged as I was when you first found us, Dimitri." When he was still quiet, she murmured, "Guardian Belikov."

His formal title seemed to snap him out of whatever mood he had been in. He quickly replaced his guardian mask, but then said, "What do you want me to say, Lissa?"

Her voice was small. "That you believe me would be a good start."

Dimitri's eyes were clouded. I could just barely see past the camouflage that he tried to hide behind. I knew Lissa couldn't.

I felt as close to him right then as I had felt to him years ago back at the Academy. Part of my heart burned passionately for him, but the other part stung, like acid had just been thrown on it. I felt the darkness rear up within me just as that cold voice screamed, _"Bastard! Traitor! Suffer!"_

It took everything in me to shut it up. I was nearly exhausted after battling it down to the shadows again, but I refocused into their conversation. Dimitri looked haunted. Lissa was losing hope.

_No one will believe me, Rose,_ I heard her cry. _I don't know what else to do._

But then Dimitri looked up, his eyes clear, his voice strong. He met Lissa's look with a ferocity that made my heart wrench in my chest. "I believe you."

Lissa looked at him skeptically. She didn't know him as well as I did; she didn't recognize that intensity.

He held her gaze steadily, challenging her just as equally as she was challenging him. Lissa nearly backed down at the confrontation, but then braced herself and straightened. With a triumphant grin, she gave Dimitri a brisk nod, who nodded back.

Tasha cleared her throat from the doorway. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Lissa quickly disguised her emotions, hiding away any evidence of their previous subject. Dimitri's guardian mask was in place, so he was in no danger of blabbing. Tasha was left in the dark.

"No, nothing." Lissa said. "I'm going to rest for a while. Maybe I'll see if I can get in touch with Rose again."

Dimitri stood up and started for the doorway to give Lissa the privacy she had requested. Tasha, on the other hand, seemed to miss the hint. Again.

She scooted the footrest closer to Lissa and sat down across from her. She seemed to contemplate her words before actually speaking them. Lissa watched her warily, debating whether or not she wanted to make a scene to get her to leave.

Dimitri lingered in the doorway for a moment, watching Lissa's reaction and waiting for a cue. When Lissa made no move to kick Tasha out, he slowly stepped away, leaving the two women alone.

I was tense on my end, even though I knew there was nothing I could do if things went south. Should Tasha go psycho and try to attack Lissa, I would be as helpful as a random ray of sunshine passing overhead. Her fate lied in the hands of those around her. I could only hope that they didn't think she was crazy about Tasha, too.

"Have you heard anything else from Rose?" she asked quietly.

Lissa bristled. "Not recently."

Tasha looked at Lissa with what could only be described as pity. Her eyes were sad, despite her detached words about me. When she spoke again, her voice was heavy with sadness. "Lissa…you know that the chances—"

In drastic contrast, Lissa's voice was sharp and cold. "I know. But I also know that I felt her. I didn't imagine that."

A sound at the stairs claimed both of the women's attentions. At the sight of the culprits, I felt tears stinging my eyes. My heart wrenched in my chest. I felt every ounce of darkness that I had seeped up from Lissa ooze out of me as I saw those two angelic faces. How could I obtain any form of anger while watching my two babies?

Viktoria and Lexi had climbed down the stairs, Viktoria looking irritated while Lexi looked concerned. Her eyes looked glassy and her color pale, but she looked like she had more energy than the last time I'd seen her.

I longed to hold them. I physically ached, being so close yet so far from them.

Viktoria saw Lissa, and came toward her. Lexi followed, her forehead creased in confusion.

"Auntie Lissa!" Viktoria came right beside the couch, all but jumping up and latching onto her aunt. "Where's Mommy?"

Beside her, Lexi added, "Mommy hasn't been home in a long time. She wouldn't leave us."

Lissa's wall that she had constructed between her and the twins instantly crumbled. Reaching down to brush Viktoria's hair back and then cup her cheek, Lissa said strongly, "No, she wouldn't leave you. She _didn't_. She's coming home. I promise. She's not going anywhere, sweetheart."

_Yes! _I mentally urged Lissa. _Yes, I'm coming back! Don't give up hope! Don't let them forget me!_

"Where is she?" Viktoria asked, her little voice no more than a whisper.

Lissa's heart crunched. What could she say to that? Instead, she redirected, "She's coming back to you. She'll be back here in no time, baby." Seeing Viktoria's half-hearted reassured smile, Lissa looked over at Lexi. Lexi was watching Tasha with a silent, dark glare.

Lissa bit back a laugh. She was thinking the same thing I was—_damn, these really are my children_—when finally Lexi looked over at Lissa. Lissa's smile died as she looked at the sadness on my daughter's face. She reached over and rubbed her thumb across Lexi's cheek lovingly. Viktoria asked, "Can we stay with you until Mommy comes back?"

"Of course," Lissa said. "Or your grandma is in town, and you can stay with her at your house."

The girls exchanged a look. "Everybody's here. We want to stay here with you and wait for Mommy."

Dimitri appeared in the doorway, a brief shadow of surprise flashing across his face before it was replaced with secret admiration. He watched the girls with an adoration that I had never seen before. I didn't have a chance to analyze it more before Lissa said, "We're getting her back. You're not going to lose your mommy. I swear it."

Dimitri's face creased in pain for a moment before he quickly covered it up and came up, scooping Lexi up in his arms with a silly roar. She burst into laughter, despite her pallor and exhaustion. Viktoria was immediately entranced, tugging on his leg and begging for him to pick her up, too.

Lissa watched him in admiration, and began to admit to herself, though begrudgingly, that maybe he did deserve to know. She planned to tell me when I returned that I should seriously consider breaking the news to him.

Dimitri was entertaining the kids enough that their attention was completely diverted from Tasha and Lissa. He had enticed them into the hallway, where they were all laughing and grinning.

"It's wrong to get their hopes up," Tasha's soft voice broke through Lissa's moment of peace, watching the girls enjoy time with their unsuspecting father. For just a small moment there, she had been warm with happiness, and not distraught with worry. She hated Tasha all the more right then for shattering that.

Tasha continued as Lissa spun back to face her, "They're young. They count on us to be strong and to make sure that they're protected. It's wrong to feed them lies and false hopes—"

"I'm not lying!" Lissa raised her voice at Tasha, but Tasha continued as though she hadn't spoken.

"—when the probability is that they won't see their mother again."

Lissa nearly snapped. She checked her voice, making sure she wouldn't alarm the girls in the other room. Making sure that she was able to control herself, she hissed, "You need to shut your mouth and get the hell out of here. I can't believe you're trying to convince me to give up on Rose right now. I mean, honestly, Tasha. Just the other day I was lecturing Rose about growing up and putting her differences with you aside, for me at the very least. I wanted you to be a part of my life. I wanted you to be a part of _Christian's and my _life. I wanted you to be a part of my wedding. I valued your opinion and advice. But now I can't believe that I turned my back on my friend for you."

Tasha looked startled. Beyond that, she actually looked _hurt. _She frowned and cringed backward slightly, her gorgeous black mane falling around her face, covering her scars. "What?"

Lissa immediately felt a pang of guilt. Had she just accused Tasha of something she was innocent of? Lissa still felt torn over who she believed, and I could feel her resulting moment of panic. She hastened to continue, "Rose is alive. I know it. And I won't give up on her—if nothing else, at least for her children. They deserve to grow up with a mother. So stop trying to get me to forget about her."

Tasha was silent for a moment. Lissa didn't object to the lack of response—she took the moment to pride herself on her loyalty to me. _It's about time I stepped up to the plate for you, Rose. _She thought determinedly. _You've done it for me so many times. I won't fail you now. I _can't _fail you now._

Tasha's next words were quiet. Lissa had to do a double take to make sure she hadn't mistaken the reply.

"They deserve to grow up with a father, too."

Lissa's brows creased in dare as she nearly growled, "Excuse me?"

I felt my own anger spike. Despite how I longed to let it fester until I could lash out at Tasha, I felt a larger part of me long for Lissa to look back over at my children so I could get a handle on it. I felt like I needed a clear mind for this.

Lissa's eyes remained on Tasha, however, as she explained, "Yes, Viktoria and Lexi deserve to grow up with Rose. Rose is a fantastic mother, and I would never try to say that she shouldn't be with them. God, Lissa, you know that I'm the first to stand up for kids to stay with loving parents."

Lissa cringed at the reminder of her fiancé's parents "awakening." Christian's parents had chosen to become Strigoi—that was how he had ended up in Tasha's care.

Still wearing a wounded look, Tasha continued, "But I'm trying to look at the bigger picture here. I know that you're clinging to the hope—and possibility—that Rose is still out there—" At Lissa's darkening glare, Tasha quickly added, "—and I'm not going to keep trying to convince you that it's a moot point. I respect that you believe that you can still feel her."

Neither Lissa nor I missed the undertone.

"But you at least have to humor the chance—the _probability_—that Rose _isn't _coming back." She hurried on, obviously trying to cover up those words before Lissa's outrage had time to react on them—"And if Rose isn't, how can you honestly, in good conscience, rob those girls of _both _of their parents?"

Lissa's eyes were narrowed nearly to slits. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest, rage and astonishment at Tasha's heartlessness fueling her attack. "What are you saying, Tasha?"

Tasha grimaced but held her own. "I'm saying that they deserve to know their father." She pointedly averted her gaze over to my girls, where they were still playing happily with Dimitri.

As Lissa turned to watch too, I felt some of the darkness melt away. They looked carefree and jubilant, something that I was thrilled to see. Even Lexi looked better at that moment. I hadn't seen them that happy in a while. Sadly, I realized, I hadn't been that happy in a while, either.

I had trouble separating Lissa's feelings from my own. She and I both agreed that the girls looked delighted. Also…

Dimitri was wearing a huge grin that I hadn't seen him sport in a long time. He was laughing and playing with the girls like he didn't have a care in the world. He didn't have the shadows on his face, that look of haunting that he usually had. He didn't look absolutely horrified and depressed over my absence. He was as distracted as my babies, and it was in the best way possible.

_They deserve to know their father._

Tasha seemed to pick up on Lissa's sudden vulnerability. She began again, "Janine is a fantastic grandmother, but she also has a responsibility to her charge. She'll have to go back soon. She can't stay here forever."

Less firmly than before, Lissa countered, "If something happened to Rose, Tatiana would be accommodating. Janine would be able to put in for a reassignment to Court." _She hoped._

Tasha acted as though Lissa hadn't spoken. "You and Christian don't seem like you're ready to be parents yet. You still have yet to be married, let alone settle into the marriage. Commitment like that changes things. You two need time to adjust before adding in two drastic changes."

Lissa's voice grew weaker. "Adrian and I are the girls' godparents. We would do our duty. We would raise them."

Tasha's voice was gentle, but her words sounded sharp to Lissa. They were accusatory, which Lissa hated even more. "So, what, are you saying that you would abandon Christian?"

"No!" Lissa exclaimed instantly.

"How can you ask him to stop his life to raise two children that aren't even his?"

Lissa began to leap into an answer, but faltered. As much as she hated to admit it—hell, as much as _I _hated to admit it—it was a valid question. True, Christian loved those girls, but how could Lissa ask him to forget about his own hopes and dreams and adopt new ones—named Viktoria and Lexi?

"He loves them," she said weakly. Her resolve against Tasha was fading quickly.

"Of course he does. You do too. There's no doubt about that. And the way Adrian looks at them…he would take a bullet for them, any time, any day. I have no qualms about your devotion to them. I just fear…" she stopped, reconsidered, and rephrased, "I just don't want you to give up your lives for them."

Lissa tried to summon ferocity to her voice as she glanced sharply at her almost in-law, "It wouldn't be giving up anything for them. It would be loving them like I promised Rose I would. Like I _do_."

Tasha breathed in deeply, straightening her posture. She paused for a moment.

I felt something between tears stinging the backs of my eyes and pure fury raging in my gut. On one hand, I had to agree on some distant level with Tasha. It was one thing to ask Lissa and Adrian to accept the role of godparents while I was around to make things seem simple—while they could stay in their comfortable roles of spoiling aunt and uncle—but it was a whole different ballgame once I was gone. Now it was up to them to replace my role, meaning filling everything from school to dealing with boy problems that they would have as they got older. I really was asking them to give up their own lives for my children.

On the other hand, they knew the stipulations of becoming godparents. That wasn't an empty role—both Lissa and Adrian knew, going in, that it was serious. I was, after all, in the guardian business. I risked my life everyday. There was a very real chance that something could have happened to me, and that they would have had to face that. (Granted, we had kind of put that aside once I had gotten a stationary position at Court. All three of us had begun to believe that my life was no longer in constant jeopardy. _Silly us._) The point was, when they agreed to be Viktoria and Lexi's godparents, they knew that that meant that they would become their acting guardians should something happen to me.

So they couldn't back out now.

Unless there was another option.

Which, technically, there was.

Their father.

It was clear, the proof dancing around right in front of my eyes, that the girls already loved Dimitri, and Dimitri already loved the girls. There were no issues or disagreements between the three of them. They were already comfortable with each other. Easing into their true, titled roles would be a piece of cake.

"Like I said, I have no uncertainties that you love the twins. Rose never would have entrusted them with you if you didn't love them just as passionately as she did. No matter how close she was to you, she would have put her children's wellbeing first."

Lissa quickly leapt in, seeing an opportunity and seizing it swiftly. It was an opening she couldn't miss. Her point was perfect. "So don't you think there's a reason that they don't know their father?"

That set Tasha off for a moment. She hadn't realized that she had set herself up for a contradiction. She took a minute to regroup while Lissa did the same.

I could feel Lissa's strength faltering. She wanted to cling to the fact that I was alive and coming back, but Tasha's words were gnawing at her. _If Rose really isn't…_ Lissa stopped, chastising herself, but then slowly found herself finishing the thought… _If she really isn't coming back, would it be better for the girls to know that Dimitri is their father?_

As I sat there, somewhere between Lissa's world and my own, I asked myself the same question.

And I still didn't have an answer.

Lissa was shattered; she wanted desperately to have faith in me, but she didn't want to "rob" the girls, as Tasha implied. Now, more than ever, I could feel her dire wish for me to be here, to help her through this.

_We didn't talk about this! _I heard her screaming in her head. _We never broached the subject together! You never told me whether or not I was supposed to get in touch with Dimitri if something happened to you! Since the whole godparents-thing was invoked, does that make it my choice? And even so, I don't want to disrespect your wishes. Damn it, Rose, how could you leave me like this?_

I felt guilty for making her feel guilty, but I still didn't know what to say. Was it better or worse?

"That's very true," Tasha said slowly, finally finding a reaction to Lissa's point. "And I don't know who their father is, so you may be right. Maybe it is in their best interest to keep them separated." With more gusto, she quickly launched into her contradiction. "But you know who he is. And with that knowledge, you can decide whether or not he deserves to know his children."

I narrowed my eyes. Was Tasha fighting for the best interest of my children, or their father?

Lissa seemed to overlook this, but by the brief flash of concern crossing Tasha's face, I suspected that she had caught the misstep, as well.

She quickly charged on, "If you and Adrian are ready to take on the task of becoming the girls' legal guardians, then that's your choice, and I can't change your mind. But if you really think about it, and find that their biological father isn't as bad as Rose thought he was, then maybe you should do what's in the best interest of the children." To drive her point completely through Lissa's already frail resolve, Tasha added, "Maybe he needs them as much as they need him."

Lissa felt her entire body nearly crumple with grief. She was utterly torn now. What if Tasha was right, and leaving them with Dimitri was best for them? He could love and protect them with the true fierceness of a doting father. He would never let anything happen to them—he would be as devoted as I was to them. He would be the best replacement…wouldn't he?

But then I felt Lissa weighing the other hand. She and Adrian loved those girls just as much. Lexi and Viktoria had grown up with them, and they were comfortable and at home at Court, with the two of them. The girls admired Christian just as much. Between the three of them, the girls would have plenty of love and protection. Plus, they would be kept on Court, which would enhance their protection.

_Until they go to school,_ Lissa added. _Did Rose want them to go to St. Vladimir's? Or somewhere else? Would Dimitri have a different choice, if given the chance? _

Millions of questions, millions of reasons why she should tell Dimitri verses why she shouldn't, millions of unanswered pleas for me to return to her…all rushing through Lissa's head at an alarming, unfathomable rate.

It killed another little piece of me, knowing that I was only a ways away, trapped…so close, yet so far…

"Just think about it, Lissa. You have time. No rush." Tasha's face was gentle and kind, open if Lissa needed a friend, trying to be unbiased. She wore a small, benevolent smile, bringing back a certain radiance to her face. She was truly a stunning woman. "Think about what's in the best interest of the children."

Lissa glanced over at the children once more. Her heart wrenched in her chest as the decision became more painful—or was that my heart?

How had I let things get so out of control?

I watched Viktoria, laughing and grinning widely, and I saw a spitting image of myself. I used to be that happy around Dimitri. I watched her take turns between playful sparring against Dimitri and begging to be swung around in the air like an airplane.

I watched Lexi, quiet but grinning all the same, and I saw how much she resembled her father. Would she resent me for keeping him away all these years? When she found out, even in the future, if I was gone, would she be mad at me? She, too, seemed so happy as she played with Dimitri, her youthful euphoria seemingly restored. I barely saw any traces that she had been sick just a day earlier.

And then I saw Dimitri. Like I had seen earlier, his happiness hadn't diminished in the least. Despite the fact that he must have been getting worn out by the girls' constant need for attention and games, he still charged on with a bright grin that I swore I hadn't seen since even before he left four years ago.

* * *

I stayed tuned into Lissa's head for a while longer before getting pulled out by a distraction on my end. There was a loud scuffle on the other side of the door, and I braced myself, ready to launch an attack.

If someone walked through that door, you better damn well believe that I was about to knock them out and make a run for it. Not my best, most well-thought-out plan—by far—but also not my stupidest. I figured my chances were at least better than they were right now.

But my hopes died as the noise went the opposite way, leaving me alone in silence again.

I groaned, irritation spiking. For God's sake, why was I always a target? And for God's sake, why didn't these Strigoi ever kill me? They always held me hostage and tortured me instead.

I began to close my eyes to revert back to Lissa's perspective when a glimmer in the opposite corner of where I was sitting sidetracked me. I narrowed my eyes, trying to make out a shape of something. There was nothing there. I shook my head and started to close my eyes again when I saw it a second time. I stood up, frowning, and slowly approached where the light seemed to be playing tricks on me.

There was nothing there.

I groaned again, growing irate with myself. _Honestly, Rose,_ I admonished myself. _What the hell is wrong with you? You have more important things to worry about than imagining light tricks._

I started to walk away when I heard it.

_"Rose." _

It was no more than a whisper and it echoed, like a sound caught on the wind. More disturbing than that…it was Eddie's voice. I had to brace myself as I turned around, trying to steel myself for whatever I was about to face. I hadn't seen Mason or Eddie ever since my breakdown with the darkness four years ago.

Luckily—if it had been anything different, I feared that my sanity would have split in two—the voice was still disembodied, simply an echo coming from a brief, hazy glimmer of light.

I stood there, shaking, as I slowly murmured, "Eddie?"

The glimmer began to solidify, and a paroxysm of fear rippled through my body like a lightning strike. Slowly, Eddie began to take shape. His body formed, his familiar face becoming apparent through the smoke. He stayed translucent, like a ghost, but there he was…and that was enough.

With trembling hands, I slowly reached out to him. I expected my fingers to pass right through. As soon as I reached his figure, however, extending my fingers to his "skin", I was thrown backwards by a force wielding the strength of a freshly-fed Strigoi. I barely contained a shriek as I catapulted into the wall, slumping down as my vision went black.


	26. Spirit Dream

**This chapter is my proof that I really do love Adrian. I have nothing against the guy, except for the fact that...well, let's face it, he's not Dimitri. Butttttttt, anyways, this chapter is to support Mr. Ivashkov and give him due respect.**

**It's shorter, but enjoy it! REVIEW PLEASE! :D**

CHAPTER 26

I rubbed my head as I sat up. I had expected that force to leave me unconscious, probably with a concussion or some other resulting head injury. Luckily, neither of the first two had occurred—or so I believed—but it had left me with a wicked headache.

"Rose?"

I started, leaping up and spinning around. I moved too fast; my head screamed like a banshee in protest, kicking and throbbing and throwing me off balance again. The extra body helped steady me, and with a few deep breaths and then a few disbelieving blinks, I felt pure exuberance.

"Adrian!" I cried, throwing myself into an embrace in his warm arms. "Oh my God, it's so good to see you!"

He laughed. "You too," he said. "It's nice to know that Lissa isn't going crazy."

I pulled away, looking at him funny. And then I remembered. "Oh. You mean because this is more proof that I'm not dead."

He nodded, but leveled me with an odd stare. Slowly, he said, "Are you going to explain what's going on? You seem awfully calm, given the circumstances."

I grimaced, then started from the beginning. I told him everything, starting with a recap of my horrible day that led to my kidnapping and ending with my latest discovery in the mystery that was Angelina and Julian.

By the time I finished, Adrian was sitting down on the edge of a hot tub. I was just now realizing that we were back at the ski resort where we had first met. I didn't have a chance to ask him about his choice of scenery before he leapt into his own questioning.

"Okay, so just to make sure I get this straight when I pass it on to the others, you left, on your own, with no backup, in an altered state, to go get medicine for Lexi, whose sickness you're trying to cover up from Dimitri, and in the process you were attacked by a single Strigoi who knew your name and supposedly all about your strengths and weaknesses. He then knocked you out and brought you _here_—wherever your 'here' is—where you have discovered an illegitimate dhampir-Strigoi relationship, and said couple is holding you hostage, supposedly for your own good?"

I nodded. "They're taking care of me and everything. It's incredibly bizarre."

Adrian nodded slowly. "Yeah…bizarre. Uh, Rose, how hard did you hit your head before you woke up here?"

I glared at him. "I'm not making this up, Adrian. I know it sounds crazy. How do you think I feel, stuck in the middle of it? I'm trapped. All I want is to get back to Lexi and Viktoria at Court, but Angelina and Julian are in control right now, and I don't know what their plans are."

"They haven't expressed an interest in changing you?"

I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering if I should add in the part where Angelina constantly sought out a spirit user to keep Julian acting…some semblance of normal. With a sigh, I backtracked in the story and explained that tidbit to Adrian, too.

He was glaring at me when I finished. "You were just going to conveniently leave that part out? For God's sake, Rose, that changes everything. Not only has she found another spirit user, which is incredible in itself, but this girl has also seemed to find a cure to reverse a Strigoi."

"Not quite. She hasn't gotten that far yet. At least…not that she's let on. But I feel like if she did know a permanent solution, she wouldn't hesitate to make it happen."

Adrian raked his hands through his hair. I was just now seeing how truly exhausted and forlorn he looked, too. I wanted to stop and give him a hug again, but I knew now wasn't the time. I would cling to him later, when I knew that the touch would really mean something.

I felt a strange burning sensation trickle through me. I shivered, trying to dispel the feeling, but it only crawled farther up my body. My head panged, and I winced. For a brief flash of a moment, I saw Lissa. She was still on the couch, now curled in the fetal position, her own head throbbing with the ache of the weight of her impending decision. I heard a brief snippet of panic before she vanished, and I was back with Adrian in our spirit dream.

He was frowning at me, having come to stand directly in front of me with his hands on my arms. "Rose?" he asked in concern. "Are you all right? You zoned."

I frowned, shaking my head. "Yes," I said slowly, "I'm okay…I was just…I got sucked into Lissa's head for a minute."

Adrian's frown deepened.

I tried to expel the brief snap of weirdness and get back on track. Sighing, I said, "I don't know where I am, Adrian. Even if I could convince a rescue group to come, I wouldn't know where to send them."

Adrian grimaced. "Rose, we're going to figure this out. No one's given up on you."

"Everyone has!" I exclaimed, suddenly feeling the full weight of what I'd been seeing through Lissa's eyes. "You and Lissa are the only two who still have any hope. Even my mother is beginning to give up on me."

Adrian was quiet for a moment. "Once I tell them that I've spoken with you, things will be better. Rose, we're _going _to find you."

I squeezed my eyes shut tight. "No, Adrian, you're not."

He gave me a sharp shake, forcing me to open my eyes. He was glaring at me darkly, daring me to go on. Taking a deep breath, I explained, "You know the rules. I didn't even think of it until now. Tatiana would never okay sending however many guardians into uncharted peril for one person. Especially considering I'm not a royal Moroi." I swallowed. "And also considering how we left things. I'm the last person who should be expecting any favors from her."

Adrian swallowed, too. His eyes were shadowed, probably weighing my words. It was true, though—I hadn't even thought of it until I had seen Adrian, and had had some semblance of hope restored. Now, I was seeing that it was useless. Even if we could convince the rest of the gang that I was still alive, there was no way they would be able to find me and make sure a safe extraction was completed.

Thickly, he said, "Tatiana will listen to me. I will make sure she listens."

I closed my eyes sadly. "Sometimes even that isn't enough."

Adrian pulled me to him roughly, enveloping me in his arms. I was crushed to his strong chest, inhaling the enticing smell of his cologne. As he had once told me about myself, it was the perfect mix of sweat and perfume. It reminded me of home; of all those years that Adrian had been there for me no matter what.

I pulled away just enough to look up into his emerald green eyes. I knew that I could trust him with anything and everything. Quietly, I murmured, "I think I saw Eddie."

Adrian's brow furrowed. "What?"

"You heard me," I said. "I…That's what knocked me out, I think. I don't know why I'm seeing him again."

Adrian had tensed. He was obviously recalling the last time Mason's and Eddie's ghosts had haunted me. "You just recently took the darkness from Lissa. Maybe that reopened a communication level between you and the ghosts again. It was only Eddie?"

I nodded.

"Then maybe it's not a haunting…maybe it could be a message. A way to help you get out of there. You know, like maybe Eddie is recalling Spokane, and he's trying to help you out now."

I looked at him. He was grasping at straws and he knew it. His story sounded overly idealistic, even to me.

He groaned. "I don't know, Rose. I…I'm afraid for you. All these things are resurfacing, happening…and you're far away. I can only do so much."

I ran my fingers gently across his cheek. "I know. And you're doing so much as it is."

A look of sadness passed through his beautiful eyes. I didn't want him to say the next words, but I knew he had to. "I would do anything for you. I love you."

I averted my gaze to the floor. Adrian sighed and then went on, "I know you don't love me, Rose. I'm done trying to ask you to change your mind."

I quietly said, "It's not that I don't love you."

He didn't speak, but I could feel his confusion. I continued, "I _do _love you. I just…Adrian, when you find that person that you love, you will feel it, so intensely, that it will resonate through to your core. It will haunt you, when they're there, when they're gone, and in every little thing you see that reminds you of them. That person will change you completely."

Silence. And then, "You mean like Belikov did to you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting tears. "He did. And so did having the girls. I just need you to know Adrian…if this is the last time I see you, I can't let you think that I didn't love you."

To my surprise, he gathered me back in his arms and kissed the top of my head. "It hurts, and I'm mad, and I just want to walk away from you. But I could never do that. And I promise, no matter whether you love me or Belikov or someone else, I will stand by you for as long as I can."

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him. His words warmed me through, making me believe, just for a moment, that anything was possible. He would fight for me. Adrian would get me out of that place.

My head burned again. I let out a pained moan, momentarily losing my balance before I was sucked back into Lissa's head.

She was sitting upright, kneading her fingers together nervously. In front of her sat Dimitri. A moment later, Tasha came in and sat next to him. Lissa was obviously uncomfortable with Tasha's presence, but she didn't say anything to change it.

I reappeared in the spirit dream. "I was with Lissa again," I said. "This is weird."

Adrian frowned. "My last attempt at a spirit dream with you failed. Now you're almost…_fading_…in and out of this one."

I nodded. "Yeah, what happened with that one? I saw you, but you never saw or heard me."

Adrian's frown deepened. I didn't hear his response, however, because I was sucked back into Lissa's head.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said, Tasha, and I think you might have a point." Lissa's heart was racing. Her voice was small. She still wasn't sure if this was the right path or not. Was she making a huge mistake? "I decided it's time to get some help. If, God forbid, Rose isn't actually coming back, the girls need to have a huge support system to help them deal with the blow. Hell, we're all going to need each other." She was staying strong, but just barely. At the slightest twitch, she was terrified she was going to lose it. She forced herself to stay composed, to deliver the news in a fashion that wouldn't send anybody into a panic attack. "So I think that the girls need to know their father."

I snapped back to Adrian, my entire body trembling. I was immediately alert, and I told him, "We need to wake up now. Lissa's about to tell Tasha and Dimitri about the girls' paternity."


	27. Closer

**The end is near! Seriously, guys, I'm wrapping it up. :D**

**PSrheamnencozn – Sorry to disappoint you, but I have bigger plans! I really was battling with that decision though...I wanted to shock people! Sadly, I didn't have it in me. Maybe next time :)**

**Also, I want to point out - I know that in the original storyline, the ghosts can't speak. Sorry, but I kind of needed them to be able to convey their thoughts here. When they speak, it sounds like whispers on the wind. (I'm pretty sure that's how I explained it in the chapter, too...)**

**Review! Seriously, review, and I'll update quicker :)**

Chapter 27

The next few moments were excruciatingly painful for me. Adrian and I instantly severed the dream, barely even giving us enough time to say the briefest of goodbyes. When I resurfaced in my own body in my captivity, I immediately switched back to Lissa's perspective. I tried to get her attention, but I failed time and time again. On a subconscious level I knew it was futile, but I couldn't stop trying.

It took Adrian less than a minute to wake up and reorient quickly enough to leap down the stairs and just barely intercept Lissa.

"I talked to Rose!" he shouted, panting at his sudden burst of activity.

Thank God, as soon as he said that, the earlier topic was forgotten. Dimitri leapt up, immediately bombarding Adrian with questions—his first few being, "Is she okay? Did she look all right? She isn't hurt, is she?"—and Lissa's face lit up like the fourth of July. I could feel her pride, her happiness in knowing that she hadn't been wrong, that she truly _had _felt my presence…but then her euphoria died a little as she realized what she had almost done, and what that almost meant.

It was worse when Tasha said, "Wait a second, Lissa, tell us what you were going to tell us. That's important."

Luckily, Dimitri spoke before Lissa had to come up with an evasion. Sharply, he snapped, "This is more important. Getting Rose back to her daughters is going to be the best thing for them, not starting a separate goose chase for their father while she's missing."

Tasha looked startled at Dimitri's outburst. She hadn't expected that. Hell, none of them had. Both Lissa and Adrian looked just as surprised, but their gazes held a restored hint of admiration for him.

It was in that moment that I felt guilty. Had I done the wrong thing, forcing Adrian to intervene? I was robbing Dimitri of valuable time with his children—

_Stop it! _I heard a voice screaming in my head. I vaguely recognized it as my own. _You can go back and forth forever. There are plenty of reasons why you _should _tell Dimitri, and there are plenty of reasons why you _shouldn't. _They are all subjects that you can dwell over once your safe and sound at home, and _you _have the chance to tell him. It's your duty, and you will face it as soon as you can._

I exhaled steadily, calming myself down. It was true.

I began to slip back in while Adrian filled them in, but stopped as I heard a sound outside. It got closer until it was directly outside my door. I tensed, remembering my earlier plan. I still had every intention of battling my way out of here if that was possible.

I snuck up behind the door, folding myself into the corner as neatly as possible. I listened as the lock turned and the door creaked open, tensing all of my muscles and bracing myself to stay absolutely quiet. I tried to make myself as small as possible as the door opened wider, and wider, and even wider, as my visitor cautiously tried to place where I was. It wasn't until Angelina had completely stepped inside my room and closed the door, trying to give herself a full view of her surroundings, that I lunged.

She was startled and didn't have time to react. I took her down easily, immediately pairing my attack with a sharp punch or two. She struggled for a moment, and then found enough strength to throw me off of her waist. I regained my balance quickly and went on the defensive.

Angelina didn't lurch back at me, though. She backed up, holding her bloody nose, gasping for air.

Watching my best chance at escape get closer to getting away, I sprang again. She threw me off weakly, but it only diverted me for a few seconds. I was on her again, throwing a punch so hard that I immediately saw a bruise blossoming on her face. My fist poised for another attack, I paused; Angelina was cowering in my firm grip, not fighting back, barely whimpering at the assault. It wasn't until I gave her a sharp shake that I realized why she wasn't putting up a fight.

I rattled her, trying to get a rise, a noise—_anything_—and her hair fell away from her neck, exposing fresh, bruised vampire bites. I didn't have to ask what was going on. I was able to deduce that she had just returned from the visit to her spirit user friend.

I was frozen, my fist aimed to knock her unconscious, my survival instincts screaming at me to go through with it…but a different instinct holding me back.

I couldn't place what feeling it was. I didn't know if it was a maternal instinct, a protective instinct, or just the belief that it was wrong—I was taking advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable. It felt _cruel_, doing that.

So I lowered my fist stiffly and let go of Angelina's shirt. She crumpled to the ground, still silent, but then slowly looked up at me. Her face was bloody and discolored from my assault.

"Why'd you stop? You were one punch away from getting out of here. Well, this room, at least."

I kept my gaze icy. I wasn't happy about giving up, yet I couldn't bring myself to go through with something so cold. "Get out of here."

Angelina's brow furrowed hesitantly. I could tell that her face was in pain. Hell, I had been in her position many times before. She was quiet for a moment more before repeating, "Why'd you do it? Why are you letting me go?" Shaking her head and smiling without any happiness behind it, she said, "I just can't figure you out, Rose Hathaway."

"I could say the same for you." My response was quick, cold, and curt.

Angelina slowly climbed to her feet, stumbling a bit, but then righting herself. She brushed dirt off of her clothes and then met my gaze. "I came up to chat. I guess you're not really in the mood?"

I glared at her.

She looked down, losing the sarcasm. "I…wanted to stay away from Julian for a while. He always gets upset when he sees the bites."

I couldn't smother my curiosity in time. "Upset?"

She grimaced. "Well, it's always when he's at the end of his rope anyway, with the spirit ring, I mean…and he's…just…well, territorial."

I didn't want to sound like I gave a damn, but I knew I wouldn't feel right if I didn't clear the air. "Does he hurt you?"

Angelina's eyes flashed. "Sometimes. Usually it's just a lot of yelling and throwing things. He doesn't like that I…_share my body_, as he puts it." She snorted, and then added, "He makes me sound like a prostitute."

She sounded on the verge of tears, otherwise I would've pointed out the obvious—technically, she was.

Angelina wasn't looking at me. She went on obliviously, "It makes me so angry sometimes. I mean, it's not a walk in the park for me either, you know. It's not like I enjoy what—" she caught herself just before she spoke his name— "he does to me. I'm not a blood whore. I do this for Julian. And how does he repay me? Calling me names and throwing me against walls."

Realizing what she'd just revealed, she flushed deep crimson and backtracked, "Not that that's a common occurrence, it only happened once, a long time ago, and I don't hold it against him, usually he's just territorial like I said before, and he just yells and makes me feel like I was cheating on him—"

My eyebrows were cocked. "It's abusive."

Angelina stopped short and narrowed her eyes. "No, it's not."

"For God's sake, Angelina," I snapped. "This is basic knowledge here. This is what normal humans deal with. They don't cover it in our schools because they figure that dhampirs and Moroi are smart enough to know at least basic survival skills. You're already dancing on the line right now, being in such close proximity to our race's _mortal enemy_ —or I guess, more fittingly, im_mortal enemy_—and now you also want to add simplistic stupidity to the mix?"

Angelina glared at me. "You don't get it."

"I don't get _you_!" I exclaimed. "You're a strong, beautiful woman who doesn't need to rely on him. You have enough smarts and power to manage out there on your own, even if you aren't rolling in the dough right now. There's no reason you need to stay in this."

"He loves me. And I'm not some battered woman that needs convincing and rescuing, Rose. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm _choosing _to live my life the way that I am. I'm not ignorant in what that means, in what I'm giving up. I know I can never have children with Julian. I know that means these visits, and their cost. I know that I'll always have that short time period where the spirit wears off and I glimpse what monster he truly is. But then I also know the good that I'm experiencing with him." Her eyes were fiercely defensive. "So don't act superior to me. I'm just about one slip-up short of telling Julian to kill you already."

I bristled. So much for being allies.

Angelina's eyes widened then, filling with horror and apology, and she began to say something when the door opened and Julian filled the room.

"Ladies." His voice was cold and detached, pure Strigoi. I would say that the spirit had worn off. He looked at Angelina. "You're a mess. Clean yourself up." He turned to me. "I assume you've been the one to wreak this havoc?"

I smirked. "It's been my pleasure doing so."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I'm tired of this little escapade. I have no reason to keep you around any longer. You've only become a nuisance." A grin stretched across his face, making him look truly evil. "And I'm hungry."

He lunged for me, and I reacted quickly. I spun out of his direct path, but he still caught my right side, taking me down with him. I pushed him off within the first split second that we landed and scrambled to the opposite side of the room. I searched for anything that could be used as a weapon. Someone had been in to clean up the mess from earlier, and they had taken that handy-dandy broken chair along with them. That left me weapon-less.

Julian was up and bearing his fangs at me, charging again. I braced myself to fend off the attack, but was given time when Angelina stepped in front of him. She wrestled for his hand, but the bloodlust was glinting in his eyes. He had one thing on his mind right now—and I wasn't sure whether it was food or me. I guess we were essentially one and the same at this point.

He threw her out of the way effortlessly. She was an especially easy picking because of her distorted reflexes after the Moroi bite. She hit the wall, and her eyes rolled back in her head. For a moment I truly thought that this was the end. I saw my girls flash before my eyes, and I felt a brief moment of regret. Lissa should have told Dimitri the truth. He needs to know. But then I was back in the present and continuing to fight. No matter how bad my chances looked, I wouldn't give up. Not until my dying gasp.

I went into battle mode. I recalled every lesson that Dimitri had taught to me, every sparring practice that I had taken part in, every other encounter with other Strigoi. I forced myself to focus, realizing in that snap second that it had been all of my distractions back at Court that had led to my numerous injuries. This was life or death right now; I didn't have time to slip up and deal with the consequences later.

I lunged, tackling him to the ground. His reflexes were fast and sure; he quickly and effortlessly managed to throw me off, easy pickings just like Angelina.

Through gritted teeth I groaned, "Shit, the spirit really is useless."

I regained my footing and charged him, using as much force as I could muster. He didn't expect what I had to offer, and crashed to the ground beneath me. We battled for a moment on the ground, me focusing on punches and chokeholds while Julian's main goal was to get me into a more comfortable feeding position—preferably off of his body.

While he grappled at me and I fended off his hits—not without resulting injuries, might I add; I was racking up bruises and scrapes, and probably my fair share of broken bones (I had yet to confirm that)—I somehow managed to isolate his hand. I snatched the useless ring off his finger but he jerked away from me before I had a chance to do anything else. I was too busy trying to keep myself out of his grasp to notice Angelina's form until she had thrown herself into the mix, knocking me out of the way while she snapped, "Damn it Julian, stop this!"

He let out a roar and tried to buck her off, but she was surprisingly sturdy. While she used her dhampir skills (that I had no idea she had possessed so strongly) to subdue him, she also handed the new spirit ring off to me. I stared, clueless, only for a moment, but she shouted at me, "Stop acting stupid and help me, dammit!"

I immediately took action, easily isolating his hand now that he was distracted. It took all of two seconds for me to slip the ring securely on his middle finger.

Once Angelina saw the ring was in place, she leapt off and backed several feet away, grabbing my arm and pulling me with her. Julian shot up, still raging along with that Strigoi bloodlust in his eyes.

Panic stabbed at me. _The ring didn't work! Julian was going to kill us both! _It didn't help that I could sense Angelina's panic, too. I had expected her to be the rock that kept cool while the transition looked tough. After all, she had experienced this before. She should know what's about to happen. Yet she was as tense and nervous as I was.

I truly thought it was the end as Julian began to charge us, but hope fluttered through me as he faltered, his entire demeanor changing. His ashen face, while still holding its Strigoi paleness, was slightly brighter. Those red-ringed eyes lost their bloodlust, instead lighting up with recognition. He swallowed, though I was positive there was no saliva to go down his throat.

"Julian?" Angelina's voice was deceptively strong, despite her physical trembling.

He nodded. Then his pocket began to elicit a shrill ringing, and he produced a cell phone. After one brief glance at the caller ID, his eyes flashed to Angelina. Their exchange was wordless and took less than a second, but whatever it had meant was important. Angelina immediately followed him out of my door.

My heart was still beating erratically from my earlier belief that I had been facing death. It took me almost a full moment to realize that they hadn't closed the door tightly behind them.

Excitement coursed through me. Was this the chance I had been waiting for?

I tiptoed forward. The door had only been left open a crack. I stopped short when I heard their voices.

"I know what you said." Julian's voice. Cold and curt.

The voice on the other end was shrill and obviously irate. From what I could make out, it sounded feminine. However, past that, I couldn't identify anything. It was all in mumbles from there.

Angelina was standing a few feet from my door, her hand stretched behind her like she had been holding the door and then had let it go as she stepped closer to Julian. Her back was to me; she was watching Julian with a frown on her face though; I could tell by the way her body was tense yet curious.

Julian's attention wasn't on me at all. He was listening to the woman on the other end with an exasperated look on his face, but his teeth were clenched and it looked like he was using all of his self-control to keep from smashing the phone to smithereens between his fingers. His gaze was blank on the wall adjacent to my door.

Neither of them noticed me eavesdropping.

Sadly, that was all it could be. I didn't have a chance in escaping. By the time I bolted through the door, both Angelina and Julian would be able to react so quickly. Even if I were able to incapacitate one, the other would be able to stop me easily. Besides, what weaponry did I have? My stake was probably still lying in that damned parking lot, right next to my cell phone and Lexi's medicine.

Instead, I flattened myself against the door and cautiously peeked around the corner, watching and listening covertly.

I could make out that the woman on the other end was shouting, but not her words. Every other word maybe—like, "failure" and "disobeyed me" and something about a "deal."

"I know what your terms were." Julian said coolly. The woman responded, and he tensely countered, "We decided—" he was interrupted and then he rephrased, "_I _decided to—"

She yelled something else, and this time Angelina bristled. I could see her tensing up, as though she were about to shout something back to the woman on the other end, but then she simply balled her fists instead, keeping her mouth shut.

The woman finally shut up long enough for Julian to begin again, "I have use for her, alive. I don't want her dead." Sharply, obviously at the end of his rope, he snapped, "If you wanted her permanently taken care of so badly, you should have had the balls to take care of it yourself."

I hardly suppressed a snort in time.

There was more yelling on the other end. I caught something along the lines of, "If you turn her Strigoi…!" but I didn't catch the end of the threat.

Julian's voice remained cool and indifferent. "Then you should have thought about that before bargaining with a Strigoi."

I blanched. My capture hadn't been coincidental at all. This _hostage _situation wasn't coincidental at all. Everything here had been set up!

Someone had been watching me. Whether it was at Court or from afar, someone had been tracking my movement. They saw when I had gone off Court, unaccompanied, vulnerable—said person had planned my execution.

But enter Julian and Angelina, who had apparently defied original orders and were now my captors. Was that what Julian had meant when he said, _'Don't make me regret bringing you here.'_?

"You're too late. Her fate is now in my hands. I must thank you again for making this oh-so-easy. Truly, I had never expected to be so lucky to get a hold of someone as important as Rosemarie Hathaway. Between her reputation in the Strigoi community and her high standing in the Royal Court, dealing with her will do wonders to my personal repute."

With that, he snapped the phone shut.

Slowly, Angelina said, "Julian…you're not going to hurt her are you?"

He gave her a pitying look. "Angelina, she's one of the biggest threats to Strigoi. If I can eliminate her…"

"By killing her?" her voice was sharp.

"Or changing her." Julian said calmly. "I haven't decided yet."

"You promised! You promised you wouldn't hurt her!" Angelina yelled accusingly. Her voice had leapt an octave quickly, and I jumped in surprise.

My movement caught Julian's attention. His eyes focused on me and simply stared. Angelina turned, looking at whatever had stolen his attention. She caught sight of me, and her eyes flashed. Then she took a few steps toward my door, grabbed the handle, and pulled it shut.

I kept my ear against the door, in case I could hear anything else, but it was futile. They were probably already freaking out about what I had already heard. They weren't going to give me any other tidbits of outside information.

I gritted my teeth and sighed. There was no more waiting or wondering. I knew what my future held—and neither option was in my best interest.

"I have to kick it up a notch," I mumbled to myself. "It's time to get the hell out of here, at any cost."

I wanted to slip into Lissa's head to see how they were coming along, but I also wanted to try to fall asleep so I could contact Adrian again. I did neither, however; I simply stayed in myself and spent all night trying to create a plan of escape that I could utilize as soon as possible.

* * *

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I eventually created a plan. It was definitely out-there, and if I had to estimate the success rate of something like this?...well, I would think it would be low. However, with at least a plan A under my belt, I felt a little bit better.

I kept dwelling on the phone call. I don't know why I hadn't noticed it earlier, but there had been something nagging me about it. The voice…the timeline…these were critical blanks that needed to be filled immediately.

A shimmer in the corner had me on high alert. I quickly distanced myself from it, remembering what had happened the last time I had tried to approach Eddie.

He materialized a moment later, but this time, Mason was by his side. My heart wrenched as I felt pure agony, heartache ripping through my body, as I felt just how much I had been missing my friends.

They beckoned me forward wordlessly. Slowly, cautiously, I obliged.

Once I was a few feet from them, I stopped. I didn't want to come closer. I remembered all too well what happened last time, and I didn't wish for a repeat.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked shakily.

Eddie slowly mouthed, "We're here to help."

I frowned in disbelief. "Help? Last time I saw both of you, you infected me with rage."

Mason's face was impassive. "Remember Spokane?" His words actually carried, but the voice was raspy and more like an echo carried on the wind than an actual, bodied response.

I bristled. "I'm sorry, Mase—" I began, but he shook his head. When neither of them spoke, I questioned, "How is this the same? I used Christian to get us out of Spokane. I have nothing to help me here."

Eddie said, "Lissa."

I snapped toward him. "I won't put her in danger. Not at all. If that's what it takes, I'll die here."

Eddie shook his head. Slowly, he pointed from himself to Mason. He mouthed, "Send us to her."

I frowned. "I…I don't know how."

Mason nodded. "You do," he mouthed. "Convince her to see us and we can lead them to you."

I started. They could lead the rescue team right to me? I believed it immediately; after all, it had been the ghostly Mason who had led us to the Strigoi after their attack on St. Vlad's.

"I don't think she can…" I said quietly.

"She's part of the bond that makes you shadow-kissed," Mason argued wordlessly. "If she believes, she can access us as well."

I swallowed. "I'll…I'll try to get in touch with Adrian again. Have him convince her. I don't know if it will work though. Lissa needs time to concentrate when it comes to that stuff."

Eddie disappeared wordlessly, just evaporating into thin air.

Mason reached out to touch my face. I jerked back immediately, terror filling me as I recalled the last time I'd tried to touch a ghost. I instantly felt bad, however, when sadness finally stretched across his features. That was the first emotion I had seen him wear since his death.

I breathed deeply, forcing myself to stay calm as I took a step forward again. I reached my hand halfway, barely believing what I was doing, and watched as it trembled before him.

Then Mason reached out and grabbed my hand.

And I was suddenly standing somewhere else. And Adrian was next to me, looking just as confused as I felt.

"Did…What the hell just happened?" he asked.

I swallowed. "Ghosts."

Adrian gave me a strange look.

I felt tingling. I looked down at my body, and I seemed to be chipping away slowly…like paint, coming off little piece by little piece…and turning to powder, blowing away on an invisible wind. I glanced at Adrian, and the same seemed to be happening to him. He was watching himself with a look of horror and confusion.

"Look, I don't understand how this happened, but I don't think we have a lot of time." I said. I couldn't help the urgency in my voice. "Mason and Eddie arranged this, I think. I don't think it's a spirit dream…so I don't know what to make of it. But basically, I need you to convince Lissa to try to contact them."

"Mason and Eddie?" he scowled. "She can't see ghosts, Rose. Why would you ask that of her? It will kill her."

"I wouldn't if I didn't think it would work. But Mason and Eddie are adamant. If she can see them, they can lead you straight to me." I hated whining, but it slipped out, "This is the only way I see that you guys can really help me right now. Please! Adrian, my time is running out. I'm either going to be changed or killed, and I don't know when that clock runs out."

Adrian was dematerializing quickly. I didn't have to look at myself to know that the same was happening to me.

Finally, he said, "All right, how do I do it?"

I sighed in relief and explained, "Take her just outside the wards. Make sure you have plenty of protection surrounding her. Have her focus on Mason and Eddie, seeing them, calling them to her. She _has to be_ focused. She might call on other ghosts—tell her to refocus and stick it out. Once she sees them, just talk—"

My vocal chords seemed to disconnect. The last thing I saw before everything before me turned into a cloud of dust was Adrian, mouthing, "Be safe!"

And then I was sitting back in my room as though nothing had ever happened.


	28. Plan A

**To Anonymous - I know that Eddie survived in the caves. I used FF artistic license and changed things up for this story. Sorry I didn't make that clearer!**

**Enjoyyyyy! The end is closer yet... :P **

**Please review! We're getting closer to wrapping it up and I'm getting really anxious! (Granted, it's like an excited-anxious, but that's beside the point!) Please humor me and review, with your thoughts, excitement, disappointment, expectations, confusion, etc...anything is better than nothing, and "anything" makes me a very happy writer! (With more frequent updates!)**

Chapter 28

_LPOV_

Adrian stepped in just in the knick of time. I was horrified afterwards at how close I had been to divulging Rose's secret. She had trusted me with it five years ago, and I didn't want to give her a reason to regret it. It had taken a lot of pain to get to where we were now; no secrets, utter trust, respect.

Or at least, maybe that was how I felt about Rose. After all of the shit that had gone down between us over the last few days, I supposed I wouldn't have been surprised if she hated me.

I was still so confused over who to believe, but I knew one thing for sure: whether Rose was right or wrong in that, I would stand by her no matter what. I would never take her for granted again. Especially not for Tasha, who was beginning to prove to me that maybe Rose had been right from the start.

I had spent the majority of my reasoning saying that Rose was jealous of Tasha because Tasha had Dimitri…but what if I had it backward? The more I watched Tasha and Dimitri interact, the more I saw tension and anger between them—or at least on Dimitri's side. I knew that he was stressed because of Rose's disappearance, and I was sure that was taking a toll on his relationship with Tasha—hell, Rose's disappearance was taking a toll on _my _relationship with _Christian_! I summed it up to the fact that this was so drastic that we didn't know how to cope.

After Adrian intervened, stopping me from making a huge mistake, Tasha sat still for a moment—probably still stunned from Dimitri's outburst—and then leapt up and stormed out of the room. I heard the front door shut behind her.

Left alone with Dimitri, Adrian and I couldn't suppress our awe. I know I hadn't expected that level of loyalty from him. I knew that he was on my side about believing in Rose still being alive…but to see him turn against his own charge to protect her?

I was convinced, more than ever, that those two had to get past their differences and work it out. I saw how torn Rose had been over seeing him again—and it was worsened by the fact that she still loved him. Now I was watching Dimitri nearly self-destruct with worry over the possibility of losing Rose. It seemed so obvious. They belonged together.

"She's fine," Adrian said, trying to placate the virtually frantic Russian. "She's being held captive by Strigoi…and also a dhampir woman. Rose doesn't know what they want or what their goals are."

Dimitri's face creased. I felt my own heart crushing. She must be terrified. If not because of the situation she was in, at the very least because of the thought that she may be close to losing her daughters.

I remembered Viktoria's pleas for her mommy. I remembered Rose's concern for Lexi, about how she may have been sick—

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed suddenly. I jerked toward Adrian. "Get Janine," I demanded. "And, uh, Dimitri, could…could you go check on Hans and the girls?"

Dimitri's face clouded, immediately replaced by his guardian mask. I didn't have to be able to read him intensely to know that he was probably both hurt and suspicious. I didn't have time to coddle him, though—this was a huge revelation.

Thank goodness, he complied without complaint, and Adrian returned not thirty seconds later with Rose's mother in tow.

"What is it?" Janine's voice was raw with worry. I had never seen the woman so torn up. Even when Rose had been captive in Spokane, Janine had kept her cool and stayed professional. Now, though…this was a whole different side of Janine Hathaway.

"Lexi!" I whispered excitedly. "She went out because she wanted medicine for Lexi!"

Recognition dawned in Janine's eyes, and Adrian sighed. "She told me that part. For some reason, it didn't click."

"There was medicine found near the car. There was also her favorite lip-gloss. I completely overlooked that part," Janine sounded miserable. "How could I overlook that?"

"The medicine was for Lexi," I said. My heart was beating fast, convinced that I was onto something. I was going to help get Rose out of there. I promised her I would. "She had gone out to try to help Lexi. That was when they got a hold of her."

Adrian's eyes narrowed. "So…there are Strigoi watching Court?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. I mean, maybe, I guess. It would make sense too. But I don't think that's it. It just seems too coincidental."

Adrian raked his hand roughly through his hair. "It _is _too coincidental." With a sigh, he explained, "Rose told me that when she had been kidnapped, the Strigoi asked for her by name. They had been _waiting _for her."

I felt my eyes widen. "It was planned."

Rose's mother inhaled sharply. "That means it was an inside job. Someone was organizing it from _here_, and collaborating with Strigoi on the outside."

Adrian made a face. "That's pretty far-fetched."

"But not the first time it's happened," Janine countered. "It's rare and absolutely illegal. It is treason at its finest."

"You mean this has happened before for hits on Tatiana?" I asked. I was confused on what Janine was trying to get at.

She shrugged. "I'm not up to date on all of the attacks on Her Majesty. Only her personal guardians have records on that stuff. All I mean is that it would make the most sense, right?"

I shrugged. "I suppose. And it gets us that much closer to finding out where Rose is."

Dimitri reappeared in the doorway. "Am I allowed to return?" His voice was cool; he was obviously put off.

I nodded. "Yes. Sorry about that."

"Did it have to do with Rose?"

I faltered. I didn't want to flat-out lie, but I couldn't tell him yes. Janine took the pressure off of me.

"We believe that we have a lead," she said. "A theory about what led to Rose's kidnapping."

Dimitri nodded. "Let's hear it."

As Janine filled him in on our theory—but nimbly avoided details as to how we reached our conclusion—I searched within myself for a tug on the bond. I was relying on that connection to keep me close to Rose, to keep my belief valid that she was still alive.

Once Janine filled him in, Dimitri turned to look at me. "Princess?" he asked. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

I hesitated. I just _knew _he was going to ask me about how we had come to reach this theory—

"No." Adrian said. "Whatever you want to say in front of Lissa, you can say in front of us. This involves all of us."

Dimitri's eyes clouded. "Very well then. I suppose this does have to do with all of you, too." He took a step forward, looking from face to face. "I do believe that I am helping with the rescue. I am putting forth as much as I can, trying to help as much as I can, trying to be available whenever I'm needed. I want to help come up with plans, figure out why this whole thing came about, and see Rose home, safe and sound." He paused. "However, if I'm not included in these things, then how can I be expected to help bring her home?"

I felt immensely guilty. I thought he had a valid point. It was true; he was helping as much as he possibly could. He was trying so hard. Yet…there was no way we could work with him fully until he knew everything, and it was not our place to fill him in.

Janine narrowed her eyes. "Yes, you're helping, and yes, we appreciate it. But nobody asked you to be a part of this search team. We can save Rose with or without your help."

Adrian sighed, obviously torn. I knew that he wanted to hold a grudge against Dimitri like Janine did, but that he also agreed—at least partly—with my view, that Dimitri deserved to be treated fairly among us.

Quietly, he said, "Look. There are things about Rose that have come about within the last few years that you haven't been here, Dimitri. We are not at will to disclose that information. If you are willing to work around that and help us anyway, we appreciate it."

I almost laughed at how diplomatic Adrian sounded. I rarely heard him step up to the plate of sophistication.

I saw a shadow pass through Dimitri's eyes, something that looked like hurt, but it disappeared before I could pinpoint it. Dimitri gave another curt nod.

"I'll do whatever it takes to bring Rose back."

I couldn't meet Belikov's gaze. I wished that Rose were here, that Rose could clear things up, that he could know the truth. I respected the guy, I really did, and I didn't want him to keep hurting.

A few seconds later, Tasha reappeared. Her face was purposefully blank. She was trying to steer clear of emotions. I tapped into spirit and looked at her aura. It was churning; a mix of colors, but there was a heavier twinge of a green so dark that it neared a blackish hue. Was that…_jealousy_?

She asked to speak with Dimitri, and he dutifully turned and followed his charge into the foyer to speak with her privately.

At the same time, Janine's phone went off. After a brief glance at the caller ID, a pained expression, and a nearly inaudible sigh, she excused herself to answer the call.

Adrian and I were left alone. I looked at him with big eyes.

"She really looked okay?" I asked.

He nodded, taking a step closer and gently squeezing my shoulder. "She really did. She's strong, Liss. She's hanging in there."

"I just don't want to lose her. I feel horrible that things turned out the way they did."

Adrian made a face. "I don't want to make things worse, but…after hearing her account, we definitely didn't make things easier on her." Met by my confused frown, he explained, "The day that Rose was kidnapped, pretty much everything had gone wrong. Between Tasha, Dimitri, you, me, and some other problems she had encountered—" His face darkened a bit—"she was facing a really rough reality. I don't really blame her for running. It was just…it turned out all wrong afterwards."

I sighed, guilt ripping me apart from the inside out. "I was so wrong to blame her." I battled tears, and then said, "If I could change it, I would. And I'm not just saying that because I'm facing losing her right now. Truly, I will never make this mistake again. I won't let myself." Quietly, with less gusto, I added, "Will you help make sure that I keep my promise, Adrian?"

When he didn't answer, I turned to look at him. He was completely still, a blank look on his face. I frowned, shaking him. "Adrian?"

He crumpled to the ground. I screamed.

His eyes were open and his chest was still moving. He was alive…just…_not there_.

At my scream, people came running. Dimitri immediately knelt to take care of Adrian while Janine began to ask me what happened.

I was so stunned that I could barely get a hold of myself. I had no idea what was happening. I forced myself to breathe, trying to focus. I listened to Janine's voice. She was trying to keep me calm, bring me back. Dimitri had his ear to Adrian's face, listening for the breaths.

By the time I was remotely calm and ready to explain—which was only about a minute and a half to two minutes later—Adrian's eyes fluttered, refocusing, and he sat upright quickly. Dimitri deftly moved out of the way, jerking backwards and to his feet easily.

He extended a hand to Adrian, who was staring at me in concern.

"Adrian?" I asked shakily. "God, what happened?"

He still looked dazed. "I…I just talked to Rose again."

* * *

_DPOV_

My outburst had surprised everyone, me included. I hadn't meant to lash out at Tasha, but she had just been so rude these last few days! I didn't understand why she was acting so cavalier about Rose's disappearance. I knew that she and Rose obviously weren't close, but this level of estrangement? I hadn't expected that.

She stormed out of the house. I should have followed; it was my _duty _to follow her. However, I was less focused on duty and more focused on Roza.

Lissa and Adrian were watching me with admiring looks, but I didn't want their veneration. All I wanted was for them to help me get Rose back.

As Adrian began to explain what had happened in his visit to Rose, I felt my heart crushing. I hated listening to her pain and knowing there was nothing I could do to help ease it. I wished I were there instead; it would be better that way.

I forced myself to breathe. I trained her. She was a fantastic fighter. She was extraordinarily bright. If anyone had a fighting chance in a situation like this, it was Rose.

Suddenly, Lissa exploded. "Oh my God! Get Janine," She snapped at Adrian. Turning to me, she stuttered, "And, uh, Dimitri, could…could you go check on Hans and the girls?"

I wasn't stupid. I knew that she had just recognized something about Rose and the kidnapping. Yet for some reason I was being shooed like a pesky fly.

I didn't complain, but I harbored dark feelings about it.

I went upstairs to check on the girls. The girls were napping on one of the beds. Hans was watching over them, looked exhausted.

I smiled. "They wearing you out?"

He looked up with a returning smile until he realized that it was me; then, his face fell into a dark glare. "Yeah, but I can handle it."

I sighed. "I can help you out a bit if you want. I don't mind."

"I do." He replied sharply.

I was just about at the end of my rope when it came to being shunned. "Guardian Croft, I don't know what I've done to spurn you, but consider this my apology."

He finally looked up at me, anger in his eyes. "You know what you did to _spurn _me, Belikov? You ruined Rose Hathaway."

I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to keep myself calm.

"Don't roll your eyes at me. I don't know what the hell you were thinking or what your so-called reasons were, but I don't give a goddamn. Hell, you know what's worse than that? She's _seven years younger _than you. Talk about a lawsuit. You're damn lucky that things ended when they did, otherwise we might have had some bad stuff coming up because of you."

I scowled. "So wait, are you mad because I left her or because I love her?"

He scowled back. "Consider it both."

I threw up my hands in exasperation. "I'm _trying_. I screwed up, and I know that. No one's letting me forget it, either. I'm trying to rectify things, and people just keep making it damn near impossible." I cursed in Russian, and Croft's face darkened some more.

"You've got a hell of a lot of rectifying to do, then."

With a groan, I turned and went back downstairs.

I still heard voices, but I didn't care. At this point I was both angry and jealous. It was bad enough that I was being treated like an outsider. It was made even worse knowing that Adrian, the man that Roza could very well possibly love and trust more than me, was the one who was able to contact her. To tell her that he loved her. To tell her to be safe. To make sure she knew that we were fighting for her.

I stood in the doorway, my tall frame filling the small space. "Am I allowed to return?" I asked coolly. I couldn't bring myself to get over how I was being treated. For God's sake, why didn't they realize that this wasn't about me? It was about Rose!

Lissa nodded and apologized. I didn't pay any attention to the last part, and instead demanded, "Did it have to do with Rose?"

Lissa hesitated but Guardian Hathaway responded quickly. "We believe that we have a lead," she said. "A theory about what led to Rose's kidnapping."

I nodded. I would get over my anger long enough to make sure that we were at least making progress. "Let's hear it."

The theory was far-fetched, but seemed to make sense for the most part. I wished we had more information to fill the blanks in with. At the moment, though, that was beside the point. There was something I needed to clear up, first.

I turned to Lissa. "Princess? May I speak with you for a moment?"

Lissa wavered, obviously worried about something. Adrian jumped to her defense.

"No." He said. "Whatever you want to say in front of Lissa, you can say in front of us. This involves all of us."

I stiffened, but I wasn't going to turn him down. "Very well then. I suppose this does have to do with all of you, too."

As I thought back, I began to think that maybe I made a bigger deal out of this than necessary. However, I thought it was important to clarify.

"I do believe that I am helping with the rescue. I am putting forth as much as I can, trying to help as much as I can, trying to be available whenever I'm needed. I want to help come up with plans, figure out why this whole thing came about, and see Rose home, safe and sound." I paused. "However, if I'm not included in these things, then how can I be expected to help bring her home?"

Lissa looked guilty. Even Adrian sighed, looking unhappy. Janine, however, immediately became defensive.

Her eyes narrowed to slits. "Yes, you're helping, and yes, we appreciate it. But nobody asked you to be a part of this search team. We can save Rose with or without your help."

I was quiet for a moment, wanting to argue but, again, not wanting to make a big deal out of this. All I wanted was to be able to help find Rose, not cause new problems.

Adrian softly intervened, "Look. There are things about Rose that have come about within the last few years that you haven't been here, Dimitri. We are not at will to disclose that information. If you are willing to work around that and help us anyway, we appreciate it."

I appreciated his sophistication, but I couldn't hide the hurt quickly enough. I wanted them to be able to count on me. I wouldn't use anything against Rose. I wouldn't try to make her life a living hell. Why were they acting like I was a stranger? For God's sake, I loved Rose. For a long time, I had been the closest one to her.

With a firm nod, I hid my emotions. "I'll do whatever it takes to bring Rose back."

I heard the door open a short while later, and Tasha reappeared beside me. Her face was clear, but I saw that she was hiding something. I knew that I had to put Rose aside for a moment and do my duty as Tasha's guardian and friend to make sure that she was all right.

I turned to face her as she whispered, "Dimka, I need to speak with you for a moment. Privately."

I nodded and followed to where she led.

She stopped close to the door, a fair space from the living room, but still spoke quietly.

"That was business, back home. There's a problem with the studio. Apparently a pipe burst, or someone vandalized it—I don't know, I wasn't exactly listening. But the point is, I need to go home and take care of this. I can catch a flight tonight, spend a day or two in Minneapolis, and then catch another flight back here until you're ready to leave." Her eyes flashed as she said, "Unless you want to come with me."

I was quiet. I knew the correct response was to say that I would go with her and take care of her problems first. I was almost about to agree to it, simply out of obligation, when I stopped. Rose came first to me. For the first time in my life, I wasn't putting _them _first. It wasn't "_They come first_" in my mind...it was Rose. I was putting Roza first. I was going to help bring her home, and I was going to make sure that she knew how much I cared. I had vowed that I wouldn't give up on her so easily again, and I would be damned if I broke that promise.

So I slowly said, "No. I'll stay here and continue working. I can speak to Hans and arrange to have another guardian accompany you—"

Tasha's face visibly fell. She was shadowed. This look of depression didn't suit her. It brought out the darkness of her scars and the iciness of her eyes.

She shook her head, cutting me off. "That's not necessary. I'll only be gone for a short time, and it's just back home. I'm not doing any extravagant traveling."

"But Tasha—"

"I've been without a guardian for a whole lot longer than I've been with you," she said. "I'll be fine."

I stopped, not wanting to push the subject. In all honesty, what she said was very true. She was used to being unguarded. If she didn't want anyone with her, there was essentially no reason for me to push it. She knew how to take care of herself.

I nodded. "Be safe." I kissed her cheek, and then turned and walked away. It was another moment or two before I finally heard the door click shut as she left.

* * *

_RPOV_

I was dumbfounded about what had just happened between Adrian and me. I couldn't begin to piece together how Mason and Eddie had made that happen—where had we been? How had Adrian and I been connected?

I was left with too many questions, so after several deep breaths and nearly pleading chants to myself about getting over it, I was able to refocus on something more important: my escape.

My plan was half-assed and risky, and I had qualms about whether or not I could pull it off effectively. There was a significant chance that everything would backfire on me and leave me in an even worse situation than I was in already.

But I couldn't let myself become dejected. I had to believe in this plan and execute it with everything I had. It may be my only hope—especially if this plan with Lissa failed.

I sighed, my thoughts redirected to my friend. I longed to slip into her head, to watch as Adrian unraveled the news, but there was a part of me that felt that it would be better if I kept my distance for that. I don't know why, but I felt like if I was there, it would distract Lissa somehow—and she needed her full attention on Mason and Eddie if she was going to go through with this.

Instead, I thought about my plan again. I had so much riding on it, but I also had to stay calm and confident. I couldn't let the stress and the worry get to me.

I heard the lock churn in my door, and I jerked my head toward the sound. Angelina entered, carrying another chair. It was a metal folding chair this time; no breakable legs.

She avoided eye contact with me as she set it down. She moved back toward the door, about to leave without a word, but then stopped, sighed, and faced me.

"I'm sorry."

I glared at her.

"I know, I know, you don't want to hear it. Just…give me a chance to explain."

"I don't want to hear excuses. Why don't you just leave me alone, Angelina? Go away."

She sighed, stomping her foot impatiently. "God, Rose, just level with me here, okay?"

I leapt to my feet, advancing threateningly. Her eyes narrowed and she tensed.

"Don't tell me to level with you. This isn't a fair fight, Angelina. You're playing dirty, and I don't respect that."

She blanched. "For what it's worth, I didn't expect things to turn out like this," she whispered, and then turned and left.

I waited until her footsteps faded, and then went over to inspect the chair. It was a piece of crap, but the metal was decently heavy and the legs could be sharp if wielded correctly. I could definitely use this.

Satisfied, I returned to my corner and sat back down.

Now, I just had to wait.

* * *

"_If you turn her Strigoi…!" _

_"You're too late. Her fate is now in my hands. I must thank you again for making this oh-so-easy. Truly, I had never expected to be so lucky to get a hold of someone as important as Rosemarie Hathaway. Between her reputation in the Strigoi community and her high standing in the Royal Court, dealing with her will do wonders to my personal repute."_

_ "You promised! You promised you wouldn't hurt her!"_

I started, surprised that I had managed to drift off in my tense state.

There was something bugging me about the exchange. Maybe it was something about all of the miscommunication? Everyone seemed to be lying to everyone. But I still felt like it was more than that. I was overlooking something major. Yet I couldn't place it.

With a sigh, I relaxed again. There was nothing I could do just yet. I couldn't put my plan into motion. I couldn't interfere with Lissa, despite how badly I yearned to see how she was doing. Had she even agreed to try?

Instead, I spent my few calm moments recalling good memories of my children. Not that I wanted to face this reality, but…just in case…if something happened to me, I didn't want to die without truly making peace with my children. I owed it to them. And I only prayed that Dimitri would be happy to find out that they were his.

I felt myself starting to slip back into that stupor, dreaming about Dimitri and me and how things could have been different, so I quickly snapped myself back into reality. I would rather sit here and be bored out of my mind than start that debate again.

I was literally going mad with boredom, almost about to give into Lissa's pursuit, when I heard noise. I was instantly alert, ready to utilize my plan. I moved over to the chair, pulling it back against the wall with me. I flattened myself as tightly as I could, and then held my breath as I heard the lock click undone. I was crossing my fingers for Angelina—she would be easiest to disable.

I was twitching with excitement. I was about to be free. I was going back to my children. I was about to be safe again.

The door opened.


	29. Ghosts LPOV

**I borrowed some of the content from Shadow Kiss to help complete this chapter. I hope I didn't butcher Richelle Mead's awesome work. Because the content of this chapter is so closely related, I want to state a disclaimer. I don't own VA or anything in it.**

**Okay... I was trying to keep this babble up here to a minimum, but I feel like there's something I need to point out. I have a life outside of FanFiction. I have things that I _need _to do, and I have things that I _want _to do. Sometimes those things don't include writing and updating. I know that when you guys request updates, that's really not a mean thing; it's actually very flattering. You want the chapters to keep coming because you like the storyline. I have no problem with you saying that you want me to update. But please understand that FF is NOT my life, and that I will update when I can or when I want to. If you get fed up and stop paying attention to the story because I'm not updating fast enough, then I'm sorry, but it's your own loss. I am doing this for my enjoyment as well as yours, so please don't get irate with me because I have other things that I enjoy doing, too.**

**Okay, that's off my chest now. :D**

**Read &&& ReViEw! Thanks! :) ( ...And by the way, I just realized how rude I've been. I keep on requesting more and more reviews, and I haven't taken any time to thank the readers that HAVE been reviewing! You guys make my day(s), truly. I absolutely hope that you continue to pitch in, and I can't thank you enough or tell you how much that means to me. Plus, you guys are asking all the right questions... ;) )**

Chapter 29

"You just talked to Rose?" I repeated in disbelief. "How? You weren't asleep!"

He looked as perplexed as I felt. Not only was I lost, but I was jealous, too! He was reaching Rose time and time again, seeing her, talking to her, being able to convey his love for her. And here I was, the other half of the bond, completely useless in trying to help her.

"Uh, Liss, you're not going to like this."

I felt a familiar presence appear behind me. Christian.

I wanted to turn and kiss him, hug him, feel his warmth, but I couldn't bring myself to tear away from Adrian.

"What is she not going to like?" Christian demanded quietly.

I longed to ask him where he'd been, but, again, I didn't want to break away from the subject of Rose.

Adrian made a face. "Rose…she needs your help."

I frowned. "Anything! I'd do anything, Adrian!"

He looked pained. Slowly, he stood. Looking from face to face, he slowly brought his gaze back to me. "She…"

Hans came barreling down the stairs. "Screams woke the girls. I had to calm them down first. Now what's going on?"

I looked back at Adrian. "Adrian?"

He looked pale. I asked Guardian Hathaway to get him a glass of water. She quickly obliged. Christian put a comforting arm around me. I relished his warmth. Dimitri stood stoically still. He was definitely one of the best guardians I had ever seen. Right up there with Rose.

Which made sense considering they trained together.

I quickly reigned my mind back in. I was getting nervous; when I got nervous, I got unfocused. Right now, I needed to focus.

My nerves were wheeling out of control. I was anxious, practically shaking, waiting for Adrian to pass along the message. Rose needed me. I needed to help her. I promised I would help her. But why was Adrian so hesitant?

Janine handed him a glass of water, and he drank it greedily. Tasha shifted her weight from foot to foot behind Dimitri, who was still stoic. Hans was obviously baffled by what was going on, but he was able to deduce that it all surrounded Adrian. I waited as patiently as I could manage, Christian being the only anchor keeping me from exploding.

Finally, Adrian sighed and said, "Lissa, Rose needs you to contact Eddie and Mason's ghosts."

His words were met with silence.

I didn't know how to react. What she was asking made no sense. I had never contacted the ghosts before. As far as we knew, that was a shadow-kissed trait that only Rose inhabited. I had no idea how to even begin to access that kind of power.

Adrian watched my reaction. "She wouldn't have asked if it wasn't necessary," he added.

I felt panic tugging at me. I wanted to do this. I wanted to help her. But I didn't know how! What if I failed her? This was obviously important. But what if I couldn't figure it out? Without Rose here to even _guide _me, this was literally like trying to swim in uncharted waters. There was a very high chance I would end up drowning.

"Did she give you any _guidelines_, or something to help me?"

Adrian's face seemed to de-stress by ages in that one moment. "Yes, she gave me basic instructions to pass on to you, before the…_connection_…was severed."

I took a deep breath, really fighting to convince myself that this was going to work. I would try either way, but… I was still absolutely terrified that I would fail. This wasn't just another spirit session with Adrian, practicing spirit dreams or healing powers. This was Rose's life hanging in the balance. If I was unsuccessful, there would be more than a wounded ego at stake.

I looked around the living room. It was crowded with people, but they were all trying to avoid looking at me. I knew what they were trying to do; they were trying to take the pressure off. Little did they know, that only made the pressure _worse._

I didn't have to think twice. I had made up my mind. "What do I have to do?"

* * *

We were standing outside of the wards of the Royal Court. I had at least eight guardians surrounding me, including Dimitri and Janine. Also among the guardians chosen were two that looked vaguely familiar…they were friends of Rose's. One was Perkins, I believed his name was, and the other one must have been Holt. They were spread out so that I had room, but not leaving big enough gaps to allow an impromptu attack.

Adrian and Christian had accompanied me out. Tasha had excused herself, saying that she would be leaving town for a few days. No one except Christian bothered with any type of goodbye. Hans was watching over the girls, yet again.

Adrian was coaching me with Rose's directions, trying to relay the message as best and detailed as he could remember them.

"Just focus," he said calmly. "That was what Rose stressed the most. Focus on Eddie and Mason."

My heart was racing. I knew the guardians were here to protect me from harm, but it felt like another hundred pounds of pressure added onto my shoulders. I also knew that Christian and Adrian wouldn't judge me if I failed, but…

The terror was nearly debilitating. I was so focused on the repercussions of failing that I was setting myself up for it. Adrian went on and on about focusing on Mason and Eddie, yet the only thing I could hear over and over again in my head was "_failure, failure_".

Adrian stopped suddenly. "Lissa," he said. "Breathe."

I opened my eyes, frowning at him. "I am."

He made a face. "No, you're not. Relax. Trust me."

I glanced around at the guardians. They remained stoic and unobtrusive, but I still worried that they were listening.

Adrian sighed. "Lissa, _listen to me_."

I closed my eyes. "I don't want to fail her, Adrian," I whispered.

"Then focus," Christian's voice chimed in behind me. "I know you have it in you, Liss. You just need to get over your fear and reach for that power."

I turned to face my fiancé, smiling at him. "Really?"

He nodded, smiling back. "I wouldn't lie to you, Lissa. I want the best for both you and Rose. And I know this will make you feel better."

Hearing that seemed to wipe away my fears and replace them with belief. If Christian believed in me, there was no reason why I shouldn't believe in myself. I _did _have the power to do this. He was right; doing this would help Rose, which would help me, which would make everything better.

The pressure was still steep, but I wasn't as unsteady.

I threw myself into his arms, pecking him on the lips before exclaiming, "Thank you."

I took a moment to relish my fiancé before Adrian cleared his throat and asked, "Are you ready?"

I took a step back and nodded. "I can do this."

Adrian nodded. "Clear your mind. Don't allow yourself to be distracted by anything."

I did as he said. I forgot about the guardians surrounding us. I forgot about the pressure. I forgot about the twins, at home, probably secretly terrified for their mother. I forgot about Rose's and my fight. I forgot about Rose's..._predicament_. I only thought about the ghosts.

"Focus on Mason and Eddie. Call them to you."

I knew Eddie best, so I started with him. _ Eddie,_ I called mentally. _Eddie, can you hear me? I need your help. Rose is in trouble. _She _needs your help._

There was no response. Nothing. I felt a stab of panic, but I shoved it aside. These things took time—if there was one thing that spirit had taught me, it was that patience was a necessity in situations like these.

_Eddie, _I tried again. _Eddie Castile._

Again, nothing. I battled the urge to open my eyes and admit defeat. I felt more frustration than terror, which seemed to be a good sign. Frustration I could overcome. I was better at summoning determination than belief.

I raised my voice and tried expanding to include Mason in my call. I kept my range slightly small, making sure I focused only on those two.

_Eddie, Mason—please. I wouldn't disturb you if it weren't really important. I wouldn't even be trying to contact you, period. But this is life or death. It's _Rose's _life or death. I know that you both cared for her while you were alive, and you would never wish this type of suffering on her. Please, she told me that you could help lead me to her. We need to help her. _

A few more moments of nothing. I sighed in dissatisfaction.

"Breathe," Adrian's voice soothed from beside me. His voice seemed to be disembodied. Good—that meant I was focused. "Focus on Mason Ashford and Eddie Castile."

I tried to widen my range. My head began to throb, a heavy, banging throb that resounded throughout my entire body. I opened my eyes, but my eyesight began to falter. Black shapes flitted across my range of vision.

Startled, I quickly pulled out of my progress. Adrian frowned at me, searching my face for an answer. "Did…did you contact them?"

I shook my head, frightened. "No. I…" I rubbed my forehead, trying to massage away the pain. It had dulled once I let go on the connection, but there were residual side effects.

Christian put his arm around me again and whispered in my ear, "You can do it. Breathe. Focus. You're close. I love you."

Nodding, breathing, and refocusing, I took a few steps farther away from Court. The guardians shifted with me, never breaking their protective circle.

I closed my eyes again, calling upon Mason and Eddie again. I opened my range to the same size as before, trying to focus harder.

_Eddie. _I spoke more firmly now. _Mason. Come to me. I need you to help me. This is urgent._

A brief sparkle. I opened my eyes and lowered more of my mental walls. My heart was pounding in my chest, my head beginning to hurt more again. I could feel it, though; I was close.

_Eddie. Mason. Come to me. _Now.

I put force behind my words. I lowered my walls even further. The headache was intensifying. I cringed at the pain. I could hardly hear over the violent pounding in my head. Black and gray shapes began to fill my range of vision. I couldn't see clearly anymore.

I couldn't find Mason or Eddie. I frowned, focusing even harder despite my torturous headache, and continued to open my range.

And then it happened.

It hit me. My head felt like it was splitting in two. I swore I could almost feel my skull ripping into two separate parts—not like a shattering; no, this was even more painful, like the bone was stretching until it couldn't stretch anymore. All I could see were black and gray forms floating around, menacingly, almost attacking me.

I screamed. And screamed and screamed. It hurt so badly. I couldn't do it. It was unbelievably excruciating.

I vaguely heard Adrian shouting over me; trying to reign me back in before I was completely engulfed in this ghostly hell.

"Refocus! You've got to reign it back in. Fight the other ghosts. Tell them to get lost. Seriously, just tell them to go away, Lissa!"

I stopped screaming. I groaned, not able to completely silence my pain, and then cried, "Go! Leave! _Now_!"

Only a few of the shapes disappeared. The rest loomed over me. Their faces were beginning to materialize; they were becoming more than just shapes now. They were becoming _ghosts_.

I did as Adrian said: I refocused, calling on Mason and Eddie again. I rebuilt a few of my walls, and that helped to force a few more shapes out of my vision.

I didn't realize I was crying out loud. "Get out of here!" I shouted with more vehemence. On top of that, watching the unwanted ghosts slowly fade, I continued, "Mason Ashford and Eddie Castile, get your butts out here _now_!"

And then they were there.

I gasped, shocked that it worked. I was breathless, sweating, and completely disturbed. My head was still pounding. I was going to need a hell of a lot of aspirin to get this monster to go away. But I had done it. I summoned Mason and Eddie. Now all I had to do was get them to help me.

Adrian looked unsure behind me. "Do you…do you see them?"

I nodded, still breathing heavily. "Yes. They're here."

Adrian swallowed uncomfortably. "Okay, then…just…just talk to them."

I swallowed too, trying to buy time to catch my breath. "Um, thank you for coming," I began. I was uncomfortable. I didn't know how this was supposed to work. I had never seen Rose interact with ghosts. But I knew someone who had.

"Dimitri," I called. He turned around, the only guardian facing me and not the outside environment. "You've seen Rose do this before. What…what does she do?"

He shrugged. "Exactly what you're doing now. Talk to them. They'll…they responded to her." He swallowed, obviously distraught by dredging up good memories of him and Rose.

I refused to let myself get sidetracked by their problems. I would play mediator later between the two of them. For now, I first had to focus on bringing Rose home.

"Rose…Rose is gone," I said slowly. The ghosts nodded wordlessly. "I…I need to find her. She told me that you could lead me to her. Can you?"

Eddie's ghost looked over to Mason. Mason's face was creased, shadowed in permanent sadness and discomfort. He didn't react for a moment, and I was worried that all of this had been for nothing. What if he refused?

But then he nodded. "She needs you. Quickly."

I couldn't suppress the gasp of shock. His voice was wispy, sounding like an echo—a quiet sound that could be mistaken for a whistle of the wind.

Once I had gotten over the fact that a ghost had _spoken _to me, I listened to his words. Rose needed me? Quickly? She must be in trouble. What if I was too late?

Panic began to rub me the wrong way, and I could feel my focus slipping. Mason and Eddie began to blur, and the other shapes began to reappear.

"No!" I shouted, fighting to reaffirm my grasp.

Mason and Eddie sharpened once again, but it took too much of my energy. I could feel them slipping again, like a wet bar of soap held in a precarious position.

I tried to control my focus and close my walls again so that it wouldn't take as much, but reconstructing my walls only made it that much harder to keep holding onto my two ghosts. I reluctantly let them fall—but it was too much. I hadn't counted on that making such a drastic difference between the leeway it had had before.

My walls completely destructed. I hadn't perfected my focus and control to be able to multitask between holding onto Eddie and Mason and fighting off unwanted guests. The faces were beginning to form again. Silver hands were beginning to reach out, trying to touch me, invade my body.

I screeched. My head felt like it was being hammered over and over again. The physical pressure was unbearable. I barely saw Eddie and Mason float away into the swarm, becoming nothing more than drab gray shapes.

The faces became more prominent. I began to see people I knew. Victor's guardians from when he had kidnapped and tortured me. Guardians and Moroi that had been killed in the Strigoi attack five years ago. And then—the worst of all—my family surrounded me.

I saw my beloved mother, my father, and Andre…I heard them calling my name.

"_Vasilisa…_"

I felt like I was being dragged into an abyss, a heavy weight holding me down, making my struggles futile. I tried to grapple, fight for air, but my lungs failed me. I went down gasping for breath, screaming until my voice gave out, and then slowly losing consciousness as I was pulled into hell.


	30. Escape Part I

**The chapter had to be split into two parts, because together it was over 10,000 words. I have the both parts ready to post, but I'm not going to post them at the same time. I'm posting this now, and I will post Part 2 in about 3-5 days, because I will be going out of town for a while. I promise it won't be longer than that-and hey, depending on reviews, it might even be sooner.**

**The chapter title says it all.**

**REVIEW please :)**

Chapter 30

_The door opened._

I held my breath, waiting to see Angelina peer around curiously. I had an ironclad grip on the dinky metal chair, ready to wield it with the same gusto that I would wield a silver stake. I _needed _this to work.

The figure stepped forward, out of the shadow of the door. My initial disappointment morphed into confusion as I tried to figure out who my visitor was and why he was here.

The man who walked through my door was taller—but only averagely tall; maybe a few inches beneath six feet—and bulky with muscles. His sandy blonde hair only made his complexion look chalkier and his red rings around his eyes redder. I vaguely recognized him as the Strigoi who had kidnapped me from the parking lot.

I tensed, realizing very quickly that this had "bad" written all over it.

He turned, spotting me, a wicked smile on his face that showed off his fangs. "Well, why are you hiding?"

I stayed quiet, even though I longed to throw some of my classic Rose Hathaway sass his way. I was weaponless, powerless—useless, essentially—against a Strigoi. As much as I hated to admit it, I had to play it cool so that I didn't wind up dead—or worse, turned.

"What, is the legendary Rosemarie Hathaway _scared_?" He stalked forward slowly, obviously believing that he was intimidating.

Which, I supposed, at the moment, he was.

It took everything in me to refrain from lunging at him. _Me? Scared? Ha._ I wasn't scared. I was just in survival mode. That required smarts and patience, not hot-headedness from threatened egos.

He made a wide arc around the room, walking slowly, obviously acting like the predator about to corner his weak, defenseless prey. You have _no _idea how badly I wanted to give him a real piece of my mind…

But I stayed against the wall, slowly inching closer to the door that he had left open. He was _that _cocky.

"Come on, Hathaway, I remember your reputation back from when you were in high school. I saw you perform. Belikov trained you. You've gotta have at least a little somethin' left."

_High school? _Back at St. Vlad's?

This guy looked older than me—at the very least, his late twenties. Maybe Dimitri's age, more likely a few years older. I tried to place him, but I couldn't. Considering he had been a dhampir, did that mean that he had been one of my instructors? Or just a guardian roaming around campus, keeping things—namely students like me, back in the day—in check?

I struggled for recognition, but nothing sparked. I continued my stealthy trek for the door as he continued his large pathway around my room.

He sneered. "You look confused. Are you having trouble remembering?"

I stopped, keeping up my appearance of staying still. Maybe it appeared more like cowering, and that was why he was acting so superior. I quickly straightened, lifting my chin defiantly. It was an action that kind of defied my "act small, stay safe" original goal, but hey. This guy was _really _pushing my buttons.

His eyes narrowed in irritation, obviously disliking my new role—_not _as his pathetic, trembling victim.

I remained strong. In a way, it was stupid of me; again, I had a role that I _needed _to play. I had to get him to leave me alone. I was in no position to fight him—to reiterate the severity of my disadvantage: I was weaponless and trapped in a confined space. Those conditions would have thwarted even Dimitri's grand plan against Strigoi. I could still remember our discussion from our first training session—"_No weapons—run."_

But I couldn't bring myself to look weak. It just wasn't _Rose Hathaway. _So I held my chin up high and silently dared the Strigoi to make his move already.

He obviously didn't get the message though, because he continued stalking around the room threateningly, though his gait had quickened and become more purposeful.

"Ah," he said. "You remember now?"

I remained impassive. He could believe whatever the hell he wanted to believe as long as it stalled him some more. Despite my sudden bravery, it definitely didn't mean I was ready for any kind of attack.

A frown stretched across his face as he came to the conclusion that I _didn't _remember and that he was going to have to explain. Continuing to pace, he began—with a noticeable hint of irritation in his voice—"I was at the Academy while you were still a student there. I was there when you ran away with the Dragomir princess and I was there when Belikov dragged you back. Hell, I was even part of one of the search parties that had been sent out for you."

I tensed, my mind racing. The rehashing of those memories weren't pleasant. Lissa and I had run away for a reason, and I didn't like the subject being broached again.

"I was part of the rescue team that helped get you out of Spokane."

I bristled further; he had to know that this confinement was horrible déjà vu to that experience.

"I was even there when you led the counterattack on the Strigoi that struck the school."

It was all I could do to keep from screaming about the relevance. It was making me nervous—anxious, really—that this monster had obviously been so close to my life, and I hadn't even noticed his disappearance from it.

"But that's beside the point," he finally said, his voice almost carrying along an amused tone. "I was at St. Vladimir's for a different reason."

My voice came out surprisingly low and smooth, with almost an animalistic grace to it—it was strong and threatening but not initiating a fight. "And what would that reason be?"

He looked slightly staggered to hear me speak, but it didn't stop his explanation. He continued on without hesitation, "I was there for my brother. He was two years above you, but even after graduation, he didn't go far. He and I, we were close. We had to be, given the way we were raised."

I was going to ask about his history when he charged on, silently—but clearly—declaring that subject off-limits.

The darkness in his eyes intensified, conveying pure hatred and bloodlust. It was something stronger than what had been in Julian's crazed eyes—Julian had been hungry and overwhelmed by Strigoi mannerisms that had been dulled for months. This…this look was occurring in this man's 'sane' state…and even then, it wasn't a hungry, evil look that most Strigoi mastered. This was a purposeful darkness, a look of hate and vengeance. He had a goal to accomplish, and I had a feeling it wasn't just to kill me because of my reputation.

"I lost him because of you." He snarled.

I fought to stay calm. _Don't fret, _I murmured to myself. _Stay calm, distract him…do something to keep him from charging you. You won't survive this fight if it comes to it._

I quietly asked, "Who's your brother? I don't know who you're talking about."

The Strigoi's eyes flashed. "My brother was Joshua Holt."

My breathing hitched and I couldn't help that my eyes widened to saucers. Holt? Josh Holt? The Josh Holt that watched my kids while I sparred? The Josh Holt that had kissed me?

It was too bizarre. There couldn't be a connection there. I was head guardian—I would have known something like this. Besides, Holt would have told me! Wouldn't he?

I tensed even further as the Strigoi came closer to me. He was raging now, obviously energized by dredging up the memories. Even though he was coming forward slowly, I knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable fight ensued. I could only hope that I could use his distraction to get enough of an upper hand to thwart him, at least enough to save my ass.

I wasn't used to fighting this unfairly.

I thought back to the gym that day; I thought about my strengths and weaknesses. Give me two unarmed fighters, and I could probably knock them both on their asses. Pit me up against a Strigoi, and I could deal with the resulting pain that the fight would cause me. All I ask is that you give me a goddamned weapon to be able to use in the fight so that I have a decent chance!

"Josh Holt is alive and well, working back at the Royal Court with me." I tried to disguise the onslaught of panic in my voice. "He's absolutely fine."

The Strigoi faltered, but only for a second. "I know Josh is fine."

"Then why the fuck are you blaming me?" I snapped. I couldn't help it. I didn't mean to lose my cool, but hey—my life was on the line and it was for a reason that I could hardly begin to understand.

He scowled, a look on him that was so menacing that the only reason I could suppress quaking in my boots was because I had seen it so many times before in other battles. "I was awakened during the raid that _you _led."

I blinked, beginning to worry about my safety. I was being interactive, which meant the minute things began to go south, I would have limited time to hatch a plan. I swallowed, and then tried to distract him. At the very least, I needed to keep him talking. Damn, I wished I had a weapon. I was no good at trying to level with Strigoi—hell, or even people in general—I was more of an action girl.

"That wasn't my fault. Guardians went in at their own risk—it's our _job_ to do that sort of stuff!"

By the dark look on his face, I realized that I probably went the absolute wrong way with that.

And it was confirmed when he lunged at me.

I reacted instantly. I wielded the metal chair against his face—it snapped his head to the side, throwing him backwards, but it only distracted him for a moment. I adroitly avoided his next attack, dipping into myself and completing a forward roll. I was quick to my feet and kept moving. The moment I gave him a still target, I was Strigoi chow.

"This is for us!" he roared. "My brother and I were separated because of you! Now it's time to rectify this misdoing—and you best believe that that is exactly what I'm going to do."

I was breathing heavily, but it was more from nerves than from exhaustion. Although despite my high stamina, I had to admit—I was getting dizzy. The room was small, and zigzagging around and around in mismatched circles was getting to my head. Yet my efforts were paying off—his time as a Strigoi seemed to have lessened his memory of his dhampir training; he was lunging at me just as I would be moving onto a different corner, etc.

But then my luck ran out and he managed to jump right on top of me, pinning me to the floor.

I heard a crack, and I had no doubt in my mind that it was one of my bones that had just suffered the blow. I let out a small grunt of pain, but quickly pushed the sting to the back of my mind as I pushed forward with all of my might. I felt naked in the fight without my stake; I was grossly handicapped, and I wasn't used to that.

I used both my arms and my legs to fight him off of me. It worked; I threw him off, but it was weak against his efforts. He almost immediately recovered and started coming at me again. That gave me just enough time to brace myself and deliver one of my wickedly sharp punches. It worked, distracting him enough that I was able to get my kickboxing in—and I landed quite a few blows on him. The beating didn't faze him too much, but it was at the very least a royal pain in his ass.

I was putting 200 percent into my kickboxing since my other tactics were unattainable. I was so focused on my fighting, hoping to get at least one good hit in to incapacitate him, that I didn't really notice when he found time between my attacks, braced himself for my upcoming kick, and twisted my leg, throwing my entire balance off, and spinning me into a crumpled mess landing brutally on the floor.

I screamed. I couldn't help it. The impact was painful, and I felt the resulting ache pounding almost immediately. It especially didn't help that the Strigoi—I _still _didn't know his damn name—was pulling on me, dragging me along the floor, probably giving me splinters.

I lashed out with my foot, catching him off-guard enough that he dropped my legs, giving me time to scramble away. I didn't, however, have enough time to get far enough away to make a difference. At this point, I was backed into a corner, crouched against the wall—having been left no time to stand—with Josh Holt's older brother trapping me.

He grinned, revealing sharp fangs. I shivered, terror coursing through me.

_This was really it._ I really _wasn't _going to make it home from this. I wasn't actually going to get to see my baby girls once more. I wasn't going to have a chance to reconcile with Dimitri—he would never know that I loved him back, that I had never stopped, despite how much I tried to deny it, how much I tried to make myself stop. I would never see Lissa get married to the man that she loved…and I even liked. And I was going to leave my daughters—my beautiful Viktoria Maddie and Alexandra Janette—in the hands of Tasha Ozera…who I was certain was up to no good.

"This is for us, Joshua. I miss you."

And then he grabbed my shirt, yanking me up like I was a feather, and began to lean in, to nuzzle my neck—

When suddenly his eyes went wide and his hands unclenched. I dropped to the floor like a rock, grunting at the impact but recovering quickly enough to watch as he dropped next to me. I saw the flash of the silver as he collapsed, and then raised my eyes to see Angelina standing over him, her eyes dark with focus.

There was silence as we both seemed to catch our breath, watching the fallen Strigoi warily.

"Are you okay?" Angelina finally asked me quietly.

I brought my gaze to hers. "What do you think?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "I think you're alive. So don't be so rude."

I glared at her, slowly climbing to my feet. I circled around the Strigoi, to the far side of the room. She followed my movement. "Being alive isn't necessarily better than being dead if it's not a life worth living."

She cocked her eyebrow even higher. "Wise words," she said coolly.

"I learned that the hard way," I said quietly, recalling my hardships. _Four years ago_. I dipped farther back into the shadows of the room, moving slowly as to disguise my advance. _Dimitri. _

It worked—Angelina stepped forward, squinting. Her brow furrowed, she demanded, "What are you doing, Rose?"

I didn't answer; remaining crouched, my fingers curling around my makeshift weapon. _My baby girls. _She strode forward, the frown deepening. "Rose? Did you pass out or something?"

_Spokane. _

She was close enough. I leapt up, swinging the folding metal chair with such force that I suffered a brief moment of fear that I was about to rip Angelina's head right off.

Luckily her head stayed intact, but she crumpled to the ground, obviously out cold. She would be out of commission for a while, if I had my guess. I let the chair clatter to the ground, breathing heavily as I watched her. I took a brief moment to make sure her chest was still rising and falling and then muttered, "Sorry, but it had to be done."

I stepped over her, moving swiftly and efficiently, my guardian training in full swing. I recovered the stake from the dead Strigoi, deftly tucking it into my waistband. I covertly scouted out the door, and then moved forward.

I closed the door to my room behind me so that if someone happened to pass by, they wouldn't assume something was wrong. Hopefully Julian was out or preoccupied, or for some other reason was not going to be paying me a visit any time soon.

My heart was racing as I made sure that no one was around. I stayed crouched and light on my feet, making sure that I had at least two spots to hide behind with every advancement should someone come along.

I came upon stairs, and I hesitated. I needed to go down them to be able to complete my escape, but going in blind was beyond dangerous at this point. With a silent groan, I slowly began creeping down the steps. I reached the bottom, my head whirling with nerves, and my heart almost stopped at the sight before me.

I was in the main room. I had reached the door—only several feet away from right where I was standing. All I had to do was cross the living room—fully adorned with top-of-the-line furniture and décor, might I add—and I would be free. Granted, once I was out that door, I would have to find my way home—but hell, at this point, just getting out of this damned captivity was enough. The point was made: I won.

I crept down to the floor, my eyes scouring every doorway, window, alcove, corner—completely on edge, so close to freedom that I was terrified I was going to miss something critical and all of this would be for nothing. I couldn't go back up to that room now—I would die up there, for sure. If not from Julian, then from my own personal hatred.

I was only several feet from the door when I watched the knob turn. My heart dropped into my stomach and I could feel the blood draining from my face. I debated—within the span of only a second—whether I had time to hide, or whether it was better to simply fight…but never had time to decide, because when that door opened, it was the very last person I expected to see.

The sun beamed in from behind the figure, blacking them out only to a mere shadow. I squinted, disbelieving at first, but then my suspicions were confirmed as she stepped inside.

"Tasha?" I asked.

"Rose," she replied. Her tone was heavy with emotions—practiced aloofness, slight apprehension, raw anger, pure resolve…

"What are you doing here?" I hissed. "Is there a team with you?" My mind was racing, searching for an explanation. Maybe Tatiana had allowed Tasha to join the excavation team. Tasha was, after all, a strong advocate for Moroi using magic offensively, and if she assisted on my rescue, that would be a huge step in glorifying the matter—

"There is no team, Rose." Her voice was cold and empty. She shut the door behind her and leveled me with a calculated glare.

I slowly wrapped my mind around this. "No team?" I repeated numbly. My heart started to beat double-time again, and I felt tingling throughout my veins. Something wasn't right here. Something wasn't adding up.

And then it clicked.

I knew Tasha was up to no good. It was all too clear now…her constant demand to know who the girls' father was, her futile attempts at gaining Dimitri's affection, her blatant hatred of me. And also in that moment, I realized the missing piece that had been nagging me from the phone call. It was her voice. Tasha's, on the other end—the voice that had been screaming at Julian about the threat that if he turned me…

A cruel smile slid over her lips. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her own way—I had lost my respect for her soon after Dimitri had left with her, and my view of her had been tainted ever since. Funny how now, as I was almost one hundred percent certain that she was here to kill me, I was suddenly seeing her unique loveliness once more.

"I didn't want it to be like this, Rose. I worked very hard to make sure that all of my loose ends were tied up—that it would be quick and painless for you and those who cared about you—" She paused, obviously disliking something that she said. I quickly picked up that it was most likely in the "those who cared about you" category, and that his name probably started with "D" and ended with "-imitri."

In her silence, I used that time to interject, "Why did I have to die, Tasha?"

Her eyes shadowed. "Because he wouldn't let go." A flash of anger lit her face. "Four years, and he was always just a little bit out of it. He always had that distant look in his eyes. The only time he was truly focused was when he was fighting Strigoi. I thought I had him back, my Dimka, and I would try to talk to him after seeing that passion in him—I thought that you were finally off of his mind—but you never were. The moment he was without a distraction, he went back to you. It was always you."

My heart wrenched in my chest. Now was obviously not the time to add that every time I looked at the girls, I thought the same thing about him. Not to mention when I trained, when I fought, when I ate, when I slept… Yeah, definitely not a good time to point out that I was still just as madly in love with him as he was with me.

"So I set up a deal with Julian. He attacked me outside my studio one day. Dimitri fended him off, but I recognized him."

I frowned. "He's only a few years older than me. Too young to remember Christian's parents."

She nodded, distracted enough in her story to really care about my interaction. "He was only a child when they were turned. But he rose quickly in status and has built a strong reputation in this world." Her eyes flashed again. "Which will flourish even more if he has his way with you."

I felt a chill of dread spread over me. I quickly redirected her—"So, what, you used his ego to convince him to come after me?"

She smiled again. "He's not stupid, Rose. I met with him again, behind Dimka's back, and set up a bargain with him. He was supposed to kill you immediately. Make it look like a freak Strigoi attack. Of course, you made it all too easy for him when you just strolled off Court like that. Alone and everything. Easy pickings."

I bristled. I had no doubt in my mind that I could take this bitch down. I was just biding my time, now.

"What was in it for him?" I asked coolly.

Tasha's face clouded, and for a moment, I thought I saw true regret. She hesitated, but then regained confidence and looked me straight in the eye. "I promised him one of the twins in exchange for your death."

I couldn't help it. I had planned on hearing her entire confession before losing my damn mind and going psycho-bitch on her, but that sent me over the edge. She bartered my _children_ in exchange for my _murder_? I didn't know which was more offensive, but I definitely knew one thing: If she wanted to fuck with me, that was her prerogative. But the minute she included my children into this dysfunctional trade-gone-wrong…oh hell no, she was not going to get away with that!

I lunged, full force, crashing both of us to the ground. There was an echo of pain somewhere in my body, probably an injury from one of my earlier fights that I had forgotten about in my adrenaline rush, but I unthinkingly silenced it as I threw all of my fury into my one goal: Make Tasha pay. Dearly.

I straddled her, my rage masking any fight she was putting up. It almost seemed like she was barely struggling, even though that was hardly the case. Curling my knuckles so tightly that they were white, I packed mighty strength into a punch that went straight to her nose. I heard the crunch, and boy was it satisfying. I leaned in, yelling in her face, "You were going to do that to him? After you claim you love him? You were just going to offer up one of his daughters like nothing but a piece of meat?"

Blood garbled her speech, but she managed: "I would do anything for him."

I snarled, "That's your greatest weakness."

Her words were muddled again. I leaned closer, trying to hear.

"It's also my greatest strength."

Before I could react, she threw me off of her and leapt to her feet. I scrambled to my own, my hand flying to the stake on my waist. I paused for a second, my body freezing on its own accord.

I had been raised to believe that _"They come first."_ Now I was about to _stake_—and most likely kill—the very people I had been taught to protect.

_It's self-defense! _My brain screamed. _She's trying to kill you! At this point it doesn't matter if she is damned royalty—it's your life or hers._

And I was about to make damn sure that it was hers.

I raised the stake, grasping it tightly and keeping it at my "sweet-spot," as Dimitri used to call it in practice. It was the spot that was easiest to access wherever the threat was approaching from and react the quickest.

I was beginning to plot my attack on Tasha when I suddenly had a hot flash. _I'm too young for menopause,_ I thought with a frown.

As I glanced around briefly, I saw no signs of fire or peeks of sunlight through a cracked window or door. I brought my gaze back to Tasha and then felt it again. Except this time it wasn't just a brief wave of heat—it was full-out _burning_. And it was coming from the inside out.

It was the same sensation I had felt when Tasha and I had stood outside of Lissa's house—when she had threatened me, and I had reacted badly.

She was burning me again.

I was absolutely immobile this time. I couldn't even twitch my fingers or toes. Tears sprang to my eyes as Tasha's focused glare intensified, ratcheting my internal inferno several degrees higher.

_Come on, Rose, _I shouted mentally. _You have to work through this. You can't let her win this. _

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could move—even just a little—to try to ease the pain. Oh, God, this was unbearable. I thought her threat days ago had been uncomfortable—this was a million times worse. I _literally _felt like I was about to explode. I could feel my cheeks heating up, and my head was pounding relentlessly from the pressure. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I screamed in agony.

_ROSE! Breathe. Work through this! God damn it; don't let her get away with this. Don't let her ruin your family. She wants to kill the twins—your baby girls!_

That memory struck something stronger than my pain reflex. Gritting my teeth so hard that I thought they would shatter in my mouth, I forced myself to move. One step forward. Another one.

My eyes never left Tasha. Sweat was gathered over her brow. She scowled in disbelief as I began to overcome her torture. Her focus intensified—as did the pain. I almost stopped again, but I saw the twins' faces in my mind, and the only thing I could truly focus on was the harrowing thought that one of them would be traded in for a fate—most likely worse than death—if I lost this battle.

_This isn't for you,_ I told myself. _This is for _them_._

I staggered forward again. My fingers tightened around the stake, and my resolve was stronger than ever. If given the chance, I would take the opportunity and make sure that this bitch never rose again.

Tasha grunted, obviously distressed by the lack of her powers. As I advanced another step, she suddenly relaxed—and then my internal conflagration vanished. It stopped instantly, and I was free to move around and react normally once again. I seized the chance immediately, starting to lunge to take Tasha down, when my game plan changed.

Tasha seemed to have given up on the whole burn-me-from-the-inside-out aspect and was now resorting to good old physical fighting. Of course, by physical, I don't mean punches. No, that would be too complicated for a martial arts instructor. By _physical_, I mean she began launching fireballs at me.

For me, the fight quickly became a game of dodgeball.

I redirected my pounce into a dive to the left. I somersaulted forward, springing cleanly to my feet. I danced around, diving, ducking, rolling, backtracking…being as active and creative as possible to stay out of her range.

Tasha followed my erratic pattern seamlessly, but I was moving quickly enough that she was struggling to actually hit me.

One of the fireballs grazed my arm, and I let out a small grunt. I quickly looked at the wound—my skin had been seared and I was bleeding, but it was minimal and more of a flesh wound than anything else.

A smile stretched over her lips, a broad smirk that displayed her fangs, as she sneered, "This is the end, Rose!"

I was panting slightly from exertion. Between the fight upstairs, the nerves here, the power I had to summon to overcome Tasha's torture, and then this psychotic dance, even I seemed to be approaching my limit. Breathlessly, I snapped, "Not if I can help it."

She launched another fireball for me, and I ducked and rolled. I had been close enough in proximity to her that as I came out of the roll, I crashed into her, taking her to the floor.

I straddled her, making sure all of my weight was pressed against her. I wasn't going to let her gain the advantage again. With one hand, I grabbed her wrists, holding them in an ironclad grip that only wavered slightly as she struggled, and with the other, I punched her until her eyes rolled back in her head and she garbled blood.

Honestly, I wanted to kill her. I wanted to ruthlessly drive the stake through her icy heart and watch as she gasped her dying breath. If there was one thing that would push me over the edge to insanity—murderous rage, even—it would be to threaten the lives of the ones that I loved.

Yet I was a guardian, and she was a Moroi. A royal, at that. Maybe an ostracized one, but a Moroi nonetheless. And no matter how much I hated her, and how unorthodox her actions and morals were, it was my job to make sure she stayed safe. So as long as there was a way I could keep her alive—yet out of commission—until I could get her back to Court, where she would be tried (and convicted, if I had anything to do with it), killing her would be a last resort.

I paused, waiting for a counterattack, but none came. I felt her chest rising and falling, so she wasn't dead. I had succeeded though, and had knocked her unconscious. Now I just had to find a way to carry her out of here…

I looked around for anything that I could transform into something helpful. I was drawing a blank when the door opened again.

The sun was still bright. It must have been mid-afternoon, if I had to guess. It was the middle of the night in the vampire world. It was also the time that the Strigoi were most vulnerable—the sun incinerated them—so it was a comfort to me to know that I had daylight on my side.

I squinted, unable to make out a face quite yet, but able to figure that it was a dhampir male.

I felt relief as he stepped into the house and he became recognizable. "Holt," I breathed. "Thank God. I need your help. Tasha's working with the Strigoi who kidnapped me. She arranged the whole scheme to kill me. I need to get her back to Court to turn her in—" I stopped, frowning. "Holt?"

He hadn't moved from the spot where he stood when he first entered the house. Slowly, he began to advance. He said quietly, "I'm not here to help you, Rose."

* * *

**Part 2 is coming soon. Review and it will come quicker! (BTW - people who have been reviewing, you guys are fantastic, and I loved watching you guys guess everything that was coming along. I hope I didn't disappoint whatever you had imagined.)**


	31. Escape Part II

**Part 2! The official end to Rose's agony. Don't worry, the story isn't over yet. Just the bad part. :D**

**Review! **

Chapter 31

My heart sank. Of course. _Holt_—I had just taken part in killing Josh's older brother upstairs. He was somehow in on this too, wasn't he?

I cautiously climbed off of Tasha. It wasn't that I didn't want to hurt her—I would gladly kick her and jostle her and make her as uncomfortable as possible if given the chance—but I didn't want to wake her. I needed her to stay unconscious—_harmless. _

I backed away as Josh came forward. "Why are you doing this?" I asked. I was thankful that my voice didn't quiver in terror. I wasn't scared—I was certain that I could kick his ass in a fight—I was hurt. I had trusted Holt with my children, with at least a sliver of my emotions, and…well, I had kind of liked his kiss.

Not that I liked _him_. I had yet to truly face that my heart did and always had completely and utterly belonged to a certain Russian mentor of mine.

His voice was detached and low. Was I deluding myself into believing that Josh was battling with himself? Maybe he _didn't _actually want to kill me. Maybe I had a chance to appeal to him, make him see that this was the _wrong _choice, and that I wasn't to blame for any grief that he had experienced with his…loss.

"I lost my brother because of you," he said.

Yeah, I didn't think there was too much "internal battling" going on.

I felt my irritation spike. "For God's sake," I snapped, "I didn't kill your brother. He was lost in the line of duty. It was his _job_, Josh. Just like it's your job, and it's my job. It could have happened to either of us."

Holt's eyes flashed. "You led the raid that killed him. He turned into a monster because of you and your damned feelings!"

I flinched, but covered it with a scowl. "I don't know what the hell kind of guardian you think you are, but I'll tell you right now—you're a shitty one. How dare you try to accuse me of setting your brother up to die! I was only trying to save all of the dhampirs and Moroi that had been taken—and your brother signed onto that mission, knowing damn well what the risk was. And you…now, you cashed in on a treasonous scheme to kill me off all because you're still grieving?"

His face darkened. I saw bloodlust in his eyes—a more human version of what I had seen in his brother's just earlier.

"It was the only way he and I could sleep at night." Holt stepped sharply, anger mounting in his voice. "It was supposed to work. I helped them set up the timing and I made sure that they knew exactly how you trained so they would be able to fight back. Rick was going to kill you—he was going to make sure that you suffered. And then we were going to find each other and leave together. We were going to be brothers again."

My head was whirling. _Wait a minute,_ I thought in confusion. _There were _two, separate _contracts for my death? _

Tasha had set up a deal with Julian. He was supposed to kill me in trade for one of Rosemarie Hathaway and Dimitri Belikov's children. (It made me sick to think of what he wanted to do with my child.)

Josh and his brother had concocted an almost foolproof scheme to kill me—Josh was working on the inside, learning my secrets, getting close to me, working to distract me, and then passing on my strengths and weaknesses to his brother. Then Rick was to kidnap me, torture me, and kill me…and then he would probably turn Josh Strigoi, and the two of them would go on wreaking havoc in their brotherly fashion.

Damn, I was a very disliked person.

"Well, your plan failed," I said. Thinking about it, it probably wasn't the best way to go with that conversation. This was like me probing the spark, blasting it into a full-blown blaze. "Rick is dead. You just confessed, and you'll be tried and convicted—if not executed—right alongside Tasha." My voice hitched. "And I hope you burn in hell for a very long time."

He didn't show any signs of heightened anger at first. He didn't let out a battle cry, or even really give me a hint as to what he was about to do. He just swiftly, calmly, and adeptly leapt at me, hands going straight for my throat.

Luckily, my reflexes were already amplified from Tasha's attacks just moments ago. I didn't manage to get out of his way in time, but I did manage to get a good grip on his arms, keeping his hands away from my neck.

We fell onto the floor, grappling with each other, both trying to manage to put the other one down. The problem was that we knew each other too well—we had trained together, learned each other's quirks and strengths and weaknesses. Every time I tried to use one of my best moves, Holt immediately knew how to block it. Every time he tried to advance on me, I was instantly on top of blocking his attack. It seemed futile—it was going to be nearly impossible to gain the upper hand against one another.

"Give it up!" I shouted breathlessly in between grabs. "This isn't going to end well!"

Josh aimed a punch at my head. I jerked to the side, sliding out from under his straddle and pushed his shoulder so that he was off-balance. He fell, and I climbed on top of him. I struggled to get my hands around his throat, but he grabbed my wrists and kept them from getting within proximity to his neck.

"It's not supposed to end well!" He grunted back.

Salty sweat dripped into my eye, but I didn't let it distract me. I leaned just far enough to the side that I could jam my knee into the side of his gut, causing him to release my hands and cough in distraction. I braced my hands on his chest, keeping my balance, and did it again, this time with more force. Josh turned his head, coughing so fiercely that I watched blood pool on the floor as it spewed from his mouth.

Grimacing—he was still a guardian, one of my "employees," if you will, and, just like Tasha, I really wanted to avoid killing him—I did it again. It was a debilitating move that was working beautifully. He stopped struggling, focusing solely on the pain and gag reflex that the kicks had triggered.

I had to look away as more than blood began to join in the upchuck. I braced myself to knee him again when I was suddenly thrown from his waist, bombarded backwards by a burning sensation. My vision clouded as I smacked into the wall, but I recovered quick enough to slide sideways, barely avoiding a fireball that crashed into the wall where my face had been only a moment ago. My arm was singed, the skin burned, and blood oozing from the wound. It stung. I also felt the sear across my cheek, but it was extraordinarily light. Not something to worry about at the moment.

Tasha was on her feet, her eyes still a little woozy, but generating fireballs nonetheless. To my utter fear, I saw Josh slowly sitting up, too. He was still coughing up blood and puke, but the worst seemed to have passed and now he was just trying to recuperate.

_Fuck._

I was certain that I would be able to defeat both of them. I was both talented and smart enough to stay out of Tasha's range, and I knew I had at least a minimal advantage over Holt. But putting the two of them together as a team? I didn't know if even I was that good.

Tasha launched another fireball at me, and I quickly rolled away from the wall. I ducked behind a tall fern plant, trying to scrounge up a plan.

_Okay, _I thought, trying to be swift yet thorough. _They're both up. One throws fireballs, the other fights like a monster. You can't take both of them together unless you can somehow get Tasha to burn a hole through Josh—but I doubt even she's that dumb._

The fern went ablaze, and I jumped back, startled. Part of the flame licked at my face and my hair, but I was fast enough that I avoided any damage. I felt a brief surge of relief—I _loved _my hair, and I swear to God if that bitch tried to burn it off—but instantly refocused as another fireball came flying towards me. I ducked and rolled, and then scouted out my opponents.

Holt was to his feet, his eyes hungry for blood. He was watching me intently, clearly planning exactly how he was going to kill me. Tasha was already forming another fireball intended for me, her eyes dark and hateful, too.

I focused on Tasha first, mostly planning to find a way to somehow debilitate her fire-power. Once she lost that advantage, it would be a hell of a lot easier to fight both of them. In fact, in a fistfight, I probably had a decent chance of winning.

I decided to make a wide arc around the outskirts of the leisure room. That would keep my distance from Holt so that he couldn't attack me and would also keep me a moving target for Tasha's fireballs. It would also hinder Holt from cutting across Tasha to get to me in a fraction of the time, because of the double threat both from Tasha's erratically launched fireballs and my ability to gain the upper hand simply by turning the opposite direction at the flip of a dime.

Thankfully, my plan worked. I made it to Tasha, who was generating fireballs per second, her irritation spiking so high that her aim was shot to hell and now she was just throwing to throw.

I bowled into her, putting out her most recent blaze. I heard her head crack on the floor, but that bitch was tough. She recovered almost instantly, immediately struggling against my ascendancy over her. I used the same knee-in-the-gut move on her that I had used on Holt earlier. It worked; I hit her with enough force that she barfed up blood. I glanced over my shoulder to track Holt, but he had moved. Shit!

I began to spin the other way to check my right side, but I was thrown from Tasha with a stinging force. As I regrouped, I felt hot liquid trickling down my cheek. I brushed at it with my fingers, pulled away, and realized it was blood. I looked back at Holt and saw the stake in his hands, the end wet with—yep, my blood.

I scrambled backwards, picking up the lamp off the table next to me and launching it at him. It crashed into his side, but he ducked out of the worst of the hit. I curled my fingers around the stake, whipping it out of my waistband and wielding it. If he was going to play dirty, I was too.

He came closer. I braced myself, ready for combat. What I wasn't ready for were the giant flames that crashed right into my chest.

I flew backwards, catapulting into the wall so hard that I was certain the entire house shook. Stars danced in my eyes and my breathing was shallow. I looked down, expecting to see my entire bosom on fire with the way it was stinging, but—I suppose luckily—it wasn't. Instead, the fire had extinguished itself. However, it had left me with charred skin, gaping wounds, and a completely ruined shirt.

I slowly brought my gaze upward. I knew I had to get up. I had to be able to fight against Holt, who was charging forward with a sly grin on his face. He was about to kill me. All it took was one good swing, and he would bury that stake through my heart. My family—my friends—my children…everything to me would be nothing in just a few seconds.

I summoned energy, some type of stamina to get me out of this funk, something to get me to move before Holt killed me, but my wound burned. The simple thought of moving sounded worse than death right now.

I watched as he came closer, his tall, broad figure towering over me. I heard Tasha remarking icily, "Now it's mine."

Dimitri's face flashed through my mind. He would never know what a conniving bitch Tasha was. He would never know that I was dead because of her.

I thought of Lissa and Christian, easily trusting her, loving her, accepting her.

And then I saw my children. I saw Tasha brushing through Lexi's long hair; I saw Tasha teaching Viktoria how to fight. I saw Tasha taking my place in my children's lives. And that pushed me over the metaphorical edge.

My heart beat faster as Holt got closer. I needed to be able to move before he attacked. Faster than I could blink, Holt was suddenly tackled to the ground by a grappling figure.

I fought with myself to sit upright, watching the fight in confusion. With a sharp gasp, I realized it was Angelina. She was fighting to save me.

I saw a reddish-orange light appear out of the corner of my eye. I saw Tasha, her eyes wide with disbelief, as she began to create another fireball. Aimed right for Angelina.

I saw my nightmare flash before my eyes again, and that paired with the fact that Tasha was about to kill an (almost) innocent dhampir (that was trying to protect me) threw me into immediate action.

I leapt up, instantly breaking into a run. My chest was heaving in distress, but I fought to mute the pain. I ran straight into Tasha, bowling into her with such force that we flew back several feet.

The fire extinguished. She screamed. "I saw it hit you! You should be paralyzed! God damn it!"

I clocked her, full force, smack in her nose. Her nose was already broken from earlier, so this had to be beyond painful. Tasha let out a garbled screech, but I ignored it, pounding my fist into her face again.

"You—will not—ruin—my family!" I screamed in her face with each beating I delivered. "I—will make sure—you rot—in hell—you lying—manipulative—deceitful—bitch!"

When Tasha's eyes rolled back in her head, her chest barely moving, I hardly noticed. It wasn't until I heard a loud crash and felt a slight shudder that I instantly climbed off of her, breathing heavily, rage still clouding my vision. It was all I could do not to slam my stake into her heart.

That alerted something. My stake! It had flown from my grasp when she had hit me with the fireball.

I wheeled around in a circle, trying to spot it. In the process, I saw Angelina, crumpled against a wall. Shit!

A hand grabbed my shoulder, sweeping me around. I briefly saw Holt's bloodied face before his first launched right into mine. I managed to turn briefly, the hit avoiding my nose but catching somewhere between my cheekbone and my mouth. I flew off balance, spitting blood.

Holt charged immediately, barely giving me time to regroup. I crawled, spinning and rolling to stay away from his feet, but I got caught a couple times. I jammed my hand on something, screeched, and then felt relief. My fingers closed around my stake.

Holt reached down, pulling me up by my shirt. Of course, considering it was already burned and mangled, his pulling on it only made it rip more. Once I was to my feet, I jerked the stake to his chest and sliced down.

Stakes might not affect dhampirs or Moroi the way they affected Strigoi, but the points were still sharp. At the very least, it was the equivalent of a sharp butcher knife. Stab _anyone _with that kind of point, and it was bound to do at least a little damage.

The stake ripped through the fabric effortlessly, jagging down his skin, drawing blood.

He roared, releasing me, his fingers flying to the cut. He pulled them back and they were crimson. Holt's eyes were gleaming with rage now. He balled his hands into fists and lobbed a punch for my face. I grabbed his fist, twisting it, and stuck my foot behind his leg, pulling him forward. He catapulted to the ground while I still held his arm. I heard the crunch of his bone, and then jumped, startled, when he hit the corner of the coffee table on his way down.

He crumpled. I paused, nudging him, waiting for him to react, but there was nothing. I saw a vague rise-and-fall of his back, so he wasn't dead. But he was just as "out" as Tasha was.

Hmm. That was convenient.

I glanced over at my unexpected ally. She was breathing, but hers was shallow, too. Angelina was bloodied and bruised, just like everyone else in the room. I ran to her, taking a pulse rate from her wrist and then gently shaking her.

"Angelina?" I whispered. "Are you okay?"

She stirred slightly, but didn't rouse.

"Well, you seem to have made quite a mess of my house."

I bristled. As if my escape hadn't been hard enough as it was.

I turned, watching Julian enter with an amused smirk on his face.

"I'm getting out of here," I said strongly. "And I will kill you if that's what it takes."

"I have no doubt that you would," he said calmly. "But right now I'm more concerned with Angelina, instead of your melodrama. I'll take care of you later." He began to come toward her. Despite the fact that he was all the way across the room, I leaned over her protectively.

"You won't get anywhere near her," I hissed.

Julian stopped, cocking an eyebrow. Even though he kept a calm, coolly amused façade, I saw a flash of anger in his eyes. "Oh?"

I glared. "It's time for her world to go on. And you won't be in it."

He laughed, but it was forcibly controlled. "Why on earth are you so intent on helping her? She kept you hostage here. She helped me mastermind the kidnapping, the plans behind your fate…she never once tried to help you get back to your family. Why would you be so keen on trying to take her back to her own?"

He had a good point. Karma was a bitch. I had every right to leave Angelina right where she was, leave her in the hands of her Strigoi lover, and run. I should be more concerned with saving my own ass, not hers. Especially—as Julian so helpfully pointed out—considering she had worked against my cause every step of the way.

Yet I couldn't bring myself to abandon her. I wasn't quite sure why I felt that way just yet, but I knew that if I left her behind, it would haunt me.

I didn't grace him with an answer, mostly because I didn't really have one.

Julian let out an exasperated sigh. "Really, my dear, you're wasting your time. Even if you did somehow manage to get her out of this house, she would come right back. She loves me." The words were arrogant and cold. There were no emotions in his voice; no concern about losing her love, only concern about losing her as his possession.

"There won't be a _you _to come back to," I snarled, my anger spiking.

His eyes narrowed. "Now, now, threats don't become you, Rosemarie." I heard the force behind his words. He was just barely avoiding speaking through gritted teeth.

I grinned coldly, feeling excitement prickle in my veins. "It wasn't a threat," I said quietly, calmly. "It was a promise."

Julian's cool demeanor began to chip. I saw the anger boiling beneath, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I pushed him over his edge. I had done it before. I had no doubt that I could do it again.

I curled my fingers around the stake, silently daring him to engage an attack.

Instead, he skewered me with a hateful glare. "You need to learn a little humiliation," he said. "Immodesty isn't an attractive trait."

"Your words," I spat back at him with a cold grin. He was making this fun.

He cocked his head to the side. "Honestly, you think you have another fight in you, Rose? Look at yourself. You're cut and bruised on your arms and your face. You've been seriously burned on your chest. You look like Hell just coughed you back up. And yet you believe that you have enough left in you to try to challenge me?"

I felt a brief spark of uncertainty. He was right—I had exhausted myself in hellish ordeals before he showed up. Did I have enough in me to be able to battle against his Strigoi reflexes?

I kept my strong face on. "I _will _kill you, Julian."

He grinned. "We'll see about that."

And then the battle began.

He made the first move. He came forward, fangs bared, going straight for my throat. But I had expected that—I used my stake as defense, raking it across his cheek.

He screamed, backtracking. I went on the offensive, trying to find the best position to drive the stake through his heart. I had been forced to avoid staking my first two assailants; I wasn't going to stop myself from staking Julian. In fact, I was yearning for it.

Julian recovered, his injury only fueling his zeal to kill me. He blocked my swings, even though they were nowhere near his heart. I was simply trying to distract him so that I could get into my spot.

I shrieked as Julian grabbed my wrist, jerking it so hard that I was certain it popped out of place. My stake clattered to the ground.

He threw me across the room. I crashed into the wall, and—this having been at least the third time within the last, what, thirty minutes?—saw stars. For a minute, I really thought that I was staying down this time. My head was throbbing, whirling, and heavy as a brick on my shoulders. My entire body felt like it was about to shatter into a million pieces. The thought of moving anymore was the most painful thing I could begin to imagine.

Then Julian was in front of me, with that crazy Strigoi speed. His fangs were bared, and he was just a moment away from biting me.

_Damn, _I thought woozily. _I was really looking forward to staking him._

But—like déjà vu—a shadow tackled him to the ground before he had a chance to hurt me. And—completing the sense of déjà vu flawlessly—I recognized the shadow as Angelina again.

I was too tired to move this time. I started to get to my feet, but my body gave out beneath me. I had finally reached my limit. Hell, I was killing myself trying to save myself.

"What—are—you—doing?" Julian gasped, grappling against Angelina's struggling form. She was barely a formidable opponent against him, but her thrashing—at the very least—was keeping him extremely occupied.

"I'm sorry," she cried. I could hear the tears in her voice. "God, I love you, Julian."

"Angelina!" He yelled. "For God's sake, stop this!"

I slowly managed to climb to my feet—first, crawling to my knees, then slowly extending one foot, and then the next, and assisting myself up against the wall. I felt like I had been run over by a snowplow.

Angelina kept thrashing, sobbing all the while, while Julian's rage intensified against her efforts. He was getting rougher, struggling to keep her contained.

And that's when he began to nuzzle her neck. He shoved her head to the side violently, using more force against her arms to keep her restrained, planning on drugging her up on endorphins to stop her resistance.

I instantly rebelled against my physical exhaustion, jerking forward to stop him. I would tackle both of them down if it meant keeping him from biting her.

But Angelina beat me to it. Somehow, she managed to drive her stake—which I hadn't even known she'd managed to keep a hold on—into his chest. I saw her grapple with the movement, forcing it with all of her might between the ribs, piercing into his heart—but then I saw his eyes widen, his mouth open in a mute gasp, and watched his body crumple to the ground, and I knew it had worked.

I was frozen in disbelief. Angelina was a sobbing wreck. She collapsed to her knees, cradling Julian's dead body in her arms.

"No," she wailed. "No, I'm so sorry. I love you!" Her blond hair fell over his face as she leaned into him, rocking miserably. I knew the posture—she was defending him from any other evil that tried to get near him.

I knew it all too well.

I felt my heart wrench in my chest as I thought back to Spokane. I had taken that position over Mason's dead body. I had refused to let anyone—even the guardians, once they'd broken in and rescued us—near him.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to her tragic sobs. I saw her black and blue face, the bloodstains all over her body, and the tears that streaked down her cheeks, leaving muddy tracks. But beneath the dirt and grime, I saw true grief. She was feeling for Julian what I had felt for Mason. Maybe the circumstances were different—she had loved Julian with her entire heart, the way that I loved Dimitri—and yes, Julian and Mason were two completely different people—night and day, really—but I could still relate to her paralyzing angst.

And then the door burst down, and everything was chaotic.

Guardians swarmed the room, but the first one into the house was Dimitri. Our eyes met immediately. I watched as Dimitri's face lit up, relief and love erasing the extra years that his worry had put on.

He ran over to me, shrugging out of his duster and wrapping it around my shoulders. He cupped my cheek in his hand, his eyes dancing over my face. "Thank God you're all right. I was terrified, Rose."

"Hey, this is Tasha Ozera!" One of the guardians yelled, standing over Tasha's unconscious body.

"And this is Josh Holt!" Another yelled.

Dimitri's head snapped toward the first guardian, his eyes wide, and then he turned back to me. He seemed to realize for the first time that the half-nakedness his duster was covering up was actually caused by second-degree burns.

I bristled. Telling him about Tasha…this would be interesting.

I was distracted by Angelina's screams. There were guardians surrounding her, stakes at the ready.

"Stop!" I cried, jerking towards them. "Put the stakes down!" Nobody really moved, even though I had demanded their attention. My voice grew darker. "I am head guardian of the Royal Court—" _God, how I hoped that was still true, or at the very least that none of them knew differently yet—_"and therefore your _boss_, and I said _put the stakes down_!"

Slowly, they obliged. "Guardian Hathaway," One of them said. "She's..." They didn't know how to finish the sentence.

I kept my eyes on Angelina, who still hadn't moved from her protective stance over Julian. Her eyes flickered toward me, waiting to hear my instructions for my guardians.

"She's going to go back to the Royal Court with us."

One of the guardians began to reach for her. Shaking so hard that it was visible from a distance, Angelina slowly rose, never taking her eyes from Julian. I heard sobs break through as they led her away, but I was proud of her for being able to leave. Leaving Mason's side had been the hardest thing for me to do.

The guardians standing over Tasha and Holt were looking at me skeptically. "Hathaway, what the hell happened here?"

Breathing deeply, I said, "They both need to be put under arrest. They tried to kill me."

Again, I was met with disbelieving stares, but when I urged them on, they cooperated.

I shot one last look around the house. The walls had scorch marks and cracked plaster. Lamps and coffee tables were broken. Furniture was ripped. If I went back upstairs to my mini-prison, there would be just as much wreckage up there. I slowly brought my eyes to Julian, dead on the floor.

It was finally over.

I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for his death, but I could appreciate that he had tried to be better, at the very least by wearing the ring that Angelina fought for for him.

Yet even as I told myself that, I felt churning in my gut.

_It's over. Once and for all._

Dimitri was watching me intently, his eyes still full of worry. I could practically feel his yearning to reach out and embrace me—I was feeling almost an identical emotion.

"What are you thinking about?" He murmured, his quiet voice the only important noise in the bedlam around us.

I brought my eyes to his and blinked. With a sad half-smile, I said, "I didn't get to stake him."


	32. Take Time for Scars That Need to Heal

**WOW! The end is getting really close, guys. Only a few more chapters before this story is finished! I'm both excited and sad...**

**Really quickly: Thank you for the amazing reviews on the Escape Pts. I&II! I was so glad that you guys enjoyed it. I loved each and every review. I was amazed- I got over 40 reviews for the first part alone! I think that's a record for this story... :)**

**Also, quickly - Chimney101, have I mentioned that I love you? You are amazing and funny and kind and your reviews are the types of reviews that an author could only dream of. I truly look forward to your reviews for each chapter...because I know they will put a huge smile on my face every time. :) **

**PLEASE be like Chimney101 (and all of my other amazing, kind, brutally honest, FANTASTIC readers! I love you all!) and REVIEW! With more free time on my hands, reviews actually DO have an effect on how fast a chapter gets put up. (Now, it's not ALL based on reviews, I don't want to mislead you, it depends on ideas and time and whether or not I experience writer's block, but reviews really do help, I'm not lying!)**

**Now I've babbled. I talk too much when it gets late. Hehe. ENJOY! REVIEW!**

* * *

Chapter 32

Slowly, Dimitri led me out to the cars. I paused at the door, turning back to look at Julian's crumpled body once more. I was really sad that I hadn't been the one to kill him.

"I hope you burn in hell," I muttered to his corpse.

Dimitri kept his hand on my back, gently leading me outside to the first SUV. I was clutching the duster tightly around myself. I wasn't even that cold—the sun was beating down, still burning high in the sky—but the duster now represented safety; it represented the fact that I was out of there, and that I was with Dimitri. I never wanted to let it go.

We climbed into the backseat. There was another guardian in the front passenger seat, but it was only Dimitri and me in the back. I blinked slowly, trying to absorb the fact that I was finally safe. My eyelids grew heavy, and then the last thing I remembered was leaning into Dimitri's warmth and giving into utter exhaustion.

* * *

I woke up when the car stopped and the door opened. Dimitri tried to move as gently as possible, already beginning to pick me up to carry me—believing I was still asleep—but I stirred to let him know that I wasn't.

He gave me a rueful smile as he helped me out of the backseat.

"Where are we?" I murmured groggily, squinting against the bright light. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon. I recognized that we were on Royal Court property, but I couldn't place where.

"Back entrance to the hospital wing," Dimitri said. "Come on, I'm going with you."

I was too tired and sore to care one way or another, so I didn't complain. As we were walking towards the door, the guardian who had driven called Dimitri back.

"Belikov!" He shouted. As I turned, I saw that it was an older guardian named Potvin. "We need you back here!" He saw me and then slowly revised, "But if you're needed there…"

I shook my head, giving Dimitri a gentle shove toward the cars. "I'll be fine. Go."

He looked like he wanted to object, but I didn't give him the chance. I turned away and started for the door without him.

Dr. Markovic was waiting for me. When she finally saw the extent of my injuries, her eyebrows shot up.

"Good God, Rose, what happened?"

Straight-faced, I said, "The Hilton was all booked up."

Dr. Markovic gave me an irritated glare and then led me into an examination room. I hoisted myself onto the stainless steel table with a pained grimace, so achy that I couldn't even pinpoint where the throbbing came from.

She led me through numerous tests, poked and prodded, and then eventually bandaged me up. I wasn't walking away unscathed; I had bruised ribs, a mild concussion, second-degree burns on numerous parts of me, and bruises tattooing my body. My cheek where Holt had dragged the stake across it was going to take at least a month to heal, and even then Dr. Markovic said to expect a scar.

Out of all my injuries, the last one stung—figuratively—the most. The fight with Tasha and Josh had left me with a jagged scar raked across my face. Sound familiar?

I tried not to think about the similarity to Tasha's scars. In fact, it was barely _similar _at all. But it was still there, on _me_…and that was _her_ mark.

"You need to take it easy, Rose. I mean it. No training, sparring, running, playing—" She snapped her fingers in my face. "Are you listening to me? You need to heal. It's _imperative _that you heal."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

She groaned, leveling me with a dark glare. I don't think she liked me very much. "Take it easy. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, sliding off the table. I buttoned up the shirt that she had given me, waddling slowly to the door. I was so tired.

I had Dimitri's duster draped over my arm. I slowly exited the exam room, making my way towards the front entrance.

"ROSE!"

I turned around just as Lissa barreled into me, squeezing me with what seemed like all of her might.

I squirmed to get out of her grasp, gasping, "Bruised ribs, bruised ribs!"

She instantly jumped back, looking at me with big eyes. "Sorry, sorry!" She exclaimed.

I smiled at her. "It's okay. You didn't know."

She stared at me for a moment, obviously digesting all of my wounds. I think that the scar was throwing her the most, too. Finally, she gestured to the exam room that I had just come out of. "Come on, I'll heal you."

I glanced around, worried about publicity, but then shrugged. I wanted all of this pain to go away. Not to mention the scar.

As we locked the door and shut the blinds, I asked, "What are you doing up so early?"

Lissa gave me an exasperated look, not even gracing me with an answer, assuming that it was obvious enough, and then she took my hands in hers and closed her eyes in concentration. I felt the spirit trickle through me, binding together shredded skin, strengthening weakened bones, and—most importantly—closing the gap on my cheek.

When Lissa's eyes opened, she was frowning in disappointment.

"What's wrong?" I asked quickly. I felt a hell of a lot better. Not one hundred percent perfect; I still felt achy, and I was still so tired that I was ready to pass out, but I felt like I could actually _move _now.

I probed into the bond, wondering if I had hurt her somehow. Had she given too much? Was the darkness preying on her weakened state? But all I found was frustration.

"I didn't heal you," she said. "You still have bruises."

I unbuttoned the shirt and slipped an arm out. It was true; my body still bore the proof of my battery. My chest was still burned, but it had reduced down to a mild first-degree burn, versus the scorched appearance it had suffered earlier.

I redressed and then said, "Liss, you did wonders. I feel so much better. So what if I still have bruises? It's not like I haven't had them before."

That seemed to reassure her, but the frustration was still nagging. I shifted, taking her hand in mine. I smiled, trying to make her feel better.

"You did it, Liss. You contacted Mason and Eddie, didn't you?"

She nodded slowly, but her eyes grew haunted. I frowned, instantly worried again. "What happened, Lissa?"

Lissa looked at the ground. "I…I saw my family. And they were so strong. They…_pulled _me to them. They wouldn't let me go. I felt like I was dying, like they were smothering me." Tears filled her jade eyes. "I didn't think I would be able to get out in time to save you. I thought that they would hold me there forever, like a captive…" She looked up at me, strength suddenly filling her features. "And then I thought about you, and how you were in exactly the same situation. But you fought. And you saved yourself."

I refused to let memories bombard me.

"So I saved myself. I got out of there. I got back to reality. And then Mason and Eddie told me exactly where to go."

I smiled, engulfing her in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you."

She was smiling, too, until I pulled away. Then, she frowned slightly. "Rose," she said slowly, "Is it true? That Tasha tried to kill you? And Josh Holt, too?"

I nodded. There was no point in trying to sugarcoat anything. They had both gone above and beyond to try to make sure that I had been wiped out—so I wasn't going to spare them any pain or humiliation now.

Lissa's eyes filled with tears again. "Oh God, Rose, I feel like such an idiot. I should have seen that she was playing me! I can't believe I doubted you…for _her_! Ugh, how could I let that happen?"

I shushed her, and then calmly said, "There was a lot of digging that would have had to be done to get down to the truth about Tasha. I know that she was fooling all of us. I don't blame you for not seeing that she was lying." I paused, and then said, "I just don't understand why you thought I _was_."

She flushed. "I don't even know," she muttered. "I was stupid. And weak. And I took you for granted, even after I swore to you that I never would again." Her eyes flashed. "Please forgive me, Rose."

I nodded slowly. "Like I said, I don't blame you. I just…I just…" I stopped, groaning. I didn't know what I was trying to say. I didn't really know how I felt about that, anyway. I was hurt, yes, and I was angry. But I _didn't _blame Lissa. Tasha had worked so hard to deceive everyone that I really couldn't blame a lot of people for being fooled. "Just don't let it happen again," I finally said.

She grinned. "Don't worry, I won't _ever _let another one of my in-laws come between us."

I didn't point out that she didn't actually _have _any other in-law _to _let come between us.

Lissa quickly jumped into a different topic. "Well, Janine is going stir-crazy. She needs to see you. The guardians needed her to stay for a while to help tie up any loose ends, but she's itching to get to you."

I grinned. "Of course. Let's go find her, then."

We left the hospital, talking about what we could have for dinner, when I stopped short. Lissa immediately became frantic, demanding to know what was wrong. I shushed her, and then said, "Liss, I need to talk to this girl for a minute. I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

She glanced over at Angelina and then shook her head adamantly. "I'll wait. I'm not leaving you alone."

I rolled my eyes. "It's Court. I'll be fine."

"I'm not worried about you being fine. I'm more worried about you suddenly keeling over from all of those injuries."

"You healed me," I objected.

"Not completely. Who knows what long-term damage has been done to your body?"

I finally gave in. "Okay, but I do need to talk to her alone. Consider it confidential head guardian business."

Lissa rolled her eyes this time. "I'm not going to eavesdrop," she muttered.

Angelina's back was to us. She was just standing still, looking at—or at least I supposed she was looking at—a small patch of garden work ahead of her.

"Hey," I said quietly, sidling up next to her.

She jumped, startled, but then relaxed when she saw it was only me. She looked back ahead. "They didn't know what to do with me. They didn't lock me up, which I guess is a plus." She jerked her head to the right, behind me. "He's not supposed to let me out of his sight, though."

I turned and saw a young guardian, Erik Burda, concealed in the shadows. He nodded briefly in greeting to me. I nodded back. Turning back to Angelina, I said, "You aren't going to jail."

She didn't look at me. "You're going to execute me right away? Hey, at least there's no time to just sit and wait. That's the true torture."

I flinched. She finally realized what she said, and that seemed to get a reaction. She turned to face me, bowing her head in shame. "Sorry, that was low."

I kept my head level. I didn't want to raise my chin and assume superiority over her, but I didn't want to lower my head and sympathize. "You're not going to be executed," I said.

Her eyes flashed up to mine, frowning. "Then what are you going to do with me? Turn me into a slave?"

I shook my head. "You're going to be reinstated as a guardian."

Angelina grew pale. "Tatiana would keel over before allowing that to happen."

I shrugged. "Maybe. But let me talk to her. I'll see what I can do."

Angelina sighed, looking back at the ground. Quietly, she murmured, "I am sorry, Rose. For everything."

I swallowed. "You saved me."

Slowly bringing tear-filled eyes back to meet mine, she sniffled, "After trying to kill you."

I forced myself to shrug. "We all make mistakes. Usually they aren't that drastic, but oh well."

She scowled, tear tracks streaking her cheeks. "Why are you being so understanding?" she snapped. "I helped Julian kidnap you and torture you. I made sure that you stayed locked up and trapped off from everyone that you love. Why are you being so forgiving?"

I hesitated, unsure whether or not I wanted to tell her the truth or not. I barely knew her, and, she was right, she had been torturing me. But I felt like I owed it to her.

"Because I understand why you did what you did."

Her eyes widened. She hadn't expected that.

I sighed. "I almost lost the man that I loved to that fate, also. I was able to save him in time, but…seeing you with Julian, it made me think. If I had been in your shoes, and if it had been Dimitri that had been turned, I can't say I would have done things too much differently." I paused, and then added, "Of course, I don't think I would have gone far enough to kidnap a person and hold them hostage."

Angelina winced. "I actually went along with it for a reason. Not to torture you," she quickly added. "I actually did it to keep you safe."

I frowned. "Keep me safe? From what?"

It clicked in my mind as soon as she said it. "Tasha."

I closed my eyes. "Of course. You were trying to trick her into thinking that I had died, but you were actually holding me hostage—alive."

"All the people looking for you made it really hard to pull off…and then things just went to hell when she threatened Julian."

Movement in my peripheral vision demanded my attention. I turned, spotting Christian talking to Lissa. He turned and saw me, and a grin broke out over his face. I hid a grimace—apparently he hadn't heard about Tasha yet.

He rushed forward, probably ready to engulf me in a hug, when his attention diverted to the woman next to me. He slowed to a stop before us, not paying any mind to me.

"Angelina?"

She smiled in pleasant surprise. "Christian!" She exclaimed.

As I looked between them, I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before. They had the exact same ice-blue eyes.

"You guys…know each other?" I asked dumbly as they embraced.

Angelina was looking happier than I had ever seen her. "We're cousins," she explained. "We used to be close when we were younger."

My head whirled. Cousins? That meant…Angelina was related to Tasha? I had watched as Tasha had tried to kill her!

Angelina shot me a covert glance. I received the message: _Don't tell him about Tasha. Not yet._

I turned to Lissa, who was watching the interaction confusedly. I wasn't sure whether she planned to say anything to Christian about his aunt, but I didn't want to take the chance.

"Well, let's give them time to catch up, I guess." I said slowly, gesturing for Lissa. "I need to go find Janine anyway."

Christian's eyes brightened. "Right. That was what I needed to tell you. Your mom is looking for you. She heard that you got back, but you weren't with Belikov when she tracked him down, and she couldn't find you at the hospital, so now she's frantic."

I swallowed a laugh. "Yes, I definitely need to get to her if she's frantic."

I began to leave, Lissa beside me, when Christian tugged me back. "I'm glad you're back," he said sincerely. "I was really worried about you."

I smiled. "Thanks, Sparky."

He turned back to Angelina. "So why are you here, Ang?"

I hurried off, not wanting to take part in that conversation. Lissa followed along, but not without attacking me with questions.

I silenced her, and then said quietly, "The thing with Angelina…it's complicated. I'll explain it all later."

She harrumphed, but I heard the promise through the bond: _You _will _explain this later._

We approached Hans' office. I figured this was my best chance at finding my mom—if she wasn't staked out here, waiting, then Hans would be the quickest to get in touch with her.

He was waiting for me in the doorway. When he saw me, he beamed, and then scooped me up in a huge hug.

"Never thought I'd say this, kid, but I missed you."

I laughed. "I have no problems saying that I missed you too."

I didn't even have time to ask about my mother. She was suddenly there, staring at me with stars in her eyes, regarding me like I was an angel fallen from heaven. She got teary-eyed.

"Oh God," she choked, coming forward to wrap me in a hug. It was so…_un-_Janine-like that I simply stood there, frozen in confusion.

"Mom?" I asked numbly.

"Rose," she whispered, kissing my hair. "Thank God you're okay." She pulled away to examine me, and then pulled me close again. "I was scared to death. I've never been so terrified."

I swallowed. I had to cut her some slack; she had, after all, been through hell. She thought that she had lost her only daughter. I could honestly say, as a mother myself, that that was worse than anything else that Hell could have served up.

I gripped my mother in a tight hug, and then murmured, my voice hitching in my throat, "How are the twins?"

My mom smiled as she pulled away. "They're fine. They're tough, like their mom."

I felt tears prickle at my eyes. Damn it, I didn't want to cry. I hated crying. And it was made worse when it was in front of my mother. Of course, it was really hard to hold it in—especially when Janine Hathaway was teary-eyed in front of me.

"Lexi's better?"

"Completely," my mom said. "The virus passed. She's back to her normal jubilant self, playing right alongside Viktoria like nothing ever happened."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Can I see them?" I asked quietly.

Hans replied, "They're with Adrian. Why don't you go home and rest for a bit, first? Belikov said that you basically passed out in the car."

Despite how badly I wanted to be with the twins, I _was _exhausted. And I knew them well enough to know that the moment they saw me, the first thing they would want to do was play.

I nodded, grinning wearily. "A nap would be nice. I'll call Adrian when I wake up."

Both Lissa and my mom began to follow me back to my house, but I turned around with a frown. "I'm going to sleep," I said. "I don't need a party."

Lissa looked conflicted. "I don't want you to be alone," she said.

My mom nodded in agreement. "She's right. You shouldn't be alone right now."

I groaned. "Just let me go sleep. I'll be fine. And then when I call Adrian to drop off the twins, I'm sure he'll want to stay to make sure I'm okay, too."

With a little more finagling, they grudgingly agreed to let me go by myself. I took it slowly—even though Lissa had taken away the majority of my wounds, I was still recovering and didn't want to push it.

When I reached my home, I went straight to bed. I kicked off my shoes, falling onto a mattress that felt like a cloud, and passed out before my head even hit the pillow.

* * *

Luckily, I didn't dream. As soon as I had fallen asleep, my mind had remained blissfully blank for the next twenty hours. When I woke up, staring at the clock in disbelief, I had begun to scramble to call my mother and Lissa, to assure them that I was indeed okay and that I had just overslept. I was surprised that they hadn't overreacted after an hour and broken into my house to make sure that I was still there.

But they hadn't, and they had laughed good-naturedly at my phone calls, even though I heard the underlying relief in their voices. As I hung up, it occurred to me that it was going to take _everybody_ a while to get over this, not just me.

I had somehow managed to wake up in my normal time zone, the vampire time zone, so I caught the last glance of the sun setting before the moon began its ascent. I went downstairs, stretching slowly. My entire body ached as I released my tense muscles for the first time in however many days I had been gone. I rummaged through the kitchen, only to find that I was food-less. Grumbling, I sent a half-hearted curse Janine's way for not keeping up with the pantry.

Despite how much I would have loved food, I was eager to see the twins. Instead of running errands before calling them, I decided that it could wait. I phoned Adrian.

I heard the relief in his voice as he answered. "Little dhampir?"

I grinned at the nickname. "Hi, Adrian."

"I trust that you're safe and sound at home, rested up?"

"Yes, I'm all of the above. But I want my children back, please."

I could hear his grin over the phone. "They're eager to have you back, as well. I'm on my way."

As I hung up, I sat down in an armchair. I looked around, slightly taken aback by how different my own home looked to me. I began to feel myself slipping towards memories, but I quickly stopped. _Now is _not _the time,_ I told myself. _The twins are coming, and everything's getting better. Wallow in misery later._

I heard noises outside and leaned over to the window, pulling the curtain back. I saw Adrian, holding both of the girls' hands on either side, laughing along with them.

My heart skipped in my chest. They looked beautiful. Both of the girls looked healthy and happy, bright with jubilance and vivacity. I couldn't wait to hug them.

The door opened, and then they were in front of me.

"Mommy!" they squealed, running for me.

With tears in my eyes, I clutched both of them close, running my fingers through their hair, rubbing circles on their backs, and kissing them a million times each.

"I missed you both so much," I whispered into Viktoria's hair.

They pulled away, the hug restraining too much of their never-ending energy, and jumped around. "Come on, Mommy, let's play! We missed you. Everyone else was too busy to play with us. We want to play Strigoi!"

Viktoria gestured to herself excitedly. "I'll be the dhampir! Mommy can be the Strigoi. I'll protect Lexi!"

I laughed at their exuberance. Just as quickly as they had wanted to role-play, they switched to wanting to go spar at the gym. When they started tugging on me, I had to dash their hopes.

"Hold on, guys. I have to take it easy for a while, which means not too much activity from me."

Their faces creased into frowns. "Why, Mommy?" Lexi asked.

I swallowed. I had to be creative in this one. "Well…while I was gone, I was being tested…and Mommy's really sore now."

They screwed their faces up. "Tested?" Viktoria said. "On what?"

I chewed on my bottom lip. "Fighting techniques," I said. "Defense techniques." It was more or less true.

They slowly accepted that I was out of commission for a while, albeit unenthusiastically. They went upstairs to find Barbie dolls to play with, leaving me alone with Adrian.

I stood up and hugged him. He squeezed me gently, whispering, "I was scared for you, little dhampir."

I clutched him tighter, refusing to actually _say _the words. _I was scared for myself, too._

He released me and lowered himself into the armchair adjacent to the one I had risen from. I sat back down in mine.

"So, tell me everything," he said.

I did. I recapped what I had told him in the spirit dream, leading into my plan for if Lissa's contacting the ghosts didn't pull through, and then told him about Holt's connection, Tasha's bartering system, and then the fights, ending with a description about how Angelina staked Julian.

Adrian was rubbing his forehead wearily by the time I was done.

"Holy shit," he finally said.

I smiled. "Welcome to my world."

He was quiet for a few minutes, digesting my words, trying to make sense of them, when I blurted, "How was Tasha able to cover this up so well? It was diabolical." Frowning, I asked, "Didn't you see anything in her aura?"

Adrian shrugged. "Her aura looked fine throughout the entire search. Whenever I made it a point to look—which, sadly, wasn't often; I was more concerned with Lissa's mental stability than Tasha Ozera's—it was normal, except with some worry added in." After a brief thought, he added, "Of course, the worry was probably that we _would _find you, not that you wouldn't come home."

I forced myself to stay calm. Just thinking about her made me want to rip my hair out, stomp around, and scream obscenities. But it boiled over. I found myself snapping at Adrian, "I can't believe her! I can't believe she hated me that much! I mean, yes, I hated her, but I had a valid reason to! She was just angry that some guy didn't love her back! Angry enough to _kill _a person, _and _to hand over one of his children!"

Adrian grimaced. "Yes, that's quite unthinkable." There was a pause, and then he quietly added, "But you actually both hated each other for the same reason."

I glared at him. "What?" I hissed.

He sighed. "You both hated one another for…_having _Dimitri. She had him in the physical sense, but you had him in the mental and emotional sense."

I began to scream at him, dare him to draw that connection again, when I stopped suddenly.

Oh shit. I was just as crazy as Tasha Ozera.

Adrian's face was suddenly sour, and he was grumbling something like, "Jeez, what makes him so amazing? All he does is grin and he has all the ladies swooning."

I bit back a smile.

Adrian cut his eyes to me. "Are you going to tell him?"

I swallowed. I knew what he meant. Was I? I had spent a good portion of my time being held hostage considering that one point. The other half had been my efforts to escape.

On one hand, he deserved to know. He was their father; shouldn't a father get to see his children grow up? Doesn't he deserve to hear the girls' melodic voices singing his name, feel their miniature strength as they ran to hug him? He should at the very least be given the choice between his family and his job. I had had that choice, so why should the other half of the reason that the girls were even _here _have that same opportunity?

On the other hand, he was _Tasha's _guardian. The same bitch that tried to _barter _his child. If, for some appalling reason, she walked free of the charges against her, I would be damned if I let her anywhere near them. And what was to say that Dimitri would take my side? At the moment, to other people, the allegations against her were simply that. There hadn't been a trial, there wasn't any proof being shoved into their faces yet. I _refused _to give him the chance to take them any closer to her.

_Rose, _I admonished myself. _You can't think that lowly of Dimitri._

I chewed on my bottom lip. "I don't know, Adrian."

He cocked his head, watching me with soft eyes. He didn't say anything right away, but I knew he was would. With the way he was studying me, I was led to believe that he was examining my aura. "What were you thinking about, first?" he finally asked.

I paused. "I was weighing the decision in my mind," I said.

"Yes, but were you pro or con?"

"Pro," I said slowly.

His eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. It was a weary smile, almost a sad one, even. "Promise me that I'll still get to see them?"

I frowned, taken aback by his words. My heart wrenched in my chest at the pleading in his voice. I reached forward for him. "Of course you will! I'll never take them away from you! Adrian, they love you! No matter what happens, you'll always be a part of their lives."

The sadness still haunted his face, but beyond that, I saw resolve and contentment. "Tell him. You were glowing when you were thinking about the four of you as a family."

I choked on tears. I refused to let them show, but his words had meant so much. Wordlessly, I forced a grin and nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

He blinked a few times, as though shooing away the bad feelings, and then smiled, subject completely changed. "So, have you spoken to my aunt yet?"

My mood plummeted. "No."

Adrian gave me a look. "Now, now, little dhampir, you have to face her sometime."

I groaned. "She's going to fire me. I just know it."

He shrugged. "I don't know what's on her mind. But it's your job—or at least, you've been using that excuse, so I've heard—to go see her soon." I grumbled some excuse about it not being a good time. Adrian cocked an eyebrow at me. "It's a bright and early, sunshine-y morning, little dhampir. You woke up just in time for a brand new day."

I glared at him. "I have to watch the girls."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

"I'm sore."

"You're going to be sore for a while."

My glare intensified. "Why is this so important to you?" I snapped.

He stayed calm. "Because."

"That's not a reason," I grumbled, but I stood up anyway. I knew he wasn't going to drop it, and I wasn't going to sit here and listen to him badger me about it over and over again. I shot him a disdainful look as I passed by to go upstairs and make myself presentable.

I slipped into a pair of black slacks and a looser button-down shirt. It was semi-formal but comfortable. I stuck with black flats, not daring to go near any heels. I couldn't handle any more injuries at the moment.

After giving my hair a quick brush and realizing that I was beyond dirty—I hadn't had the chance to enjoy a nice, hot shower since my return—I stripped down again and jumped in the shower. I took my time, not in any hurry to go face Tatiana. I couldn't help but fret over the possibilities.

Was she going to fire me? Exile me? _Execute _me?

The last may have been slightly extreme.

I paused, considering. Maybe things weren't as bad as I thought they were between us. She had, after all, allowed a rescue team to track me down. On anyone else, I was ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent certain that she would have disbanded any team that attempted to sneak out.

But then I admonished myself for looking for a bright side.

_For God's sake, Rose, _I said. _You called her a sanctimonious bitch in front of a crowd of important Moroi. Hell—you called her a sanctimonious bitch in front of _everyone_!_

There had to be at least _some _hard feelings there.

Slowly, the water ran cold. I didn't like the feeling of ice pelting my battered body, so I shut the water off and toweled dry. I redressed and gave my hair a brief fluff with the blow dryer. Normally I would have fretted more about looking nice (my hair especially), but today I just wasn't feeling up to it.

I gave Adrian a renewed glare as I passed him downstairs, slamming the door behind me to emphasize my irritation. In case he hadn't already picked up on it.

I walked slowly, but I still arrived all too quickly at Tatiana's doorstep. After initial hesitation, I knocked, only to be advised by her wary guardians that she was at the Council Hall. I was assured that there wasn't a meeting, and that she was alone. (Aside from her personal guardians, which her door guards were very eager to stress.)

Suppressing a groan, I started over for the hall. Once again, I still arrived all too quickly, but this time there was no point in stalling. She would know soon enough that I was looking for her. To turn around now would be almost like admitting defeat—or worse, admitting weakness—in front of her.

I began to let myself into the hall just as she began to exit. She looked startled for only a moment, but then relaxed.

And then she engulfed me in a hug.

I squeaked in surprise, frozen awkwardly in shock.

"Rosemarie," she crooned, "I'm so glad that you've returned home safely. I was worried sick about you."

Tatiana released me and I staggered backward. "Um, yes, thank you." I stuttered in confusion. I glanced at the guardians, hanging back several feet. I doubted they could hear the hushed conversation, but they were close enough to react should I decide to go crazy again. Instead, I whispered with a frown, "Are you okay?"

Tatiana laughed gleefully. "So much better now that you're here." She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and began to descend the stairs that I had just climbed. "You know, I really want you to help input on what the punishment should be for the criminals who…_troubled _you."

I stopped short, turning to face her. She stopped too, good-naturedly, never seeming fake or uncomfortable. What the hell had I missed on this end?

"What's going on here?" I demanded warily, looking around me in concern. Was this a trick? Was she trying to lure me into a trap where she could kill me herself?

Tatiana finally pursed her lips into a smirk that looked somewhat like her normal self. "Rosemarie."

I raised my eyebrows, waiting patiently for an explanation.

Finally, with a sigh, she said, "How much do you already know?" I gave her a blank look, and she rolled her eyes. "Jeez. This is inconvenient." After a grunt of irritation on my end and a little foot-shuffle on hers, Tatiana answered me, "I didn't even learn of your predicament until nearly twenty-four hours had passed. Of course, because of our earlier…_squabble_…I wasn't considered the first ally to approach."

_Huh, _I thought, _I didn't know you were an ally even on our good days._

She continued, "I didn't even hear about it directly. I was out on an evening stroll and I heard murmurs about how I had orchestrated your kidnapping to punish you for your…rudeness."

I choked back a snort. I hadn't even broached that idea. Was it possible? Was I overlooking Tatiana's involvement?

"As soon as I heard about your horrible…_case—_" She seemed to be having trouble finding the appropriate words that she wanted to use—"I immediately addressed my favorite nephew, and he…filled me in, so to speak."

I made a mental note to check facts with Adrian later.

"I immediately assembled teams and agreed to work in conjunction with whatever Guardian Croft and Guardian Hathaway deemed the best plan."

Yes, I would definitely have to check with Adrian. I felt like Tatiana was spoon-feeding me bullshit, but technically, I had no reason to believe she was lying to me. I was back at Court, after all, and she had to have had at least some say in the rescue team.

Trying to keep from drowning in treacherous waters, I cautiously said, "Well, thank you for your involvement."

She seemed pleased. She tried to turn to keep walking, but I didn't move. There was another subject I wanted to mention, but I didn't know the best way to bring it up without also digging up tension and hard feelings.

"Your Majesty," I said carefully. Tatiana's friendly façade faltered at the title, and she seemed to bristle slightly in suspicion. "I know that you've already put the age decree into session, but I feel that I've found…" I paused, gathering myself, trying to keep my approach professional and unbiased. I couldn't act like we were on "friendly" terms while broaching this. "Not necessarily an _alternative_, but possibly an installment that could work in our favor without going to such drastic measures."

Her eyes were narrowed warily. She was tense, obviously recalling what had happened the last time we had been in the same room while discussing the decree, but trying her best to hear me out. "And that would be?" Her voice had lost all friendliness, and had taken on a cool and detached note of royalty.

I kept my face smooth as I said, "We need to be more lenient to dhampirs."

As I had predicted, her face hardened instantly and she began to brush me off. I quickly leapt into an explanation, refusing to let this go. My anger had spiked, but I had to swallow it down and try to keep cool.

"For as long as I can remember, dhampirs have had one priority: Protect the Moroi. Here's the problem with that—not all dhampirs _want _to protect the Moroi. They don't want to be forced into a future that is dangerous and strict. It especially doesn't help our case when we add in that protecting Moroi cuts out all chances of having any fun, of finding love, of having a family in the future. If I hadn't had Lissa to keep in mind, I would have balked at the idea of becoming a guardian—"

Tatiana glared at me. "Oh please, you would have continued on to become a guardian simply so you had the right to wield a violent weapon."

I reigned in my threatening temper and charged on as if she hadn't interrupted, "So think of these young dhampirs, with their whole lives ahead of them, being told that they have no choice but to put their lives on the line. We're going to kill them, not motivate them!"

"Where does leniency come into the picture, Rosemarie?" she hissed. She was not happy with me.

I took a deep breath. "You have to let them choose their destiny." Watching her face wilt into a dark glare—she obviously thought I was pulling a stunt, or being undermining and rude—I quickly went on, "You have to give dhampirs the chance to fall in love, to explore that sensation—" I paused, knowing that this could only make things worse—"And you have to take the ban off dhampir-dhampir relationships. The fact that those relationships are frowned upon has chased away so many guardians."

Tatiana's face grew hard and cold. Officially blank. She was done with the anger, with the disbelief, with any reactions at all. She simply stared at me with cold and calculating eyes. I could basically hear her cursing me silently. She was probably also figuring out a way to revoke my position in the soonest way possible.

I couldn't help the pleading in my voice. "Dhampirs deserve the chance to be happy. If you can at least…humor them, I don't know, at least _try _to make it easier on them to embrace this lifestyle, instead of forcing it on them…things could be better."

I expected her to brush me off. I didn't even expect an answer. But she had been listening, apparently, and countered vehemently, "What if this backfires, Rosemarie? What if the leniency only leads to an even more drastic decrease in guardian numbers? What's to say that these 'dhampir relationships' don't run off together to be alone, regardless of the law?"

I faltered. I had no comeback for that, other than the fact that it was _their _choice.

Tatiana looked cold again. "Your alternative has flaws, Rosemarie. Too many to make it count."

I closed my eyes tightly, knowing that this was bound to cause uproar. Luckily, I was only broaching the idea in front of Tatiana, and she seemed to be wound tightly enough that she could keep it together. "Moroi need to practice offensive magic."

Tatiana paused, not reacting at all the way I suspected. "And how do you plan to address the Moroi population with that idea? Natasha Ozera attempted, and you see how she turned out."

I didn't mention that her psychotic break had had to do with Dimitri, and not her rejection from the Moroi population.

"I don't know," I said slowly. "But my vision, as idealistic as it may be, is that if you loosen the grip that you have of the dhampirs and explore the possibility of Moroi learning to at least _attempt _to protect themselves, things may not be as distressing as they are now."

Tatiana let out a frosty bark of laughter. "Idealistic is a good way to describe it, Rosemarie. Idealistic and stupid."

I felt myself shutting down. I forgot my anger, my distress, my sadness over her rejection. I was simply exhausted, and done fighting. I couldn't outwit her. There was no winning this for me.

I heard the aloofness in my voice. "We deserve the chance," I said.

Her eyes were still cold, her posture still superior, and she hadn't made any move to try to console me in the least. She was still shooting me down like bird, degrading me, and making me feel as horrible as I had the first time I had come up blank for an alternative. Yet her voice was quiet, her eyes focused on something over my shoulder, when she replied, "Maybe."

I turned to look behind me and saw Dimitri standing several feet away in the shadows. He paused, watching me. I slowly cast my eyes downward and then turned back to Tatiana. I didn't have time to deal with him at the moment.

Tatiana was watching me with a strange glint in her eyes. After a moment of silence, she said, "You should go home and rest some more. You need to recover." Her voice hadn't warmed in the least, and she added—almost unwillingly, I noted—"You have a meeting tomorrow morning." Watching my brow furrow in confusion, she said irately, "Don't expect your duties to ease because of your recent turmoil. You are still expected to perform as is necessary."

And then she spun and walked away, her personal guardians close on her heels. One of them flashed his eyes to me as he passed, and I could've sworn I'd seen a small smile on his lips, but he was gone before I had time to process any of it.

Well, I guess I still had my job. She wasn't taking it away any time soon. As for the decree alternative, she had all but spit on the idea…but I supposed I still had time. She had been open to hearing it—that was a start. Maybe I still had a chance.

I turned around, bracing myself to encounter Dimitri, but I was alone in the courtyard. He wasn't waiting for me.

I felt myself wondering if that was true in more senses than one.


	33. Stitch by Stitch

**Okay, so did anyone watch The Voice? It's an American singing show. Anyways, one of the contestants- Javier Colon- sang a song called "Stitch by Stitch." It's so beautiful, and it's exactly what I focused on when I wrote this chapter. It's perfect for Rose and Dimitri. Check it out!**

**Thanks for the reviews, guys! I know that the story is slowing down-the action is kind of nonexistent right now. Hopefully this chapter will capture your interest though: it focuses on our two favorite lovebirds. :)**

**Oh, by the way - the next update may take a while. I'm going out of town, and there will be no Wi-Fi. I'll see if I can scope out a mall or a coffee shop with free Wi-Fi, but just in case I can't... eh, Sorry guys!**

**Please keep up the fantastic reviews! I expect lots of them for this chappie. :)**

Chapter 33

I went home after speaking with Tatiana, unsure of what else to do and still too tired anyway to do it. I filled Adrian in on the conversation. He disliked the fact that I had brought up the age decree so suddenly, but he agreed that the fact that Tatiana hadn't immediately told me to get lost was a good sign. Shortly thereafter, he had to leave, but not before Lissa showed up with grocery bags in hand. He gave me a brief peck and told me that he would be back later.

I found Lissa in the kitchen, unloading the groceries. She had restocked my entire kitchen. As I walked in, she shoved a fat, tubular item at me. I looked at it in confusion. _A candle?_

"It's an aromatherapy candle," she said without taking her eyes off of what she was doing. "It will help you relax."

I shrugged, putting it down. I intercepted a bag of potato chips, ripped them open, and popped some in my mouth. "I'm starving. How did you know that I needed groceries?"

Calmly, she replied, "Adrian called to let me know. I got the basics—anything else and you'll need to have Janine get it." Then she paused, considering, and amended: "Or just call me. I'll get it for you."

I narrowed my eyes; a chip stopped a few inches from my mouth. "Why can't _I _get it?"

Lissa finally stopped, turning to face me, and gave me a look. "Honestly, Rose?"

I reached into the bond, sorting through the thoughts in her head until I found the one I was looking for. It wasn't that hard, really—apparently I was the most important thing in her head.

"Really, Liss?" I groaned. "I'm healed. I'm back home and safe. I've already resumed my guardian duties—there's no reason that I need to be taken care of."

She gritted her teeth, grinding her jaw, and shuffled her weight from foot to foot. There was silence for a moment as she tried to weigh my reasoning against her own. Finally her eyes lit up and she relaxed again. Slowly going back to unpacking groceries, she said, "It's just easier this way."

"Easier how?" I grumbled suspiciously.

"No matter," she said evasively.

I was going to dig deeper when the girls came barreling in, Lexi running to Lissa and Viktoria running to me. We both scooped them up and laughed as we began to hear two battling accounts of what good fun they just had.

In the middle of her version of the story, Viktoria stopped suddenly, asking, "Is that food?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Didn't Uncle Adrian feed you?"

The girls shook their heads in unison. "We haven't eaten since we left Auntie Lissa's and Uncle Chrissie's."

I started, disbelief evident in my voice—they had come from Adrian's! He hadn't fed them in almost two days?—when Lissa quickly interjected, "He was with them at my house. I had food, and neither one of you did."

I let out a breath of relief and instead said, "You girls dig in. What do you want for lunch?"

They let out a chorus of abstract ideas, but then settled on grilled cheese. I put Viktoria down, fished out the bread, cheese, and butter, and heated up a large skillet. I prepared their sandwiches while they played with Lissa.

After I settled them down with their lunch, they seemed engrossed enough in their own worlds that Lissa leaned over to me and whispered, "Christian told me about Angelina."

I swallowed. I wondered whether that counted as a good thing or a bad thing—at least now Christian had another family member he could count on, but look at what she had cost him, too. If it hadn't been for Angelina, Tasha's crime would have gone unnoticed.

"How is he taking things?" I asked quietly.

"He's been better," Lissa said sadly. "He's having a lot of trouble accepting the fact that Tasha…well, resorted to…those measures."

I tried to stay levelheaded, but I took offense. I fought to keep the acidity out of my voice, but I was certain at least some seeped through. "I'm the proof," I snapped. "Angelina and I didn't make this up as some sick joke."

Lissa flinched. "He knows that, Rose. It's just…hard. He looked up to her."

I closed my eyes. "Yeah," I sighed. "I know."

Viktoria's voice rang out, "Mommy?" I opened my eyes and looked to her. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am," I said with a small smile. "Why? Am I not acting okay?"

"You just seem upset," Lexi chimed in. "Plus, you have lots of bruises."

"I usually have bruises," I objected.

"But you were gone—" Viktoria began, and Lexi finished, "—and everyone was frantic."

I closed my eyes again. "I'm fine, guys. I promise."

"Then can you take us to the gym?" Viktoria asked.

I paused, considering Dr. Markovic's words, but discounted them soon after. Lissa had healed me. Now I was just sore—but I wouldn't be sparring myself, I would probably just run with the girls or show them how to throw a punch.

"Sure, why not?" I said, beginning to stand, when Lissa shrieked, "No!"

I stopped, stunned, and the girls jumped at her outburst.

"Rose," she admonished me with wide eyes, "Don't you even think about it. You're not supposed to—"

"I'm just going to go with the girls and show them how to throw a punch—"

"No." Lissa's voice rang with finality. I sighed, cocking my head at her, beginning to put up a weary fight, when she said, "I'll take them. Or I'll call someone. I'll call Janine."

I searched through the bond. She was uncomfortable—edging on hysterical—about my returning to the gym. If I went anyway, it would break her. With an internal sigh, I realized how hard this had been on her, too. Now that I was back, she was going to do her damndest to make everything up to me.

With an external sigh, I said, "Okay, you call her."

The girls looked puzzled, but didn't argue. I helped them get changed and then took them downstairs where Lissa was waiting.

"You called Janine?" I asked. She nodded.

"We'll see you later, Mommy," the girls said, though their voices lacked excitement. I felt bad, bailing on them without an explanation.

I gave them both hugs and kisses, and then went to sit in the living room. Lissa had set up the aromatherapy candle next to the armchair that I was lounging in but hadn't lit it. With nothing but silence surrounding me, I felt myself being tugged back into memories.

I saw Angelina staking Rick, and then Josh's face as he took the news. I pictured Tasha on the other end of the telephone conversation with Julian, and then remembered her face as she walked in. I still heard her words echoing in my mind—_"Now it's mine."_

She was going to take my children. She was going to have Dimitri. She was going to make my friends forget about me. She was going to poison my memory. _She was going to take my children._

I leapt up with a roar, tears of frustration blinding me. I lashed out at something—anything—when I suddenly felt myself being restrained. I blinked away the tears and saw Christian, holding my wrists steady while staying a safe distance from me.

"This is why they want you to have a babysitter twenty-four/seven," he muttered. "Are you done?" I nodded, and he let me go. He gestured to the armchair I had just jumped from. I slowly sat down in it, and he sat in the one across from me.

"You're oddly mild," he said. "It's weird. Usually you're insane."

I couldn't laugh. It felt wrong, knowing all of the pain that Christian was going through right now.

He seemed to realize that, and instead, softly asked me, "Will you tell me what happened?"

I kept my voice level. "I don't think you want to hear it."

He grimaced. "I think I need to."

Swallowing, I braced myself for the memories. How many times would I have to recount my tragedy? I was seriously about to just publish a script so that people could pass that around, instead of asking me hundreds of times.

Christian was quicker at putting the pieces together than I had been. Tears were in his eyes as I recounted the telephone call, but by the time I had finished describing the fight, there was rage in his face.

"I can't believe it," he said through gritted teeth. "She cracked…over a _guy_?"

I let out a gurgled laugh. "I guess so."

I thought back to Adrian's words. _You both hated one another for…having Dimitri. She had him in the physical sense, but you had him in the mental and emotional sense._

At least I could pride myself on not going crazy first, and trying to kill Tasha.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but then I broke it. My mind kept jumping back to snippets of my captivity…and I needed to avoid those at all costs. "So how close are you and Angelina?"

A small smile stretched across his face. "We're close. We drifted apart as we got older, but…the feelings are still there. She's like a sister to me."

I smiled at him. "I'm glad that you found her."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Actually, _you _found her. So, thank you."

I looked down at my candle, unlit. I wasn't even really focusing on it, but suddenly a flame burst my way. I jumped, emitting a small screech, but calmed once I saw that it was the wick Christian had blasted, not me.

He looked abashed. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking."

I shook my head and forced a smile. "It's going to take us all a while to get over this. This…this was harder than Spokane, I think." Christian frowned, urging me on. "Spokane was scary, and…and we lost Mason there. But Isaiah and Elena were strangers. It was easy to expect that type of hostility from strangers. But Tasha and Holt? They were so close to my life, my family…that betrayal is the worst possible."

Christian's phone went off. I caught a glimpse of the anguish on his face before he looked away. I felt a brief pang of guilt at agitating the wound that already stung for him, but pushed it away when he looked back at me. He had composed himself, so I had to do the same.

He shot an apologetic look my way before answering it. "Hey. Yeah, I'm here. Oh, really?" He chuckled, glancing at me. _Way to be obvious,_ I thought. "Yeah, okay. I'm on my way. Love you too." Turning back to face me, he said, "That was Lissa. She's on her way back and wants me to meet her." He stood to leave. After a brief pause, he said, "I'm glad you're okay, Rose."

He was almost to the door when I shouted, "Hey Sparky? Who's up next on the babysitter rota?"

There was a glint in his eyes as he left.

* * *

I watched the flame flicker, for some reason engrossed in its erratic pattern, when I heard the door open. I expected the twins—and my mother, since she had been with them and Lissa had obviously parted ways—but didn't hear them.

A tall figure filled the entranceway to the living room where I sat.

Dimitri.

* * *

I let out a small laugh. "You're next on babysitting duty?"

He was watching me with a guarded expression.

I cocked my head at him. "Are you just going to stand there the entire time?"

He gave me an exasperated look that threw me back to those times together at the Academy. Dimitri moved to the chair that Christian had evacuated and sat down, crossing his long legs and lounging back. "Happy?" he asked me.

I grinned. "Maybe. Hey, I need to call Lissa and Janine really quickly—" I moved to get out of my seat, and he leaned forward as if ready to jump up and intercept me.

"Wait," he said. "The twins are with Lissa. She took them back to her place."

I frowned, not fitting the puzzle pieces together. "How do you know that?"

Guilt reflected across his face, and then it struck me. "Ah. Lissa didn't ask Janine to take the girls to the gym. She called you, instead."

He watched me carefully. "Janine is actually out of town. There was no one else _to _call. And if she hadn't found someone else, you would have gone with the twins." Seeing my confusion, he elaborated, "Your mother had to fly out with the Szelsky's to make sure they arrived safely, but she's already discussed arrangements with Guardian Croft and the Queen, as well, and she should be back by tomorrow."

I groaned exasperatedly. "Why does no one tell me anything anymore? My mom should have gone through _me_ to make those arrangements. It's my _job_."

Dimitri's eyes met mine with ease. "So you spoke with Tatiana? You still have your job?"

I nodded. "Amazing, isn't it?"

He grinned. I felt my breath whoosh out of my body. I had missed that.

Anxiety crept up my spine, nearly choking me. I had to force the words out, and even then, the nerves made my stomach twirl. "Dimitri, I think we should talk."

He looked shocked. I didn't blame him; from the moment he had come back, I had done everything in my power to _avoid _this. Now I was _instigating_ it? If I were in his shoes, I would be just as perplexed as he was.

"I just have one question," I asked. "Why now?"

Dimitri frowned in confusion. I continued, "It's been almost five years. I haven't seen or heard from you during that entire time. You suddenly showed up now, and only because your charge came for a wedding. What would have happened if Lissa and Christian weren't getting married for another two years? Would you have waited for _six _years to come back and claim that you still love me?"

I hadn't realized how angry I was about that until it all poured out of me. It had been secretly nagging at me all along; it was the reason I had kept coming up with excuses as to why he and I no longer belonged together.

My anger was still raging, so while I was on a roll, I added, "And why the hell didn't you answer your phone any of those years?"

Dimitri was silent for a while, and then he slowly murmured, "I left when you were…_sick_…because of what you said to me. I don't know if you remember it or not, but you told me that it was my fault that your friends were dead."

I tried to hide a wince. I did remember that.

"The darkness doesn't make you think things that you don't. It only lowers your inhibitions, brings out the anger and depression that you already harbor within. When you said that…how could I stay in your life, knowing that I caused you so much pain?"

I frowned at him. "So you chose to run away, instead?"

"I didn't run!" he snapped, his eyes flashing. Instantly, they softened with guilt. His voice lowered, and he wouldn't look at me. "Well, maybe I did."

I took a deep breath in. "I was in a dark place, then, Dimitri. I was sad and confused and stressed. The darkness was worse around the ghosts…and they had somehow found a way around the wards and were…well, _haunting_ me."

He slowly brought his anguished gaze to mine. "I only wanted to stop hurting you."

"I loved you," I said. "You leaving me hurt more than anything." Dimitri's face was shattered in grief. I didn't want to keep hurting him, but I had to clear this air. If I was going to let him into the twins' life, into _my _life, I had to make sure that there were no secrets. "But that doesn't explain the phone calls. Every year, Dimitri, on the _same day_. You didn't think that maybe I was extending an olive branch? Trying to find you?"

His face, while still shadowed in angst, now creased in confusion. "Rose, I never got any phone calls."

I scowled, frustrated. "No, no, don't try to play that game with me. I called you _every year _on the exact same day—you don't expect me to believe that you never saw _any _missed calls?"

He shook his head, bewildered. "No, I never did—" He stopped, and then sighed. "What number do you have, Rose?"

I shrugged. "The number of the phone you had while you were still at the Academy."

"I gave that phone to Tasha. Hers was lost or destroyed or something during a Strigoi attack. I gave her my old phone and requested a new one from Alberta."

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head slowly. "Unbelievable. That bitch really did hate me."

Dimitri immediately frowned, coming to her defense. "You don't really think—she wouldn't do that—"

I looked at him with such disgust and ferocity that he stopped. "You _saw _me at Julian's. You saw my wounds and you saw Tasha and Holt. Don't you _dare _say that she would do that."

Dimitri averted his gaze again. "Of course. I'm sorry."

I looked back to the candle. The wick had elongated now that the wax around it had melted. The flame flickered contentedly. I smelled the fragrance. It really was therapeutic, like Lissa had insisted. For some reason, it made me feel better about the rapidly approaching "right time" for the big news.

"Roza?"

My Russian nickname, murmured in a silky voice, snapped me back to reality. I brought my eyes to Dimitri's.

"I did see what she did to you. And I saw what Joshua Holt did to you. And I will make sure that they pay for it." His eyes flashed. "When I heard that you were gone, it was like Spokane all over again—except worse, because this time, you had led me to believe that _I _had chased you away."

I flinched, remembering that conversation, too.

"I almost left with Tasha when she asked me to go back to Minneapolis with her."

I flinched again, seeing just how easy it was for him to walk away again. Was I really ready to do this?

"But I said no. Because I figured this out, probably too late—I couldn't abandon you again. It was another crisis, another time in your life that you needed someone to fight for—or, I suppose, _with_—you, and I wasn't going to make the same mistake over again." His eyes burned with intensity. He shifted forward in his seat, like he wanted to get closer to me. "I won't leave you again, Rose, and I will fight for you until you see that I lo—"

Somewhere in his speech, I had been moved to tears. They filled my eyes, distorting my view of him, but no matter how much I tried to blink them away, they wouldn't leave. Finally, they rolled down my cheeks, clearing up my vision again. I stopped him vehemently. "No," I said sharply, my voice cracking. "Don't say it."

Dimitri looked hurt at first, but then opened his mouth to defy me.

I shrieked again, "Don't! Please." That made him pause, and I slowly forced myself to say, "Because you're going to change your mind after I tell you what I have to tell you…and I'm not strong enough to hear you take it back."

My heart was thudding in my chest. It was getting harder to breathe. Was it going to be this hard over the phone? I guess it was a good thing I never had the chance to find out; I probably would have chickened out. At least now, I didn't have a choice. He needed to know, and he was about to find out. _Just breathe, Rose._

"Roza?" he murmured, reaching for me. I quickly recoiled, refusing to build any bridge between us until he knew about the girls. I had told him the truth: I _couldn't _handle watching the love fade from his eyes. It was better as long as I deluded myself into believing he still hated me as much as he had when he left four years ago.

I wanted to regain some composure before blurting it out, so I tried to preface the blow. "When I was…gone," I said lamely, for lack of a better word, "I started thinking about the twins, and what was going to happen to them if I died. Lissa and Adrian are their godparents, and the girls would have been left in their care. Plus Janine, of course, and all of their friends around Court." I smiled as I thought of them. "Everyone loves them." With a deep breath, I continued, "But when Lissa almost told you and Tasha who their father was, I panicked. I didn't want her to tell you. That's why I made Adrian stop her before she had the chance." Trying to steady my shaky voice, I went on, "But it made me start thinking about their father, and how he needed to be in the picture. I didn't want to keep robbing him of the time that he should have had with his children." The tears had resurfaced, bubbling up uncontrollably. My speech became slurred and almost incoherent. Dimitri tried to intervene.

"Roza, what—"

Oh, screw the prelude. "The twins," I choked. "Viktoria Maddie and Alexandra Janette…they…they're your daughters."

I was met with silence. I turned away, partly trying to stop myself from watching his reaction, and partly trying to disguise my sobs. The tears were running freely now, streaming one after the other. Damn, I _hated _crying.

Then: "I know."

I whipped around to look at him, my breath stopping short. "What?" I breathed. "But…I saw Adrian stop Lissa from telling you—?"

He was looking at me with a sad gleam in his eyes and a small, sad smile on his lips. "The Princess didn't tell me."

"Then…how?" I asked stupidly.

He gave me a look. "I'm not an idiot, Rose. I can do the math. Not to mention the way you acted when I brought them up at all…the way _everyone _acted…" He paused, added, "Plus, you're shadow-kissed, which makes you all the more special." A smile, thrown my way. "When I put the pieces together, I was…well, furious. I went straight to Alberta. I knew there was no way that she was in the dark about them." He raked his fingers through his hair, which had escaped its normal ponytail. "She didn't come right out and say it, but her evasiveness was kind of a dead-giveaway."

I blinked. "So why aren't you angry at me?"

"I was, at first. I could barely even stand to think about you. I was hurt and offended—I missed out on the first four years of my children's lives. Of course I was angry. But Alberta defended you. She told me that she was there when you and Lissa both tried to call me as soon as you found out—and those calls…I was responsible for ignoring those calls. And then she told me about the phone calls every year. I didn't put the pieces together until just now, but even then, I knew that it was you trying to…like you said, extend the olive branch. You _tried_. Tasha intercepted. How could I be angry at you for that?"

I shook my head slowly. "I just can't believe you aren't."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Do you want me to be?"

I gave him an exasperated look. "_No_. But…why are you being so _calm _about it?"

He sighed. "Like I said, I've had a while to cool off. Plus, it's not your fault." He paused, thinking, and then amended, "At least, not _all _your fault."

I grimaced. I should be happy. He wasn't flying off the handle, throwing things, calling me names, threatening to raise up a lawsuit against me. Yet I wasn't happy. Not yet. I hadn't stopped him in time earlier; it was nagging at me now. Chewing on my bottom lip, nerves almost cutting off the words in my throat, I asked, "So does that mean you still love me?"

Dimitri's eyes were smoldering with passion. "Roza," he said in amusement. He stood up, pulling me up gently to my feet, and then put his hands on my cheeks. Leaning down until his face was mere inches from mine, he whispered, "I always have, and I always will."

I stood on my tiptoes, closing the gap between us, and our lips pressed together.

I felt like I was falling into heaven. After four years of Dimitri-celibacy, to simply feel his lips upon mine was equivalent to a giant slice of double-chocolate cake. And to hear him say that he loved me? The _entire _double-chocolate cake.

When we paused for breath, I murmured, "Oh, and I love you too, just so you know."

He grinned at me, and then scooped me into his arms. Laughing, we made our way up to the bedroom…and, well, you can guess what happened next.

The twins came home.


	34. Trials

**Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know you guys hate me right now. It's been too long. In my defense, I WAS out of town, with no Wi-Fi whatsoever. And in my second defense...I kind of just recently realized that I have AP summer homework...and it's a ton. That has been dominating my summer for the past several days. :(**

**There are two chapters left before Black Rose is officially complete!**

**You know the drill - PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me so happy! :)**

* * *

CHAPTER 34

Dimitri and I were too engrossed in our…_catching up_…to really notice the sound of the front door opening and the patter—wait, who the heck am I kidding? The girls thundered up the stairs—and didn't even realize that they had come home until they were shouting at the doorway.

Their normal gleeful gibberish ran dry as they stood staring at us, and then said, in unison, "Mommy?"

Dimitri and I scampered apart, my cheeks blazing. A few seconds later, Lissa appeared, trying to get the girls' attention, when she noticed us and shielded her eyes, spinning around in embarrassment.

"Oh, God, sorry, oh gosh, I am _so _sorry—"

"Lissa," I choked out, "It's okay. We're dressed. Nothing was happening." Actually, something _had _been about to happen…but oh well. There was no going back to that right now. Better to shove that yearning aside and embrace it fully later.

She slowly brought her mortified gaze back to mine, and then grimaced. "I…uh, I'll talk to you later, Rose."

I smiled, swallowing a laugh, and came forward. I told Lissa, "No, we can talk now."

I glanced over my shoulder at Dimitri, giving him a seductive wink. He was watching me with a gleam in his eyes, but he didn't object.

As I came up to the girls, I bent down and tickled them both, grinning as they squealed in delight. I don't think I could ever tire of that melodious sound.

While I was down at their height, after they had stopped laughing so much, I murmured to them, "All right, guys, I need to go talk with Auntie Liss for a while. You're going to stay with Dimitri while I'm gone. You're going to play with him the entire time, until he's too exhausted to move. Got it?"

With a grin, they both gave me mock-salutes and then ambushed Dimitri, squealing, "Dimka, Dimka!"

I paused for a moment, watching Dimitri with Viktoria and Lexi, and then thought to myself: _How had I not seen that he had known already? _It was clear; the look on his face was one of pure love. Each time he interacted with the girls—even the times I had seen through Lissa's eyes—his face lit up, his eyes shone brightly, and I saw that grin…the grin that made my knees buckle and my breath catch in my throat. How_ had I not figured out that he already knew?_

"Rose?" Lissa murmured behind me with a small smile.

I followed her downstairs, where I set a pot of tea to boil. She sat patiently at the table, playing with her fingers, keeping her thoughts blocked off to the bond.

I waited next to the pot for a while, still glowing—figuratively, of course—from my reconnection with Dimitri. It took until the pot began to whistle for me to realize Lissa's distress. I poured us our cups and handed one to her as I sat down across from her.

"So," she said quickly, putting on a bright smile. "It looks like things went well between you and Dimitri."

I couldn't help the happiness that flooded my face. "It did. I…I told him about the girls. He said he already knew."

Lissa paled. "I swear I didn't tell him, Rose—"

I shushed her, reassuring her that he had put the pieces together himself; no one had told him my secret. I was gnawing on my bottom lip as I added, "He said he loved me."

Lissa beamed at me. "You already knew he did, Rose."

My eyes were alight with excitement. "But I told him I loved him too."

I could finally feel her opening up the bond. I felt her happiness for me, her relief that everything had turned out well, her excitement for the girls to finally discover their father, as well as her excitement for me to finally discover a true relationship with the man that I loved—

But then, in the background, I heard the nagging murmurs. I couldn't make out what it was that was bothering her, but I definitely knew it was there.

"Liss?" I asked quietly, reaching out and placing my hand gently over hers. "Liss, what's wrong?"

She hesitated, instantly trying to block out the bond, but I fought her all the way. She gave up halfway through the battle and blurted, "Tasha's trial is beginning tomorrow."

I felt my breathing hitch, my heart stop beating, and my head began to swim. _Tomorrow? _I had only been home for…well, wait, I slept that whole day through, so I guess technically I had been home for almost three days—

"The Queen asked to speak to you before the trial began. She asked Ambrose to pass it on, but I ran into him while I was with the girls, so he just asked me to pass it on to you."

I hid a frown. Tatiana sent her message through Ambrose? Did that make this request _pillow talk_? I choked on disgust.

I finally found my voice, murmuring, "She wants to talk to me? Before the trials?"

"It's probably just to get your testimony," Lissa said quickly. "There's no way either Tasha or Holt are getting released."

I started. I hadn't even broached that possibility. _Was _there even a possibility? A new thought startled me even worse: If Tasha got out, that meant that my children were at an even greater stake than they were at earlier. _Especially _when she finds out that Dimitri has rejected her.

Lissa's nerves were out of control. "Rose, please talk to me," she begged. "I wanted to avoid this subject until Tatiana called for your testimony, which I assumed would have been later but—"

I forced a smile. "Calm down, Lissa." Trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince her, I said, "I think I know what this is about anyway. There isn't any problem, Tatiana just wanted to talk to me about punishment options."

Lissa visibly relaxed, her pale face finally regaining some color.

I went on in a calm voice, even though my heart was beating heavily in my chest. "I need you to watch the girls again. I'll be back soon, but I need to take Dimitri with me."

She gave me an odd look, but then put the pieces together and nodded. "Of course. I'll stay right here with them, or I'll let you know if we go elsewhere."

I stood to embrace her. "Thank you, Liss. For everything."

Her next words were firm and determined. "I've let you down too many times already. I'm not going to let it happen again."

I explored the bond for any signs of darkness, but only saw her fortitude. With a smile, I realized that this experience was reshaping Lissa as much as it was reshaping me.

Holding my breath involuntarily, I mounted the steps to go reach Dimitri. I was vaguely aware of Lissa behind me, but I was having trouble focusing. I hadn't yet given Dimitri the full story behind my captivity; he didn't know the extent of Tasha's involvement. Which also meant he didn't know that she had tried to barter one of his children in return for my death. Telling him this was not going to be a fun activity.

I stood in the doorway for a moment, relishing the happiness on his face. I hated to break this. I didn't want to deal with Tasha and Holt and their sick decisions. Why couldn't they just disappear? It would be easier than coming up with a punishment, trying them for it, and biting my nails the entire time. I _knew _they were guilty. _Everyone _knew they were guilty. There was a rock-solid case against them. Yet I couldn't help but feel like something was bound to go wrong.

Dimitri caught my eye, and then slowly straightened. The girls noticed his distraction, saw me, and ran to me excitedly. I loved them so much. I couldn't let Tasha hurt my family any more than she already had.

"Mommy, can you play with us now?"

I swallowed. "As soon as I get back. I need to go run an errand with Dimitri."

A frown crossed Viktoria's face. "But Mommy," she began to object.

Lexi, on the other hand, stayed stonefaced. I reached out to her, concerned. "Lexi?" I murmured. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Lexi's eyes shone with tears, despite the strong face she was trying to wear.

"Lexi!" I exclaimed, pulling her close to me. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"We just got you back, Mommy. We don't want you to leave us again. Please don't leave us again."

I felt my heart break in two. At first I was overwhelmed with grief. Then I was overwhelmed with rage. Tasha did this. Holt did this. They crushed my children. I was going to make sure they paid for this.

I pulled Viktoria in, too. They were crying on my shirt, and I would have to change, but I didn't mind in the least. It was all I could do not to join in the tears with them.

Instead, I stayed strong. "Baby," I said, "I'm only going to be gone for a few hours at the most. I'm not leaving you."

They both clutched me tighter as I tried to stand, keeping me down at their level. It took Lissa to pry them away from me, and even then they continued to reach for me.

"Take us with you!" They begged, flailing. Liss got a few kicks, but she was tough. It didn't hurt her. In fact, she was brilliant. She caught their attention by yelling over their wails: "Your mommy promised that she would meet us at Ambrose's massage parlor as soon as she was done. Don't you girls want to see Ambrose? And if Mommy isn't ready quite yet by then, then she can meet us out by the garden. Don't you girls want to go frolick in the flowers? You love that!"

It mollified them for a while, getting their spirits back up, and they glanced at me for confirmation. I nodded enthusiastically, even though I had never agreed to any of that. They grudgingly agreed, but they clung to me until I was out the front door.

Dimitri followed quietly, a thoughtful look on his face. I looked up at him, frowning slightly. "What are you thinking?" I asked quietly.

He looked down at me, his eyes hooded. "Nothing," he said quickly, throwing a smile in to reassure me.

I stopped short, turning to face him. He followed my suit, even though he knew it was a trap.

"Hey now. You can tell me," I said.

A wistful look shadowed his face. "I wonder if the twins will ever love me as much as they love you."

A wave of guilt washed over me. "Of course they will!" I hastened to exclaim. "They're already crazy about you."

"I know that they like me. That's not the problem. I can't help but wonder if they will ever obsess over me leaving like they do when you try to."

I chewed on my bottom lip. "They haven't had to experience you leaving before," I murmured, not sure whether this was going to help him or make him feel worse.

He sighed. "I know. I just hope that I can fix that."

I smiled. "Of course you will. Like I said, they already love you." I began to walk again and he fell in step beside me.

"So where are we going?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

I choked. Here it was. The moment where I would shatter the world as he knew it just a little bit more. "To talk to Tatiana," I said vaguely.

He cocked his head. "To talk to Tatiana?" he echoed. "About what?" he prompted when I was quiet.

I swallowed. "About Tasha and Holt's punishment."

His face darkened, but he didn't react more than that. It took him a moment to realize that he was missing something. When he noticed it, he stopped short, grabbing my arm and pulling me to face him abruptly. "Why do I need to be here for this?"

_Ah, shit. No more avoiding it. _"Well…" I said, "The trial starts tomorrow. I'm ninety-eight-percent certain that I'm going to have to testify. You probably will, too." I paused. "But there's something you need to hear now, instead of tomorrow in the courtroom. Also…in case something happens…if Tasha or Holt is released…you need to know this…" I was having trouble articulating.

Dimitri pushed my hair behind my ear and cupped my face in his hands. "You can tell me." He used my words from earlier.

I nodded. Swallowing again, I finally explained, from start to finish, everything that happened while Julian had held me. I omitted the part about Tasha's confession but explained everything else. Dimitri immediately noticed the omission, and it was the first thing he called me on.

"Don't edit, Roza," he admonished. "Tell me everything."

I sighed. "Tasha…she made the deal with Julian to kill me. She hadn't counted on him kidnapping me…and once he had, she was afraid I would be turned. When I asked what had been in it for him, you know, why he would even bother—aside from Angelina, of course—she…" It was so hard to say. In a way, my admission validated the threat, and I hated that. "She agreed to trade one of the twins."

The rage on Dimitri's face was unmistakable. I had to work quickly to calm him down, but he wasn't in any danger of overreacting. He never did. He composed himself, and I could only trace the anger in his voice as he hissed, "She was going to do that to me?"

I swallowed again. "She thought that by eliminating any competition, you would be hers."

He cursed her name under his breath in his native tongue. A moment later, he put his hand on the small of my back and led me on the path again. Too soon for my taste, we were at Tatiana's home. The guardians expected us, and let us in without a fuss. They led us to where Tatiana lounged, picking at her cuticles again.

"Rosemarie," she crooned. "What a pleasant surprise. And Guardian Belikov. Well, I must say, I didn't expect to see you two together anytime soon."

I tensed. I forgot that she had known about our relationship…and frowned upon it, too.

She shocked me even more when she sent a grin my way. "Congratulations on your reconciliation. Will there be a wedding anytime soon?"

I scowled, my guard instantly on high. "Really? That's not funny."

Tatiana looked sad. "Rose, please. I'm trying to be nice."

I groaned. "By rubbing it in our faces that we're forbidden to be together? Not exactly my idea of _nice_." Dimitri pinched my arm, trying to remind me to be respectful.

Tatiana shrugged it off easily. "I forgot you didn't know. I'm considering writing up a new decree." She spoke as if we were casually discussing the weather. "About more freedom for dhampirs."

I gasped. For a moment, I had no words. Then I sputtered, "You listened to me?"

She beamed again. "Of course I did. I made you head guardian for a reason, Rose. I don't actually like you that much."

I was still in shock. My pathetic age decree alternative actually made an impression? It was actually going to be voted on? _There was actually a chance?_

"And the offensive magic?"

She made a face. "One step at a time, Rosemarie. I'm sure this new decree is going to cause enough of a ripple. Let's focus on passing this one, and then we can focus on mandating offensive magic."

I was so unbelievably excited that I had trouble remembering what I had come for. Luckily, Tatiana knew exactly what she was leading up to.

"About Lady Ozera's trial tomorrow," she said, going back to picking at her cuticles. "I wanted to consult you about your preference on her punishment. Joshua Holt's trial will follow immediately after, but I was more concerned with Natasha's imminent threats than his."

I looked at Dimitri nervously. I knew he was as angry with Tasha as I was—if not even more—but would he be upset if I ruled too harshly? She was, after all, his childhood friend.

"If I may?" he murmured, stepping forward. Tatiana nodded, uninterested, and then finally looked at Dimitri. He said, "I have been informed of my charge's recent activity. I was in no way aware of her plans—"

"Yes, we know, she played you like a fiddle," Tatiana flicked her fingers at him, bored.

He looked stricken, but then nodded. "Yes, I suppose she did." Regaining his composure, he said, "I would like to ask for input on her punishment."

Tatiana looked surprised this time. When she glanced at me, I expected that my face mirrored hers. I knew he was angry, but I had not expected for him to turn on Tasha like that.

Tatiana nodded him on, and he said, "I believe that Lady Ozera should be admitted into Tarasov."

Tatiana looked impressed. I heard my breath hitch before I realized that I was doing it. The Queen looked at me, asking my approval, and I gave it numbly.

"Same for Holt?" she asked.

"No," Dimitri said quickly. "He deserves life imprisonment, but not in Tarasov."

Tatiana was silent for a few moments and then said, "Well. I didn't expect this." She glanced at me, and laughed. "Well done, Rosemarie. I was bracing myself to expect execution, but it seems the man that loves you is more interested in revenge than he lets on."

I glanced at Dimitri, as surprised as she was by his requests.

"The prosecution will need your testimonies," she continued. "Both of you. In fact, probably anyone involved in your rescue, or the attempts behind it—" She gave up on tearing at her cuticles and cursed, muttering, "I'll just have Ambrose fix them later." She glanced at us, as though having forgotten we were there. "That's all. I'll see you tomorrow."

I paused. "Tatiana," I said, catching myself too late. "Your Majesty—" I tried to correct, but she waved my attempt off. I continued, "Why did you dispatch the rescue team? Was it Adrian?"

Next to me, Dimitri tensed. He obviously hadn't warmed up to Adrian yet.

Tatiana's expression finally softened, albeit infinitesimally. "I wanted you to come back," she said. "As I said before, you're good at your job. And besides, who else can I bicker with so flawlessly?"

I gave her a look, not buying that that was the real reason.

Her expression hardened again as she added, "As I mentioned to you the other day, bearing in mind the timing of your disappearance, the rumors were spread that I orchestrated it. That caused disruptions in the community." An evil, mischievous grin slid across her face. "I'm taking that into consideration as I help the judge decide on a verdict and punishment for dear Natasha Ozera." I couldn't be certain, but I believed that I heard her mutter under her breath: "No one screws with me and my people like that and gets away with it."

I grinned, and then Dimitri and I left together.

We met Lissa, Christian, and the twins at Ambrose's massage parlor. He was playing with them, having taken his break when Lissa showed up.

Upon seeing me, he joked, "The girls sure know how to put a crimp in business. They showed up and insisted on playing, which meant I had to request my break."

I gave him a look. "Oh please. You know you love it."

He grinned, going back to playing with the girls. A new light had entered their eyes when I showed up, and I couldn't help but feel special. It was nice to know that my children cared so much. I remembered how I used to think of my own mother, and I had been so terrified that the twins would come to think of me like that.

Viktoria left Lexi and Ambrose to tug me over to them. I complied, laughing, and joined into their silly dance. It was something completely childish and wacky, and I loved it. I sought Dimitri out and dragged him in.

Listening to Christian laugh at us—apparently we looked like fools—I dragged him in, too, and he dragged Lissa, and soon we were all acting stupid and foolish. It was truly a party when Adrian showed up, claiming that he had heard us all the way on the other side of Court. He joined into the craziness, his grin just as wide as the girls'.

We were able to keep up the happy atmosphere until Ambrose was summoned back to work, and by then the girls had been worn down enough to be happy enough to embrace a break. The adults, on the other hand, were completely and utterly exhausted.

The twins weren't asleep when we began to leave, but they got tired on the way. They weren't going to make it home without passing out. Adrian instinctively reached for one of them, Christian going for the other—they both loved being carried by their uncles—when the girls shot out of their grasp and ran to me.

"Mommy, will you carry us?" They threw in the puppy dog eyes.

Aw, man, that's not fair.

"The beauty of being a single mother," Adrian drawled behind me, unthinkingly. Dimitri spun around, a dark look on his face, but I grabbed his arm to rein him in. Adrian paled, but didn't make another move.

"Mommy?" Viktoria echoed. "Please?" Lexi added.

I managed to carry them about a quarter of a mile before I was exhausted. They were awake, so I put them down and ordered them to walk on their own. Somehow, they were already renewed and just as energetic when we reached the house.

"Let's play, Mommy!" they exclaimed as they busted through the door, dragging me along. "We can play Barbies!"

"I get to be the Strigoi!" Viktoria declared.

"Girls, wait—"

"I get to stake you!" Lexi exclaimed.

"Girls, Mommy's tired—"

"You won't be able to get past my awesomely fast Strigoi reflexes!" Viktoria countered. Although "reflexes" came out more like "refixers," since Viktoria didn't formally know the word.

As they were about to tow me upstairs, a shrill whistle cut through the air. Everybody froze—myself included—and turned to look at Dimitri.

"Sasha, Vika, I believe that dinnertime is getting close. Your aunt Lissa invited us over. Perhaps we should show up a little early, and you could play with your favorite uncle?"

I shot him a grateful look, quickly backing him up. I reached over and tickled the girls, getting them squealing. "Yeah, you would love to play with Uncle Chrissie, wouldn't you? And Uncle Addie will be there, too, and maybe you can even talk them into playing Barbies with you."

That quickly diverted their attentions, and they were suddenly all too excited to go over there.

"You need to get changed first," I told them, glancing at their grass-stained outfits. "And I need to put those in the wash." I started racking my brain for what it was that my mother told me would treat stains. Sadly, I was drawing a blank. As the girls raced upstairs, I muttered under my breath, "Maybe those will go in the trash can."

Dimitri _tsk_ed behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning in to nuzzle my neck. "You don't know how to get grass stains out?" he murmured.

_Oh, that felt good._ "Uh-unh," I breathed. His teeth grazed my skin and I felt my heart skip a beat. His hands started traveling up, over my stomach, towards my breasts—

"Well, we'll just have to teach you, won't we?" he asked, stepping past me.

I glared after him, trying to catch my breath. My body felt like it was on fire. I took off after him, saying, "The fact that you know how to remove grass stains is actually somewhat sexy."

He shot me a grin over his shoulder as he approached the girls' bedroom door. He paused before knocking, a strange expression passing over his face.

"What is it?" I asked, reaching for the knob. Had he heard something strange inside?

He grabbed my hand to stop me, and slowly raised his eyes to mine. "I want to tell them."

I inhaled sharply, suddenly feeling dizzy. Telling Dimitri had been terrifying. Tell the girls? Even scarier.

How would they take it? Would they be happy about having another person join the family, or would they turn into overprotective children and try to shun Dimitri out? Would they hate me for keeping him away all this time? Would they care at all?

"Roza?" Dimitri murmured.

I thought about earlier, as they had been so desperate to play, they had dragged me along without allowing me to get a word in. Dimitri had demanded their attention and had taken over the parental role for a moment there. That was how it was supposed to work, right? I would play with them; he would tell them to clean their room? He would take them to the gym; I would tell them that it was time to do homework? We were a team with them.

I forced myself to nod. "Okay." I choked. He didn't make a move toward the door, so I took the lead. Knocking and then peeking in at them, I opened the door further and went to help them finish dressing.

The twins were entangled in their respective shirts. Thank goodness they had managed to pull their pants on safely; they had completely mangled the tees.

I went to Viktoria, and Dimitri took Lexi. We both helped them rearrange the mess they had made, and when they were both adequately dressed, I moved to sit on Lexi's bed. Dimitri stayed standing, obviously giving me the lead.

The girls were ready to go. Viktoria started tugging on my hand, trying to budge me. Lexi had caught on, though, and she was watching Dimitri warily.

"Mommy," she asked, turning to me. "What's going on?"

I smiled. She was a bright little girl; that was for sure. Definitely like her father.

I patted the bed beside me. Viktoria exchanged a glance with her sister, and then they cautiously climbed up next to me. I glanced at Dimitri once more, gauging his comfort level, and then turned to the girls.

"Viktoria, remember when you were asking me about your daddy? And you asked about him?"

Viktoria nodded emphatically. "And you told me he was handsome and gentle and strong and smart."

I smiled at her, trying to keep my breathing steady. "Yes, I did tell you that."

Viktoria went on excitedly, "And you said you loved him."

I nodded, the smile becoming more forced. I felt tears—tears of nerves, of course—prickling at the backs of my eyes, and I felt the lump in my throat.

"And I do," I said, trying to control my voice. I looked to Lexi, who was watching me with wide eyes. She had been sick and in a different room when Viktoria and I had had this conversation, so it was new to her.

"You love our daddy?" she asked quietly.

I reached out and ran my fingers through her hair. "I do. Very much."

She frowned. "Then why isn't he here with us?"

I forced myself to continue breathing. That was exactly what Viktoria asked me. Viktoria made the connection too, because she leaned forward and told Lexi eagerly, "I asked that too! And then Mommy got sad, so I told her that even though we didn't know who our daddy was, we loved her and we're happy here with her."

Lexi nodded emphatically, agreeing with her sister. I refused to look over at Dimitri. I could only imagine how that hurt him.

"But that's changed!" I said, putting happiness behind my words. "Your daddy's here," I told them. "And he loves you both very much, and he wants to be a part of your lives."

The girls both cocked their heads at me, watching me warily.

I glanced over at Dimitri, and they seemed to follow my gaze. He smiled at them, stepping forward.

"Vika," he said slowly, "Sashen'ka," He glimpsed my way before continuing; when I nodded him on, he took another step towards them and knelt down. Considering they were on top of the bed, he was at their height. "I'm your father."

The girls looked away from Dimitri and towards me for confirmation. I bit my cheek, my heart racing at how they were taking the news. When I realized they expected an answer, I said, "Guys, he's your daddy."

Viktoria turned back to him with narrowed eyes and a sour expression on her face. Lexi was watching him with big eyes.

"You're our father?" Viktoria asked. "Where were you before now?"

I grimaced. "Viktoria!" I admonished quickly, but Dimitri insisted on answering.

"I was doing my job, which required leaving you. But I can assure you, Vika," he said powerfully, "I'm not leaving you ever again." He turned to Lexi, and said, "I love you both very much, like your mommy told you." Dimitri peeked my way again, and I nodded encouragingly. He turned back to the twins and asked, "Vika? Shashen'ka?"

Lexi leaned toward her sister and whispered, "I don't think he knows my name,"

I nudged her. "It's a nickname." She only looked at me.

Lexi was the first to react officially. She hopped off the bed and went right up to Dimitri. Studying him for a moment, she said, "Yeah, you look like us. You could be our daddy."

Viktoria cocked her head, studying him like Lexi had. "What? He doesn't look like us."

"Yeah, huh!" Lexi insisted, tugging Viktoria closer. "Look, you smile like he does."

Viktoria's face set in a scowl to prove her sister wrong. "I have Mommy's eyes."

"Yes, and I have Mommy's smile. So see? We complete each other, like Mommy and Daddy."

My own heart twisted in pleasure over hearing Lexi call Dimitri "daddy." I could only imagine how happy that must have made him. Looking at his glowing face, I realized just how deeply the endearment had gone.

Viktoria turned back to me stubbornly. "I do not look like Daddy, do I?" she asked, trying to prove her sister wrong. Once the words had left her mouth, Lexi caught her though, saying, "You called him Daddy! He is our Daddy!"

While the girls argued it out, Dimitri swept me off the bed and into his arms. Swinging me around in his arms like I was a princess, he finally let my feet touch the ground. Looking deeply into my eyes, he whispered something in Russian. Something that I'd waited a long time to hear.

"I love you too, Comrade," I whispered back, kissing him.


	35. Truths

**Hey guys! I'm going to try to keep it short up here so you can enjoy the oh-so-late chapter, but there are a few things I want to say.**

**Firstly, thank you so much for all of your understanding. I wish that my schedule allowed me the time to keep at this so that I could update quickly for you guys, and I can't apologize enough that it doesn't. Instead, I ask for you to bear with me - there are only a few chapters left before Black Rose is officially complete and you won't have to worry any more! (Of course, then I'll start my new VA FanFic...but that's a different point!)**

**Secondly, enjoy the chapter and please review! I would love to hear what you guys have to say, especially since it's been so long. **

* * *

Chapter 35

LPOV

"Honestly, what was he thinking? Could he be any more insensitive?"

I tried to focus on the cake batter in front of me, but all I could think about was how stressed I was for tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Tasha's trial.

I had watched Tasha single-handedly rip Rose's life to shreds. I wanted to see her pay for that. I wanted to _make _her pay for that, but I knew that Rose would never let Tasha anywhere near anyone she cared about ever again, which erased my chances.

But then I had to watch Christian suffer, and it tore me apart. I hated watching him agonize over his loss. I wished I could strip him of his pain and leave him with the anger that I knew was boiling beneath his skin. I could have empathized better when it came to rage directed at Tasha. I knew I was being a horrible fiancée, but I just couldn't forgive her, whether she was my in-law or not.

I felt horrible for not being able to support Christian through his troubles right now. Which was part of the reason I had enlisted Angelina's help.

Angelina had grown up with Christian, and they had both been close to Tasha. Angelina had watched firsthand as Tasha plotted and executed her version of Rose's downfall. From anyone else who tried to explain Tasha's insanity, Christian would bristle and jump to his aunt's—his _savior_'s—defense. I figured only Angelina would be able to get through to him, and comfort him on the level that he needed. She understood in a way no one else did. Christian needed that.

I had asked Angelina to join us for the celebratory dinner of Rose's return. It was a little ironic, yes, that the woman that had been part of the mastermind behind Rose's capture was invited to celebrate Rose's freedom, but Rose had forgiven Angelina, and Angelina was family. It seemed like a win-win situation.

Adrian didn't see it that way.

He assumed that Christian had invited Angelina, since she was his cousin. He wasn't seeing how Angelina's presence was therapeutic for Christian in dealing with Tasha's betrayal; he didn't even bother to look past his own anger to see that even Rose had forgiven Angelina. He was dead set on blaming her and holding a grudge.

"Did Christian even _think _about how Rose would feel? So much for this being her celebratory dinner," he grumbled. He had been going on ever since he arrived and had found out Angelina would be joining the party. Christian had left as soon as the bitching began.

I threw the spatula down in frustration, splattering the chocolate towards me. "Enough already!" I snapped. "_I _invited her, Adrian. It was me. Be angry at me."

Adrian gave me a sour look. Before he could say anything, though, Rose walked through the kitchen door. She analyzed the tension between us, skewered me with a look I knew all too well (she was rummaging through the bond to find something explanatory), and then put her hands on her hips and demanded, "Well, don't stop on my account."

I pushed my frustration with Adrian aside and grinned at Rose. "Welcome to your celebratory dinner," I said. "Sorry, it isn't ready yet. You're early."

Rose laughed. "Good diversion, Liss. Now get back to what you were talking about." She came over and dipped her finger in the batter, sticking it in her mouth.

I gave her an irritated look, scooting the bowl away, but secretly trying to disguise my own yearning to do the same thing. "It's not important," I said evasively. I shot Adrian a warning look, but he didn't share the same qualms that I did about delving into the Angelina issue in front of Rose.

"Lissa invited Angelina to dinner," he said bluntly. "I think she's being rude and callous. I mean, really, who says 'welcome home' by inviting the woman who kidnapped you in the first place?"

Rose paused, but only for a second. Then she readjusted herself in front of the batter bowl again, ate some more, and said through a full mouth, "I don't mind. I like Angelina."

Adrian glared at Rose. "I thought Lissa healed you. Did she miss your head?"

Rose returned the expression. Ignoring Adrian and turning back to me, she said, "Dimitri and I told the girls."

I dropped the spatula in surprise. Excitement coursed through me. I felt my nerves tingling and a sickening twirl in my stomach. Anticipation. Had they taken it well? I hoped so strongly that they had; Rose deserved this. She deserved to have her happy family; finally, after all of these trials she had had to overcome. I felt the grin break out over my face as she gave me a play-by-play.

I was able to picture the entire thing—especially the twins arguing about it. "Leave it to Lexi to overanalyze the nickname," I giggled with Rose. I had never seen her glowing like this; at least not since the twins had been born.

Adrian came up behind Rose and put his arm around her. Despite how annoying he had been earlier, I saw the shadow of sadness on his face and it tugged something inside me. His aura was a deep purple, the color of heartache and despair. I had seen it painting Rose's aura for too long. He hid his sorrow as she turned to look at him, but I wouldn't forget it. It was haunting.

He pulled her into a hug. "Congratulations, little dhampir," he murmured into her hair. "You deserve this. Be happy."

I heard the hitch in his voice. I could only imagine how it hurt him to watch Rose find her happy ending with someone else. He had loved her for so long! He looked at the twins like they were his own children. Now, their biological father had taken his spot, and Dimitri had replaced him in Rose's eyes, too. He was being shunned, even though that definitely wasn't the case. Rose loved him all the same; but he wouldn't see that.

He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes as he did so. The kiss lingered for a minute, and I saw Rose clutch him tighter in her arms.

The oven timer went off and the two separated quickly, as though they had been two teenagers caught in the act. I pulled out the baked pasta and set it on the stovetop to cool. I heard the kitchen door swing and footsteps exiting the kitchen. When I turned around, Rose had dominated the cake batter bowl and was eating out of it with a spoon.

"Hey!" I objected, but she held out a second spoon. I grinned as I took it and dug in with her.

RPOV

I was in the middle of recounting to Lissa what happened when Dimitri and I had gone to see Tatiana earlier when the kitchen door swung open and Angelina stepped through.

I paused infinitesimally, still not quite _comfortable_. All of the memories I had associated with her entering a room weren't exactly pleasant ones. I recovered quickly though, remembering what I had told Adrian earlier—_I don't mind; I like Angelina_—and greeted her with a smile.

Angelina shuffled her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Are you sure this is okay?" she asked through gritted teeth. "I mean, are you sure you don't mind me crashing your party?"

Lissa and I answered at the same time, trying to reassure her that it was fine and that we wouldn't have invited her otherwise. Lissa was watching me out of the corner of her eye all the while though, obviously ready to disagree if I so much as flinched around Angelina.

I shoved Lissa's over-protectiveness into the back of my mind and narrowed my eyes at our guest. Something was off. "Why would you ask that?" I asked suspiciously.

Angelina's eyes darkened. "Your friend dropped a few hints as I walked in."

Lissa and I exchanged a look. _Adrian._

"You can ignore him," Lissa said, standing and reaching for the cooled pasta dish. I dutifully took care of the—now empty—batter bowl, putting it in the sink and rinsing it out. I felt a few pounds heavier now that I had downed that entire batter. Hopefully none of those eggs were contaminated.

"It takes a while to warm up to him," I added in with a smile. I remembered when he and I had met at the ski resort. The flashback brought made my grin widen as I thought of just how true my words were.

"Really?" Angelina said dryly. "He seemed so charming."

Lissa and I exchanged another knowing glance, and then bit back our laughter. Angelina looked puzzled, not expecting that reaction, and then held the door open for us as we went through to the dining room.

"Dinner's being served!" Lissa announced.

The twins were the first to come barreling into the dining room. They ran straight into me, colliding with my legs and tugging as they asked where they should sit. Dimitri was next, also coming to stand by me. He kissed my hair and wrapped his arm around me as he grinned down at the girls.

Christian came in next, taking his designated seat at the head of the table—but not before giving Lissa a hug and a kiss and telling her how much he loved her.

Lastly, Adrian entered, a cup filled with amber liquid in his hand. He had a smirk on his face and he shot daggers at Angelina before plopping into a seat.

Angelina wasn't watching him, though. She had her eyes glued on the twins.

Dimitri noticed. I took it upon myself to introduce them. "Dimitri, this is Angelina. Angelina, this is Dimitri."

Dimitri's eyes narrowed as recognition began to creep in. When it dawned on him, he tensed and started to advance, but I quickly blocked his path.

"Be nice," I hissed, giving him a stern stare-down. "This isn't a war."

He composed himself instantly—a talent that I wished desperately that I possessed—and simply looked away. Angelina blushed, but she couldn't seem to stop sneaking glances at the twins. I was going to begin introductions between the three of them, but Lissa was arranging seats.

I was sitting with the twins on either side of me, like I usually did, which left Angelina sandwiched between Adrian and Dimitri. Lissa and I did some quick thinking and rearranged the seating so that Dimitri had replaced me in between the girls and Angelina had scooted to the end chair closest to Lissa, pitting me right in between Angelina and Adrian.

The twins were more than happy to fend away any chance of awkward silence. They chattered on and on, until finally the adults found a way into conversations of their own. It wasn't until the twins blurted, "Who are you?" to Angelina that things got weird.

"Girls," Dimitri and I admonished at the same time. They had inherited my brazenness, however, and charged on as if we hadn't even spoken.

"I'm Angelina," she introduced herself.

"She's well-acquainted with your mother," Adrian slurred acerbically. "Or rather, with _torturing _your mother."

"Adrian!" Lissa and I admonished in unison.

Angelina's face darkened. She leaned around me to look at Adrian and she snapped, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Adrian did the same on my other side. "You, you're what's wrong with me. You all but drove the stake into Rose's heart and now suddenly you're part of the family? You're disgraceful."

Lissa tried to talk over Adrian to get him to shut his mouth, but Angelina was already retorting. "_I'm _disgraceful? What about you, Mr. I'm-too-drunk-to-speak-properly? You're too busy drowning yourself in your sorrows, with a hell of a lot of assistance from whiskey might I add, all because reality isn't what you, the spoiled little rich brat that you are, want!"

Adrian jumped up from his seat and threw the glass of whiskey against the wall. It shattered; Lissa was the only one who flinched. Angelina had risen, too, and, being monkey-in-the-middle, I rose too.

They were arguing over each other, bickering so hatefully that they were completely blocking me out. It was when Adrian started to lurch toward Angelina—maybe going for a punch?—that I threw myself in the way, blocking his drunken flail easily and tackling him.

"For God's sake!" I yelled, sitting on top of him. The table was still chaotic, Christian shouting at Adrian's tackled form, Lissa going back and forth between shouting at Angelina and shouting at me. The girls were wailing, somewhere between tears of fear and making noise just so they didn't feel left out of the pandemonium. Dimitri was on his feet, his eyes burning holes in my back. I knew he was waiting to see if I needed help.

"Adrian, what the hell?" I grumbled at him, climbing off of him and wrenching him up. He and Angelina started to launch back into a dispute, but I shoved him out of the dining room and into the foyer.

He started pacing, unbalanced, and then slurred, "What a bitch."

"Really?" I asked coldly. "Because from where I was sitting—which was right smack dab in the middle of you two, by the way—it looked like it was you who lit that fire."

Adrian stared at me, his eyes completely lucid. For a moment I wondered if he was drunk at all, or if that had just been a scapegoat for his behavior. Then he yelled, gesturing with his arms, "She kidnapped you, Rose. She tortured you and kept you away from everyone that loves you. And now we're welcoming her with open arms? I think it's crazy." His green eyes burned into me. "I hate her for what she did to you. She tried to take you away from me, and I hate her."

I gnawed on my lower lip. How could I respond to that? He was right. Angelina had made her mistakes. All I could ask of Adrian was that he put his differences aside for my sake.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "But I've forgiven her. In the grand scheme of things, Angelina's role as puppeteer _saved _my life. She pulled the strings that kept me out of Tasha's grip…and we know what would have happened if Tasha had gotten a hold of me."

Adrian was still for a moment; his face paused in a frown. I wasn't sure if the alcohol was impairing his comprehension or if he was just trying to wrap his head around my request.

Finally, he raked a hand through his hair and said, "She's still a bitch."

I rolled my eyes. "For God's sake, if I can forgive her, you sure as hell can. Now get back in there and at least _try _to be nice." I turned and went back into the dining room.

The room was tense, but everybody had resettled into their seats. Angelina watched me enter apprehensively, visibly bristling when she saw Adrian behind me, but didn't make a move to flee.

Dimitri was holding Lexi's hand in his, but Viktoria had run to her uncle. She was curled up on Christian's lap and snuggled into his shirt. When Lexi saw me walk back in, her eyes lit up and she started to make a move to run to me. Dimitri's hand went slack, but she didn't budge. In fact, she clasped her hand tighter to his, bringing her wide eyes his way.

I pushed the feeling of glee aside and refocused on Adrian and Angelina. Christian was holding Viktoria calmly, though he had fire in his eyes while watching Adrian. Lissa just looked exhausted.

I waited until Adrian sat down first before slowly sinking into my seat. When Angelina tensed, I bristled, ready to fend off a counterattack. I felt a little overdramatic when she simply reached for the casserole dish.

"I'm starving," she said. "Can we eat now?"

* * *

I woke up with a strange feeling in my gut. At first I thought it was my stomach continuing to ache from that batter splurge yesterday, but then I remembered: today was Tasha's trial.

I rolled over, trying to force myself to relax before getting up. I didn't want to go into the courtroom wound like a top.

I bumped into something warm and hard. I gasped, the shock hitting me harder than anything else. _Dimitri._

He opened one eye at me wearily. "Problem?" he asked, his accent more prominent while his voice was thick with sleep.

I chomped down on my bottom lip, shaking my head. I just barely refrained from pinching myself; this was just too good to be true. The last few days ran through my mind, and I recalled everything.

_Dimitri and I are together now._

After that entire fiasco, something that sounded like a horror-movie plot line, I was finally getting my happy ending.

Rose Hathaway was rendered one-hundred-and-ten percent speechless.

Dimitri rolled over to face me, both eyes open now, his brow creased in gentle concern. "Roza?" he murmured. "What's going on?"

I forced myself to breathe. "I love you," I finally said.

"I love you too," he answered with a smile.

My alarm went off, and I felt a new swarm of butterflies rouse in my stomach. This was it…in an hour and a half, I would be sitting before Tasha Ozera once again.

Dimitri sighed and crawled out of bed, pulling on a T-shirt as he said, "I'll make breakfast. Pancakes?"

"With blueberries," I piped up, crawling out of bed on my own side. "I'll meet you down there when I'm out of the shower."

My mind was running amok, my heart racing in my chest, as I obsessively watched the minutes tick down on the clock. I knew I had to calm down, breathe, and focus on one thing only: getting my testimony just right so that I nailed that bitch—but that was a hell of a lot easier said than done.

Downstairs, Dimitri had the pancakes already buttered and drenched in syrup for me. He handed me the plate, but I only ate two of the cakes. Dimitri was watching me in terror.

"Rose, what's wrong?"

I put my fork down with a clang. "I'm nervous as hell. My heart won't stop pounding and it's giving me a headache."

He produced some Tylenol from the cabinet. Kneeling beside my chair, he put his lips to my ear and murmured something soothing in Russian. I had no idea what he was saying; he could have been unleashing a line of curse words, but it sounded beautiful as he said it.

There was a brief pause after he finished, and then I pled, "Is everything going to go okay today?" I hated how weak I sounded.

Even though he couldn't have been sure, he responded surely. "Everything is going to go perfectly today."

With a sigh, I turned to look at him. I was just now seeing the shadows in his eyes and the sad set of his jaw. Despite his reassurances for me, I could see how much today was killing him.

"How are you going to get through this?" I murmured to him quietly.

He closed his eyes, leaning forward and resting his forehead against mine. "It's terribly sad," he said, "that Tasha is going through this. As her friend, I want to be there to support her; to stand by her; to tell her that she is going to be okay." I felt a knot clench in my stomach. I couldn't identify whether it was a knot of jealousy or fright, but it disappeared just as quickly as he continued, "But then I think about _why _she's locked up, about what she did to you, and it makes me want her to burn slowly and painfully in Hell."

I gently cradled his cheek in my hand. "I'm sorry that this is happening to you."

Dimitri laughed, but it was weak and without any happiness in it. "You're sorry? I don't think you need to be the one apologizing, Roza."

I tilted his chin up to look at me. He opened his eyes and I told him, "You don't have to come today if you don't want to."

He faltered for a moment, his brown eyes wide with sorrow, but then his gaze steadied. His voice was even firmer. "I'm coming with you. I told you I was never leaving you again, and I meant it. I will stand beside you and my family all the way, no matter what."

Thundering footsteps came barreling into the kitchen, breaking Dimitri and me apart.

"Momma, Momma," the twins exclaimed, "We smell pancakes!"

I laughed as they battled to climb up on my lap. "Yes, your daddy made them."

The girls spared Dimitri a fleetingly wary glance before their energy was returned to the pancakes. They each demanded a plate of their own, begging me to let them pour their own syrup this time—

A knock on the front door and then an echoing, "Anyone home?" distracted the girls for a moment, and then when Adrian sauntered into the kitchen, their excitement spiked.

"Uncle Addie!" Viktoria cried jubilantly, scrambling off of my lap and leaping onto Adrian. "Why are you here?"

Lexi, perched on my lap, looked up at me with a dark look. "Mommy's leaving," she said, instantly putting the pieces together.

"What?" Viktoria yelped. "Mommy, we _talked _about this—" She wriggled out of Adrian's arms and ran back to me, completely ready to argue. I swore, sometimes these girls acted so much more mature than four years old.

I shushed them. "Calm down," I said. "I'll only be gone for a few hours, and then I'll be back and we can have lots of fun together. I bet we're even going to go over to Auntie Lissa's for dinner."

Viktoria and Lexi looked unconvinced, but they didn't start arguing again.

"We're going to have fun," Adrian agreed. "It's just the three of us, and we can do whatever you guys want. Your choice." His eyes lit up. "I bet we could find Christian…is anyone up for a game of dodgeball?"

That excited the girls, removing me from their sole focus. I smiled, enjoying their happiness, but one glance at Dimitri crushed that. His face was a dark mask of rage.

"Fire dodgeball?" he growled.

I quickly intervened. Dimitri was looking at Adrian like Adrian was Strigoi. "He was kidding," I said. "He knows that that's not allowed. Christian knows it, too." I gave Adrian a stern look to get my point across.

"Yeah," he said lazily, although I could see how tense he was from Dimitri's antagonism. "It was just a joke."

The girls' little faces pinched in disappointment, which Dimitri registered quickly. "It's a beautiful day outside," he offered to them, "Adrian could take you to the park again."

Viktoria and Lexi moved in synchronization to look at me. Their faces were set in irritation. It was Lexi who spoke. "We're coming with you."

I let out a small choke of a laugh. "No, you're not. You guys will have fun and I'll be home sooner than you know. You should show Uncle Adrian that new sparring move we played around with the other night."

Adrian used that to distract them while Dimitri and I went upstairs to change. Once we were both properly outfitted, we snuck out the door without the girls noticing our departure.

The walk to the building in which the trial was being held was short and simple. When I arrived, Hans Croft pulled me aside.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked.

I swallowed. All it took was one brief memory about what Tasha had threatened to do to my children and any uncertainty was wiped clean. "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Hans did something strange then. No matter how friendly we were to each other, we weren't touchy-feely people. So when Hans reached out and pulled me into an embrace, I was surprised.

"I know that the time for welcome-home's passed," he said. "But I never got a chance to say my part."

I felt a smile stretch across my lips. "Thanks, Hans."

Hans pulled away and glanced over my shoulder, most likely at Dimitri's lingering form. Bringing his eyes back to me, he said, "I hear you and Belikov are a happy little family now."

I rolled my eyes. "Now is _so_ not the time to indulge in the details of my personal life, no matter how intriguing they are."

Croft let out a bellow of laughter. "Let's not get carried away here. I was just wondering how the girls took the news."

"Like I said," I glanced over my shoulder at Dimitri, who looked eager to move, "now's not the time. I'll fill you in later. I'm sure I have another meeting coming up sometime soon anyway."

"Tomorrow morning," he offered.

"Oh, great."

I parted ways with Hans after he wished me good luck with my testimony. Dimitri and I walked inside and slid into one of the wooden booths. I had been here before, when we had come to Victor Dashkov's trial. I can't say I liked coming back. The circumstances were equally as dreary.

Dimitri reached over and clasped my hand gently. It was a small gesture that went a long way—I saw just how much, in that single gesture of affection, things had changed for us. It never ceased to amaze me how far we had come together.

The small room filled quickly, and I felt my breathing hitch as I saw Tasha enter the courtroom. She still bore the bruises from my attack, and it didn't look like she was being treated royally in prison. Her glossy black hair was pulled back into a sharp ponytail, the shine significantly duller. Her bruised face was without makeup, a small scowl unmoving from her expression. She sat down without seeing me, and I felt relief at seeing her back instead of her face.

Dimitri squeezed my hand again.

Tatiana took her place at the head of the courtroom, calling the trial to session. I had mostly zoned out, panic overtaking me, until Dimitri lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it gently, and murmured, "Good luck." That was when I realized that Tatiana had called me.

Both Tasha's defense and the prosecution stood before me, shooting off questions. My main job was to take them through my capture in all parts pertaining to Tasha (which, in the end, was everything).

I hated every minute of it. It was one thing to bare my heart and the trials of the past few days to my friends and loved ones—those closest to me, with whom I would have shared almost anything—but now, in front of a crowd of strangers, under the hawk-like glare of Tasha Ozera herself, recounting each and every painful memory felt like needles jabbing into my body.

"How can you prove this?" Tasha's lawyer asked. His nose was scrunched up as he tried to keep his spectacles high; the motion, however, made him look very much like a pig. "Anyone could have orchestrated something like that."

I bit back my natural Rose Hathaway quips and instead stayed professional. "Ms. Ozera admitted it to me," I said evenly. "She came to the house and attacked me, and during the fight, she admitted to everything." I already knew he was going to ask for other proof or witnesses, so I added, "Guardian Joshua Holt, who was part of the attack but for separate reasons, was aware of Tasha's involvement. The dhampir who was brought back with me, Angelina, also heard Tasha—Ms. Ozera's confession." I left out that Angelina's knowledge of Tasha's motives actually went way beyond simply hearing a confession.

Her lawyer brought up our troubled past, raising the suspicion that _I _could be framing _her_.

I couldn't help it; I laughed. "Yes," I said mockingly, "Because I really wanted to put myself through Hell and back all too get back at her."

In the crowd, Dimitri sighed and shook his head in exasperation. Tasha's lawyer, too, seemed slightly pleased by my outburst, but he pushed that aside as he continued, "Well what was in it for my client?"

I was seeing red as I remembered what Tasha stood to gain by getting me out of the picture. "By eliminating me, Ms. Ozera would have had Dimitri and my children all to herself."

The vehemence behind my words seemed to stun the defense lawyer, but the prosecution acted on it. She leapt into elaboration and elucidation, and I found myself going full circle as I explained the connection. After what seemed like forever, I was finally excused.

As I returned to my seat next to Dimitri, he leaned over and kissed my hair. "I'm glad you told me before," he whispered in my ear, "about Tasha's motives with the twins. Even now, after already knowing, the news still made me powerless with rage."

I clenched my fists in my lap. "I know," I whispered back without meeting his gaze. "Believe me, _I know_."

Angelina took the stand next, swearing on the Bible and then going through the motions again. She was stoic through the entire questioning, which I gave her credit for. She was testifying against her aunt, her blood and family, the woman that she had loved for a good portion of her life. She had to make a hard decision—but, thank God, she made the right one.

I had blocked the bond out earlier, but Lissa's emotions were running rampant. She was seated a few rows away from us, but her feelings were so strong and vociferous in my head that she may as well have been directly next to me.

_How could I have been so stupid? She was right under my nose the entire time! I put her near Rose and the twins. I was as responsible for this as she was—_

I wanted to go to her, but I couldn't just jump up in the middle of the trial. That would be bad for her reputation, it would probably kill my credibility as a witness, and it could jeopardize Tasha's (hopefully) sentence to life-long imprisonment.

Instead, I willed Lissa to gain control. It was times like these when I wished the bond were two-way; instead, I had to make do with the shortcomings.

Thankfully, I felt her slowly collecting herself. Her thoughts became calmer and more coherent. I didn't understand until I looked over to where she was sitting—

And barely stifled a gasp.

Christian must have slid in next to her within the last several minutes, because suddenly he was there, grasping her hand with what looked like a desperate intensity, and she was breathing steadier.

My heart ached for him. Christian and I had never had the best relationship—it was one based off teasing and mockery and name-calling, at its best—but we came together over Lissa. Now, seeing him pull through his own heartache to come and support her—and I suppose me, in a way—it made me regard Christian with a whole new respect.

Dimitri noticed my gaze and gently rubbed his hand on my lower back. When I looked at him, he was smiling sadly. He was obviously channeling Christian's feelings, too.

The rest of the trial went by in such a blur that I began to fret. Had I missed something important? Had it gone by _too _fast? Did this mean that Tasha was looking at an easy sentence?

But then I remembered Tatiana's discussion, and I felt at least a tad better.

When Tatiana reappeared with the verdict, my heart was pumping in my chest so fiercely that I may as well have been in the midst of a bloody battle. Dimitri reached out to me, and the mere contact of his skin on mine seemed to make this infinitely more bearable. It wasn't until I heard Tatiana speak, however, that I could truly breathe again. (She spoke soon, which was good; I had been holding my breath in anticipation and I was turning blue.)

"We find Lady Natasha Ozera guilty of the charges placed against her. The punishment for these crimes, considering their premeditated and grisly nature, is hereby sentenced as life imprisonment in Tarasov."

I couldn't see Tasha's face, but she instantly went rigid at the news.

As court was dismissed and the crowds began to file out, I was frozen in my seat.

"Come on, Roza," Dimitri murmured, gently nudging me forward. "Let's get home to our girls."

I looked at him slowly, the entire impact hitting me full-force. Tasha was being punished for her crimes. I didn't have to worry about her coming back to haunt us anymore. Dimitri and I had embraced our love, and we were acting on it. No more hiding. He knew about the girls. We were a family now.

It seemed so surreal. I reached up and cupped his cheek, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I had originally been going to pinch him, but at the last moment I stopped myself—he would have pinched me back.

"YOU!"

I spun around, jumping a little. Tasha was facing me—luckily, we were separated by several rows, still—with complete and utter bloodlust on her face. The look on her face was so much like the one she had worn during our battle; the hatred exacerbated the ugliness of her scars tenfold, making her look downright insane.

"You did this," she hissed, jabbing a finger at me. "You threw your weight around and you lied and you made this happen! Because of you I'm going to die in that prison now!"

I began to snap back, so many bitter things on my mind, but a soft voice interrupted me.

"_I _threw _my _weight around, and _I _asked for your punishment," Dimitri said next to me.

Tasha suddenly seemed to realize he was there. Her face crumpled, pain and heartbreak wiping away the hatred she had held just seconds ago. "Dimka?" she whispered.

Dimitri's voice was quiet but strong. "You did this to yourself, Tasha. You can't lie anymore. This is the end, and it's not Rose's doing. It's your own fault—but if you need someone to blame while you're locked away in prison, blame me."

I watched as the vicious woman that I had battled against morphed into a weak, crushed soul, her eyes losing all the fire that they had previously held.

Dimitri gently nudged me forward. "Come on, Roza," he repeated, "Let's go."

I didn't have to look at Tasha to know that tears were streaming down her cheeks. I didn't have to analyze her defeat in order to know exactly what she was feeling—I had felt abandoned like that before, too.

I thought that Dimitri disowning her had done the trick. He had finally broken Tasha down, caused her to retreat into herself in depression.

I heard a sob rack through Tasha's body, a mix somewhere between choking on tears and a scream. I looked back, mainly out of surprise—I had never expected to ever hear such a sound erupt from Tasha Ozera.

And then I saw a fireball heading right for my face.


	36. Into the Daylight

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CHAPTER 36

I didn't have time to process exactly what was happening. I registered the fact that the fireball was headed right for me, and it would probably kill me.

The fire was burning not an inch away from my face—I could feel the scalding heat beginning to scorch my flesh, bringing the blood boiling in my cheeks—when I finally found common sense and threw myself to the ground.

The fire was so hot next to my face that I didn't even know whether or not I was actually burned or not. Though it had felt like the fireball had grazed me, I was also sweating so profusely that the lingering heat may simply have just been the leftover from the fireball.

I felt Dimitri pile on top of me, of course his goal being to protect me, not even worrying about if he was the next target.

_Where the fuck are the guards?_ I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. Staying close to the ground, I peeked around the end of the row, gaining a visual of my opponent.

My heart skipped a beat in fright as I locked eyes with Tasha. She was watching me coolly, a new, larger fireball balanced in her palms. I expected her to launch this one at me too, but instead I felt a tingling creep through my stomach. The tingling quickly morphed to burning pain.

She was burning me from the inside out. _Again._

I wanted to yell, "Hey, that's cheating!" but knew that wouldn't get me far in this game. I twitched on the floor, somewhere between paralyzed by pain and writhing in agony.

"Roza," Dimitri's urgent plea came in a whisper to my ear. "Roza, what's wrong?"

I let out a strangled scream, the intensity of the burning bringing tears to my eyes. I could barely trace a rational thought, let alone say something coherent.

Dimitri put the pieces together quickly. Out of my blurred vision, I saw him leap to his feet in one graceful move and charge Tasha. What I didn't see was how Dimitri suddenly collapsed to the ground.

"Dimitri!" I managed to wail, half of his name catching in my throat. The burning was immobilizing, triggering my upchuck reflex that wouldn't carry through because of the other overpowering pains. Channeling the strength that I knew I had hidden somewhere within me—that "backup supply" kind of came with my line of work—I struggled to my feet, trying to push through the conflagration that was searing to my core.

I could start to smell the stench of sizzling flesh. I didn't have the strength to look myself over to see where I was starting to blister; I guess in the long run, that was a good thing. I could handle a lot, but watching my skin peel off? I don't think even I had the stomach for that.

I stumbled over to where Dimitri lay on the ground. Before I could sink to my knees, I heard Tasha say, "This ends now."

I looked over at her, beginning to crumple weakly when she lessened her hold on me. I felt a brief surge of relief wash through me as the inferno subsided into a smaller flame, but it was only momentary.

She was holding another large ball of burning flames in her palms, watching me through hateful, tear-filled eyes.

She launched it.

It seemed to come toward me in slow motion. I had the chance to feel disbelief—_after surviving everything else, this was finally going to be the end for me?_—before I realized that I didn't have a chance. I had a brief moment of panic before I unexpectedly felt serenity.

I had braced myself, hoping that maybe my children would be able to go on happily, that maybe Dimitri would get a chance to be their one-and-only sunshine, or maybe that Lissa or Adrian would be able to give them the love that they needed, when I realized that I wasn't ready to go. I wasn't ready to give up all the happiness I had just discovered. So then my small frame of serenity shattered, and I was filled with complete and utter despair.

The heat was so close to me, ready to bowl into me, and I was paralyzed by Tasha's internal torture, at the same time. She really nailed this; she was finally going to execute me.

Then suddenly the fireball stopped, hovering for a moment, before reversing its path straight back toward Tasha. My internal inferno ceased instantly.

I suffered a moment of utter loss. Why in the world did Tasha reverse its path?

The fireball diminished instantly before it hit Tasha. Her eyes, wide with disbelief, lay behind me, at the doors.

I spun around. Christian was there, his face tear-streaked, his hands held in front of him. It was then that I realized that _he _had controlled the fireball, saving me from the explosive makeover that was headed my way.

"Christian?" Tasha asked, her voice breaking in disbelief. As I brought my gaze back to her, I caught sight of the guardian meant to restrain her. He was on the ground, his eyes wide in fear. I wondered if Tasha was burning him from the inside out, and if that was what was paralyzing him, or if she had killed him. I couldn't tell if his chest was rising and falling.

My attention instantly diverted to Dimitri, on the floor at my feet. "Dimitri," I choked, dropping to my knees. I finally had the chance to take in his wounds—and they were bad.

I felt tears prickle at the backs of my eyes as I choked on fear. His chest was split apart as badly as mine had been back at Julian's. The charred skin gaped, oozing blood down his shirt. His face was black with ash, and his skin still sizzled. His breathing was shallow, if not nearly nonexistent.

"Oh, God, no," I sobbed, revealing more emotion than I would have liked. The circumstances, however, were reasonable. I threw myself over him protectively, imagining that if I could just keep him together a little bit longer, there would be a chance for him.

His breathing sputtered for a moment, and then staggered.

"Stay with me," I choked, "Don't you dare leave me. Our girls need you. _I _need you!"

I heard Christian's voice behind me, catching as badly as mine was.

"I didn't want to believe it, Aunt Tasha," Christian choked. "Angelina told me, and I couldn't believe it. The evidence in the trial was damning, but I still couldn't believe it. This—_this_," he cried, gesturing toward me, "is despicable. I believe it now. And it's all because of you." Through heartbroken tears, he declared in distress, "This ends now."

_Not for us, _I wanted to scream at Dimitri. _This isn't the end for us. It can't be._

Just then, a swarm of guardians burst through a backdoor, leaping onto Tasha. They tackled her to the ground, obviously deeming her an imminent threat. She was cuffed and carried out of the courtroom—although she had become limp with depression—leaving the three of us alone with two guards to try to help fix the damage she had caused.

That was the last I saw of Tasha Ozera.

* * *

_2 Months Later_

I was going to petition to start a class at all of the academies about how to run in high heels. It was a lesson that was necessary throughout a girl's life—and boy, did I wish I had had the chance to take it.

I was hobbling across Court, my bridesmaid dress hiked up, trying to get to Lissa's in five minutes—but my four-inch heels were kind of debilitating (not to mention _painful_).

"Oh screw it!" I finally groaned, grabbing them off my feet. Clutching them in my hand, I started off at a jog—only to be interrupted by a hand grabbing my shoulder.

Even two months later, plenty of good memories having taken place to override the bad ones, I was still a bit jumpy from my kidnapping. I now had an (seemingly) incurable dislike of closed, confined spaces; I felt uncomfortable in any type of darkness (which was really suckish, considering the nocturnal vampire schedule); and I didn't handle surprises (of any sort) well.

Which included a foreign hand grasping my body unexpectedly.

I instantly jumped into fighting mode. I had made sparring a daily routine again, and I knew my fighting skills—superlative as they already had been—had improved even further. I spun around, at the same time knocking my opponent's hand from contact. I was instinctively preparing for a punch, ready to launch my fist into my opponent's face, when I stopped short.

"Joe?" I asked dumbly.

Sure enough, Joe Perkins stood before me. His dark, curly hair had grown longer, and his bright eyes seemed to have dulled. Even his trademark goofy smile that used to bring such a smile to my face was gone.

In the span of a moment, my dumbness passed and critical suspicion penetrated to my core. I remembered how I had held him in the same league as Holt—and look how that turned out.

He noticed my reaction. "Hey, calm down. I'm not here to hurt you."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why am I supposed to believe you?"

A look of anguish flashed across Perkins' face. Quickly disguising it, he raked a hand violently through his hair. I noticed that his knuckles were torn open in bloody starbursts.

I braced myself for an attack. Joe noticed the difference in my posture but didn't seem to fully understand until I coolly demanded, "Have you been into an altercation lately? It's your job to report that."

"It's not like you've been taking my calls," he countered heatedly.

I tried not to flush. He had a valid point; I _had _been avoiding him.

"Why should I?" I snapped back just as sharply.

His attitude vanished and that look of sadness reappeared across his normally fun features. "Look, I'm not going to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, in any way." Seeing my lack of a reaction, he continued, "I knew nothing of Holt's ulterior motives. I swear it. The reason I hated him was for a completely different reason—he was going to try to seduce you, to win you over, but _I _loved you, and _I _wanted to—" He had started talking so fast that he finally stopped, took a deep breath, and then continued, "I've been trying to get in touch with you for a while now. First I wanted to apologize, you know, for the kiss…it was out of line."

My eyes flashed in anger.

"And secondly I wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, I know that it was almost three months ago, and everything's passed and whatnot, but I was still really worried about you. I wanted to be part of the rescue team, but Belikov kind of shut everybody out until Croft ordered otherwise…but even then, apparently I didn't make the cut." His voice held a hint of distaste, but upon my dark expression, he rethought his emotions. He was smart enough to know that he didn't want to push any of my buttons right now.

After another sigh, he went on, "I hate what Holt did to you. It took every fiber of my being to stay away after they threw him in jail…" A nasty smirk crossed his face. "But even then…"

As if on cue, my phone rang. I had to fish it out of the small handbag I was carrying, but the name splayed across the caller ID was important.

"Hathaway," I answered.

"Rose, it's Hans. There's been a new development with Joshua Holt."

My breath caught, my eyes flickering to stay glued on Perkins. I didn't trust him enough to turn my back. "What is it?" I asked, my voice hitching. Even though Josh's trial had gone through easily, the guilty verdict unsurprising, and he was currently fulfilling his lifelong sentence in the deepest depths of the Royal jail, I still felt nervous when it came to him.

"It's not _him_ causing the trouble this time." Hans sounded exasperated and weary. "He was beaten to a damned bloody pulp."

I zeroed in on Perkins' bloody knuckles. _It took every fiber of my being to stay away after they threw him in jail…but even then…_

It clicked.

"Do you have any more details?"

"The guards said that Guardian Joseph Perkins requested entrance earlier. Said he made up a pretty damned convincing story, too, and that's why they let him in—but ask them to tell you what it was, and they'll stutter and stumble over words like a couple of idiots." He grumbled, and then went on, "The dumb shits that they were left Perkins alone with Holt, and next thing they know, Perkins' AWOL and Holt's in need of medical attention."

"Got it," I said. "I'll keep an eye out." I snapped the phone shut and then slipped back into the conversation with Joe. Keeping my voice neutral, I asked, "But even then?"

Joe's eyes flashed. "It doesn't matter," he said resignedly, sighing in defeat. "I took care of what I had to."

I finally relaxed infinitesimally, convinced that he had nothing against me. If anything, he was trying to _avenge _me. "Joe, level with me."

He looked at me, his eyes wide in surprise. I realized that I was seeing him fully for the first time in a long time; I had regarded him warily at first, sizing him up as a threat, but now I was finally looking at him like the old pals that we used to be.

Color rose in my employee's cheeks. "The kiss," he said quickly, averting his gaze in embarrassment, "I'm sorry about it. I meant all of it, about caring for you and wanting a future with you, but I realize now that it was all a silly fantasy. I also realize that it probably caused you to despise me—"

"Stop," I said sharply. I didn't want to hear his pity party or his drama about Holt. "I know the parallel. I don't want to hear you repeat it." With a sigh, I shifted my feet. "I don't hate you, Perkins. You're a good guardian and a fun guy. I just…" I bit my bottom lip. "We just don't have a future together."

His blush deepened. "I know."

I switched to "boss" mode. "I know that you attacked Holt this morning."

He brought his gaze to mine evenly. His playful eyes were dead serious and filled with hate. "I do not regret what I did one bit."

I hid a smile. "Protocol says I should turn you in for battery," I said strictly. I let the smile slip through. "But I didn't see you this morning."

Perkins watched me in confusion for a moment, but then said, "Oh," and started backing up. A smile of his own slowly stretched across his face. "Thanks, Rose," he said fondly, before giving me a mock salute and saying, "Consider me ghostly, Guardian Hathaway!"

I rolled my eyes while I laughed, but watched him disappear around the corner. I should have been a whole lot meaner to him, but I was actually quite pleased with his attack on Holt. I had been dying to do that for a long time, but I wasn't allowed anywhere near him. At least Perkins had slipped through the guards for long enough to get in some revenge.

I glanced down at the cell phone still in my hand and emitted a small squeal. "Shit!" I cursed, instantly breaking into a sprint. Forget that I was already running late _before_ I ran into Perkins—now I was even _later_!

As I ran, I tuned into the bond. Lissa was anxious, but she was also furious. _With me_. I tried to suppress a groan.

Once I was to her house, I bolted inside without even knocking. I took the stairs two at a time and then slid to a stop in her bedroom. She looked at me darkly, not even bothering to pretend she was happy.

"_What_," she hissed, "was possibly so important that it caused you to be _thirty-nine _minutes and _forty-three _seconds late?"

My breath whooshed out of me. "It's a really long story," I said, "But I promise to fill you in later. Now, can we please start getting you ready?"

Lissa's anger subsided almost instantly, anxiety taking over. She spun to face the full-length mirror in front of her, analyzing every inch of her body.

"I still need to get into the dress, do my makeup, do my hair, find my shoes and—"

"Breathe," I demanded, feeling her fretfulness escalate so high that her panic was transferring to me. There couldn't be two panicked wedding-goers. "You'll be fine. Besides, it's not like the wedding can start without you, right?"

A smile stretched over Lissa's lips. "Just get over here and help me, will you?"

I tossed my bag and shoes onto her bed and retrieved her makeup bag from the vanity. Sitting her down in good light, I went to work. Her lashes were coated in mascara and I lined her eyes in black kohl, making the bright green irises pop. Her skin was already flawless and like porcelain, so I simply added a slight peach blush to her cheeks. I topped her lips with a bright red, giving her a very elegant air.

After that I fetched the flatiron and the curling iron, first smoothing away any stray strands of her light blonde hair with the straightener before taking the curling iron to the ends, adding volume and pouf.

When I had finished with that, Lissa was finally relaxing. Her heart was beating fast, but it was out of nervous excitement now. It was once I brought her wedding dress over that she froze, her face contorting in fear.

"I don't know if I can do this, Rose," she said quietly, gripping my arm in terror. "What if I'm a horrible wife? What if we grow to hate each other? Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick."

She rushed to the bathroom, keeling over the toilet and retching. I grimaced. Did she mess up her makeup? Or worse—her hair?

I ran after her. She was leaning against the bathroom wall, looking awfully pale.

"Liss," I asked worriedly, "Have you eaten recently? You're looking kind of sick."

She nodded. "I had my feeding just this morning. Plus I ate a healthy breakfast and had a snack." She groaned. "That's probably what made me sick. I _never _eat that much."

I couldn't sympathize. I _always _ate that much. The only time I ate more than I usually did was when I was—

My eyes went wide. "Liss, is there a possibility that you could be pregnant?"

Lissa's pale face went paler, her eyes wide as saucers. For a moment she simply stared at me, her mouth formed in a big O, and then she stammered, "I mean, yes, we've been—"

"No, no," I quickly interrupted, waving my hands to exaggerate. "I don't need the details. Just a yes or no will suffice."

Lissa clamped her lips together and simply nodded with a half-shrug. We were silent for a moment before Lissa burst, "Rose, oh my God, I need a test! I need to research this, I don't know what this means—"

"This means," I told her sternly, "that we're going to get you a pregnancy test, we're going to take it, and then we're going to go to your wedding."

Her eyes were wide with fright, but she didn't complain. She collapsed against the bathroom wall as I grabbed a pair of her flats (no way in Hell was I going to go running in those heels) and took out into the rising sun. It was the onset of night in the vampire world, but Lissa and Christian were changing their schedules for the wedding.

Lissa's dream was a beach wedding. Since she was in constant danger as the last in her line, her hopes had instantly been dashed; however, with a little bit of teasing the details of the plan and compromising, a new plan had been instated: if Christian and Lissa agreed to hold the ceremony during daytime, when the sun was at its highest, it would be allowed. It made it terribly uncomfortable for them, but Christian agreed the moment Lissa's eyes lit up.

I caught the cashier at the pharmacy on Court just as he was closing the doors. "Wait a second," I said. "I need to grab one thing. You can even keep the change."

With a dark glare and an irritated grumble, the old Moroi man let me back into the shop. I found the test quickly, gave him a ten, and then took off again.

"What's that you're hiding?" a familiar voice chimed from behind me as I reached the halfway point between Lissa's and the pharmacy.

I spun around and my eyes landed on Angelina. "Hey," I said quickly, "Can't talk—I've gotta run."

She saw the test and her eyebrows shot up. "Congratulations?"

I was confused at first, but then I quickly shook my head. "No, no, it's not for me. I _really _have to go."

Angelina let me pick up my pace again, but she kept time with me. "So how is Lissa coming along? Is she almost all made-up?" she asked pleasantly. "The jet will be ready in about fifteen minutes."

"Yeah," I said, "We're going to need a little bit more time."

Something clicked for Angelina. "Oh," she said slowly. "Okay. Well, I'll see you guys on the jet."

I quickly added, "Don't say anything about this!" then jogged back to Lissa's.

I ran in, gave her the test, waited patiently alongside her (while she nervously kneaded the veins in my hand and chewed double the color into her lower lip) until the timer went off and she had to read the results.

"I don't know what I want it to say," she said quietly, cuddled up next to me. She was shaking.

"Do you want me to read it?" I asked gently.

She nodded quickly. "Yes. And then tell me if it's good."

I paused. "Wait, what's good?"

She bit her lip again. "Ah, crap, I don't know." She got to her feet. "I'll go."

I waited in the bedroom, twitching anxiously, remembering the familiarity. Five years ago, I had been in Lissa's shoes. And as terrified as I had been by the prospect of having children, it turned out to be the best thing for me.

I wished the best for her, too.

I tried to look through the bond, but she had closed it off to me. I bit my lip, even harder as she reappeared in the doorway. Her face was shadowed but blank.

"Well?" I asked.

"It was negative," she said quietly. "I'm not pregnant."

I tried to keep my face neutral. I didn't want to act disappointed if she wasn't, but I didn't want to act happy if she wasn't. She was staying strategically masked, so I had no cues to go off of. She was even keeping the bond blocked.

"Liss, is this good?" I prompted quietly. At the very least, we had to get it out of the way before the wedding. That would be a horrible weight on her shoulders at the altar.

She brought her green eyes to mine. "Yes." Then, "No." Sigh. "I'm not sure."

I went over and hugged her. "Don't worry too much."

Lissa insisted that we finish getting ready, because otherwise Christian would think that she ditched him. Because it was her wedding day, I bit back the snarky remark that came to my lips about good-'ole-Sparky.

I helped her into her wedding dress and then ran to the bathroom to grab the curling iron to touch-up a few spots on her hair. I passed the pregnancy stick on the counter, quickly knocking it into the trash bin. There didn't need to be a reminder of—

Hey, wait a minute.

I picked the stick back up, looking at the little sign on the display. "Lissa?" I called distractedly. She poked her head into the bathroom, and I frowned at her. "This is positive."

"What? No, I swear, it was negative before. How…_how _did this happen?"

I gave her a look, biting back laughter. She gave me an irritated glare at my immaturity, and then she repeated, "So wait…does this mean…?"

"That you're going to have mini-Lissas and mini-Sparkys running around?" I grinned. "I don't know; you're going to have to make an appointment with Dr. Markovic to be safe. But for now…it's looking fairly bright."

Lissa's face grew so bright that she almost washed the makeup out. I helped her finish getting ready, and all the while she kept that big grin on her face.

"Thinking about the mini-Sparkys?" I teased as I handed her her heels, slipping dutifully into mine.

She rolled her eyes. "No. Yes. Oh, God, I'm so frazzled that I'm probably going to forget my vows."

I laughed at the thought. "That would be very entertaining."

She smacked me. "Be nice!" she exclaimed. "I'm already nervous enough!"

I locked the door behind us as we started off to the jet. "It's going to be beautiful," I reassured her. "And you look stunning."

We were running quite a bit behind schedule. The sun was already high the horizon. The gentle hues that were gradually becoming more gold complimented Lissa's softness, playing rainbows over her bright white dress. We climbed on the jet a few moments later, accompanied by Angelina, my mother, and the twins.

The guys were already on-site. The guardians accompanying Christian had already secured the location, and they were keeping him safe until daylight. When we arrived, we were to go straight to the beach, where the ceremony would be waiting for us just like any other wedding.

I loaded up on Advil for the hour-long flight. I had all but mastered controlling the side effects of being shadow-kissed, but flying out of the wards still gave me a nasty headache.

Janine was taking care of the twins, watching over them while they napped and trying to keep their sleeping schedule somewhat consistent, despite this recent out-of-whackness. Lissa was fretting over the good news—she had finally reopened the bond, and I could hear her gibbering excitedly in her head. Angelina was quiet, a small smile on her face the entire time, with her eyes bright and glowing. She was very happy about something—I was at least that intuitive; but my intuition stopped there.

I simply closed my eyes and waited for us to land.

I dreamt about Dimitri.

* * *

We arrived on time. Lissa was a bundle of nerves as we stepped off the plane. I reassured her that her dress fit perfectly, her hair looked angelic, and her face couldn't have been any brighter.

Angelina took over the reassurances when we met up with the guardians securing the beach. They assured me that everything was secure and that the guests (specifically the Moroi) had been made as comfortable as possible.

Adrian was waiting by the small booth that counted as the entrance, and he straightened when he saw me.

"You look beautiful, as usual," he drawled.

I gave him a peck on the cheek. "Is everything ready?"

He nodded, straightening his jacket. "All you have to do is walk down the aisle, and the ceremony will officially begin." His eyes kept darting behind me.

"Is there a monster behind me?" I teased.

Adrian flushed. "No," he said hastily. "Nothing like that." His eyes finally lit up, and I turned around. Angelina had just moved into view.

"Ah," I said, grinning. "Have fun, Adrian. Keep it clean." I patted the breast of his jacket, and then walked over and asked Lissa if she was ready. After a few deep breaths, she said yes.

Because of Lissa and Christian's strange familial circumstances, they agreed to alter the traditional ceremony a bit. Instead of including a maid of honor and a best man, bridesmaids, etc., they opted to have just the two of them and the Moroi priest in the front. That put me in the front row, the seat right near the end—the honorary "maid-of-honor" spot.

I sat down and settled back. I had no worries for today. I knew it would be perfect for Lissa.

I looked at the empty seat beside me, missing Dimitri. I quickly looked away, not wanting to dampen the mood.

Christian, standing in the traditional groom's place, was looking spiffy in his tux, but extremely nervous. His ice-blue eyes were wide, and he was fidgety.

"Christian!" I whispered. He looked at me in surprise. "Breathe!" I laughed. "I feel like if you get much more nervous, you're going to accidentally set the entire beach on fire."

He glared at me, and then turned back to the end of the aisle.

The twins came down, tossing flowers haphazardly onto the guests, breaking some of the nervous tension. The steady sound of the waves in the background was relaxing, plus the feel of the soft, grainy sand beneath my toes. After they finished, they came to sit beside me, dutifully settling down next to their grandmother, a short distance down the row of folding seats.

The amusement died down and a hush fell over the crowd. I saw Christian's eyes dart back to the end of the aisle, kneading his hands together in anxiety.

And there stood Lissa.

She looked regal in her flowing white gown. It was strapless; the bodice fitted tightly against her small frame, and the glittering detail was shimmery in the sunlight. The dress had a subtle empire waistline, puffing out seamlessly into a skirt that was wide and poufy, billowing out gracefully around my lifelong friend.

I swore Christian stopped breathing. His eyes filled with the brightest light possibly imaginable, and if only I could have been close enough to hear his heartbeat; it probably stopped at the sight of his bride. He and Lissa grinned at each other as she regally glided down the aisle, keeping up her political politeness while at the same time radiating as the jubilant, carefree bride.

When she reached me, she gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm so proud of you," I whispered in her ear.

"Me?" she scoffed back quietly. "You're the one who's invincible. You've survived so much, and you've also managed to be my best friend through it all." She gave me another brief hug. "I love you, Rose."

I hated mushy-gushy emotional proclamations, so with a big smile and a gentle shove, I pushed her back towards Christian. "Go!" I urged quietly. "If you keep him waiting too much longer, Sparky's going to self-combust."

With a grin, Lissa finally reached the altar where Christian stood waiting. As soon as she was in his reach, he pulled her into a tight embrace. Then the priest began to speak, and the ceremony was under way.

I listened to the vows, the pledges of lifelong love and devotion between the two of them, and I thought back to Dimitri. I drifted off, picturing him and myself standing in Lissa and Christian's current positions. I was wearing a beautiful white dress and Dimitri was stunning usual in his clean-cut tuxedo…but that was just a dream.

I tuned back in for Lissa's repetition of the priest's prompt to "take Christian for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer…"

"Hey," a voice whispered in my ear. I turned and felt my heart somersault back into its rightful place.

Dimitri slid into the empty seat beside me, wrapping his arm around me and settling back gracefully into the chair. "Sorry I'm late," he added.

I leaned over and pecked his cheek, admiring his beauty. It never lost its interesting, ruggedness. "I missed you," I said. "Two days is actually a very long time to be apart."

He shot me a crooked grin. "It is," he agreed.

Behind us, Adrian leaned forward. "Quiet, you two. They're about to smooch."

Sure enough, the priest sealed the deal by pronouncing Christian and Lissa husband and wife while they shared a gentle, romantic kiss.

Dimitri moved his arm from around my shoulders and instead grasped my hand in his. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he looked over at me with an unreadable expression.

"What's up?" I whispered, but he didn't have the chance to answer. Lissa and Christian walked down the aisle together, hand-in-hand. Sadly, that was where their privacy ended. As Lissa's sanctioned guardian, I instantly moved to follow her. And as Christian's newly sanctioned guardian, Dimitri instantly moved to follow him.

We allowed them several minutes by the water before we went back to the jet. The ceremony had been short, the combined travel times totaling more than even the length of the wedding itself, but that was the agreement. This territory was unsafe: no wards, limited protection, and way too many entrance points. The sooner we could get Lissa and Christian out of here, the better I would feel.

The newlyweds stood with their feet in the ocean, the bottom inches of Lissa's gown getting drenched by the salt water, but she couldn't have cared less. She and Christian were holding hands, talking excitedly, and I was figuring she was telling him about the chance of pregnancy.

I turned back to Dimitri. "What's up?" I repeated.

The sun was high in the sky. It shone down on his tanned skin, giving him an almost immortal glistening. His hair was neat and trimmed, tied back at the nape of his neck. The planes of his face were sharper now, his eyes more wary, but he was still beautiful. And in his sophisticated, handsome suit, he looked even more incredible than he had before.

He kept an eye on the couple for a moment longer, and then peered down at me with a curious expression. "Two months," he said.

"Two months?" I asked. "Since?" But after I said that, I felt stupid. I know what happened two months ago. I don't think I would ever forget.

Tasha killed Dimitri two months ago.


	37. Epilogue Part I

**So there's a fair amount happening in the Epilogue, so I decided to split it into two parts. This is the first part, which answers the current questions about Dimitri. :)**

**The next half will be up soon (hopefully) to officially conclude Black Rose.**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews. I got a lot of nice compliments that really made my day- plus, seeing everybody so excited (well, for you guys it was more like you were freaking out for Dimka) about the plot was really fantastic. So thank you again for reviewing, and please keep it up!**

**Part II is coming soon. **

EPILOGUE

Or at least she had tried to.

Help had arrived just in the knick of time, getting Dimitri to the hospital so that both professional doctors and spirit-users (both Lissa _and _Adrian had been enlisted in the uproar; it wasn't clear just how intense his injuries had been) were there to fix him. He hadn't died before Lissa healed him, so he wasn't shadow-kissed. My best friend closed the gap in his chest as easily as she had shut mine. He was back up and walking the next day, as though nothing had ever happened.

But it didn't change the fact that I had come so close to losing him.

It put everything in perspective, and I had found myself watching so much more closely how we utilized our time as a family.

Dimitri's and my jobs—and someday in the distant future, our daughters' jobs—put us in harm's way every day. As was demonstrated two months ago, it didn't even take battling Strigoi to bring you to your end…it could be something as unpredictable as a wronged friend.

"Two months since…?" I prompted.

He overlooked the stupidity behind the question and went on as though I hadn't spoken. "Two months, and I swear you're even more beautiful now."

I felt a flush rise in my cheeks.

Dimitri reached down and cupped my face. "I love you. I love our daughters. And I don't want to pretend anymore."

"Pretend?" I asked in confusion. "What are we pretending?"

Dimitri pressed an urgent kiss to my lips, probably just to shut me up. As soon as he backed away, he started talking again. "You are everything to me. My family is everything to me. And I'm not going to wait to screw this up."

"Screw what up?" I was utterly lost. I glanced behind us, checking on Lissa and Christian, who were fine. I caught a quick glimpse of Janine and the twins a few yards away, where the attendees were loading up to trek back to Court for the reception.

Dimitri paused. "You look stunning, Roza. Even more stunning than you did the first time I saw you. Even more stunning than our first night together. Even more—"

"Dimitri," I said sternly, "You're freaking me out. What's—"

He bent down on one knee. "Like I said, Roza, I love you, and I'm not going to wait any longer. Things have changed; our circumstances have changed. Now you and I get to capture the chance to embrace our love…and I'm seizing it." He produced a small box.

I wasn't stupid. I knew what was going on. But for some reason, my mind wasn't processing it, and I went mute.

"Roza," Dimitri said, opening the little box to reveal the most astonishingly, strikingly exquisite diamond ring I had ever laid eyes on. "Will you marry me?"

* * *

"What about Jasmine?"

I wrinkled my nose, flipping to the next page. "Oh look, here's a Nathaniel."

Lissa shook her head adamantly. "No, we already agreed that if it's a boy, he's going to be named Andre."

Two more months had flown by, moving at such a warp speed that I was almost scared to see the end of the year approaching.

Lissa was, indeed, pregnant, now five months along, and she was showing. She and Christian were still in their honeymoon stage and still thrilled to be newlyweds. The pregnancy sparked even more lovey-dovey cooing, and it was hard to be around them for long periods of time now. Lissa's hormones were also driving me crazy through the bond.

I stretched out on the bed next to her, rolling onto my stomach and glancing at the time. We had only been back from Lissa's doctor checkup for an hour, but it was already time for me to leave. Groaning, I rolled off the mattress. "I have to go get the girls," I said. "I told Adrian I would pick them up at three."

"Can't Dimitri get them?" Lissa whined. "I need help picking out girls names!"

"Where's Sparky?" I asked, shrugging on my sweater. "He should probably have a say in this."

"They're together," she groaned. "Christian went somewhere and Dimitri had to escort him, or something or other." Lissa slowly maneuvered herself off of the mattress and hobbled me to the door, sighing. "I won't follow you all the way downstairs, because I won't make it back up here," she said, "but give me a hug goodbye, and come back for dinner." She grinned at me. Through the bond, I heard her excitement: _We have more important things to discuss._

I made it to Adrian's with two minutes to spare, which was lucky. He was all but pushing the girls out the door when I arrived.

"What's this?" I asked. The girls ran to me in excitement, leaping on me in greeting. I kept my attention focused on Adrian. "In a rush?"

He pecked my cheek as he went by, walking backwards and calling to me, "I have a date. Can't be late." He seemed to realize the rhyme, and I heard him creating a silly tune and singing it as he left.

I finally turned to the girls. They were five now, and somewhere along the way they had experienced a growth spurt. Viktoria was at least two inches taller, and Lexi was almost three. They had dedicated themselves to sparring with Dimitri and me, and they were rapidly proving their natural talent.

"How was your day?" I asked as we walked. It was wintertime in Pennsylvania, and the three of us were wrapped up to keep warm. The girls were dancing around enough, too, to help keep them from getting chilled.

"Fun," Lexi said at the same time that Viktoria said, "Uncle Addie seemed distracted."

I felt a smile stretch across my face. The girls hadn't yet realized that Adrian had a new love interest, and no one felt the need to enlighten them. We all knew that the moment they found out that they lost their #1 spots in Adrian's eyes, there would be hell to pay for the other woman.

Good thing it was Angelina, and she was looking forward to the day when the twins found out.

"Is Uncle Addie going to stop playing with us?" Lexi asked, interrupting my personal inside joke.

"No!" I exclaimed. "He's just busy now." I reached down and smoothed Viktoria's hair before she danced away. "Are you girls hungry?"

We had reached the center of Court. The snow was beginning to fall, gently layering the bare trees and the stone pathways. A small gathering was present up ahead; I immediately recognized the first tall figure in sight. So did the girls. My earlier question was completely forgotten as they found their new shiny toy.

"Daddy!" They both exclaimed, Viktoria's voice ringing out before Lexi's. The twins barreled toward him.

Dimitri turned, bending down swiftly. I was too far to hear what he whispered, but he put his finger to his lips and pointed back to me. From their fallen expressions, I could tell that he had delivered bad news.

Our eyes met briefly as he rose. He gave a brief, formal nod before turning back to the focus of the meeting.

"What was that about?" I asked as the girls sauntered back dejectedly.

"Daddy said he couldn't play right now because he's at an important meeting with Uncle Chrissie, so he told us to come back to you."

When I glanced back at Dimitri, my gaze lingered for a moment too long. He turned again, his dark eyes pinning me sharply. I felt my breathing hitch in my throat. The person he had been listening to must have dismissed the meeting, because after a brief glimpse back towards the front, Dimitri turned his full attention to me.

It was Christian who came forward first. "Hey, Rose," he said. I could have sworn that I heard nervousness in his tone. "Where's Lissa?"

"Oh, you know, I left her stranded and alone…" I watched Christian's face turn white with fear, and I quickly snapped, "She's fine, Sparky. Jeez, did you really think I was going to let her get hurt on the short walk to the doctor's and back? She's at home, on the bed, comfy and cozy with all of her baby name books."

Christian's face brightened again, and he let out a sigh of relief. He switched his interest to the girls, who were eagerly tugging at their father.

"Come on Dimitri," he said, elbowing the giant Russian. Christian probably hurt himself more than he hurt Dimitri. "Loosen up. It doesn't matter that you're on duty; enjoy your family. Hell, say hi to your fiancée. You've barely acknowledged Rose."

I grinned, watching Dimitri shoot Christian a gentle glare. He followed his charge's orders, however, and scooped me up quickly, pressing his warm lips to mine.

"Hello, Roza," he whispered huskily in my ear once we separated.

"Jeez, I didn't mean _that_," Christian muttered behind Dimitri.

The girls were going wild, vying for their father's attention. "Daddy, Daddy!" They were both taking turns screeching. "Let's practice sparring!"

With his muscled arm draped around my shoulders, he turned to the twins. "I can't right now," he said. "I have to watch over your uncle."

Christian rolled his eyes. "The meeting is over," he said. "I'll be fine walking back home by myself." With a shrug, he gestured to us. "Stay with your family. Enjoy them. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

Dimitri looked pained to leave his charge alone, but Christian refused to let him walk away from us. I had to give Sparky credit; that was a nice thing to do.

Left alone, he gently pressed another kiss to my forehead. The girls hadn't stopped their squealing, so he finally said, "You win. We'll practice sparring. But first we need to go get changed, and then we need to set up in the gym."

Viktoria bolted forward, charging past us. "I'm going to beat you home," she challenged. "And I'm going to be the first one to the gym."

Lexi didn't like that. With a scowl, she caught up to her sister. "Nuh-uh," she taunted. "I'm faster than you."

Dimitri and I shared a glance while the girls battled it out. Giving each other knowing grins, we both took off at a jog. Our long legs—his longer than mine, of course—took us far, but it didn't take long at all for the twins to catch on.

"Hey!" They both chorused, leaping after us. "That's cheating!"

While the four of us raced—Dimitri and I toning it down considerably to account for our five-year-old children—the cool air grew colder, and small flakes of snow began to drift down from the sky.

The girls were instantly distracted by the weather change, and sparring seemed to be forgotten as snowflakes began to descend upon their small heads.

"Ice-skating!" Lexi spun towards us, exclaiming. "Let's go to the pond!"

Dimitri's eyes lit up. "_That_, Shashen'ka," he said, "is a fantastic idea."

Viktoria slipped on a patch of ice, landing directly on her bottom. She paused for a moment, stunned, but then looked at me with tears in her eyes. Given the force that she landed with, I had to give the kid credit for not instantly falling apart.

I picked her up before she started wailing, knowing that she had inherited my flare for drama. She had a large wet spot from the snow, and her teeth started chattering.

"All right," I said, motherly instinct kicking in. "We're going to go home and change, and we'll meet you at the pond." I turned to Dimitri, Viktoria in my arms, and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. Lexi was watching her sister with an amused expression.

"Be strong, my beautiful Vika," Dimitri murmured after kissing me. "Don't shed a tear."

I carried a sad-faced five-year-old back home, treading carefully on the slippery ground. The snow was turning to ice in the bitter cold, and I was beginning to remember just how unfriendly the Pennsylvania winters could be.

I helped change Viktoria and get her warmed up with a cup of hot chocolate before heading out for the pond.

"Mommy," Viktoria said suddenly, "Can I see your ring again?"

I paused in surprise. "My ring? You mean my engagement ring?"

Viktoria nodded. I dutifully stuck out my hand, and she ogled the diamond.

"How much longer until Lexi and I get to walk you down the aisle?"

I grinned. I had originally wanted Lexi and Viktoria to be flower girls, or the ring bearers—something traditional for a wedding. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the twins and I had been closer than that; we had shared four years together, depending on only each other. That counted for a hell of a lot more than throwing flowers around. So then I tried to promote them to bridesmaids, or maybe even little maids of honor, but I knew I needed Lissa to fill those shoes. So then they transferred to the one spot I _knew _would be open—walking me down the aisle.

"Only a few more weeks," I said, feeling my heartbeat speed up. The girls were constantly asking about the wedding, which had kept me on top of making sure everything was done on time. The last thing for me to do was go to the final fitting for my wedding dress—which had been no easy task to obtain in the first place.

Lissa had insisted on accompanying me, which meant we needed a large number of guardians to assist. We went to the largest bridal boutique within state limits and, after hundreds of dresses, settled on a gorgeous strapless, with intricate beading around the bodice and a heavy skirt that blossomed out in waves. Even my employees—all females, to pass it off as unsuspicious at the shop—were in awe.

"Will anything change after you and Daddy get married?"

I considered for a moment. She slurped at her cocoa. "I don't think so," I finally said. "We'll still live here, together, like we are now. And we'll still be spending lots of time with Auntie Lissa and Uncle Chrissie."

Viktoria's brow creased. "But Uncle Addie isn't around as much."

I bit back a smile. It was true; part of the reason that Adrian was keeping his distance was because of the tense relationship he and Dimitri shared. But the other part—the more prevalent part—was that he and Angelina had moved on from their unrelenting hatred of each other, and had let their relationship blossom into a precious romance.

The girls had yet to find out that they had been replaced in his heart by a certain lady.

"He's still around," I said determinedly, not offering any more or less. Viktoria had finished her hot chocolate, so I prompted her out the door. Just as I was about to lock up, the telephone went off. With a grumble, I snatched it off the receiver.

"Hathaway," I barked impatiently.

"Is this Rose?" An unfamiliar voice questioned.

With a brief gesture to Viktoria, I stepped back inside the house and shut the door. Viktoria watched me darkly, clearly unhappy that I was delaying her time with her father.

"Yes," I said. "Who is this?"

"My name is Patrice LuElle," she said, her feminine voice high and soprano. Based on her voice, I pictured her as a petite twig with long, stick-straight blonde hair, and huge blue eyes. Was it just me, or did she sound panicky? "I'm calling with some bad news."

"Okay…" I said slowly. "Wanna tell me what this bad news is, or do I have to guess?"

"No, no," she said quickly.

_Yeah,_ I thought, _she's definitely panicky._

"No need to guess. I'll…I'll tell you."

I frowned. "Look…Patrice, was it? I'm kinda in a rush here—"

"On behalf of Tarasov prison, I'm calling with a formal apology and strict warning concerning an inmate—"

My throat went dry and my stomach shriveled. "Did you say Tarasov?" I choked out.

"Yes, ma'am, she's esca—"

I slammed the phone down, instantly picking it up and dialing Hans.

"Croft," he grunted.

"I need an immediate update on Tasha Ozera and her status at Tarasov," I gasped. I needed to try to prove that blonde bimbo wrong. "And I need to be put through to Tatiana immediately." _Just in case she wasn't._

"Rose, slow down," Hans said. "Why are you asking about Tasha?"

"She's escaped," I snapped, anxiety rushing into my voice. Viktoria was looking at me in fear, her big eyes rounded in terror. "Tasha's gone."


	38. Epilogue Part II

**Hey guys! So this is the official end to BR. **

**Firstly, I want to apologize for the month-long wait. I never intended to keep you hanging like that. It was real life, getting in the way again. So I am SO SO SO SO sorry!**

**Secondly, thank you so much for the kind reviews. They truly made my day. There were so many in there that boosted my confidence and made writing so much more fun for me. It's always nice to know that I have fans out there, and that I'm not just doing something for nothing.**

**I WILL be writing another FanFic! I'll try to put up a sneak peak or summary or some kind of idea in a post here, but it may be awhile while I work out whatever kinks before I finalize the plot. I hope to hear from you guys in the future, too!**

* * *

EPILOGUE PT II

The wedding had to be moved.

Because of Tasha's escapee status, Dimitri's and my wedding was forbidden from being held over in Russia; instead, we were limited to Court.

Hans had instantly patched me through to Tatiana, who had immediately organized a party of guardians to be on "Tasha-lookout" 24/7. Because Dimitri wasn't returning my phone calls, as soon as I had finished with Tatiana I scurried over to the pond, breathless with worry, with Viktoria, who was terrified by my odd behavior, scrambling along in tow.

Dimitri laid eyes on me immediately, and his joyful smile vanished. He was next to me in a second, and Viktoria rushed over to her sister. His eyes darkened as I filled him in, and I could swear his grip on me tightened.

"I won't let her near our family," he growled.

From that day forward, Dimitri and I had become grossly overprotective of the twins, and I had even started pestering Lissa, to the point where she demanded: "Rose! Tasha has a hell of a lot of obstacles to get through before she can even consider getting to me—and don't you think she has her sights on better targets?"

Her words, though spoken out of irritancy and hormones, struck a nerve. Tasha _did _have plenty of obstacles to break through—the wards around Court, hiding from both human _and _dhampir authorities, and evading the guardians that had been posted around the wards just to make sure that they weren't weakened—but…

If she did manage to get through all of those, Lissa was right. Tasha had a ripe picking ahead of her, with plenty of choices. The problem was, I couldn't plot whom she would go after first. Was she angry enough with me that she just wanted to kill me? Or would she want to make me suffer, first?

To make me suffer, she had to know that that gave her all of the cards. She had my children to go after, my fiancé, my best friend—and to have escaped Tarasov, that meant she was diabolical enough to pull it all off.

I had spent weeks looking over my shoulder, obsessively trying to plot out Tasha's numerous options, when I should have been finalizing details on my wedding. I had already missed a dress fitting, and the manager threatened to charge me extra if I wasn't in within the next week.

"Rose, this is ridiculous."

I broke my anxious perimeter scan—my fifth within the last two minutes—to glance back at Lissa. She had finally convinced me to go to my fitting, even though I had been prepared to resort to a makeshift wedding dress instead.

Now, with a generous number of guardians from Court assisting as backup, I was panicky as we headed through the small boutique to the back where the fittings were held. My guardian instincts were wound so tightly that I felt like I was missing things; but I was too freaked out to calm down, no matter how hard I tried.

_"Breathe. She can only get to you as much as you let her."_

Dimitri's Zen lessons had returned ever since my fear became noticeable. He and I had been nearly inseparable, except for the few times that Lissa and Christian were forced to part. We were always frantic over the twins, but we had mastered disguising our worry from them. It was never until we were all separated that the true panic started to settle…

Sadly, my mother wasn't able to fly in until just before the wedding, so we were forced to rely on the good old-fashioned daycare system of the twins' Uncle Addie. I felt slightly better knowing that Angelina was around. _Plus,_ I reminded myself; _Christian and Dimitri are still on Court grounds._ They're only a minute away if something happens.

We reached the desk, where I supplied my name and information, and then was led back to the room.

I had gone in with Lissa and one other guardian, a strong, testy young woman that reminded me slightly of myself when I was younger. Her name was Mary: jet-black hair that cascaded down her shoulders (however now it was pulled back into a guardian's dutiful bun), bright hazel eyes that were wide and long-, thick-lashed, and a tall, lean body of steel with the small curves in all the right places.

The rest of the guardian fleet was surrounding the boutique, making sure there would be no surprise visits from that certain someone off the "Most Wanted" list.

"What's ridiculous?" I whispered as we followed several steps behind the receptionist.

"You!" She exclaimed, waddling slowly, holding her bloated stomach. Her hormones had been crazy lately, and the added stress from Tasha wasn't helping at all. "You already have most of the guardians from Court here. You have backup—" She gestured impatiently back towards Mary, "—and you're still freaking out!"

I thanked the receptionist as she opened the door for me, pausing before entering. To Lissa I whispered, "I have a lot to lose from Tasha. I won't _stop _freaking out until she's locked up again."

"Or dead this time," Mary growled from behind us.

Lissa spared her one irritated glance and then looked back at me, with conflict on her face. "I get it. Just…_enjoy _this, Rose. Don't let this milestone pass you by. You'll never forgive yourself."

I went into the dressing room, and the woman presented my dress to me. I felt my breathing hitch again; just as it had the first time I'd tried it on. I let her help me slide into it, relishing the snug fit of the fabric against my skin. I gently ran my hand over the bodice, strapless and adorned with intricate beading patterns, which led into a ball-gown skirt—also sporting delicate beaded flowers—and a chapel train.

I grinned as I went out, my face lit like a Christmas tree. I could see in Lissa's eyes how proud she was—and also, by the sparkling of her tears, how emotional this was for her.

"You look beautiful," she choked, wiping hastily at her eyes. "I'm so happy for you."

I did a twirl, enjoying my moment as a girly-girl that had no other worry in the world other than her upcoming wedding.

The receptionist grinned. "Congratulations," she said. "You do, truly, look fantastic."

I took it off, feeling like I was floating on Cloud-9 as it went back into its protective cover. I redressed and exited, for a moment forgetting all about Tasha and the threat she posed.

Lissa linked arms with me as we strode from the boutique, wedding dress in hand. Mary kept up on the other side of Lissa to maintain the appearance that we were all friends, but was not listening in on our conversation at all; instead, she was conducting serious surveillance as we made our way back to the car.

Once we were safely tucked inside the SUV, Mary radioed the other guardians the all-clear, and we left to head back to Court.

The trip was uneventful, enough so that I found myself letting up. Dimitri noticed my lax attitude and tried to readjust his accordingly. The twins relaxed a bit and Lissa's temper wasn't stretched as taut, so things calmed down.

Tatiana kept in frequent touch with updates about Tasha and inquiries about how Dimitri and I were holding up. It was an unnervingly friendly side of her that I had never even known existed. She kept me updated on the decrees she was lining up, asking for my help and rarely attacking me like she used to. For a while I thought maybe she was considering me too frail to treat me like in the past.

Time went by. A few minutes turned into hours. An hour or two turned into days. And then my days turned into weeks. And before I knew it, my wedding was the next day.

Lissa was the one who ushered Dimtiri out of the house the night before.

"You get to stay with Christian," she said. As an afterthought, she added in, "Don't worry, he and Adrian were in charge of your bachelor party—"

Dimitri looked at me with a questioning eyebrow, and I gave him a glare in response. With a heart-stopping grin, he gave me one last kiss before disappearing for twenty-four hours.

As the door shut behind him, I asked Lissa, "Please tell me they didn't schedule something kinky,"

Lissa scowled. "If they did, Christian's going to be dead meat. He'd better not be enjoying any—"

I held up my hands in mock surrender. "I didn't mean to aggravate you!" I said. "I was kidding!"

Her scowl remained. "I'm not."

Lissa's emotions had been insane throughout her entire pregnancy. Whatever darkness she summoned plus her out-of-whack hormones equaled psycho Liss. It wasn't fun.

But I had learned how to deal with it.

"Lissa," I said calmly, "What did you plan for my bachelorette party?"

Her cheeks turned pink, all anger vanishing. "Oh, um," she stammered. "Well, see—"

"Lissa," I said slowly, "Relax." I explored the bond, wondering what I could pick out of there. I felt it just as she said it.

"I didn't plan a bachelorette party."

I won't lie. I was a little disappointed. When Lissa and I were younger, we were party girls; this only cemented the fact that we were getting older and had outgrown our fun days.

"It's okay," I said.

"I was thinking," she hurried, "You and me, you know, like how it used to be. We could lay all our secrets out and gossip, and talk—"

I put my hand over hers and smiled. "That sounds wonderful, Liss."

She finally breathed again. A smile stretched over her face. "Oh thank God. I was panicky about it—"

"Don't be," I interjected. "I love that you and I will get to spend time together."

I didn't mention that it also made me feel better; fewer distractions equaled better surveillance for Tasha.

Despite the fact that my bachelorette party was…well, bachelorette-less, it was actually quite enjoyable. It felt nice to reconnect with Lissa—especially knowing that tomorrow everything would change. I would always be her guardian, and I would always be her best friend, but now I would have my permanent other half. I would have my family, complete and happy, aside from the joint family I shared with Lissa. Even the fact that she hadn't splurged for a classic party like she and I would have enjoyed (digging the knife deeper that my youth was ended) didn't hinder the night.

In my opinion, it was perfect.

I had flashbacks to Lissa's big day the next morning, when I woke up as a ball of nerves. My hair was a bird's nest, my face looked splotchy, and I could swear I put on an extra couple of pounds. Everything seemed to be going wrong—even my several-day-old manicure was chipping, making me look cheap.

With my psychosis on top of Lissa's hormones, I would have expected that morning to be insanity. Instead, Lissa kept a leash on her feelings and spent all morning as the levelheaded one who told me to stop freaking out, because I looked beautiful.

"Your hair always looks crazy in the morning," she said. "After we wash and style it, I'm sure you'll be happy. Your complexion is flushed because you're nervous. You haven't added any weight—if anything, you've _lost _it—and I can easily touch up your manicure." As an afterthought, she added, "Or I can call Ambrose."

In hindsight, I admit that I was hardly the picturesque bride-to-be and instead assumed the role of Bridezilla. Kudos to Liss, she barely blinked an eye.

After my hair had been brushed through, blown dry, and styled beautifully in gentle waves down my back, Lissa touched up my manicure. She let that dry as she tastefully applied makeup, which was subtle yet enhancing. A simple coat of mascara, gentle liner, a brush of shadow—foundation plus a light blush over my dark cheeks—a light gloss that added a tint of pink and just the right suppleness to my lips—

Then came my dress. My heart was racing as I watched Lissa remove it from the garment bag. I couldn't put into words how excited I was; I was afraid that if I released any air that I was holding in that I would pass out.

Lissa hummed the wedding march under her breath, a wide smile stretched over her lips, as she helped me step into the fabric. She fastened it and then handed me a pair of white shoes to match.

It wasn't until I had slipped on the second foot that I truly felt like Cinderella.

I had never been the little girl who believed in fairy tales and dreamt of dream weddings. I was a fighter; I always had been. I was spunky and tomboyish, but I loved shopping and partying. I hadn't ever realized what I was missing until I met Dimitri…my Comrade…yet now I had it all.

I had two beautiful children—defying nature—and was now about to act like a Princess as I walked down the aisle to meet my Prince.

Lissa squeaked as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Can it!" She demanded. "I swear to God, if you mess up your makeup—!"

I swiped at the tear, saving the rest of my face from destruction. Lissa seemed pleased.

"It's time!" She announced excitedly after a glance at the clock. "Are you ready?"

I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. "Yes."

"I can't believe you're getting married," she said, suddenly misty-eyed.

"Hey!" I snapped playfully. "Can it! I swear to God, if you mess up your makeup—!"

Lissa laughed at my teasing.

"To the cabin we go," she said, sniffling.

"Yes," I agreed softly. In just a few moments, I would meet my fiancé…and then my family would be whole again.

* * *

DPOV

My heart was racing. I had never before been so self-conscious, constantly double-checking myself, wondering if I had forgotten something or if I looked ridiculous. Was my hair okay? I knew that it was long and hard to keep tidy; but I had tied it back formally and hoped that nothing was wrong to make Rose laugh at me.

Christian, my best man, stepped forward to straighten my bowtie. "Relax, Dimitri," he said with a smile.

I let out a breath that I hadn't known I'd been holding and smiled. "Relax," I repeated. "Right."

The wedding was arranged around a pond and cabin that had been meant to create the feel of the cabin back at St. Vladimir's, where Rose's and my lives had changed forever five years ago. The frozen pond sat behind where Rose and I would stand, which Lissa had so thoughtfully decorated with twinkling lights and tossed flower petals. The cabin was also decorated with the stringed lights, but the door had been left open. I could see inside where the numerous candles glowed around the small heaters and the gifts.

I was lost in thought, picturing my beautiful Roza and our beautiful twins when the first notes of the wedding march resounded, and my eyes snapped to the end of the aisle.

First, the twins came down in cute blue dresses that their Aunt Lissa had picked out for them. Sashen'ka tossed her flower petals gently, smiling angelically, while Vika danced around wildly, throwing her petals in a more violent fashion. I couldn't choke on my laugh quickly enough, drawing my daughters' attentions.

When they reached me (they acted as ring-bearers, as well), Vika's grin couldn't have been wider.

"How'd I do, Daddy?" she asked excitedly.

"Perfect, Vika," I whispered as I kissed her forehead. "And you, Sasha, were as regal as royalty." The girls dutifully stepped aside as Lissa appeared at the head of the aisle, looking lovely in a nicely fitting lavender gown that complimented her bright green eyes.

My heartbeat sped up again as I waited to see Roza. She had agreed to walk down the aisle by herself since her strange familial circumstances—Janine was sitting in the front row, alight with happiness, but she still hadn't tried to offer herself in place of Rose's father.

A moment passed, and nerves were practically eating me alive. I looked over at Lissa, wondering if I was missing out on some information. Why was it taking Rose so long?

Just as I was about to leave the altar to go in search of my fiancée, there she was, glowing radiantly in her magnificent dress and glory. Despite the makeup and primping she had gone through, all I could see was my Roza, bare and simple—and she looked absolutely stunning. Her long hair cascaded down her back, and I couldn't wait to run my fingers through the silky strands. Her smile was bright, her eyes wide, and I saw oceans of memories within her dark irises.

My breathing hitched. _I am the luckiest man on Earth,_ I told myself, feeling my two daughters stir in awe at my side.

In the front row, both Lissa and Janine were teary-eyed. Lissa's wide stomach had prevented her from doing more for Rose, but I knew that no matter what the Princess's limitations were, Rose admired everything nonetheless.

She reached the altar and then put her hands in mine.

"Can you believe it?" she whispered. "We've overcome all our odds. St. Vlad's, the attack, fertility, and now the law. We are finally free to be together."

A smile swept across my face so freely that I barely felt my facial expression change. "It's about time," I joked, barely refraining from crushing my lips to hers right then and there. The priest would have been furious, however, if I had ruined the ceremony.

Lissa nodded at the priest, motioning him forward with the ceremony. Since Court was on lockdown, my family couldn't be flown in from Russia, and Rose and I couldn't be flown out. Instead, we had to settle for the beauty of video messaging by cell phone. Thank goodness my sister Viktoria kept up-to-date with the new technology. Of course, she had to now, considering she was a promised guardian, at the beck-and-call of whichever Royal needed her until she found a steady charge.

I saw my family crammed in the small frame, watching with teary-eyes and big grins, and it took a lot for me to pull my attention away. There was so much I had wanted to share with them, this moment especially, that it was hard to sacrifice it.

But the minute I looked back at my Roza, my worries melted away like snowflakes on a hot burner. I was in the here and now, and I couldn't have been any more lost in her goddess-like beauty.

The priest seemed to have gone through the entire first portion of the ceremony while my mind wandered. He jerked me back into place, out of my own little world of Roza's beauty, to ask me to read my vows.

I kept mine simple, knowing that anything too elaborate would be tiresome. The crowd didn't need to know our intimate secrets, and Rose didn't need a recap of everything our relationship meant to me. Instead, I opted for a simple vow that would cement our already-strong devotion to each other.

"Rosemarie Hathaway," I said quietly, not really caring whether the guests heard me or not. All that mattered was that Roza understood my words. With a smile, I amended, "_Roza_."

A delicate flush rose in her cheeks, and she grinned at me.

"It's obvious to say that we've had our trials, from the very first day we met." _Considering that our relationship started out very hateful. _"And it's never been truly easy. But every day of trials and obstacles is worth fighting over as long as I get to stay with you. It's taken us so far already, and I can't even begin to imagine giving up now. You are the light of my life, you and our daughters, and I have been waiting all of my life for this kind of happiness. I have a family, and love, and…it doesn't matter what obstacles are thrown at us now, because we have each other, and that makes all the difference in the world." I paused, and then added with a quiet fierceness that I rarely used, "I will never let you go again."

Roza's eyes were bright with tears and joy. "I don't want you to!" she whispered back. With a frantic glance at the priest, she cried, "I love him and he loves me, and yes we do!" and then pulled me to her, crushing her lips to mine with such passion that I forgot about the people watching.

Behind me, Christian burst out in laughter, and then Lissa joined in. Soon the whole crowd was enjoying our spontaneity. We pulled apart, grinning at each other, knowing that, despite the deviation from tradition, we had completed our wedding—we were now husband and wife.

And then Rose's face went pale.

"Roza?" I whispered in concern, wondering what could possibly ruin this moment for us.

"Dimitri," she choked, "It's Mason."

And then the screaming started.

* * *

RPOV

I remember kissing him, feeling like I was floating on Cloud-9, believing that everything was going to be perfect—

And then I opened my eyes. And for a moment, it was still okay.

But then I saw the shimmer in my peripheral vision, and there was the ghost that had led to my self-destruction five years ago.

Mason, looking forlorn and dull, had materialized just beyond Dimitri. While my mind processed his presence, I could see Eddie's wraith taking shape.

"Dimitri," I somehow managed to control my voice. "It's Mason."

Dimitri didn't even have time to react before screams erupted from the audience. I already knew what was happening before I'd laid eyes on her. Tasha was here. She'd breached the wards. She was going to kill everyone she could.

I placed the twins first. They were huddled around my mother, who was already in action. _Good, _I thought, _they'll stay safe with her. _

I placed Lissa next, just as Dimitri turned to Christian. As soon as we secured our charges, Dimitri and I turned on each other.

"Get them to safety!" We both said to each other. Rather than having the time to laugh, I insisted, "Dimitri, this is my fight. We know it won't end until she finds me."

Dimitri wanted to fight. I saw the confliction in his eyes. He was dying to stay, but he also knew it would be the worst choice he could make in this situation.

I knew I had won. "Take the twins. Go somewhere safe. I'll be there soon."

The look on his face was something between venomous, fearful, and awed. Lissa choked on a sob as my husband herded the Moroi to safety.

I gathered my dress and searched Tasha out. I saw her at the base of the aisle where I had approached the altar. Instead of attacking the frenzied Moroi trying desperately to scatter away from her, she stood still, watching me with a calculated, pleased look on her face.

"Rose," I heard her cold voice over the panic. "I'm so glad I've found you."

"Get out of here, Tasha."

She strode forward confidently, as though there wasn't a care in the world. I wanted to know where the hell all the guardians were. This was the Royal Court for God's sake!

And then I saw Dimitri behind her, lurking up with a stake.

I choked on panic. The last time Tasha had been in the same vicinity as Dimitri and me she had nearly killed him. I had to keep her attention on me.

"How did you break through the wards?" I asked. "There are guards everywhere."

Tasha frowned, and I just now realized what the problem was.

"I didn't break through the wards, Rose."

I battled through confusion. Mason…Eddie…I saw them. I knew that the wards were compromised. Something had happened to—

That's where the guardians were.

"I walked right through the gates," she said with a cruel grin.

Tasha wasn't a Strigoi. She was Moroi, and her only current crime was breaking out of Tarasov.

But she had brought along a posse of Strigoi. She had somehow managed to disable the wards, and she let the Strigoi loose around Court. That was where the guardians had disappeared to. The guardians at my wedding had scattered to save their charges, not realizing that the true threat was where they were about to—

Dimitri heard this exchange, and with a pained expression, he reluctantly turned and ran the other way to help those in more danger. He knew that I could handle her—especially in Moroi form.

Tasha didn't even look back. "It's just us, Rose. It's time to finish this. Here. Now."

"You said that last time," I said, rage filling me like a tidal wave. My fear was gone, and was now replaced with uncontrollable anger. How dare Tasha lash out against the innocent people here! Her problem was with me, not them—

"But this time you won't have my nephew to protect you," she sneered, and by the sudden change in her voice, I saw just how deeply that had scarred her. "You won't have Dimitri to jump in front of a fireball to save you."

"I don't need them," I snapped. "I beat you at Julian's, and I can beat you now."

"My traitorous niece isn't here to help you either."

I blinked. Where was Angelina? She should have stayed—knowing her connection to Tasha, and the history—

"I don't need help," I repeated, silencing my erratic thoughts. I had to focus.

Tasha laughed wickedly. I hadn't known she was so evil. Truly, she had the part down pat now. "Keep telling yourself that, hon. Those will be your last words."

I glared at her, easily finding the stake that I sought. As much as I dreaded killing a Moroi, it was worth it to watch Tasha's wrath come to a conclusion. "You keep telling _yourself _that," I countered. "Because that arrogance? That's going to screw you over."

"You'd know," she snapped back.

"I matured," I said condescendingly. "Some people never learn."

Fire glowed in Tasha's eyes. Her black hair was pulled back harshly, and it made the scars on her face look broader. "I could burn you to ash right now, and no one could stop me. I could make your skin sizzle right off your bones. I could make you feel like you are living in hell, with flames licking at your skin. Don't tempt me."

I made a face. "Wow, you clearly had _plenty _of time on your hands at Tarasov. That's some wicked imagination you've got there."

Tasha roared and a burst of flames ignited from her outstretched palm. "Push just a little harder, Rose, and it truly will end now. Everything about you makes my skin crawl…so why don't I make yours?"

"I don't like the sound of that," I said. "How about this, Tasha. You disarm your firepower, and I'll drop my stake. We can fight hand-to-hand, the classic way. My kickboxing against yours."

The flames sizzled out of Tasha's hand. "A fight to the death? By punching you senseless? Hmm, I have to admit, I would get great satisfaction out of that."

I didn't mention that I was sure my skills far surpassed hers. It would technically be her disadvantage to fight against me without power—although that was assuming I could trust her. For all I knew, she could easily distract me by setting me on fire and then pummel me while simultaneously putting the fire out.

Sheesh, my imagination was as crazy as hers.

I suddenly considered. "Problem," I said. "I'm in a wedding dress. I can't fight in this." I studied Tasha's convenient loose shirt and yoga pant combo, jealous of her advantage.

"I'm not that interested." The fireball reappeared. "It will be just as beneficial to watch you burn to death."

I ground my teeth. _Shit,_ _that doesn't sound pleasant._

I glanced around, wondering if anyone would be back soon. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed help. I hadn't really thought it through before sending Dimitri packing.

"I was looking forward to killing you before, with Julian's scheme, you know. I would get Dimitri, and I was just oh-so-close to becoming the mother of those two little girls." She paused, reconsidering. "Well, one of them. Whichever one Julian didn't want." With a reminiscent look in her eyes, she continued, "But I'm going to have so much more fun killing you right now."

I was seeing red. She had to know that talking about my children was damn near pushing me over the edge. I was too irrational to consider that this tactic was part of a grand scheme, but in hindsight, I should have expected that kind of calculation from her. She had gone through all the trouble to get here and set it up so that she had plenty of time to make me suffer—she must have known what plugs to pull.

"You disgusting bitch," I spat, not really hearing anything other than her reference to my family. Just their names on her lips made me want to gag.

Tasha seemed to find my anger amusing. She laughed as she tossed the fireball up and down calmly. "Rose, Rose. My dear Rosemarie, _respect_."

"You want to talk about respect?"

Tasha spun sharply, her fireball at the ready, surprised by the new voice. I, too, had somehow missed his entrance.

"Dimitri," she choked. Apparently some feelings still hadn't faded.

His face was stony. I wondered if it bothered him that we were in this situation right now, or if he was as angry and bloodthirsty as I was.

"You know the penalty for running away from Tarasov. Especially combined with your new tricks, and on the Royal Court, at that. You set yourself up terribly, Natka."

I couldn't see her face, but by the way her posture suffered ever so slightly, I knew that she was crestfallen. In a way, I was shocked. After everything she had done, did she honestly expect to be in the same place with Dimitri that they had once been? The place where she had offered to bear his children, and he had nearly taken her up on it?

I picked up a rock next to the frozen pond and then slowly began to close the distance between Tasha and me. I was prepared to bash her over the head to knock her out if Dimitri wasn't forced to stake her.

Her voice was thick with tears. "I never wanted it to get this insane."

"You thought it would end after you orchestrated Roza's kidnapping? You thought everything would be perfect after you gave away one of my children?" Dimitri's voice rose with anger. "You knew they were mine, Tasha! You knew that I could have had the family I always wanted, the family that I was convinced I couldn't have, and instead of trying to help bring me happiness, you wanted to kill everyone that meant anything to me!"

"No!" Tasha screamed, full-blown sobs racking through her body. I was close enough that with a forceful lunge I could attack her, so I stopped and waited. Dimitri needed this, as awful as it was. It was his closure.

"No?" Dimitri mocked. "You're going to lie straight to my face and say that you weren't trying to kill Rose and my daughters?"

"I meant something to you!" she wailed. "At least I should have!" Met with Dimitri's silence, she went on, "For five years, I tried everything to get your attention. I wanted _you_, Dimka, and you never once even spared me a glance!" A sob. "With Rose out of the picture, you would have been left with your newly discovered children, and _we _would have been a family! We could have gone back home and raised them together—"

"You were ready to pawn one of them off." The scorn in Dimitri's voice was clear.

"That was Julian's price but I would have—"

"There was never a future for us to start with, Tasha." Dimitri said quietly. "And you should know that after all of _this_, there will never _be _a future for us. It's time for you to forget about revenge and about murder, and to just accept what _is_."

New sobs coursed through Tasha's body, and I could nearly feel her pain. If I didn't hate her so absolutely much to my core, I would have sympathized with her. Instead, I just wanted her to shut the fuck up.

Her tears ceased as she clung to some nonexistent hope. "No," she gasped. "This isn't the end. I've lost everything. I can't lose you too, Dimka."

Dimitri looked as disgusted as I felt. "You lost everything because of yourself. Christian loved you. He would have stood by you no matter what, and so would I. But after what you pulled, no one can stand you, Tasha, least of all us. So just stop—"

"No!" she roared, spinning around to face me, a new fireball glowing in hand.

I began to lunge with the rock firmly in my palm, but Dimitri was faster—as usual—and reached her from behind with the stake. I processed it quickly, but it seemed surreal as the stake slid effortlessly between her ribs, piercing her heart. Tasha's blue eyes went wide, and then blank. She crumpled to the ground, her fireball vanishing instantly.

I had never staked a Moroi before. I wondered how different it was than staking a Strigoi. As I raised my eyes to Dimitri's, I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he be devastated?

Instead, I saw peace. His face was pale as the reality struck him, but in those deep eyes of his, I saw his ability to breathe and trust again. He didn't have to worry about looking over his shoulder every other minute to soothe his fears that his family was in danger.

I understood, because I felt the same peace within me.

A moment of silence passed, where neither of us moved. We were still clad in our wedding attire, standing in the wreckage of a beautiful ceremony from only a while ago. The entire thing seemed dreamlike.

Then we connected, clinging to each other like we were the only things left, the only people in the world, breathing each other, kissing each other, loving each other. It was all I could do not to rip his clothes off and take him right here just to embrace life and the beauty of love.

Nothing like death threats on your wedding day to bring the bride and groom closer.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that. After a while, the crowd started to return. Guardians—among them my mother and Angelina, and apparently Lissa, Christian, and Adrian had fought their way back, too—moved forward, shocked by the scene before them.

Luckily, considering Tasha's dangerous convict-escapee status, neither of us was in any sort of trouble for our parts in her decease.

In fact, our wedding night continued as though there hadn't been a Strigoi attack on Court and as though Tasha hadn't actually tried—yet again—to slaughter me. People went out of their way to make us feel as comfortable as possible.

Dimitri closed the door to our home and then shed his jacket. He let out a weary sigh, but then looked at me with bedroom eyes. That was all it took to get me hot and bothered enough to forget about what I had wanted to talk about.

We closed the distance between us instantly, and our lips locked passionately. My fingers entwined in his hair, and his warm hands roamed the curves of my body. The feel of his body against mine made me rethink the events of today, and I put more emotion into my kiss. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't lose him. And I would fight for him until my death, just as I knew he would for me.

I let out a squeal as he swung me off my feet, carrying me upstairs without letting our lips part for more than a second. I was amazed that he made it to the bed without even looking; he tossed me down gently, hoisting his body over mine, and the kissing and touching resumed full-scale.

We were wild and rowdy and fun, yet slow and sensual and loving. It was perfect.

And what was perfect yet?

This time, the twins didn't interrupt.

**THE END**


	39. Author's Note & Sneak Peak

I cannot even begin to apologize for how late this is...and what's even worse is that there isn't even anything good in here! It's just an author's note!

I know I've mentioned this before...but real life got in the way. Time flew by and I had too much to do and not enough time to get it done. FanFic went to the back of my mind, and (I am embarrassed to admit) I forgot about my promise to post completely.

Right now I'm in the middle of finals. I only have a week off, during which time I will be traveling, so I can't guarantee an update soon. Plus, I recently pooled enough time to finish a solo story that I started a while back, so now I have to take time to edit it and look into personal publishing (nothing famous, just a hardcopy for myself). :)

I am still holding on to my idea for my VA FanFic. I might even have an idea for a sequel, if the first part goes well. I am going to try to write both my FanFic and my solo sequel simultaneously, but I think (as authors) you all know how it gets. There will be one time when one idea is really strong in your mind, or you're just channeling specific characters and attitudes, and sometimes it's easier to write one rather than the other. I would rather post a story that I've put my best into rather than a half-hearted attempt just so there's a quick update.

I'm sorry that I've kept you guys waiting so long. I know I promised a sneak peak and all, and I let you down horribly. I'm going to post up the new story (no guarantees on a time, so just keep an eye out) under the title, "When Everything Falls."

Since I failed to give you a proper sneak peak, I'm going to at least give you a description of the story. Once again, I sincerely apologize!

~Writer0306

* * *

**When Everything Falls**

Set after LS. Follow Rose and Lissa to Lehigh University, live through the struggles of Queen-hood, and swoon over Dimitri and Christian (and possibly some other beloved characters *wink, wink*) once again!

Life for the high-school dropout, high-school reenlister, Strigoi killer, ex-Strigoi lover, Queen-murderer, no-longer-shadow-kissed Rose Hathaway has only gotten harder. For the first time since she can remember, Rose can finally lead a life separate from her charge's. However, as soon as Rose loses her instant connection to Lissa, tons of stress are unloaded onto her friend's shoulders...which fragile Vasilisa doesn't have a good history of handling on her own. With Lissa's psyche taking a hit and a thousand new targets leveled on the new queen's head, even Rose's limits are tested.

But what happens when trouble is closer than anyone realizes? And suddenly everyone is in danger...and not everyone can survive?


	40. New Story up! URL attached

Hey Guys!

So, for those of you who haven't yet heard (or seen), my new FanFic, _When Everything Falls_, is now up and running! The first chapter is on the short side, but I just wanted to get you guys into the idea of the story, and where it's going to go from there. I tried to keep some ideas similar to those in the Bloodlines series (minor ideas, don't worry, I'm not violating copyright!) so that it seemed familiar. The story, however, will be nothing alike!

Once again, here's the plot, and below, the URL to connect you to the story.

Thanks! ~Writer0306

* * *

**When Everything Falls**

_Set after LS. Follow Rose and Lissa to Lehigh University, live through the struggles of Queen-hood, and swoon over Dimitri and Christian (and possibly some other beloved characters *wink, wink*) once again!_

_Life for the high-school dropout, high-school reenlister, Strigoi killer, ex-Strigoi lover, Queen-murderer, no-longer-shadow-kissed Rose Hathaway has only gotten harder. For the first time since she can remember, Rose can finally lead a life separate from her charge's. However, as soon as Rose loses her instant connection to Lissa, tons of stress are unloaded onto her friend's shoulders...which fragile Vasilisa doesn't have a good history of handling on her own. With Lissa's psyche taking a hit and a thousand new targets leveled on the new queen's head, even Rose's limits are tested._

_But what happens when trouble is closer than anyone realizes? And suddenly everyone is in danger...and not everyone can survive?_

**.net/s/7997973/1/When_Everything_Falls**


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